Depression

[Fugitive]

1 minute ago, Creator Supreme said:

180/110, 174/103, and I can't remember the other two.

 

Weirdly, I feel quite relaxed too, pulse isn't high, no palpitations or nothing like that.

They are very high, you need to get checked asap.

 

NHS advice is below:

 

 

[Creator Supreme]

4 minutes ago, Fugitive said:

They are very high, you need to get checked asap.

 

NHS advice is below:

 

 

I've none of those symptoms listed. Just took it twice more, first was 177/105. Second much better at 148/92 so right direction at least.

[redinblack]

12 minutes ago, Creator Supreme said:

I've none of those symptoms listed. Just took it twice more, first was 177/105. Second much better at 148/92 so right direction at least.

I take my readings at home using my own machine and add them online, I always take the 3rd reading as by then I've relaxed, I'm always a bit tensed up when I take a reading.

[Creator Supreme]

6 minutes ago, redinblack said:

I take my readings at home using my own machine and add them online, I always take the 3rd reading as by then I've relaxed, I'm always a bit tensed up when I take a reading.

For the lowest of mine, the 148/92, I did it while I was using a mindfulness technique (just eyes closed, and relaxed muscles).

 

Just goes to show there must be a stress element to it.

[redinblack]

Just now, Creator Supreme said:

For the lowest of mine, the 148/92, I did it while I was using a mindfulness technique (just eyes closed, and relaxed muscles).

 

Just goes to show there must be a stress element to it.

"White Coat Syndrome" I believe its called. Anyway, good luck CS

[Creator Supreme]

1 minute ago, redinblack said:

"White Coat Syndrome" I believe its called. Anyway, good luck CS

It is indeed called that, cheers mate.

[TheSire]

6 hours ago, Babb'sBurstNad said:

 

Sounds promising. I'd be interested to know if they had a control group who had headsets that did nothing though.

 

What often happens is that the act of doing something is enough to drag the brain out of its funk. 

Stinks of corporate American style health care shite.

[TheSire]

I do hope it helps however!

[Karl_b]

I'm in a bad place. Stress (caused by 3 years of dealing with shitty building work at home on top of all the usual shit) has brought on my depression and anxiety to a level I've not experienced before; I had a panic attack a month ago and still feel like I'm recovering from it. 

 

I'm torn up with anger, guilt and worry and for the first time accepted medication as a treatment, whilst I get back in to therapy. 

 

I can't stop worrying about the issue with our house, every time I think we've solved it then something else crops up. It's affecting my sleep, my work and my relationships. When I had the panic attack, I was home alone for a week and an absolute mess. For the first, and only time, I had a thought that "this would all just be easier if I wasn't here" and that my family would be better off without me. It scared the fuck out of me, it came from nowhere and all I could think to do was call the Samaritans. 

 

I feel like a complete mess, constantly. 

[Rushies tash]

19 minutes ago, Karl_b said:

I'm in a bad place. Stress (caused by 3 years of dealing with shitty building work at home on top of all the usual shit) has brought on my depression and anxiety to a level I've not experienced before; I had a panic attack a month ago and still feel like I'm recovering from it. 

 

I'm torn up with anger, guilt and worry and for the first time accepted medication as a treatment, whilst I get back in to therapy. 

 

I can't stop worrying about the issue with our house, every time I think we've solved it then something else crops up. It's affecting my sleep, my work and my relationships. When I had the panic attack, I was home alone for a week and an absolute mess. For the first, and only time, I had a thought that "this would all just be easier if I wasn't here" and that my family would be better off without me. It scared the fuck out of me, it came from nowhere and all I could think to do was call the Samaritans. 

 

I feel like a complete mess, constantly. 

 

From personal experience, I know that reaching out for therapy is a massive step in the right direction. Hope it works out for you mate.

[M_B]

56 minutes ago, Karl_b said:

I feel like a complete mess, constantly. 

 

Yeah, get back to therapy as soon as you can. Medication will help, but you need to talk about the fears and resentments driving your anxiety. 

 

Anxiety amplifies our fears - we go into extreme negative fantasy and imagine the worst. It's never as bad as we think. 

 

My to do list used to give me shit loads of anxiety, and still challenges me after 9 years of therapy. Learning how to manage it brought me a lot of peace. Sounds trivial, but it wasn't for me. We each have our challenges.

 

And alcohol doesn't help. It brings short term relief from anxiety, but it comes back bigger afterwards. If you are drinking then give it a rest for a while. 

[Section_31]

49 minutes ago, Karl_b said:

I'm in a bad place. Stress (caused by 3 years of dealing with shitty building work at home on top of all the usual shit) has brought on my depression and anxiety to a level I've not experienced before; I had a panic attack a month ago and still feel like I'm recovering from it. 

 

I'm torn up with anger, guilt and worry and for the first time accepted medication as a treatment, whilst I get back in to therapy. 

 

I can't stop worrying about the issue with our house, every time I think we've solved it then something else crops up. It's affecting my sleep, my work and my relationships. When I had the panic attack, I was home alone for a week and an absolute mess. For the first, and only time, I had a thought that "this would all just be easier if I wasn't here" and that my family would be better off without me. It scared the fuck out of me, it came from nowhere and all I could think to do was call the Samaritans. 

 

I feel like a complete mess, constantly. 

 

Sorry to hear this Karl but I'd say that's all very understandable given what you've been dealing with.

 

I had a bad time myself when we got an extension built and that was only for about two months. A friend of mine who gets anxiety also had a big setback when he had an extension done.

 

My theory is that for people who're prone to these issues, our home is our 'safe place', and when it's disrupted - such as people trapesing through it - we feel invaded, vulnerable and like we've got nowhere to recover and lick our wounds. We're on display and vulnerable. 

 

Also, if you're anything like me - you take on the responsibility of making sure the building work all goes to plan. My Mrs would come home at the end of the day and I'd tell her how things were shaping up, like I was the project manager - and took it on myself as a burden and felt that if it wasn't perfect, it was my fault.

 

The way your mind is racing right now is textbook anxiety - catastrophising and an inability to stop worrying.

 

When the building work was getting done at ours, I put my foot through an insulation bag on the floor. I started to catastrophise that when I fessed up the next day, they'd have to tear the whole extension down and start again. But the builder said 'I did that myself the other day, don't worry about it.'.

 

Panic attacks are what happen to us when we've taken on so much that our bodies need to do and say anything to get you to listen. It's the mind's 'last resort' and it sounds like it's worked in your case, because you're accessing support. 

 

I'm probably telling you stuff you already know, but the feeling you're getting right now will go - it'll burn itself out on its own. What you  need to do is try the meds and therapy (although I find therapy works best when you're out of that initial 'shock' phase of anxiety). But more importantly - be kind to yourself. There's only so much any one person can do, and it's not all on you. 

 

Treat yourself the way you'd treat a mate if they were feeling like you. 

 

Things will get better, take it from someone who's been around the block many times with this shit. You're just seeing life through a prism at the moment, like Tony Stark in red glasses - just because the lenses are red doesn't mean the world is red. At the moment you've got your anxiety specs on and everything feels bleak, but it's not really.

 

Keep doing what you're doing. Take the meds, talk, relax, be good to yourself and try and relax your mind whenever possible. Find the things you enjoy doing and try and enjoy them, even if it's a favourite show or a walk. Switch off and turn away some of the white noise like the news and all that bollocks for a bit. 

 

And check back in anytime on here or by DM, anytime. 

 

[Creator Supreme]

1 hour ago, Karl_b said:

I'm in a bad place. Stress (caused by 3 years of dealing with shitty building work at home on top of all the usual shit) has brought on my depression and anxiety to a level I've not experienced before; I had a panic attack a month ago and still feel like I'm recovering from it. 

 

I'm torn up with anger, guilt and worry and for the first time accepted medication as a treatment, whilst I get back in to therapy. 

 

I can't stop worrying about the issue with our house, every time I think we've solved it then something else crops up. It's affecting my sleep, my work and my relationships. When I had the panic attack, I was home alone for a week and an absolute mess. For the first, and only time, I had a thought that "this would all just be easier if I wasn't here" and that my family would be better off without me. It scared the fuck out of me, it came from nowhere and all I could think to do was call the Samaritans. 

 

I feel like a complete mess, constantly. 

Sorry to hear that mate, I'm the same with work around the house.

 

We're all here for you mate, keep venting, and the Samaritans can be really great.

[Creator Supreme]

I'm struggling myself again, so stressed with everything. Managed to give myself horrendous reflux symptoms, and managed to stress myself dizzy on Saturday when I gave blood.

[YorkshireRed]

Hope all are finding the help they need. 
 

I tried phoning the doctors earlier. It takes a lot for me to do that as I’m in the ‘been there, done that’ camp. 
 

As expected I couldn’t get through so I gave up. 
 

Last night was a shocker, I woke up mid anxiety attack. Normally they come in small waves. This one was a tsunami. I wouldn’t hurt myself to stop the pain, but I was certainly prowling the outskirts of that particular building. 
 

The wife hates me at the moment. She recorded me screaming at her for ages the other week (yes - I’m full of shame) and has slept elsewhere since. 
 

Although I’ve long since been diagnosed with depression, not currently medicating. The anxiety is what is doing for me at the moment though. 
 

If I was to self diagnose, it’s possible I might be suffering from some form of post traumatic stress. Maybe linked to the death of my brother, or more likely the six months prior to that. I have feelings of guilt, sadness, anger, fear, worthlessness that won’t go away and are eating me alive.

 

We all adopt something of a persona on here. Some of us, more than one. In reality, we all have our struggles and sometimes they become overwhelming. 
 

I suspect I will lose everything before too long. When I do, I’ll have nobody to blame but myself. 
 

Sorry for hijacking someone else’s time on this thread. I see it, come on to try and help, then end up making it about me.

 

What a cunt. 

[Creator Supreme]

4 minutes ago, YorkshireRed said:

Hope all are finding the help they need. 
 

I tried phoning the doctors earlier. It takes a lot for me to do that as I’m in the ‘been there, done that’ camp. 
 

As expected I couldn’t get through so I gave up. 
 

Last night was a shocker, I woke up mid anxiety attack. Normally they come in small waves. This one was a tsunami. I wouldn’t hurt myself to stop the pain, but I was certainly prowling the outskirts of that particular building. 
 

The wife hates me at the moment. She recorded me screaming at her for ages the other week (yes - I’m full of shame) and has slept elsewhere since. 
 

Although I’ve long since been diagnosed with depression, not currently medicating. The anxiety is what is doing for me at the moment though. 
 

If I was to self diagnose, it’s possible I might be suffering from some form of post traumatic stress. Maybe linked to the death of my brother, or more likely the six months prior to that. I have feelings of guilt, sadness, anger, fear, worthlessness that won’t go away and are eating me alive.

 

We all adopt something of a persona on here. Some of us, more than one. In reality, we all have our struggles and sometimes they become overwhelming. 
 

I suspect I will lose everything before too long. When I do, I’ll have nobody to blame but myself. 
 

Sorry for hijacking someone else’s time on this thread. I see it, come on to try and help, then end up making it about me.

 

What a cunt. 

Mate, we're all here for the same reason, if we're suffering too its not hijacking, its sharing.

 

Sums up the state of modern life that so many of us are like this.

[Bjornebye]

Karl, CS, Red - you all know you’re not alone even though it feels like it. Talking is the biggest therapy. When I went west about 8 years ago it’s because I’d spent my whole life ignoring things, not even so much as bottling them up just dismissing them as part of life when all of a sudden my ex and friends notice changes. Then bang my head went completely and I’ve still not fully recovered. If I’d listened to words and warning signs it could have been, well not avoided but certainly contained better.
 

Now anytime I feel I’m going back under a cloud I just tell my missus and thankfully she understands and does her best not to let me spiral. If I didn't have anyone to talk to then I’d be genuinely fucked and hate to say it would likely not be here.

 

Thanks to her, close friends and even a few of the lads off here who have been there I’ve managed to get a lot better. Talk talk talk even if it’s the GP, a trusted family member or an old man down the pub. If you try and contain it yourself you’re going to get worse. I can’t stress enough (pardon the pun) that talking about it is the best medicine. You all seem like really good lads judging by your posts on here so I expect you won’t be short of people you can lean on even if they had no idea you felt that way. 
 

DM’s always open here as well. 
 

You’re not alone gents x 

[M_B]

1 hour ago, YorkshireRed said:

Hope all are finding the help they need. 
 

I tried phoning the doctors earlier. It takes a lot for me to do that as I’m in the ‘been there, done that’ camp. 
 

As expected I couldn’t get through so I gave up. 
 

Last night was a shocker, I woke up mid anxiety attack. Normally they come in small waves. This one was a tsunami. I wouldn’t hurt myself to stop the pain, but I was certainly prowling the outskirts of that particular building.

 

I call it 'the worries' - if I wake up at 4am then I worry about anything and everything, especially if I've had a beer the night before. I don't think our brain is functioning properly at that moment. I often find that whatever I was worrying about at 4am seems far less important later the same day.

 

9 years ago I was in a terrible place mentally, and I realized it wasn't going to get any better unless I did something about it. I just seemed to be trapped in the same patterns of behavior and responses. So I started therapy and I went to a 12 step programme for addiction. Both have transformed my life (and I even got married a few weeks ago) - I believe everyone would benefit from 12 step even if they don't have an addiction, but if you haven't tried therapy then definitely consider it if you can afford it. CBT can help for anxiety and is available through the NHS.

 

Developing self awareness has been the key to my recovery - understanding what emotions, fears, and characteristics* are at play at any time. Most people go through life controlled by these, but if we can understand how we are feeling then with practice and effort we can develop strategies to prevent them overwhelming us; we have to constantly do 'inventory', and we have to talk it through with someone - I don't think it is possible to do by yourself.

 

Uncomfortable emotions pass with time - we have to learn to accept them, develop techniques to prevent them overwhelming us, and refrain from medicating them (alcohol, drugs etc). It's not easy, but it is possible to change your responses. Meditation helps, and is a great tool for developing an awareness of how your mind works.

 

Fears are often rooted in negative fantasy (we imagine they are worse than they are) and we have to learn to talk about them with others and to accept much of what is driving the fear is out of our control. We do what we can, and let the rest take care of itself. Sometimes we have no choice but to put ourselves in the hands of fate (or god, or destiny etc). I keep a journal of my fears and when I look back through the pages I find they are almost always blown out of proportion - I seem to be a natural worrier.

 

And the characteristics I've listed below - well they are all very human. We have to learn that all of them are ok in small doses, but they become toxic if they overwhelm us - anger for example is normal, but it is how we respond to it that is important; we need to speak for our anger, not let it control us and speak for us. Lust again is very natural, but it becomes unhelpful if it overwhelms us and we sleep around, ruining our relationships and friendships in the process.

 

* envy, jealousy, lust, anger, self-pity, selfishness, self-centeredness, impatience, intolerance, control, arrogance, greed, pride.

 

Anyway, that's my experience. I hope you find your way out of your anxiety.

 

 

[YorkshireRed]

1 minute ago, M_B said:

 

I call it 'the worries' - if I wake up at 4am then I worry about anything and everything, especially if I've had a beer the night before. I don't think our brain is functioning properly at that moment. I often find that whatever I was worrying about at 4am seems far less important later the same day.

 

9 years ago I was in a terrible place mentally, and I realized it wasn't going to get any better unless I did something about it. I just seemed to be trapped in the same patterns of behavior and responses. So I started therapy and I went to a 12 step programme for addiction. Both have transformed my life (and I even got married a few weeks ago) - I believe everyone would benefit from 12 step even if they don't have an addiction, but if you haven't tried therapy then definitely consider it if you can afford it. CBT can help for anxiety and is available through the NHS.

 

Developing self awareness has been the key to my recovery - understanding what emotions, fears, and characteristics* are at play at any time. Most people go through life controlled by these, but if we can understand how we are feeling then with practice and effort we can develop strategies to prevent them overwhelming us; we have to constantly do 'inventory', and we have to talk it through with someone - I don't think it is possible to do by yourself.

 

Uncomfortable emotions pass with time - we have to learn to accept them, develop techniques to prevent them overwhelming us, and refrain from medicating them (alcohol, drugs etc). It's not easy, but it is possible to change your responses. Meditation helps, and is a great tool for developing an awareness of how your mind works.

 

Fears are often rooted in negative fantasy (we imagine they are worse than they are) and we have to learn to talk about them with others and to accept much of what is driving the fear is out of our control. We do what we can, and let the rest take care of itself. Sometimes we have no choice but to put ourselves in the hands of fate (or god, or destiny etc). I keep a journal of my fears and when I look back through the pages I find they are almost always blown out of proportion - I seem to be a natural worrier.

 

And the characteristics I've listed below - well they are all very human. We have to learn that all of them are ok in small doses, but they become toxic if they overwhelm us - anger for example is normal, but it is how we respond to it that is important; we need to speak for our anger, not let it control us and speak for us. Lust again is very natural, but it becomes unhelpful if it overwhelms us and we sleep around, ruining our relationships and friendships in the process.

 

* envy, jealousy, lust, anger, self-pity, selfishness, self-centeredness, impatience, intolerance, control, arrogance, greed, pride.

 

Anyway, that's my experience. I hope you find your way out of your anxiety.

 

 

Thanks. Everything you say is correct. I guess I need to take a step towards the twelve steps and that’s been proving ever more difficult. 
 

I can see where the help is, what help is needed. I even try to point others in the direction of it, but stay on the outside looking in. Perhaps that’s driven by fear, maybe a sense that I am undeserving, or possibly I’m just ‘getting off’ on the misery in some warped way. 
 

I’m more than six months clear of drugs, and drink way less than I used to. Although both of those swines have undoubtedly been contributory factors down the years, I’m sure my issues stem from something deeper although I’m bollocksed if I really know what. 
 

Reading about your recovery is extremely helpful, that you took the time to share it even more so. 
 

Congratulations on your marriage and the success you’ve had in getting your life to a point where that’s possible. You obviously deserve it and I hope you know how inspiring your story is. 

[M_B]

22 minutes ago, YorkshireRed said:

I’m more than six months clear of drugs, and drink way less than I used to. Although both of those swines have undoubtedly been contributory factors down the years, I’m sure my issues stem from something deeper although I’m bollocksed if I really know what.

 

Drugs (and addiction in general) is more the symptom rather than the fundamental issue - an inability to handle the challenges of life. Addiction becomes our coping mechanism, and to be free of addiction means developing the tools to live life on life's terms.

 

I wish you all the best - I've been to some dark places mentally and it isn't fun at all. Good luck.

[Karl_b]

Thanks to everyone for the kind words, I'm struggling to respond to them with much more thought or cohesion but I love having this place as somewhere to open up.

 

I'm sorry to hear about others' struggles and hope you all get the support you also need.

 

You lot are alright.

[Creator Supreme]

Can I be open here?

 

I don't want to get over the way I'm feeling.

 

I just want to last long enough to pay my mortgage off, make sure the missus and kids have a bit of cash, then I want to go.

 

I really have had enough. I don't want to change my mind, enough is enough.

[YorkshireRed]

5 minutes ago, Creator Supreme said:

Can I be open here?

 

I don't want to get over the way I'm feeling.

 

I just want to last long enough to pay my mortgage off, make sure the missus and kids have a bit of cash, then I want to go.

 

I really have had enough. I don't want to change my mind, enough is enough.

What if we don’t want you to go?

 

You have a purpose at the moment that is keeping you going. In some ways, I hope you don’t deliver on that, or at least it takes long enough for you to begin to see that you can be so much more. 
 

Going through this amount of suffering has to be for something hasn’t it, something bigger. I blinking hope so anyway. 
 

Whatever it is, let’s all stay around until we find it.  I don’t want to find it on my own. 

[Section_31]

Karl pointing at the laptop when his Mrs walks in.

 

[Creator Supreme]

29 minutes ago, YorkshireRed said:

What if we don’t want you to go?

Thanks mate, but for the first time in my life I've got some semblance of a plan.

 

And I'm glad.