Depression

[Bjornebye]

3 minutes ago, Strontium Dog™ said:

 

I liked it better when you treated jokes as jokes rather than serious social commentary which needed to be criticised for its flippancy.

Take it back, I've 'got it' from another perspective and I chuckled. Sorry, I can be a reactive arse to you rather than take it on face value. 

 

Good reaction gif. You'd defo shag Lynn. 

[Dr Nowt]

After all these years, it still amazes me just how quickly the black dog gets me from, to my perception, feeling great. Been getting up for a 5 mile beach walk first thing every day which, along with daily strength and conditioning exercise, has been keeping me topped up and setting me up well for a positive day every day. I’ve been in a good place for a while now, lots of things going on in my life and very grateful for it, getting decent feedback on most of what I’m doing. Just became aware of something being off internally yesterday mid-morning and by last night the storm was absolutely raging. Endlessly being a horrible cunt to myself, head totally gone, life feeling utterly pointless and like there’s nothing doing for me. 
 

Was booked for a Samaritans shift last night and had a funny feeling it would help, plus I wouldn’t have let them down anyway, so went in. Took 10 calls, some real shockers among them, people in the throes of something much worse than I, and was a relief to get out of my own head and just focus on others for a few hours. It helped me quieten all the noise and just calmly be there for someone who needed it better than usual. I would thoroughly recommend them as an organisation to anyone who suffers themselves. Fulfilling too, when you get the sense someone really needed the human support the service provides and/or explicitly talks about how much the service helps them.
 

Hard time of year once the light changes this way round, I always get some in November. The older I’ve got, the more I’ve realised there’s no point analysing it, over-thinking it, trying to future proof it or resist it when it comes, etc. It’s like a shit weather front, it’s going to roll in sooner or later and you need to go with it to some extent rather than holding on too tight and resisting. Doing all the right things - sleep, diet, exercise, good people, having a purpose, etc etc - hopefully means on a graph over time you’ll see the benefits more than you would without, it’ll come a little bit less often and go again a fraction quicker. But, those dips, black holes and hollow periods will still arrive every so often, no matter what, even when there’s no apparent logic for it. And I guess that’s kind of alright, if I’m just checking in with it, seeing it for what it is and not trying to react, fix it, oversteer or go off in a burst of ludicrously unhealthy coping mechanisms that sort short-term discomfort at the expense of the medium to long-term. 
 

One day at a time, slow it down, keep things simple. Wait for it to fuck the fuck off.

[Bjornebye]

9 minutes ago, Dr Nowt said:

After all these years, it still amazes me just how quickly the black dog gets me from, to my perception, feeling great. Been getting up for a 5 mile beach walk first thing every day which, along with daily strength and conditioning exercise, has been keeping me topped up and setting me up well for a positive day every day. I’ve been in a good place for a while now, lots of things going on in my life and very grateful for it, getting decent feedback on most of what I’m doing. Just became aware of something being off internally yesterday mid-morning and by last night the storm was absolutely raging. Endlessly being a horrible cunt to myself, head totally gone, life feeling utterly pointless and like there’s nothing doing for me. 
 

Was booked for a Samaritans shift last night and had a funny feeling it would help, plus I wouldn’t have let them down anyway, so went in. Took 10 calls, some real shockers among them, people in the throes of something much worse than I, and was a relief to get out of my own head and just focus on others for a few hours. It helped me quieten all the noise and just calmly be there for someone who needed it better than usual. I would thoroughly recommend them as an organisation to anyone who suffers themselves. Fulfilling too, when you get the sense someone really needed the human support the service provides and/or explicitly talks about how much the service helps them.
 

Hard time of year once the light changes this way round, I always get some in November. The older I’ve got, the more I’ve realised there’s no point analysing it, over-thinking it, trying to future proof it or resist it when it comes, etc. It’s like a shit weather front, it’s going to roll in sooner or later and you need to go with it to some extent rather than holding on too tight and resisting. Doing all the right things - sleep, diet, exercise, good people, having a purpose, etc etc - hopefully means on a graph over time you’ll see the benefits more than you would without, it’ll come a little bit less often and go again a fraction quicker. But, those dips, black holes and hollow periods will still arrive every so often, no matter what, even when there’s no apparent logic for it. And I guess that’s kind of alright, if I’m just checking in with it, seeing it for what it is and not trying to react, fix it, oversteer or go off in a burst of ludicrously unhealthy coping mechanisms that sort short-term discomfort at the expense of the medium to long-term. 
 

One day at a time, slow it down, keep things simple. Wait for it to fuck the fuck off.

You’re doing something most (certainly me) don’t have the balls to do mate. Hitting it head on. And not only that, helping others through it. You couldn’t have described that black dot (I know you said dog) more perfect. Out of the blue , gets you questioning shot when things are ok. If it was a human I’d slap it out of the way. 
 

Keep it up mate and keep the updates up: 

[littletedwest]

So fucking depressed at minute. Got a rejection from another job last week which means I have to carry on living on 21k a year. Since redundancy I'm on 10k a year less. On a debt management plan now

 

I look at myself, I'm 41 no assets, plenty debts  Stuck working a barely minimum wage call centre job with a Mrs who pretty much treats me like a doormat, has no respect for me.

 

I wouldn't top myself because I couldn't do that to people who love me but I wish I wasn't here anymore.

[Creator Supreme]

9 minutes ago, littletedwest said:

So fucking depressed at minute. Got a rejection from another job last week which means I have to carry on living on 21k a year. Since redundancy I'm on 10k a year less. On a debt management plan now

 

I look at myself, I'm 41 no assets, plenty debts  Stuck working a barely minimum wage call centre job with a Mrs who pretty much treats me like a doormat, has no respect for me.

 

I wouldn't top myself because I couldn't do that to people who love me but I wish I wasn't here anymore.

Nah mate, we'll have none of that. You're well liked round here!

 

I know the feeling, fucking hell I was searching for ways to die on the net the other day. Keep searching for that ideal job, it's there somewhere, and you're only 41 for fucks sake, you've 5 years on me for starters.

 

Stay strong mate, who else round here has a Viz advert avatar for starters?

[Bjornebye]

13 minutes ago, littletedwest said:

So fucking depressed at minute. Got a rejection from another job last week which means I have to carry on living on 21k a year. Since redundancy I'm on 10k a year less. On a debt management plan now

 

I look at myself, I'm 41 no assets, plenty debts  Stuck working a barely minimum wage call centre job with a Mrs who pretty much treats me like a doormat, has no respect for me.

 

I wouldn't top myself because I couldn't do that to people who love me but I wish I wasn't here anymore.

Lad you're loved ! I know it's a well known saying in these circumstances but keep going, it will come. Trust me, things get better, just remember who you are, a fucking diamond. x PM open anytime you wanna chat mate. 

[littletedwest]

Thanks lads

[Creator Supreme]

25 minutes ago, littletedwest said:

Thanks lads

No thanks required mate, we keep an eye on each other round here as you know.

[Arniepie]

Probally said it before but lockdown made me realise just how much exercise can benefit you.

Been going the gym for years but it was only when it was took away did I realise how much a good workout and a steam can affect you mentally.

 

[Tony Moanero]

11 minutes ago, Arniepie said:

Probally said it before but lockdown made me realise just how much exercise can benefit you.

Been going the gym for years but it was only when it was took away did I realise how much a good workout and a steam can affect you mentally.

 

Do you even lift?

[Arniepie]

2 minutes ago, Tony Moanero said:

Do you even lift?

Nah just stand around putting photos up on Instagram 

[Champ]

1 hour ago, Creator Supreme said:

No thanks required mate, we keep an eye on each other round here as you know.

Anyone else get a strange menacing image of CS reading that? x

[Bjornebye]

18 minutes ago, Champ said:

Anyone else get a strange menacing image of CS reading that? x

Phil Collins came into my head for some reason. @Creator Supreme are you bald you cunt? 

[Creator Supreme]

On 25/11/2021 at 21:57, Champ said:

Anyone else get a strange menacing image of CS reading that? x

 

On 25/11/2021 at 22:16, Bjornebye said:

Phil Collins came into my head for some reason. @Creator Supreme are you bald you cunt? 

And I remember, I remember don't worry.....

[Aventus]

I hate this time of year. 

 

I'm sure I'm not the only one, look after yourselves, it's tough out there sometimes. 

[elvis]

On 25/11/2021 at 19:31, littletedwest said:

So fucking depressed at minute. Got a rejection from another job last week which means I have to carry on living on 21k a year. Since redundancy I'm on 10k a year less. On a debt management plan now

 

I look at myself, I'm 41 no assets, plenty debts  Stuck working a barely minimum wage call centre job with a Mrs who pretty much treats me like a doormat, has no respect for me.

 

I wouldn't top myself because I couldn't do that to people who love me but I wish I wasn't here anymore.

Hang in there mate , things will turn around.  21k , that's about £10 hr?

This minimum wage needs a serious looking at . 

Have you talked to your wife about how she makes you feel, or is she just a total ball buster ?

Good luck 

[Section_31]

On 25/11/2021 at 19:31, littletedwest said:

So fucking depressed at minute. Got a rejection from another job last week which means I have to carry on living on 21k a year. Since redundancy I'm on 10k a year less. On a debt management plan now

 

I look at myself, I'm 41 no assets, plenty debts  Stuck working a barely minimum wage call centre job with a Mrs who pretty much treats me like a doormat, has no respect for me.

 

I wouldn't top myself because I couldn't do that to people who love me but I wish I wasn't here anymore.

Only just saw this. 

 

Things will turn around mate. Sometimes when we're in a bad place it's hard to imagine not being there, but these times don't last, nor does the way we're feeling.

 

So many people who're happy in their jobs now will tell you about times when they haven't been, when they've been laid off or had no direction, it's a huge issue - especially for men - because jobs bring with them a lot of feelings of self worth (maybe they shouldn't, maybe that's a society thing).

 

I wonder if a career consultant might be worth you talking to? When you figure out what you want to do, even doing an evening course might make you feel better about things? Life is like Andy in Shawshank, you've got a rock hammer - it might take 20 years to get free - but as long as you keep chipping away, you WILL get where you want to be. 

 

 

[Elite]

12 minutes ago, Section_31 said:

Only just saw this. 

 

Things will turn around mate. Sometimes when we're in a bad place it's hard to imagine not being there, but these times don't last, nor does the way we're feeling.

 

So many people who're happy in their jobs now will tell you about times when they haven't been, when they've been laid off or had no direction, it's a huge issue - especially for men - because jobs bring with them a lot of feelings of self worth (maybe they shouldn't, maybe that's a society thing).

 

I wonder if a career consultant might be worth you talking to? When you figure out what you want to do, even doing an evening course might make you feel better about things? Life is like Andy in Shawshank, you've got a rock hammer - it might take 20 years to get free - but as long as you keep chipping away, you WILL get where you want to be. 

 

 

Hopefully Ted doesn't get bummed as part of the journey though.

[littletedwest]

1 minute ago, Elite said:

Hopefully Ted doesn't get bummed as part of the journey though.

Might perk me up

[Elite]

Just now, littletedwest said:

Might perk me up

Hahaha.

[Section_31]

My first big bout of anxiety was kicked off by work, among other things. I'd never had a decent job after leaving uni, never expected to have a decent job because none of my family did, a 'career' just wasn't on my radar. I got a break at a local newspaper and figured I'd found my niche. I loved it but the whole industry fell apart, bosses I liked got laid off and promises about training/promotion didn't happen. 

 

The job got more and more stressful, just endless emails, phonecalls, driving, for pennies. So I turned my back on it for a time and went to work in a cushy copywriting role. No emails, no phonecalls, subsidised Costa coffee, people were pretty sound, but not long after I got the job I completely fell apart.

 

In hindsight, the adrenaline that'd kept me going in the previous job now had nowhere to go, it was just in me, and my mind was so under occupied by the tedium it had nothing else to do but ponder and ruminate, about increasingly bleak stuff (usually around my health).

 

There was also something about the loss of status too. I'd not had much in my life but I'd had a 'career', I was doing something family and teachers alike had thought I wasn't capable of, and I was decent at it (if I do say so myself) and all of a sudden I was just an office monkey again. Nobody cared if I was good at this new stuff or not, and I had some 25 year old marking my stuff and giving me feedback on my writing, it was soul destroying.

 

That scene from  the end of Goodfellas always used to pop into my head. I'm an average nobody. I get to live the rest of my life like a schnook. 

 

While I was there though I started building things back up, doing freelance work and stuff and  that gave me a bit of pride back, especially as I was doing it on work's time. My mate used to say to me 'I always know when you're freelancing as it's the only time you go to the photocopier'. 

 

I'd offered to do free stuff for this lot, blogging and stuff but they just weren't interested, so fuck'em.

 

That's the key I think, even if you can't have what you want right  now, find ways to move in that direction, a course/online learning, chatting to people for some job ideas etc, it can make a massive difference to how you're feeling.

[elvis]

14 minutes ago, littletedwest said:

Might perk me up

You got no mates in the building trade who could take you on , even just at the weekend or something? Bit of grafting would do you the world of good if you can turn your hand to something - not for everyone I know but it definitely helps me when I'm down.

[Section_31]

6 minutes ago, elvis said:

You got no mates in the building trade who could take you on , even just at the weekend or something? Bit of grafting would do you the world of good if you can turn your hand to something - not for everyone I know but it definitely helps me when I'm down.

John Matrix over here. 

[littletedwest]

2 minutes ago, elvis said:

You got no mates in the building trade who could take you on , even just at the weekend or something? Bit of grafting would do you the world of good if you can turn your hand to something - not for everyone I know but it definitely helps me when I'm down.

Ha mate I can't even build lego.

 

To be honest I think a lot of my issues come from growing up. Was uncoordinated so shit at sport and not best looking so rejected by girls. That feeds into low self esteem.

 

[Bjornebye]

27 minutes ago, littletedwest said:

Might perk me up

It's perked me up just thinking about it.... 

 

 

 

If your missus is that much of a drag mate (and forgive me if I'm speaking out of turn here) have you not considered maybe moving on? Be single for a while, maybe meet someone who appreciates you for who you are? I've been with a couple of right nobheads in the past who were amazing to look at but drained my soul (and wallet) and eventually left me miserable as fuck. If I could go back I'd have just finished it after I'd got my leg over.