Definitely true things you've heard about Footballers

[Faustus]

Bebe's departure from Manchester United is attributed to a row over set pieces with Alex Ferguson, during which the former remarked: "Nobody puts Bebe on the corners."

[Uncle_Meat]

As a forfeit for not saving Hoddles penalty in the '82 FA Cup Final, QPR goalkeeper Peter Hucker was obliged to eat his own body weight in Peek Freans Bourbon biscuits. Not only did Pete complete the feat, he also managed a packet of Matchmakers, a 24 box of Football Crazies and an entire gallon of Quattro.

[cloggypop]

Former Red Erik Meijer has been abducted by aliens on no less than four separate occasions .

[setreal]

Wayne Rooneys dad came in 2nd, 1st and 3rd in the US national seed potato awards 2006, 2009 and 2010 respectively.

[Trumo]

Oliver Kahn and Stefan Effenberg used to entertain Bayern teammates by having an Ex Factor style farting contest. Kahn's rendition of Mozart's 'The Marriage Of Figaro' just trumping Effenberg's take on The Scorpion's 'Wind Of Change'.

[Uncle_Meat]

In order to make up for the lack of trick photography in spot the ball competitions in the 1970s, a lot of league games were actually played with an invisible ball containing an invisible mouse.

 

The players used to have ear implants so they could hear where the ball was, but this practice was scrapped after the invention of more advanced photo manipulation techniques, which were themselves triggered in the aftermath of the great feline pitch invasion of Burnden Park, where sadly 14 milkmen lost their lives and countless locals lost their supply of milk. A legacy which can still be seen today in the spindly fragile legs and dodgy teeth of the population of Bolton today.

[setreal]

Oliver Kahn and Stefan Effenberg used to entertain Bayern teammates by having an Ex Factor style farting contest. Kahn's rendition of Mozart's 'The Marriage Of Figaro' just trumping Effenberg's take on The Scorpion's 'Wind Of Change'.

 

[Uncle_Meat]

The greatest trick that Georgi Kinkladze ever performed was convincing the world, whilst executing a triple stepover, that he didn't exist. To this day, no-one knows where his wages ended up, but there are suggestions that it is used to fund a Free Keilbasa Sausage Friday Fest for the good inhabitants of Tbilisi. That and international terrorism.

[ph245]

Whenever Alex Ferguson's team play at Anfield, a Liverpool player who is mysteriously deemed 'injured' and therefore not in the squad, rubs his willy around Alex Ferguson's 8 half time whisky glasses and also rubs the bottle opening around his anus whilst the match is in play.

 

The anal bottle rubbing is done as a precaution in case Fergie goes to glug straight from the bottle.

[Trumo]

Peter Crouch once won an MC Hammer Lookalike competition.

[Uncle_Meat]

As well as crows feet around his eyes, Steve McManaman also has sparrows feet at the end of his legs.

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

Michael Owen had a personality transplant when he was 16, unfortunately for him he chose William Hague's.

[Trumo]

Francesco Totti has had his driveway tarmacced by Simon and his gang.

[A Red]

Contrary to popular belief, the ex QPR and Republic of Ireland defender Terry Mancini's favourite colour is yellow.

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

Stan Bowles was actually never a Bowls fan, he prefered Skittles.

 

Which is ironic as his favourite sweets are infact Rainbow Drops.

[cloggypop]

Tony Adams currently has 13 novellas in print by Mills & Boon . He prides himself on his historical accuracy .

[A Red]

Dave Sexton the recently deceased football coach was close friends with diminutive TV presenter Ant Mcpartlin. Together they invented a device enabling sailors in the 17th century to navigate by the calculation of a celestial objects distance to the horizon

[Jairzinho]

New Order, and relatively unknown rapper, Celery Bad Boy, are big favourites to be this year's Christmas number one, with their new song "World in Perpetual Motion".

 

Chris Waddle is thought to be unhappy to have been overlooked, adding, "I were better than Barnesy last time and I've been unfairly pelanised again".

[Uncle_Meat]

The main sticking point about Raheem Sterling's contract is that, ironically, he wishes to be paid in sterling silver cutlery.

 

He loves it.

[Bjornebye]

John terry used to serenade frank lampard with a rendition of babybirds , you're gorgeous before every away game in the midlands. In his bills.

[cloggypop]

Robin Friday took his role as premier rock n roll footballer so seriously that he often stipulated a rider for his away games . This generally consisted of a Watneys Party Seven and a couple of scotch eggs .

[ZonkoVille77]

John Fashanu used to warm up before games with 2 eggs under each armpit and would only consider himself "warmed up" when they were hard boiled.

 

Steve Staunton was part of an expedition crew that travelled to the Mariana Trench in search of a "Kangafrog". A legendary giant marsupial/amphibian which roamed parts of China and Australia which could make the hop from each country in 3 goes. Eating its balls was said to give extra strength, extra brain power but with the side effect of a dodgy hair-do.

 

Tony Cottee was an extra in "The Goonies"

[Trumo]

On coach journeys to away games, Paul McShane spends the entire time sitting on the toilet. He only comes out to take a shit on one of the empty seats.

[Uncle_Meat]

John Scales has never weighed himself. When asked what he weighs, he answers "Sweets. lol" in a cheeky but endearing plug for his burgeoning lemon sherbet enterprise.

[Trumo]

Kieron Dyer once refused to accept an England call-up for a World Cup qualifier in Azerbaijan because it sounded horrible in the book and he worried he might never get back out again.