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1 minute ago, Arniepie said:

Like a constant battle at times.

Had a rare club night out on sat with a couple of class a's.

Fucking hell, as if that comedown on sun wasnt bad enough felt borderline suicidal since.

Gonna get my arse to the gym tonight for the first time this week tonight, to see if that will help.

Fuck knows what was in them.

Sorry you're feeling crap mate but class a's are not the answer. I know you know that but seriously, swerve them if you want to feel better in the long run. 

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4 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

Sorry you're feeling crap mate but class a's are not the answer. I know you know that but seriously, swerve them if you want to feel better in the long run. 

I know mate

It's very rare now..like once a year or so..but fucking hell.

Never felt this bad of them before.

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Two blokes and a woman I know are both currently in the midst of full blown breakdowns (one who is pushing 50 and who you'd have down as pretty stoic started crying in his works one to one and hasn't been back since.) Fuck is going on? Is this a lockdown thing?

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14 minutes ago, Section_31 said:

works one to one

They fucking destroy my mental health! You work your bollocks off and to get a cost of living increase you still have to perform mental gymnastics in a one to one! Load of my arse!

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18 minutes ago, Section_31 said:

Two blokes and a woman I know are both currently in the midst of full blown breakdowns (one who is pushing 50 and who you'd have down as pretty stoic started crying in his works one to one and hasn't been back since.) Fuck is going on? Is this a lockdown thing?

I had a full breakdown aged 30. A number of factors but the biggest was a tremendous feeling of hopelessness. I suspect this could be a driving force in many cases.

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Fighting something again at the minute. It's almost a year since my mum passed away and I saw her widowed husband for their anniversary on Saturday (They got married a couple of weeks before she died) and although it was a bittersweet day the most part was positive, laughing at photographs from the day and stuff. I've not been letting myself think about it but this week I've just found myself staring into space, completely unaware of anything going on around me. Luckily I'm working from home still and can snap out of it quickly but I'm not looking forward to these next few weeks at all.

 

I start a new job on the 1st September, a much better one than I've been doing better money etc so I should be excited but I can't kick this shite feeling at all. 40 is rapidly approaching (I'm 37) and all I can think is I've wasted my 30's, achieved nothing of substance and set myself back a few years. Just keep wondering should I be living back in Liverpool (I've got an ace missus, she's great I love her to bits), am I missing out on a better life elsewhere? Everything is just a daily mundane grind. I'm sure 18 months of lockdown has contributed but I just feel fucking worthless at the minute. Not after any sympathy, I just needed to get it down in words somewhere as I don't want to worry her as it might just pass and just be a symptom of it being a year since. 

 

 

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4 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

Fighting something again at the minute. It's almost a year since my mum passed away and I saw her widowed husband for their anniversary on Saturday (They got married a couple of weeks before she died) and although it was a bittersweet day the most part was positive, laughing at photographs from the day and stuff. I've not been letting myself think about it but this week I've just found myself staring into space, completely unaware of anything going on around me. Luckily I'm working from home still and can snap out of it quickly but I'm not looking forward to these next few weeks at all.

 

I start a new job on the 1st September, a much better one than I've been doing better money etc so I should be excited but I can't kick this shite feeling at all. 40 is rapidly approaching (I'm 37) and all I can think is I've wasted my 30's, achieved nothing of substance and set myself back a few years. Just keep wondering should I be living back in Liverpool (I've got an ace missus, she's great I love her to bits), am I missing out on a better life elsewhere? Everything is just a daily mundane grind. I'm sure 18 months of lockdown has contributed but I just feel fucking worthless at the minute. Not after any sympathy, I just needed to get it down in words somewhere as I don't want to worry her as it might just pass and just be a symptom of it being a year since. 

 

 

I've been in a similar rut for a while mate. Just have to plough on and eventually things will improve. It's good that you've got a new job, as I think changing things helps.  Nothing else to add really mate, just keep going as nothing lasts forever no matter how good/bad.

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If putting it down in words helps, then never apologise for it. I’m glad you have a place you feel you can do that. 
 

Anniversaries of difficult times and/or big changes often trigger feelings like those you describe. Whatever labels we choose to put on them, they’re yours and they’re obviously causing a few difficulties.
 

Don’t beat yourself up for feeling that way, be kind to yourself and try to visualise what the end of this troubling period will be like.
 

You have a new/better job, that’s a really good thing and don’t let your inner voice tell you otherwise. Get yourself a reward for your success, you’ve earned it. 
 

I know it’s easy to say but turning forty is really no big deal. When you get there, it won’t feel any different. Try and focus on what you have achieved (shit loads), rather than what you haven’t. Life isn’t a race, you’ve loads of time yet to do what makes you happy, not what society tells you will. 
 

Everyone will always be kind to you on this thread although we reserve the right to call you a cunt on all the others.

 

Be kind to your mind. 

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You're both spot on, cheers fellas (Sorry your having a shit time @Elite ) . I already feel a bit better having put it down. Might tell her later as well just so it's out in the open. 

 

 

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1 hour ago, Bjornebye said:

Fighting something again at the minute. It's almost a year since my mum passed away and I saw her widowed husband for their anniversary on Saturday (They got married a couple of weeks before she died) and although it was a bittersweet day the most part was positive, laughing at photographs from the day and stuff. I've not been letting myself think about it but this week I've just found myself staring into space, completely unaware of anything going on around me. Luckily I'm working from home still and can snap out of it quickly but I'm not looking forward to these next few weeks at all.

 

I start a new job on the 1st September, a much better one than I've been doing better money etc so I should be excited but I can't kick this shite feeling at all. 40 is rapidly approaching (I'm 37) and all I can think is I've wasted my 30's, achieved nothing of substance and set myself back a few years. Just keep wondering should I be living back in Liverpool (I've got an ace missus, she's great I love her to bits), am I missing out on a better life elsewhere? Everything is just a daily mundane grind. I'm sure 18 months of lockdown has contributed but I just feel fucking worthless at the minute. Not after any sympathy, I just needed to get it down in words somewhere as I don't want to worry her as it might just pass and just be a symptom of it being a year since. 

 

 

I'd wager a lot of people (myself included) are either going through this, or have been through it recently. I think it's the slow progressive drip-drip-drip of time being marked whilst you wait for normality to return. Even if you're not particularly focused on it - avoid the news etc. - it adds a low level stress to your subconscious that can have a cumulative effect. When the passing of time is at the forefront of everything, it's hard not to harshly judge how you're spending your own.

 

I've just turned 40, and I know I've pissed what should've been the best years of my life away. But the other day I went out paddleboarding on the sea, sun glistening off the water, and I couldn't give a fuck. You've just got to find your moments and appreciate them. Everything else is noise. Chin up.

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1 hour ago, Bjornebye said:

You're both spot on, cheers fellas (Sorry your having a shit time @Elite ) . I already feel a bit better having put it down. Might tell her later as well just so it's out in the open. 

 

 


There’s people on here that love you, Damian. 
 

Not me, I think you’re a prick, but I’m sure there’s one or two. 

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1 minute ago, Captain Turdseye said:


There’s people on here that love you, Damian. 
 

Not me, I think you’re a prick, but I’m sure there’s one or two. 

Twat 

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A personal view.....for me depression is a bit like your suit of armour taking a bashing to the point where it starts to fracture.

 

I don't think i've been through too much out of the ordinary, not a particularly happy childhood, parents divorced quite early in a sea of alcohol, married early, got divorced, issues with kids, deaths of people close, but coming from a family that internalised everything and didn't show its feelings in my teens to late 40s I just put the armour on and fucked all this stuff off. But of course you aren't just fucking it off, because inside you are raging, and as the bullets keep coming at you you just store up more and more angst, and of course that manifests itself in many unpleasant ways in terms of irritability, impatience and being difficult to live with. As you armour begins to give way under the pounding you get hurt more and more to the point where it is debilitating. My depression was explosive rather than implosive ( is that a word? It will do for now....), with all the damage that can do.

 

I cant say I had a Damascene Moment, but once I turned 50, I dunno, something inside me said "Fuck It". I started to recognise the triggers. Our good friend Mr. Alcohol was one, and while I do drink I have fixed my off switch and it works and on the days when I'm "hyper" I know that 12 pints of Punk IPA will make it very messy. Similarly, certain people, I'll stay away from. The circle of people I know has dropped dramatically in the last 10 years, I have excluded myself from groups and situations where I will be with people who I just cant be with as far as I can. In saying that, I've also learned that there are situations and people I cant fix. I am recognising my own limitations as best I can and I'm trying not to beat myself up as much as I did over what I cant do.

 

I haven't learned this through wisdom, I have learned it through the experience of fucking up. I don't think I have let my standards slip, but I do give myself a pass more than I did, I've learned there is grey and not just black and white, and its helped me to rationalise and deal with stuff much easier, and to be more accepting of things. I live much more in the moment, and enjoy things more rather than waiting for them to go to shit.  I feel as if at the age of 58 I might actually be behaving like a grown up.

 

I've waffled and this probably doesn't make much sense, I guess I'm just trying to say, Depression is a very personal thing, it means different things to different people, so there isn't a one size fits all approach to a resolution, but in the hardest of times, I just cling on and say "tomorrow, or the day after, I wont feel like this"

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2 hours ago, Bjornebye said:

Fighting something again at the minute. It's almost a year since my mum passed away and I saw her widowed husband for their anniversary on Saturday (They got married a couple of weeks before she died) and although it was a bittersweet day the most part was positive, laughing at photographs from the day and stuff. I've not been letting myself think about it but this week I've just found myself staring into space, completely unaware of anything going on around me. Luckily I'm working from home still and can snap out of it quickly but I'm not looking forward to these next few weeks at all.

 

I start a new job on the 1st September, a much better one than I've been doing better money etc so I should be excited but I can't kick this shite feeling at all. 40 is rapidly approaching (I'm 37) and all I can think is I've wasted my 30's, achieved nothing of substance and set myself back a few years. Just keep wondering should I be living back in Liverpool (I've got an ace missus, she's great I love her to bits), am I missing out on a better life elsewhere? Everything is just a daily mundane grind. I'm sure 18 months of lockdown has contributed but I just feel fucking worthless at the minute. Not after any sympathy, I just needed to get it down in words somewhere as I don't want to worry her as it might just pass and just be a symptom of it being a year since. 

 

 

You’ve noticed it. You’ve probably got your explanation for why you’re feeling as you are and just by naming it you’re taking a bit of control of it.

 

Uncertain mental health is shit but once you get to the point of accepting this might just be how it’s going to be you learn that that there are things that you can do and things that maybe you need to back off from for a while. Not always the same things every time but there are things.

 

And sometimes you just have to roll with it for a while.

 

It will pass

 

AND DONT BE SO HARD ON YOURSELF 

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2 hours ago, YorkshireRed said:

If putting it down in words helps, then never apologise for it. I’m glad you have a place you feel you can do that. 
 

Anniversaries of difficult times and/or big changes often trigger feelings like those you describe. Whatever labels we choose to put on them, they’re yours and they’re obviously causing a few difficulties.
 

Don’t beat yourself up for feeling that way, be kind to yourself and try to visualise what the end of this troubling period will be like.
 

You have a new/better job, that’s a really good thing and don’t let your inner voice tell you otherwise. Get yourself a reward for your success, you’ve earned it. 
 

I know it’s easy to say but turning forty is really no big deal. When you get there, it won’t feel any different. Try and focus on what you have achieved (shit loads), rather than what you haven’t. Life isn’t a race, you’ve loads of time yet to do what makes you happy, not what society tells you will. 
 

Everyone will always be kind to you on this thread although we reserve the right to call you a cunt on all the others.

 

Be kind to your mind. 

You’re good at this.

 

Why did you ever think you had to be someone else on here?

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On 29/07/2021 at 22:13, littletedwest said:

How does a full breakdown manifest itself? I know my uncle has had a couple apparently. Not the sort of bloke you'd expect it of. Apparently he had an accident in the pit broke both his legs.

It’s not a term you ever hear in mental health services.

 

Mental health conditions are notoriously difficult to define and for that reason you will often find people will be given different diagnoses by different practitioners. 
 

People are more likely to be asked to describe their symptoms and have behaviours observed (we’re not always the best judges of ourselves even when well) and assessments/diagnoses and treatment plans (chemical or otherwise) reached as a result 

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3 minutes ago, Champ said:

You’re good at this.

 

Why did you ever think you had to be someone else on here?

Thanks.

 

I don’t really have an answer to that question that fully hits the mark, or doesn’t sound like a pitiful excuse. 

 

Self loathing, grief, guilt, narcissism, loneliness, depression, drinking too much, stress, rage, wanting to be liked, needing to be hated, medication, boredom, relationship difficulties, pain, a self destruct button, an inability to talk…

 

All those and a tendency to be a bit of a dick. 
 

It’s a source of shame to read about the problems others have on here and to see that they don’t feel the need to resort to fuckwitery. They inspire me to try and be better. 
 

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3 hours ago, Bjornebye said:

Fighting something again at the minute. It's almost a year since my mum passed away and I saw her widowed husband for their anniversary on Saturday (They got married a couple of weeks before she died) and although it was a bittersweet day the most part was positive, laughing at photographs from the day and stuff. I've not been letting myself think about it but this week I've just found myself staring into space, completely unaware of anything going on around me. Luckily I'm working from home still and can snap out of it quickly but I'm not looking forward to these next few weeks at all.

 

I start a new job on the 1st September, a much better one than I've been doing better money etc so I should be excited but I can't kick this shite feeling at all. 40 is rapidly approaching (I'm 37) and all I can think is I've wasted my 30's, achieved nothing of substance and set myself back a few years. Just keep wondering should I be living back in Liverpool (I've got an ace missus, she's great I love her to bits), am I missing out on a better life elsewhere? Everything is just a daily mundane grind. I'm sure 18 months of lockdown has contributed but I just feel fucking worthless at the minute. Not after any sympathy, I just needed to get it down in words somewhere as I don't want to worry her as it might just pass and just be a symptom of it being a year since. 

 

 

Don't be too hard on yourself. You seem like an ok (ish) sort to me. 

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31 minutes ago, Section_31 said:

I always thought Williams killed himself because he had some kind of early onset dementia?

He had been diagnosed with Parkinson's disease which caused him to become severely depressed. It was only after his death that it was discovered by autopsy that he had Lewy Body disease which caused effects like Parkinsons as well as a type of dementia according to a quick check online.

 

I read somewhere that he was manic depressive as well, which seems to be a trait a few comic geniuses share and he was an absolute comic genius.

 

 

 

 

 

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3 minutes ago, Harry's Lad said:

He had been diagnosed with Parkinson's disease which caused him to become severely depressed. It was only after his death that it was discovered by autopsy that he had Lewy Body disease which caused effects like Parkinsons as well as a type of dementia according to a quick check online.

 

I read somewhere that he was manic depressive as well, which seems to be a trait a few comic geniuses share and he was an absolute comic genius.

 

 

 

 

 

Lewy Body (disease) is a kind of dementia

 

Manic depression is what is now more commonly described as bi polar disorder

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