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Definitely true things you've heard about Footballers


Moctezuma
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On 18/12/2019 at 18:33, Strontium Dog™ said:

 

Somewhat ironically, Shipperley has just been done - for flashing.

 

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-50839639

A word of advice for his lawyer - if you're defending someone charged with public wanking, it's best to avoid the phrase  "Everything came to a crescendo on the day in question".

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Eric Prydz was once surprised to receive a brand new couch from no other than Harry Kane after harry heard the song call on me and misheard the lyric "I'm the same boy I used to be" as "I'm saving for a new settee". "His charitable nature is surpassed only by his dimwittedness" said Eric Prydz as he lounged on his new sofa.

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On 21/12/2019 at 06:45, Bobby Hundreds said:

Eric Prydz was once surprised to receive a brand new couch from no other than Harry Kane after harry heard the song call on me and misheard the lyric "I'm the same boy I used to be" as "I'm saving for a new settee". "His charitable nature is surpassed only by his dimwittedness" said Eric Prydz as he lounged on his new sofa.

How can we even compete with this 

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Ian Walker kept getting called curtains by his neighbours kids from across the street for 2 years. Not because he had hair like a pair of curtains but because he used to burn his curtains every other Sunday night in a skip on the front just incase his wife found out he let Mark Viduka stay over. 

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  • 3 months later...

Nigerian defender Taribo West fell victim to a prank on the eve of the 1998 World Cup in France. During his afternoon nap, some of his teammates shaved off his dreads and glued on some fizzy worms from a well-known brand of sweets. Then they contacted the higher-ups in the Nigerian government to inform them that he was legally changing his name from Taribo West to Haribo West. It nearly caused an incident with FIFA and he was close to being expelled from the squad because the squad had already been named. His teammates came clean about the naming prank and the threat of expulsion was averted at the eleventh hour. They neglected to mention anything about the sweets on his head though, so for the next couple of months he remained oblivious, playing football while simultaneously trying to swat away flies and wasps that were getting too close.

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Wayne Rooneys family thought Wayne grew up playing with an imaginary friend called Jeffrey. In reality Jeffrey was his spirit guide.. who guided him during the most important moments of his life. Unfortunately Jeffrey became so sick of Wayne's stupidity he ended up taking full control about 20 years ago and Wayne has been trapped like an echo in his own mind since then.

 

Occasionally Wayne takes back control but Jeffrey always takes it back in the end. He punishes Wayne by shagging grannies and at the moment of climax he switches control back to Wayne, Wayne recoils so much he is pushed further and further back into his own mind like a penis in ice water. Soon there will only be Jeffrey.

 

If you see Rooney say "hello Jeffrey" and catch him off guard.

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