Definitely true things you've heard about Footballers

[Bjornebye]

Former Middlesbrough striker Massimo Maccarone cares more about his collection of toupees than he does his own children. Rumour has it he never wears his custom made toupees when they are delivered to him, instead he prefers to place them (gently) in his giant fish-tank and pretend they are a new breed of jellyfish. 

[Reckoner]

Emile Heskey is now a mental health nurse in a retirement home. He often volunteers his time to play a game of chess with dementia patients, but plays for blood. When he wins a game he can often be seen running about the corridors and doing his iconic ‘DJ mix’ celebration, rolling back the years, and causing confusion for all concerned.

[Bobby Hundreds]

Whenever Pickford says something that makes people laugh he laughs himself and then repeats what he said under his breath.

[Preston Red]

Iconic Manchester City player Danny Mills has a bald head because he likes to sniff farts whilst they're being lit, leading to his hair being burnt off. He's quite often found wandering Canal Street in Manchester offering £20 to anybody willing to light farts in his face.

[Trumo]

Brucie once played a pre-season game wearing a pair of Michael Jackson-style sequin gloves. He'd borrowed them off Big Nev.

[Trumo]

After retiring as a player, Adrian 'Inchy' Heath came up with the idea of a Crufts for hamsters.

[KMD7]

Peter Reid is a figment of everyone's imagination

[Trumo]

As the descendant of a prominent Luddite, ex-Scotland goalkeeper Alan Rough has always been a bit of a technophobe. He still has the Nokia 5110 he was given as a gift in 1998. He rarely switches it on or tops up the credit, and he has never once played Snake. He still uses a rotary dial phone at home. Sometimes.

[Elite]

Steve Stone recently underwent a hair transplant, the surgeon mixed up the intended hair with a man of Carribbean descent, so Steve is currently sporting dreadlocks.

[RJ Fan club]

Steve Flack smokes his own bacon. 

[Trumo]

Mark Viduka once auditioned for the role of Toadie in Neighbours and made the final two, but had to drop out when his professional football career took off.

[Trumo]

David Batty is banned from entering Albania after loudly claiming that Norman Wisdom was shite.

[VladimirIlyich]

49 minutes ago, Trumo said:

David Batty is banned from entering Albania after loudly claiming that Norman Wisdom was shite.

Norman Wisdom was also banned from Leeds for shouting 'David Batty is shite.'

[alles ist gut]

5 minutes ago, VladimirIlyich said:

Norman Wisdom was also banned from Leeds for shouting 'David Batty is shite.'

Although the ban wasn’t for stating an obvious truth, it was for the ‘comedy’ stuttering he did with it.

[Trumo]

Larry Lloyd once got into a fight with Harry Secombe on a plane. The ex-Liverpool and Forest man was sat minding his own business when the presenter of TV programmes for God-botherers started acting up after half a glass of red. To this day, flight attendants on that particular route still refer to passengers' lairy behaviour as "doing a Secombe".

[Peter Cormack]

Ross Barcley built a life size lego statue of Lee Carsley which he insists on sitting next to in the dressing room, this is why Chelsea are trying to sell him. 

[Trumo]

Paul Merson's well-documented issues with booze and coke left him genuinely believing he'd ended up in MIddlesbrough because of a tornado, a bit like Dorothy in 'The Wizard of Oz'.

[Bobby Hundreds]

Harry Maguire has a triangular shaped room with mirrored walls which he uses only to watch himself sing the Marc Almond and Gene Pitney version of somethings got a hold of my heart. He uses it before training, after training and before bed.

[Bjornebye]

Gordon Ramsey got the idea for Kitchen Nightmares when he was invited to Danny Dichios restaurant in Romford and found a pube in his French onion soup. 

[alles ist gut]

John Stones believes that the name of Australian professional noise-maker Gotye is pronounced “Gotcha”, from the Noels House Party segment.

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

Bernt Haas once sat on a heated toilet seat with no incident. However he once trapped his scrotum in a deckchair in Whitley Bay.

[Trumo]

Mama Sakho has a purpose-built garage for his Lambo. The problem is, the ceiling is only about a foot above the roofline so he has never been able to use it.

[VladimirIlyich]

Andreas Brehme was so two footed that since his retirement he hasn't been able to leave his home as he constantly walks around in circles. 

[AngryOfTuebrook]

[Bjornebye]

Ex Birmingham centre back Darren Purse still carries a motorola pager around with him despite the last page he received being from his wife telling him to put the news on as 9/11 unfolded. "It's for luck, If I'm out and about I won't get hit by a plane" he proclaimed to the Dudley Express seconds before a MiG-29 missed his head by inches. "See what did I tell you, the wife's thinks I'm silly but eh... up here for thinking down there for dancing!"