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Definitely true things you've heard about Footballers


Moctezuma
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  • 3 weeks later...

Trevor Sinclair turned down the role of Trevor Jordache in Brookside because he has a phobia of the number 10. Two of his exes still send him 10 red roses every valentines day despite him moving house 9 times. Knowing that he is now stuck in his current address forever he pays a Priest to live in a small little annex that you can only access via passkey. The priest made the passkey '10-10' so Trevor won't ever discover his Bananarama collection. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

It's fairly well known that former Wimbledon and Chelsea goalkeeper Dave Beasant once got injured after dropping a bottle of salad cream on his foot while making a sandwich. What is less well known is that he told the A&E doctors that he hadn't been expecting it to hurt so much because it was a bottle of light salad cream.

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Peter Shilton went to a local tattoo parlour this morning to get the words to GSTQ on his back for queen and country. While he was having Epping forest removed to make space, Gazza rang up and told them his mate Shilts was a big Sex Pistols fan.

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  • 4 weeks later...

The father of former Liverpool player Adam Lallana is a Free Mason who had a novel idea of making, in light of their dwindling numbers, a football focused 'lodge'. He currently has a documentary on Sky Docs reporting on his exploits.

 

He has just been made grand nonce wizard first order chief bellend, or something, for his efforts.

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Robert Prosinecki has had every pet he has ever owned professionally stuffed and mounted.  He has a specially built display cabinet in his living room.   When he decided that they were making him sad, he had the taxidermist attach googly eyes to each of them.

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Ralph Little visited a mysterious carnival that appeared out of the mist one moonlit night as he walked home alone from the pub, after looking around for a while he entered the hall of mirrors and laughed as the mutated versions of himself reflected back but the novelty only lasts for a moment as they do! before he moves on. This was no ordinary carnival though and the novelties dont last for a moment they last for life and as Ralph Little left that carnival heading for home his mutated reflection was still walking around the hall of mirrors until it found the tiniest of cracks and made it bigger.

 

One day Ralph was watching Manchester United play and commented to his friend and truly abysmal actor Will Mellor "who is that diving Rat bastard getting away with yellow card after yellow card", when the camera zoomed in Ralph felt the cold shivers of shock ripple through his entire body, the carnival! the mirrors the mutated reflection of himself!  Will laughed and said "fucking hell, I didn't know you was a hillbilly". Ralph didn't laugh, he turned the TV off went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror and realised part of himself was gone! the part that thought he was an ugly cunt no longer there, the illusion he was a good footballer vanished. His insecurity and ego was no longer with him, it was living its own life and its life was better than his.

 

 

All characters appearing in this "work" are fictitious any resemblance to real persons living or dead is purely coincidental.

 

A long and very mean spirited way of saying Fernandes looks like Ralph little. Apologies to any coincidental characters trust me I'm an escaped reflection of even worse talent.

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Ex-Chelsea striker Eidur Gudjohnsen, when asked, told the tattoo artist he wanted a tattoo on his arse that reminded him of Iceland. He is now the proud wearer of a tattoo depicting a box of 20 frozen chicken nuggets.

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  • 3 months later...

Celtic supremo , Ange Postocoglou , first sprang to fame as a child actor on top-rated Greek daytime soap ' That's How It Is ' , his burgeoning fame only enhanced by a small but crucial part in ' Mamma Mia , Here we go again '. His acting dreams were however crushed , along with his pelvis , in a freak potholing accident.

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After his exploits Losing to Italy in the Euros Gareth Southgate was offered membership of the 'We're Cockneys and We're hard' Gentleman's Club. The invite was from Honorary  President Danny Dyer and lifetime member Rosalind Kemp. His membership was revoked almost immediately when re refused to have lemonade in his Pint.

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