I've just shaved off my pubes...

[gumps]

Fakkin Hell, you actually sound like you enjoy this poofterishness LF !

 

 

 

Turdsy awaiting suck treat.

 

PMSL! "poofterishness" what a class word!

 

repped

[General Dryness]

For me, tidy pubic area shaved under carriage. You know it makes sense.

 

Well done, thats the practical way to do it.

 

Fucking annoys me when I see it done the other way round i.e. shaved pubic area, hairy round the flaps. Solves no problems whatsoever. Pissy hairs stuck between your teeth.

[Captain Turdseye]

Suck treat update: Still no joy, I'm fully expecting another negging.

 

We spent yesterday afternoon at the hospital, unfortunately not due to my inflamed crotch. Mrs Turdseye had a bit of pain around the kidney area so we went down there as a precaution. Anyway, I thought the itching was a thing of the past but once I had a pair of jeans on, it came back with a vengeance. Due to her being pregnant, they put us in the central delivery suite so the midwife could check her over.

 

Every time I went to get a cup of tea I could hear women giving birth. Add that to the fact that I'm walking around, hands in pockets, trying to discreetly scratch my knob and I must have looked like a right fucking perve.

 

The Mrs and baby are both fine, they're not sure what the pain is but they've sent her home. So not only have I not had a suck treat, I haven't even had any sex since Thursday. It's like being single again.

 

A small part of me* was thinking that maybe they'd keep her in so I could come home and knock a few out over some internet porn. Does that make me a heartless bastard?

 

 

*awaits tiny cock joke.

[bigbak]

Glad mother and baby are ok.

 

No sex since Thursday? Wait until the baby is here. Shaving your balls will be the only gratification you'll get.

[Champ]

Fakkin Hell, you actually sound like you enjoy this poofterishness LF !

 

 

I found myself about to use this word this afternoon but then realised I might have to explain where I got it from.

 

Did I get a nosh, I hear you ask?

 

No. I had a few lagers yesterday afternoon, ordered a chinese when she got home from work and fell asleep before 9 o'clock.

 

I'm definitely getting sucked off tonight though.

 

Awfully quiet, CT. Just saying

[Fowlers God]

He is knocking one out as we speak

[Captain Turdseye]

Awfully quiet, CT. Just saying

 

The girl's not well. She has apologised for her sexual neglect. I've managed to do some sex but still no suck treat. The only saliva to find it's way down there has has come from my own mouth via palmela and her five sisters (Copyright - Simonlfcgreen)

 

To make matters worse, I got sent home from work yesterday with a bad back. I'm only 24 years old and I'm having back trouble. So I came home and it was as I was as I was lying in a hot bubble bath, flicking through last weeks edition of Chat magazine that I thought "Where did it all go wrong?"

[Carvalho Diablo]

The girl's not well. She has apologised for her sexual neglect. I've managed to do some sex but still no suck treat. The only saliva to find it's way down there has has come from my own mouth via palmela and her five sisters (Copyright - Simonlfcgreen)

 

To make matters worse, I got sent home from work yesterday with a bad back. I'm only 24 years old and I'm having back trouble. So I came home and it was as I was as I was lying in a hot bubble bath, flicking through last weeks edition of Chat magazine that I thought "Where did it all go wrong?"

 

Just a thought mate, but have you been spilling your soul to Adebisi lately ?

[Captain Turdseye]

Just a thought mate, but have you been spilling your soul to Adebisi lately ?

 

Is he here?

 

*Checks all rooms and cupboards*

[General Dryness]

Is he here?

 

*Checks all rooms and cupboards*

 

I advise you to fart.

 

If you hear it, chances are he hasn't found you yet.

[lifetime fan]

 

No chance. Last time I did that in the rant thread, I posted at half 6 in the morning moaning that she'd 'had a headache' the night before.

 

Found out an hour later that she was pregnant.

That post should be hall of fame.

[lifetime fan]

Fakkin Hell, you actually sound like you enjoy this poofterishness LF !

 

Negged.

I'm currently led on the birds heated bathroom floor legs akimbo with her putting load of Veet up my arse.

 

I'm in for a good night.

[Bjornebye]

I'm currently led on the birds heated bathroom floor legs akimbo with her putting load of Veet up my arse.

 

I'm in for a good night.

 

seriously mate that the ruck is going on over there

 

 

 

 

and more importantly, can I come round? 

[lifetime fan]

seriously mate that the ruck is going on over there

 

 

 

 

and more importantly, can I come round?

Thornbury Castle tonight.

 

She gets shitty fancy dress and I get the good stuff.

[Tony Moanero]

.

[Captain Turdseye]

That post should be hall of fame.

Found the post I was on about...

 

Mrs Turdseye had a 'headache' last night.

 

A headache? What the fuck is she playing at? We've been together for a year and the only days she hasn't been given a good banging is when I've refused to go in there at certain times of the month. I'm far from amused, in fact I'm majorly pissed off. I haven't packed up and moved down here to be with a woman that isn't gonna let me empty my nutsack before I get my head down. It's the fucking 21st century, she needs to realise that sex before bed is as essential as brushing your teeth. I think I'll be distant today, make the bitch realise what she's missing.

 

I'm not putting out tonight. I finish work earlier than her on a Friday, I'm going to come home and wank myself empty over internet porn and then get bladdered and watch the golf. Two can play that game.

 

If my plan to make her wait doesn't work then lock up your daughters, Turdseye's coming home.

And a short while later...

 

It seems that me and my relatively swollen testicles were a bit too quick to rant this morning. She clearly had something on her mind as she came out of the bathroom holding a pregnancy test about 15 minutes after my last post.

 

It had the word 'PREGNANT' on it.

 

I'm gonna be a daddy, Baby Turdseye will be along next year.

Ahhhh. I'm trying to remember if I ever did watch that golf.

[Dr Nowt]

That's all well and good mate, but she should still have put out that night.  Tight if you ask me.

[Captain Turdseye]

Tight if you ask me.

Less so since the baby was born if you know what I mean.

 

*Nudge nudge, wink wink*

[stringvest]

I'm currently led on the birds heated bathroom floor legs akimbo with her putting load of Veet up my arse.

 

I'm in for a good night.

 

well, there goes lunch.