Definitely true things you've heard about Footballers

[Trumo]

Rangers' goalkeeping legend Andy Goram once worked as a secret agent for MI6, proving that there were, in fact, THREE Andy Gorams.

[LFC 6 Times]

Igor Biscan uses his left hand to wank.

[Trumo]

The former Russia and Spartak Moscow defender Viktor Onopko provides the voice of Homer Simpson in the dubbed Russian version of The Simpsons because he looks a bit like Dan Castellaneta, who voices the original English-language version.

[Baltar]

Speaking of John Scales, he was once boning ex-Bond girl Britt Ekland.

[Gym Beglin]

Lothar Mattheus had all his joy surgically removed in a groundbreaking operation performed in Sarajevo in 1987. It is thought his joy was later put back in but was never the same.

[Evelyn Tentions]

John Terry and Ryan Giggs are a long term couple who share a love nest in Hull . The whole thing with indiscriminate shagging of friends and relatives birds is just PR to disguise their close relationship

[Jairzinho]

Bastian Schweinsteiger was actually born in Burkina Faso.

[Mathewbet1]

Lucas Leiva is a semi-professional line dancer and often holidays in Texas to feed his passion.

[Uncle_Meat]

Paolo Maldini wrote the song "Candy" for Paolo Nutini.

 

The dour minor chords are a reflection of his state of mind following Milan losing a certain European cup final to some team from the north west of England.

[Bobby Hundreds]

Abel Xavier as a child was locked in a cupboard for 3 days with billy idol songs playing non stop for the duration. He's always admitted surprise that such mental torture at an impressionable age hasn't manifested itself in someway as an adult.

[setreal]

Robin Van Persie is a rapist.

[Guest davelfc]

Robin Van Persie is a rapist.

 

I think you mean Therapist.

[setreal]

Ah yes, my bad. And he's an Analyst, too.

[Gym Beglin]

Zinedine Zidane went to great lengths to hide his Thompsons Gazelle heritage, his mother being half-gazelle, and regularly had to shave his antlers down to the bone before playing.

However, his masked slipped in the 2006 World Cup Final when he was challenged by a runt stag for territory.

[Uncle_Meat]

Mark Walters has got electric light, second sight and amazing powers of observation. Unfortunately, whenever he tries to phone home there is never anybody there.

[chauncey]

Steve Harkness used to expose himself to young mums and their prams in Crocky Park.

[Gym Beglin]

Darren Anderton landed on top of a witch after jumping into a splash pool at Butlins Minehead in 1988, the witch cursed him with bad luck for the rest of his days.

 

This led to:

 

-He once slept with his teacher. Unfortunately he was homeschooled.

 

-Clinically dying for 4 hours after not passing on a chain email.

 

-Getting raped in jail while playing Monopoly

 

-Was sentenced to life in prison but became immortal the next day.

 

-Played dead when attacked by a bear. Bear turns out to be a necrophiliac.

 

-Kidnapped a girl. Turned out to be Liam Neeson's daughter.

[setreal]

Also, he had rain on his wedding day.

[Pony Princess]

Raheem Sterling is a vegan Buddhist. In order to prevent driving over insects and small mammals, he drives a modified road sweeping vehicle which simply brushes the critters out of harms way.

 

When John Barnes was spotted near the 'Private Shop' on Moorfields, he wasn't actually carrying a newly purchased dildo. It was actually a large chorizo from the nearby deli. Which he later shoved up his wife's arse.

[Uncle_Meat]

Following reconstructive surgery after an unfortunate accident involving a Morris Minor and a Morris dancer in Morrisons car park, James Morrison had his entire skellington replaced with iron girders as a tribute to his favourite Scottish drink, Innes & Gunn Rum Cask.

[Trumo]

The ornate hedge display outside Lomana Lua Lua's house is an exact replica of Nigella Lawson's ample bosom.

[Trumo]

Dortmund winger Jakub Błaszczykowski once appeared on Poland's version of Countdown, winning for 2 days running and once getting an 8-letter word which only had one vowel in it.

[ZonkoVille77]

Bryan Robson had surgery to get a rubber rib cage and rubber spine to make it easier for him to lick his balls clean after his wife refused to do it anymore saying her tongue was worn down so much she was unable to lick stamps anymore.

[Trumo]

Gareth Southgate has purchased each and every UK No1 single for the past 30 years. He doesn't believe in downloading and doesn't trust any other music retailers apart from HMV.

[Gym Beglin]

Ryan Giggs has his sunglasses custom made as the standard human eye width apart model leaves much of his retinas exposed to harmful UAV rays.