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There was a similarly named thread a little while back but it didnt feel the appropriate place for this post (if you do a search you'll see why!)

 

I have toyed with posting on here about this on and off over the past few months but always decided against it until now...and even as I write this I'm wondering if I'm doing the right thing. It is not about sympathy. I was diagnosed with depression a few months ago. This is my first experience of this illness and I wondered what experiences others might have/have had and what has and has not worked for them with the idea that these experiences might be helpful for others.

 

In brief, depression crept up on me towards the end of the summer and was at its worst during August. I am so grateful to 'this place' for the distraction and company during that time when I hardly went out (except for when I went out on my bike...something, strangely, I managed to keep up) Things picked up a bit after that and in strange circumstances seemed to sort themselves out almost overnight at the beginning of October. In the weeks after that I thought I had put it behind me and then at the beginning of the month I began to feel it creeping back and this has escalated over the past week or so.

 

I think I know some of the reasons for the onset of my depression in the first place but I cannot explain why I have had this second dip (a double dip depression I am describing it in my head) which only seems to add to the upset I feel.

 

Like many others, when I first began to feel low I kept things to myself but in the end couldnt keep it in any longer and spoke to family and friends. I cant tell you how supportive they have been and how pleased they have been to see me getting better.......and now that I am feeling things falling apart again I just feel so awful admitting this to myself and to all those lovely people who have looked after me.

 

I have seen my GP this week and I have started some antidepressant medication but I just wanted to hear if anyone else has had any similar experiences or any advice to offer me or others about what has/has not worked for them/people they know

 

Thanks

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Not had issues myself but others in the family have and had nervous breakdowns.

The only advice i can give is not to be scared of letting things out,people will understand.

Bottling things up really doesnt help

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Man up...oops.... You know i'm there for a chat if need be. Although chatting with me is the equivalent of a slow death by torture.

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There was a similarly named thread a little while back but it didnt feel the appropriate place for this post (if you do a search you'll see why!)

 

I have toyed with posting on here about this on and off over the past few months but always decided against it until now...and even as I write this I'm wondering if I'm doing the right thing. It is not about sympathy. I was diagnosed with depression a few months ago. This is my first experience of this illness and I wondered what experiences others might have/have had and what has and has not worked for them with the idea that these experiences might be helpful for others.

 

In brief, depression crept up on me towards the end of the summer and was at its worst during August. I am so grateful to 'this place' for the distraction and company during that time when I hardly went out (except for when I went out on my bike...something, strangely, I managed to keep up) Things picked up a bit after that and in strange circumstances seemed to sort themselves out almost overnight at the beginning of October. In the weeks after that I thought I had put it behind me and then at the beginning of the month I began to feel it creeping back and this has escalated over the past week or so.

 

I think I know some of the reasons for the onset of my depression in the first place but I cannot explain why I have had this second dip (a double dip depression I am describing it in my head) which only seems to add to the upset I feel.

 

Like many others, when I first began to feel low I kept things to myself but in the end couldnt keep it in any longer and spoke to family and friends. I cant tell you how supportive they have been and how pleased they have been to see me getting better.......and now that I am feeling things falling apart again I just feel so awful admitting this to myself and to all those lovely people who have looked after me.

 

I have seen my GP this week and I have started some antidepressant medication but I just wanted to hear if anyone else has had any similar experiences or any advice to offer me or others about what has/has not worked for them/people they know

 

Thanks

 

Ive tried AntiDepressants for non Depression reasons as they prescribe them for anything they havent got a clue about and they all make me feel like absolute shite.

 

I think I am often depressed but just sort of get on with things as Its this or nothing. I often have suicidal thoughts but I'm such a coward I could never go through with it!

 

I reckon this is quite normal and not the same stuff you have but I would avoid tablets as much as I could if I were you.

Your bike rides and exercise seem a great way of dealing with it as well as giving yourself as little time to think as possible by staying busy.

 

Do you think your bike accident has contributed to this?

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Open the curtains every morning and against your better judgement embrace the day with a list of positive things to do, embrace the 'black cloud' as the opposite of what you should do and do it, as much mental energy as that takes, it's fucking hard trust me I know!

 

Treat it as it's the negative side of you and fight against what it says.

 

Can't really explain what I mean fully, and in truth am not fully comfortable explaining on an anonymous message board what I go though on a day to day basis, but the days often pass as dreams interlaced with the most vivid, beautiful and disturbing thought all because I have a chemical imbalance in my brain and i have to accept that this is part of the whole 'me'.

 

Nobody bar a few close friends know about my 'black cloud' and I like it that way. I can fake a smile or pleasantries, that's the easy part, I can even hide how I truly feel, I can't hide from my self and my ever present life partner though, so I learn to live with and accept it.

 

Thoughts of suicide are never far from my mind and in truth they seem like the most rational things in the world when I'm particularly deep in a cycle, once the cloud lifts though these thoughts become absurd, but still pertinent.

 

I know this doesn't help, I didn't actually intend to write this much, but it all started to flow.

 

Chin up C, the world still spins whether or not you want it to.

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Guest The Big Green Bastard

the hardest part is to acknowledge you have a problem and see the GP about it.

 

It is a case of 'manning up' i found when i suffered.

 

Didn't really see eye to eye with the tablets as they caused extreme nausea in my case.

 

Getting re-assurance from close friends is good, but don't hang on it too long. Be with the people you feel the need to be with, cleanse/repent and the next day comes..

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Stick with it, don't let the negative thoughts and feelings overwhelm you but equally don't deny them. Take one day at a time and it will improve. Worst part for me was my mind racing, you lose control of your train of thought.

 

Make an effort to treat yourself.

 

Exercise does work and so does the medication (but it does have side effects).

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Guest LFD

The good thing is you seem to know the cause. If that is the case I would recommend hypnotherapy as they can make you change the way you feel, as long as you know why and when you start to feel like that.

 

I have suffered from depression and it is horrible. My issue is I don't really know why. It could be a number of reasons and as a result hypnotherapy won't work.

 

Exercise really does help. If you enjoy riding your bike, then do it as much as you can. Maybe a ride before work or anything else you consider stressful.

 

I found alcohol was a big problem for me. The day after, I would have awful shakes and thoughts. Coffee was another one.

 

The good thing is you have accepted the situation, you want to get better and you have support from your family.

 

But deep down only you can make yourself better and know what you want or is making you feel down.

 

I was on antidepressant medication and it did help, but you don't want to be reliant on that. That is not solving the cause of the issue and the strong the dose you take, the harder it is to get off them.

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In all seriousness though mine kicked in when my dad popped his clogs, my mum & sister went to prices & it was left to me to repatriate him from Thailand & organise the funeral. I thought I was just upset because of this but the feeling got rapidly worse until I began wondering what people around me would do if I where "no longer around".

I kept it to myself for too long which was a massive mistake & began to get all emotional about stupid things. (I remember crying my eyes out watching Love Actually with the mrs). This was when I decided to do something about it, went the quacks & am "currently" feeling ok about myself.

My main "medicine" was loosing weight if I'm honest.

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I have actually helped a few people get over depression, the main thing i found which helped was helping them to believe in themselves. Set realistic goals and help them to achieve it in a relaxed and non judgemental way. If you can help them to enjoy simple things in life instead of taking them for granted, the harder things are easier to deal with.

 

Only 3 people hanged themselves, so my anti depression lessons were quite a success in my mind.

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In all seriousness though mine kicked in when my dad popped his clogs, my mum & sister went to prices & it was left to me to repatriate him from Thailand & organise the funeral. I thought I was just upset because of this but the feeling got rapidly worse until I began wondering what people around me would do if I where "no longer around".

I kept it to myself for too long which was a massive mistake & began to get all emotional about stupid things. (I remember crying my eyes out watching Love Actually with the mrs). This was when I decided to do something about it, went the quacks & am "currently" feeling ok about myself.

My main "medicine" was loosing weight if I'm honest.

 

Ive done this a few times over stupid things myself,not love actually though,but I reckon those of us who are middle aged seem to become a bit more emotional as we get older.

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Collymore wrote about the "thud" or something that triggering moment where you know what the next few days/weeks are going to be tough. The path from there is familiar and feels inevitable.

 

It's really difficult and I think the only thing you can do is keep going, keep exercising and do the things that you find really engage your mind, keep yourself open and sooner or later something will shake you into a positive moment, then grab that feeling.

 

It'll get better.

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You'd be surprised at the amount of people who suffer with depression. Looking back at my childhood and the way my father treated my mother and myself i'm surprised i'm not in the same boat. Guess i'm just lucky that i'm pretty strong character wise. I will never take it for granted though, depression can hit anybody, especially when you lose someone you love dearly. I guess many people have had the odd symptoms of depression but are lucky enough to have snapped out of the doldrums pretty quick.

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Do you think your bike accident has contributed to this?

 

I think it might. It cant have helped

 

Oh, guys, was this the right thing to do....tears rolling down my face here but thank you for your kind words..and advice

 

The improvement in strange circumstance I described was when after about 8 weeks on medication and no improvement my GP suggested that I change meds, coming off one by stages and then starting another. She told me to expect this might be quite rough and instead the opposite happened...as I came off the first meds and before I'd started the new ones it was like being on top of a mountain and the clouds suddenly clearly...it was as immediate as that.....quite euphoric really....I then had about 3 good weeks, without taking any meds, before I began to get caught out again....and here we go again.

 

As I have said to someone else while in fact there is a lot of good that has come out of my first round of depression I do not want to go back there again

 

But thanks

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I've never actually spoken about this to anyone before but I am convinced if such a thing exists I have or have had it. Lately my missus has been asking questions but this is mainly as a result of a pretty nasty head injury I had a month or three ago. When I see old fragile people I am relieved I will never be like that because I know I will be dead. Sounds weird but cheers me up. Life at some points is a count down and knowing I have less than 30 odd years left is a relief. Weird I know.

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I think you've part answered your question where you talk about keeping up with going out on the bike during the summer. IMO Exercise is severely under rated in dealing with issues around mental health.

 

If you take running for example or cycling it allows the front part of the brain to concentrate on something repetitive which in itself allows the back of the brain to relax. I know a few people who swear they often do their best thinking when their out for a run.

 

Aside from Sport and that good feeling endorphine release I also think that finding something that love doing, could be anything, is to dedicate some time for that. Turn the TV off, read a book, download an audiobook and get out for long walks.

 

I think a lot of elements around depression are caused by people looking for a quick answer and the cycle that produces when it's not found. Rather than small steps instead of one big one. Which is why I believe docs just prescribe drugs for a quick fix maybe because they just don't have the time.

 

Still it could be worse, you could be Fernando Torres.

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with regards to specifically head injuries I was talking to a lad recently who'd come off is bike and was told it was the expensive helmet that saved him. He was also told that it could be 9 months before his head had recovered and repaired itself from the trauma. Similarly he was suffering with depression and the doctors told that would be normal until the brain had sorted itself out. He described it as if you went over on your ankle, the ligaments etc need time to repair themselves, the brain is the same.

 

He was saying he forced himself each day to get things done, not stew in the house and one day like a light switch it'd gone.

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I think you've part answered your question where you talk about keeping up with going out on the bike during the summer. IMO Exercise is severely under rated in dealing with issues around mental health.

 

Still it could be worse, you could be Fernando Torres.

 

Dont know whether you have been following my trials on the Cycling thread, that Vlad was referring to, the pig is that I had found cycling my only real solace at my lowest point (and never anywhere near as some low as some have described on here already) and then just as I was feeling better I went over my handlebars in a cycling accident and have been pretty much pinned to my sofa since then...although I have taken possession of a turbo trainer this week that has given me my first 'highs' in weeks

 

And you know I've thought Torres has been depressed for a lot longer than me!

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Guest The Big Green Bastard
Dont know whether you have been following my trials on the Cycling thread, that Vlad was referring to, the pig is that I had found cycling my only real solace at my lowest point (and never anywhere near as some low as some have described on here already) and then just as I was feeling better I went over my handlebars in a cycling accident and have been pretty much pinned to my sofa since then...although I have taken possession of a turbo trainer this week that has given me my first 'highs' in weeks

 

And you know I've thought Torres has been depressed for a lot longer than me!

 

I would take that bike, strap an engine in, depression gone.

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I hope you're starting to feel better Cath. As you know my mother was diagnosed with depression recently and thankfully is are on the mend now.

 

Has anybody read this book? - A Life Too Short: The Tragedy of Robert Enke by Ronald Reng. It gives a great insight into depression and it's impact on the sufferer. While I could see some similarities with my mother's situation as her's was a lot milder so I didn't fully realise how totally debilitating this illness can be and the effect it has on family members and friends until I read this. Much more awareness needs to be raised about this terrible illness.

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I hope you're starting to feel better Cath. As you know my mother was diagnosed with depression recently and thankfully is are on the mend now.

 

Has anybody read this book? - A Life Too Short: The Tragedy of Robert Enke by Ronald Reng. It gives a great insight into depression and it's impact on the sufferer. While I could see some similarities with my mother's situation as her's was a lot milder so I didn't fully realise how totally debilitating this illness can be and the effect it has on family members and friends until I read this. Much more awareness needs to be raised about this terrible illness.

 

That book is on our shelves....cant make up my mind whether its a good thing to read a book like this at the moment and in fact reading anything of any length had been a struggle anyway.

 

Regarding the debiliatating effect of depression, I'd always imagined that my mother had had periods of depression when we were kids but when she asked if I had a room I could give 'a good clear out' I knew she hadnt (or had completely erased it from her mind!). There have been times when if I wasnt living with other people I would practically have sat in my own shit the effort it took to get up from where I was sitting (if you'll forgive the graphic explanation)

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I honestly think depression and most conditions are something you can be talked into. When I fell off my bike I was nearly sectioned.

 

Mental lllness is a mile away.

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