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Definitely true things you've heard about Footballers

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West Ham's Declan Rice has had to make 3 trips per week to his local Tesco during this lockdown, and it has enlightened him on a few things. One of which is that apples grow on trees and you can buy them at the supermarket all year round. You don't have to bob for them at Halloween.

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American songwriters Scott English and Larry Weiss wrote Hi Ho Silverlining after they shared a house in Wisconsin back in the 60's and none other than Dean Windass did their cavity wall insulation and only charged them 55p. 

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Sergio Aguero will not stay in his house alone at any time. He watched Casper for the first time last year and it turned his hair white. He keeps seeing ghosts in the house so his wife removed all mirrors, he also never checks his own poos, as he is scared of his own shite.

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Steve Bould and ex Forumla One Driver Johnny Herbert have never been seen in the same building at the same time. 

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More lockdown related news:

 

Bored of Netflix, Xbox and Instagram, Norwich midfielder Noel Cantwell has found a novel way to pass the time while stuck at home. No it doesn't involve reading books. He started last Friday by cooking a packet of Batchelor's Super Noodles, and then sticking them back together end-to-end to form one giant super noodle before eating it. He finally started eating it today, and he reckons he'll be done by Wednesday.

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Joel Matip has been banned from every Tesco store in the north west because of his habit of sneaking up on strangers and regaling them with facts about coconuts.

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Leighton Baines ran down his Everton contract because his agent told him a club in the Middle East was interested in signing him for one last payday. Turns out the agent got his wires crossed, at it was actually a club from Middle Earth.

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While at Bolton, Kevin Davies and Ricardo Vaz Te were pitted against Adam Allardyce and Bruno N’Gotty in a game of badminton doubles with the winning team allowed to spend an evening with Ivan Campos mistress. The match was eventually voided when Allardyce threw a breezeblock at his partner for encroaching too much then ate it (with curry sauce instead of gravy) 

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Glenn Hoddle once promised to cook for his girlfriend for Valentine's Day. He'd bought the wine, the candles and the compilation cassette of New Wave hits, but his plans to make a lovely chicken-in-a-basket were scuppered when supermarket staff told him he couldn't take the basket home.

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David Beckham had to agree to counselling under the strict orders of Victoria after she thought she caught him having an asphixywank in his walk in wardrobe, in reality he was just trying to tie a Half Windsor knot  to go with his new suit. He wasnt sure which was more embarrassing so he accepted asphixywank as an excuse because he didn't know what it was. Now he knows what it is he's scared to wear a tie incase he gets a hard on.

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Ole Gunner whatsit led a 13 strong group of players in a seance last week to try a contact the ghost of Eric Cantona. They were trying to get the spirit of yernited back.

 

They still hold out hope of connecting... 

 

 

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