Corporate bellendary at work.

[Jose Jones]

7 hours ago, Section_31 said:

Keeping HR people in work is an entire industry in itself. You could distill everything they do down to a few PDF leaflets and a blag copy of Sage.

Fucking HR man.

I got a new contract at work, starting from 1st July, which is good because that was when my old one finished. It was decided 3 months ago and my boss started the process to get a new contract sorted then.

 

It’s the exact same terms as my current contract, just needs a change of dates.

 

In the meantime I’ve been getting emails from HR saying “you’re contract is due to expire, you will be kicked off all payroll and IT systems unless you have a new one in place”.

 

Hey dickheads, you know that there’s a new contract coming because it’s held up in your shit processes! How’s about you do everyone a favour and just sort it out?

 

Finally got a contract through from HR today saying please sign and return ASAP. Which I obviously do. It goes to a an automated HR email with a “thank you for your inquiry, we will endeavour to respond within 3 working days, please do not respond to this message.”

 

God forbid you actually know the names and contact details of anyone in HR so you can give them a quick bell to sort out any issues.

 

I can email the CEO personally and they’d reply a lot quicker than that you ego driven jobsworth obstructionist twats!

 

Fully expecting to get locked out next week because “the HR processes weren’t completed in time.”

[Dr Arthur De Sabre]

11 hours ago, Sugar Ape said:

I didn’t even recognise half the pronouns they were talking about. There is a pronoun of ‘Ey’ now?

That’s for Arthur Fonzarelli - he requests you draw out the y a bit.

[Dr Arthur De Sabre]

2 hours ago, 3 Stacks said:

I don't know if this is really in keeping with the topic of the thread but it is work related. Why can't people answer a fucking email in a timely fashion. This lady who I had a phone interview with a month ago for a job that is so much better than the one I have right now told me to follow up with her a week after the interview by email, so 3 weeks ago, and I STILL have not gotten a response. She told me to email her, I didn't just do it out of the blue. FUCCCCCCKKKK. COME ONNNNNNNN bitch, answer the fucking email!!! Tell me I got the job, or I that I'm a fucking idiot and I didn't, all I want is an answer!!!

Not sure about back home, but I’ve noticed email in the workplace has dropped a fair bit in considered importance over the last couple of years. As more IM and chat type apps have entered the corporate workspace. Which is wank, I send an email, I expect a reply, even if it’s fuck off and do it yerself.

saying that, if it’s for a job, pick up the phone and hunt the fuckers down If you want it - make them give it to you just to get rid of you, if it’s an agency dick fucking you about, well best keep yer nose to the grind stone at the current yard.

[Bjornebye]

I think people who work in HR do it for two reasons. Laziness and nosy bastardness. I've shagged a fair few HR girls over the years and the pre-sex drinks involve them telling me everyones sordid details while I sit, nod, drink and watch 300. 

[tokyojoe]

HR used to be called the Personel Department when I was a lad. They didn't have a fucking clue then either.

[Dr Arthur De Sabre]

45 minutes ago, tokyojoe said:

HR used to be called the Personel Department when I was a lad. They didn't have a fucking clue then either.

People and Culture these days Tokes, good old Nietzsche to thank for that phrase I think.

[sir roger]

They were termed Human Remains in our place,  and it has a resonance.

[Bjornebye]

[Elite]

In my experience human resource managers are female, middle aged and over-indulge in cake. They are also lazy cunts.

[Rico1304]

Ours sends emails out in different colours.  Then recalls them because there’s always a mistake, or no attachment. 

[3 Stacks]

11 hours ago, Audrey Witherspoon said:

Not sure about back home, but I’ve noticed email in the workplace has dropped a fair bit in considered importance over the last couple of years. As more IM and chat type apps have entered the corporate workspace. Which is wank, I send an email, I expect a reply, even if it’s fuck off and do it yerself.

saying that, if it’s for a job, pick up the phone and hunt the fuckers down If you want it - make them give it to you just to get rid of you, if it’s an agency dick fucking you about, well best keep yer nose to the grind stone at the current yard.

I have her phone number but I don't want to call her out of the blue. To be fair, I know she is very busy at the moment because of the pandemic but I just can't understand how you tell someone to email them about something important like employment and then don't respond for weeks. 

[Anubis]

7 hours ago, Elite said:

In my experience human resource managers are female, middle aged and over-indulge in cake. They are also lazy cunts.

That explains why Stig’s been able to shag a few of them over the years.

[Bjornebye]

2 minutes ago, Anubis said:

That explains why Stig’s been able to shag a few of them over the years.

Amazing what a wink and a packet of French Fancies can do for the soul. 

[Dr Arthur De Sabre]

7 hours ago, 3 Stacks said:

I have her phone number but I don't want to call her out of the blue. To be fair, I know she is very busy at the moment because of the pandemic but I just can't understand how you tell someone to email them about something important like employment and then don't respond for weeks. 

Phone her yer shit house, it’s her job to answer and keep you informed. 

[Dr Arthur De Sabre]

7 hours ago, 3 Stacks said:

I have her phone number but I don't want to call her out of the blue. To be fair, I know she is very busy at the moment because of the pandemic but I just can't understand how you tell someone to email them about something important like employment and then don't respond for weeks. 

 

Just now, Audrey Witherspoon said:

Phone her yer shit house, it’s her job to answer and keep you informed. 

Obviously not at midnight on Friday.

[Bjornebye]

59 minutes ago, Audrey Witherspoon said:

 

Obviously not at midnight on Friday.

Shit bag if he doesn't. 

[Creator Supreme]

Made the mistake of checking my works e-mail tonight! Following on from no fucking payrise this year - 1) Can't carry any holidays over to next year, followed by 2) I can't have 30 and 31 December off. Just happens to be the first year we've booked to go away for new year! Thank you very much you cunts, fucked my only holiday this year!

[Guest]

Talking of bellendary, Simon Cowell has broken his back falling off an electric scooter.

 

True story. 

[Anubis]

Scooter's Got Talent.

[Elite]

Was he trying to jump the grand canyon on it?

[Guest]

34 minutes ago, Elite said:

Was he trying to jump the grand canyon on it?

I'm not sure but judging by this snippet, he could have been but I think he needs some target practice...

 

The talent judge landed in hospital after an accident with his electric bike which left him with a back injury.

[Creator Supreme]

2 hours ago, Fluter in Dakota said:

Talking of bellendary, Simon Cowell has broken his back falling off an electric scooter.

 

True story. 

Now that has cheered me up, cheers mate!

[Rico1304]

We’ve just been told that a policy of Wellness Days is being introduced.  1 day a month that all the team take as holiday, in addition to normal holiday entitlement.  
 

Leaving BG was the best thing I ever did. 

[M_B]

 

27 minutes ago, Rico1304 said:

We’ve just been told that a policy of Wellness Days is being introduced.  1 day a month that all the team take as holiday, in addition to normal holiday entitlement.  
 

Leaving BG was the best thing I ever did. 

My company introduced unlimited holidays in Jan, the only rules being that deadlines have to be met and work has to be completed. It's ace. I'll be here till retirement.

[Mook]

We get our bonus at the end of February so everyone was looking at their payslips this morning, I had a quick look at mine to see how much I'd been taxed on it (it's usually only a couple of hundred quid anyway) only to find there was nothing about any bonus. 

 

I had a bit of a rough year last year, some of it of my own making, some of it not really my fault at all & knew from speaking with my manager that I had to have a better year in 2021 but neither him nor his manager (who I had a meeting with yesterday) thought to tell me that I wasn't getting a bonus.

 

Cowardly fucking cunts. That is the last time I'll bother working my bollocks off for them that's for sure.