Depression

[Elite]

2 minutes ago, Creator Supreme said:

Thanks mate, but for the first time in my life I've got some semblance of a plan.

 

And I'm glad.

Not being funny mate in any way but it appears like you 'love the misery' whenever this thread is bumped you're straight in here, like you've found someone as miserable as you so can revel in it.

 

That's not a dig by the way, just an observation. It's like you find comfort in it, like a coping mechanism. Maybe work on that if you can, as it's probably reaffirming stuff in your brain and causing an endless cycle of suffering for yourself.

[Creator Supreme]

2 minutes ago, Elite said:

Not being funny mate in any way but it appears like you 'love the misery' whenever this thread is bumped you're straight in here, like you've found someone as miserable as you so can revel in it.

 

That's not a dig by the way, just an observation. It's like you find comfort in it, like a coping mechanism. Maybe work on that if you can, as it's probably reaffirming stuff in your brain and causing an endless cycle of suffering for yourself.

No offence taken mate, and they say misery loves company, so maybe that's part of it.

 

But I really don't want to carry on, and I think that my plan has so many merits to it, with a minimum of suffering for everyone else.

[Elite]

17 minutes ago, Creator Supreme said:

No offence taken mate, and they say misery loves company, so maybe that's part of it.

 

But I really don't want to carry on, and I think that my plan has so many merits to it, with a minimum of suffering for everyone else.

The fact that you have a longer term plan means that you have hope. Take that as a positive and try to work on yourself.

[Creator Supreme]

2 minutes ago, Elite said:

The fact that you have a longer term plan means that you have hope. Take that as a positive and try to work on yourself.

Thanks for your confidence in me but it is misplaced.

 

If and when my parents home sells, I will be paying off my mortgage and car loan, transferring some to the kids, the rest to missus, and then I will be departing this mortal coil.

 

And it really feels like a weight has been lifted, I can see the end. Thank fuck.

[M_B]

 

6 minutes ago, Creator Supreme said:

Thanks for your confidence in me but it is misplaced.

 

If and when my parents home sells, I will be paying off my mortgage and car loan, transferring some to the kids, the rest to missus, and then I will be departing this mortal coil.

 

And it really feels like a weight has been lifted, I can see the end. Thank fuck.

 

I had the same plan 9 years ago and it made perfect sense at the time - it was complete lunacy of course, but I was overwhelmed by my problems and couldn't see it, and I couldn't escape it without help from others. I also realised I was kidding myself with the belief I was doing my family a favour - it helped to fuel the fantasy.

 

Good luck to you.

 

[HazelyCosmicJove]

18 minutes ago, Creator Supreme said:

Thanks for your confidence in me but it is misplaced.

 

If and when my parents home sells, I will be paying off my mortgage and car loan, transferring some to the kids, the rest to missus, and then I will be departing this mortal coil.

 

And it really feels like a weight has been lifted, I can see the end. Thank fuck.

I am really worried for you.

You are unwell and must go and see your GP immediately, your perceptions are distorted by your illness and you need the support that only they can give you. Please do not believe that it is in the best interests of those around you. It is not!!!! They will be devastated and will be overwhelmed by guilt - and it will never leave them.

Two stories for you.

A friend's brother killed himself about 20 years ago. She cannot even drive down the round that takes her past where it happened. The sense of guilt she feels about not doing more for her brother crushes her. The lad who died had a son who is now a complete mess. Junkie, off the rails etc etc. 

A couple of months back I met up with someone who I hadn't seen for 40 years or more. After a couple of beers he started talking about another mutual friend who had topped himself 40 years ago. Apparently the lad who died had tried to contact him but he was on the other side of the country so couldn't go see him. The guilt he feels was palpable. 

You are not doing anyone a favour - you are doing the exact opposite. You will subject them to a future in which they will forever be burdened with a sense of guilt. 

You are unwell - please get help.

[Arniepie]

7 hours ago, Karl_b said:

I'm in a bad place. Stress (caused by 3 years of dealing with shitty building work at home on top of all the usual shit) has brought on my depression and anxiety to a level I've not experienced before; I had a panic attack a month ago and still feel like I'm recovering from it. 

 

I'm torn up with anger, guilt and worry and for the first time accepted medication as a treatment, whilst I get back in to therapy. 

 

I can't stop worrying about the issue with our house, every time I think we've solved it then something else crops up. It's affecting my sleep, my work and my relationships. When I had the panic attack, I was home alone for a week and an absolute mess. For the first, and only time, I had a thought that "this would all just be easier if I wasn't here" and that my family would be better off without me. It scared the fuck out of me, it came from nowhere and all I could think to do was call the Samaritans. 

 

I feel like a complete mess, constantly. 

Echo what everyone else says

I'd love to be one of those people who say..what's the worst thing than can happen?

When I start worrying about something I can't stop.

[Section_31]

4 minutes ago, Arniepie said:

Echo what everyone else says

I'd love to be one of those people who say..what's the worst thing than can happen?

When I start worrying about something I can't stop.

 

I always think the blues are the price people pay for being intelligent. The greatest creative and intellectual minds in history were always tortured,  thick bastards wander through the day without a care in the world. 

[Creator Supreme]

6 minutes ago, Section_31 said:

 

I always think the blues are the price people pay for being intelligent. The greatest creative and intellectual minds in history were always tortured,  thick bastards wander through the day without a care in the world. 

Whats my excuse then? I'm as thick as shit.

[Bjornebye]

19 minutes ago, Creator Supreme said:

Whats my excuse then? I'm as thick as shit.

 

[A Red]

1 hour ago, Section_31 said:

 

I always think the blues are the price people pay for being intelligent. The greatest creative and intellectual minds in history were always tortured,  thick bastards wander through the day without a care in the world. 

 

 

[elvis]

1 hour ago, Section_31 said:

 

I always think the blues are the price people pay for being intelligent. The greatest creative and intellectual minds in history were always tortured,  thick bastards wander through the day without a care in the world. 

Ignorance is bliss 

[elvis]

2 hours ago, Creator Supreme said:

Thanks for your confidence in me but it is misplaced.

 

If and when my parents home sells, I will be paying off my mortgage and car loan, transferring some to the kids, the rest to missus, and then I will be departing this mortal coil.

 

And it really feels like a weight has been lifted, I can see the end. Thank fuck.

Hope you don't mind me asking , but what kind of a relationship do you have with your kids or one to one on a daily basis ? 

Do they feel loved by you , is communication continually strained , do they seek you out for comfort or advice etc? 

I really hope you don't follow through with this plan of yours , it's strange because I'm struggling now going through divorce, and the prospect of selling my home of 20 years and although I'm not feeling as desperate as you clearly are , I'm pretty sure that my girls would be devastated if I took my own life and this alone would almost certainly stop me . However , I know people do just that in spite of their love of their kids . 

It's very very sad , I just hope something or someone can put the brakes on for you 

[Creator Supreme]

8 minutes ago, elvis said:

Hope you don't mind me asking , but what kind of a relationship do you have with your kids or one to one on a daily basis ? 

Do they feel loved by you , is communication continually strained , do they seek you out for comfort or advice etc? 

I really hope you don't follow through with this plan of yours , it's strange because I'm struggling now going through divorce, and the prospect of selling my home of 20 years and although I'm not feeling as desperate as you clearly are , I'm pretty sure that my girls would be devastated if I took my own life and this alone would almost certainly stop me . However , I know people do just that in spite of their love of their kids . 

It's very very sad , I just hope something or someone can put the brakes on for you 

The kids don't like me. They go to their mum with any issues.

 

I wouldn't be missed.

[Engineman Hicks]

54 minutes ago, Creator Supreme said:

The kids don't like me. They go to their mum with any issues.

 

I wouldn't be missed.

I’ve never met you but this is harrowing stuff. You really need to go to the doctors tomorrow. 

[TheSire]

4 hours ago, Creator Supreme said:

No offence taken mate, and they say misery loves company, so maybe that's part of it.

 

But I really don't want to carry on, and I think that my plan has so many merits to it, with a minimum of suffering for everyone else.

You're ill mate, these aren't your thoughts. Depression is the biggest lying shit that ever existed and it'll convince you of such things, that it'll never get better etc, and it fucking feeds off of itself and can be cyclic and difficult to break out. The longer people are depressed, the brain gets more adapt at reinforcing these harmful thinking patterns and this is where you're currently at.

 

As hipster as this sounds, it's absolutely worth rolling the dice and looking into psychedelics as they work by interrupting certain overactive networks in the brain, the ones which are always overactive in depression. This is why rumination is such a problem because these networks stay active instead of shutting off. It's why the overthinking happens and those thoughts swirl around relentlessly.

 

Your brain is basically very adept at thinking in this way and the rumination is why this internal behaviour is so reinforcing.

 

I know it'll probably feel like climbing a mountain to try another approach, because you basically learn to be helpless and nothing feels worth trying.

 

Depression is a LIAR. Feel free to inbox if curiosity does at least nudge you in that direction.

[KMD7]

2 minutes ago, Engineman Hicks said:

I’ve never met you but this is harrowing stuff. You really need to go to the doctors tomorrow. 

 +1. Listen to him CS mate. We all love you here. Time to sort this out and your GP is your first port of call. 

[TheSire]

3 hours ago, HazelyCosmicJove said:

I am really worried for you.

You are unwell and must go and see your GP immediately, your perceptions are distorted by your illness and you need the support that only they can give you. Please do not believe that it is in the best interests of those around you. It is not!!!! They will be devastated and will be overwhelmed by guilt - and it will never leave them.

Two stories for you.

A friend's brother killed himself about 20 years ago. She cannot even drive down the round that takes her past where it happened. The sense of guilt she feels about not doing more for her brother crushes her. The lad who died had a son who is now a complete mess. Junkie, off the rails etc etc. 

A couple of months back I met up with someone who I hadn't seen for 40 years or more. After a couple of beers he started talking about another mutual friend who had topped himself 40 years ago. Apparently the lad who died had tried to contact him but he was on the other side of the country so couldn't go see him. The guilt he feels was palpable. 

You are not doing anyone a favour - you are doing the exact opposite. You will subject them to a future in which they will forever be burdened with a sense of guilt. 

You are unwell - please get help.

The last sentence is the key thing isn't it. It's an illness, not sadness, life problems etc. Depression is a lying cunt and a thief.

[TheSire]

3 hours ago, Section_31 said:

 

I always think the blues are the price people pay for being intelligent. The greatest creative and intellectual minds in history were always tortured,  thick bastards wander through the day without a care in the world. 

I'm nor sure tbh, I've thought the exact same thing but it's probably worse for those who are less intelligent because they may have a harder time understanding their mental state and practicing emotional regulation. I think people are good at hiding it or acting up, or using alcohol to deal with it. Totally see where you're coming from though, i think the idea maybe comes from us thinking of famous people etc and we then make that association?

[Bjornebye]

1 hour ago, Creator Supreme said:

The kids don't like me. They go to their mum with any issues.

 

I wouldn't be missed.

 

11 minutes ago, Engineman Hicks said:

I’ve never met you but this is harrowing stuff. You really need to go to the doctors tomorrow. 

 

Please listen to this CS. 

[TheSire]

1 hour ago, Creator Supreme said:

The kids don't like me. They go to their mum with any issues.

 

I wouldn't be missed.

I really didn't get on with my parents as a kid mate, I get on with them much better now as I understand they did their best and we just didn't see eye to eye at the time. Untreated ADHD (commonly runs in families btw) definitely added to the strain as you end up with both chilf and parent with emotional regulation issues which is perfect for conflict and shitty conflict resolution. I'd be absolutely gutted if anything happened to them, I hold absolutely no grudges, neither will your kids. 

[3 Stacks]

 

1 hour ago, Creator Supreme said:

The kids don't like me. They go to their mum with any issues.

 

I wouldn't be missed.

I don't think it's possible that you're even half the fuck-up you think you are. 

 

Are you addicted to something that hurts the people around you? Are you a criminal? Do you intentionally hurt people physically or emotionally?

 

If none of those apply, you are better than many in society and if those last two things are a no, I promise you that no one would be glad to see you go.

[TheSire]

1 hour ago, Creator Supreme said:

The kids don't like me. They go to their mum with any issues.

 

I wouldn't be missed.

I don't go to mine for help, that doesn't mean I don't want them around mate. It's not as black and white as that but I understand why you're thinking is like this, I hope you find the energy to dust yourself off and treat this as you would any physical ailment, you deserve the same chance as living a good life as any of us.

[littletedwest]

3 hours ago, Section_31 said:

 

I always think the blues are the price people pay for being intelligent. The greatest creative and intellectual minds in history were always tortured,  thick bastards wander through the day without a care in the world. 

A lot of top guys have dark moods. That Winston Churchill, drank a quart of brandy before breakfast. Napoleon, he was a moody fuck, too

[Tj hooker]

Since taking redundancy from a job and company that I absolutely detested which they were very reluctant to give us i might add but they were told we would take legal action if necessary to get it,  my anxiety and general mood has improved dramatically I'm now in a part time job with Royal Mail 4 and a half hours a day no weekend work either .

We actually get told thanks for doing a good which is new to me but there we are 

I know not everyone can do this but a decent work life balance has helped me enormously I actually don't mind going into work now which is very strange for me as well .

Stay safe everyone @Creator Supreme you need to speak to someone