Corporate bellendary at work.

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

We've done a big exercise getting rid of old filing as we're moving sites soon.  We had about 15 years of stuff when legally we only need 6 years.  This means we've got loads of empty lever files, box filed etc everywhere.  An email went round today:

 

"The ongoing cleansing of old office records in readiness for the office move has highlighted how much stationery (lever arch files, box files, folders etc) we have accumulated over the years.

 

Can I ask wherever practicable that we re-use such stationery to help limit the amount we may purchase in the future. I know a number of staff already do the above but please can this be a gentle reminder to everyone else.

 

Thanks for your co-operation."

 

 

Desperate attempt to be seen as being economical and money-savvy when the files were all full of things about a week ago because they were too tight to get them taken away and shredded.  I might send one back to ask people to shred their own papers with scissors as we get charged £1 a sack from the shredder company. 

 

Remember, health and safety laws mean you have to do one sheet at a time with children scissors.

[lifetime fan]

I’ve just had to confiscate 10 ounces of green and give it to the local plod.

 

Poor bastard was almost in tears when I had to tell him he couldn’t keep it.

[Paulie Dangerously]

I’ve just had to confiscate 10 ounces of green and give it to the local plod.

 

Poor bastard was almost in tears when I had to tell him he couldn’t keep it.

 

Jobsworth

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

I’ve just had to confiscate 10 ounces of green and give it to the local plod.

Poor bastard was almost in tears when I had to tell him he couldn’t keep it.

Who, the copper?

[cloggypop]

Lean courses are a bit fucking wank eh?

[lifetime fan]

Wrong thread.

[Ginny]

Politics in our place are draining at times. Always a power struggle happening with different heads of areas. I work in the project team so they’re always trying to get what they want into the project. The thing is they don’t know what they want but just make loads of noise and try to shaft someone. It’s like watching a group of kids.

[Rico1304]

We’re in trouble, losing huge numbers of customers, not gaining enough new ones and increased regulation. Take over on the cards and then the break up of the company.

[cloggypop]

Voting Tory went well then.

[Rico1304]

Voting Tory went well then.

Probably take a couple of years rather than months under comrade Corbyn.

 

Although it will be amusing to see the papers bemoaning the end of a British company.

[PestiRed]

Probably take a couple of years rather than months under comrade Corbyn.

Although it will be amusing to see the papers bemoaning the end of a British company.

You guys not got a pension black hole to scare aware the asset strippers?

[Rico1304]

You guys not got a pension black hole to scare aware the asset strippers?

It’s got larger recently but some of the upstream assets are worth a lot (unless Elon Musk comes through). Also a list of a few million sticky customers has some value.

 

Some crazy ideas over the last year re pricing and moving from core services have cost the company massively. The AGM should be fun.

[Anubis]

We’re in trouble, losing huge numbers of customers, not gaining enough new ones and increased regulation. Take over on the cards and then the break up of the company.

.

 

Perfect time to move assets into your personal offshore bank accounts and hide the theft in the break up.

[Kloppite]

I failed to take six days of my holiday quota by the allotted time as it was just impossible to take them all. As the situation was totally beyond my control I was paid for the six days. I've also just had my contract renewed. I got a pay rise but not what I was expecting but they made up for the shortfall by giving me an extra five fucking days holiday.

 

Roll on next April when they'll be paying me in excess of 10 days holiday.

Don't you have a legal right to take your holidays and your company cannot legally stop you from taking your annual leave within a 12 month period. I think the law states that a certain percentage of your holiday can be taken up to a few weeks after the 12 months if you haven't taken it all.

[Dougie Do'ins]

Don't you have a legal right to take your holidays and your company cannot legally stop you from taking your annual leave within a 12 month period. I think the law states that a certain percentage of your holiday can be taken up to a few weeks after the 12 months if you haven't taken it all.

I'm not sure of the legalities of things but in other places I've worked it's either use them or lose them. The difference here as I said previously, It's almost impossible for me to use them all.  The fucking stupidity involved in upping my holidays to make up for a shortfall in pay rise when you consider the previous year is staggering. Just give me the money as that's what's going to happen in April anyway. 

[lifetime fan]

I'm not sure of the legalities of things but in other places I've worked it's either use them or lose them. The difference here as I said previously, It's almost impossible for me to use them all. The fucking stupidity involved in upping my holidays to make up for a shortfall in pay rise when you consider the previous year is staggering. Just give me the money as that's what's going to happen in April anyway.

 

Where you working now Mick?

[Dougie Do'ins]

Where you working now Mick?

In the house that Jack built would be the best answer I could give.

[lifetime fan]

In the house that Jack built would be the best answer I could give.

 

Hahaha

[Kloppite]

I'm not sure of the legalities of things but in other places I've worked it's either use them or lose them. The difference here as I said previously, It's almost impossible for me to use them all. The fucking stupidity involved in upping my holidays to make up for a shortfall in pay rise when you consider the previous year is staggering. Just give me the money as that's what's going to happen in April anyway.

Yes use them or lose them that means if you sit on them all year then try to take them at the end of the year which is unreasonable and may conflict with other people not being able to take theirs. If you took them and made an effort to do so then the company cannot legally stop you.

[Furmedge]

Lean courses are a bit fucking wank eh?

I've built a career on Lean and get left to my own devices in work all day.

 

 

But in answer to your point, yeah they are.

[cloggypop]

It's long, but it's good.

 

https://www.theguardian.com/news/2017/nov/23/from-inboxing-to-thought-showers-how-business-bullshit-took-over

[Alan Sex]

It's long, but it's good.

I get told that all the time.

[cloggypop]

I get told that all the time.

Canadian buses are boss.

[Red Dawn]

My boss loves the old corporate jargon and nonsense quotes and sayings. As a result our meetings are a borefest and waste of time and staff just shut down. However last Friday afternoon a colleague and I decided to play Office Jargon Bingo and tried to outdo each other by throwing in stupid stuff like "run it up the flagpole and see who shoots" and "800 pound Gorilla" and "cherrypicking" etc etc...nonsense like that.

 

It was great fun and we were whatsapping back and forth taking the piss and keeping score. I was easily winning but we had a winner takes all phrase which was..."This will really inform our onward journey" which she snaked in right at the end. Game over.

 

The boss and others in the meeting were completely oblivious while we were pissing ourselves. I would highly recommend it to make meetings more bearable. Funny thing is it was for the first time in a long time a hugely productive meeting maybe because I was in good form because of the game.

[Paulie Dangerously]

Just been informed that in our new building hot drinks will not be allowed in the office.  Instead of being adults and one person going to make 4 x cups of tea for the office we're going to have to go in 5 minute intervals to the canteen. 

 

Talk about over complicating matters.  I can understand the logic.  It's a brand new building costing a lot of money and they want to keep it nice and new looking but ultimately it's a place of work, not a show home.

 

A perfect example of how not to manage a workforce, most of whom are already facing a longer commute to accommodate this move.