Depression

[Oh Buoy]

4 minutes ago, Strontium Dog said:

It's a year since her dad died tomorrow, please tell me things get better after the first anniversary as I hate to see her like this.

Worth keeping this service in mind, mate: https://www.cruse.org.uk/

 

They have a helpline too if she's having a particularly bad time. 

[Scal Capone]

2 hours ago, Seasons said:

 

Cheers mate, I've just overworked myself at the end of the day. I've been trying to push the service into the community more of late. I wanted to really make a stamp on mental health, spent my weekends researching, attending events and ended up putting together a plan of how we'd make the place I work in the best in the country for MH. It ended up in my wages getting docked, getting questioned as to why I was working in my weekends and essentially the plan getting chucked in the bin. It's just really disheartening and a little crushing having really taken that extra care and attention. 

 

Counselling isn't really something that would help. I'd need CBT but I know all the strategies and I know where I'm going wrong it's just something that's refusing to entertain my own advice. I guess it's the nature of stress: work hard -> not good enough -> work hard -> neglect other things -> work harder -> break down. 

 

I need another employer is the bottom line.

 

This neatly captures the predicament I have found myself in, but with the added problem of having to deal with imposter syndrome, which is partly why I bailed out of academia after doing my PhD, and now find myself in a job I don't like. I worked myself into the ground in this job, probably as a way of escaping from the emptiness and the sense of failure i felt after finishing my doctorate. 

[Oh Buoy]

24 minutes ago, Scal Capone said:

This neatly captures the predicament I have found myself in, but with the added problem of having to deal with imposter syndrome, which is partly why I bailed out of academia after doing my PhD, and now find myself in a job I don't like. I worked myself into the ground in this job, probably as a way of escaping from the emptiness and the sense of failure i felt after finishing my doctorate. 

Imposter syndrome is something I feel may of us face but don't admit it. I think it's important to reflect back on your experience and celebrate your small victories but also your incredible ones too. Getting to the point of starting a PHD is incredible pal, absolutely incredible. A massive achievement that you should be proud of. 

 

You can spend a lot of time looking at your failures but I'll put this to you (from my entire experience of working with people). You'll never celebrate a victory as much as a failure. And it's those failures that allow us to learn, develop and push on to bigger and better successes. 

 

Take some time to think about what you want to do in life. Do you want to complete that PHD? Do you want to try something new? What's the next chapter of your story going to be? You've proven you can achieve so much and therefore don't accept something that doesn't make you happy. I've got 100% belief in you. 

 

Just a note on that, and one I've found is always missing from motivational talks/messages. Find your anger and find your peace. If you're angry about that PhD, go and tear the fucker up but find your peace along the way. Accept that it may not have been the right time previously, accept that you didn't focus on a life balance of your work, your life and your relationships, be open to new activities etcetc.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fucking hell, I hate that I can't turn this voice off. LET ME BE SAD.  

[Strontium]

2 hours ago, Special K said:

On the surface things get better but she'll always be thinking about him

 

Mic lost her mum 7 years ago, still wants to talk to her all the time

 

Yeah, I was thinking of your missus as someone who has gone through this sort of thing before.

 

2 hours ago, Dr Nowt said:

It gets easier to deal with Stronts.

 

The first year is a bastard as it’s replete with constant “firsts” and therefore endless painful reminders, especially the anniversary.

 

It doesn’t go away of course, but it does gradually become less raw and is easier to live with as happier memories of the person start to again compete for floor space.

 

Cheers Doc. What gets me is that the first six months or so weren't actually that bad, I was surprised how well she seemed to be coping, but seeing the urn with his ashes in for the first time really triggered something in her, and it's been getting steadily worse as we head towards the year mark.

 

2 hours ago, Seasons said:

Worth keeping this service in mind, mate: https://www.cruse.org.uk/

 

They have a helpline too if she's having a particularly bad time. 

Thanks Seasons. I'll try and get her to have a look at that if things don't get any better. Although I will say she's not really the type who responds well to counselling, which makes things more difficult.

[Scal Capone]

1 hour ago, Seasons said:

Imposter syndrome is something I feel may of us face but don't admit it. I think it's important to reflect back on your experience and celebrate your small victories but also your incredible ones too. Getting to the point of starting a PHD is incredible pal, absolutely incredible. A massive achievement that you should be proud of. 

 

You can spend a lot of time looking at your failures but I'll put this to you (from my entire experience of working with people). You'll never celebrate a victory as much as a failure. And it's those failures that allow us to learn, develop and push on to bigger and better successes. 

 

Take some time to think about what you want to do in life. Do you want to complete that PHD? Do you want to try something new? What's the next chapter of your story going to be? You've proven you can achieve so much and therefore don't accept something that doesn't make you happy. I've got 100% belief in you. 

 

Just a note on that, and one I've found is always missing from motivational talks/messages. Find your anger and find your peace. If you're angry about that PhD, go and tear the fucker up but find your peace along the way. Accept that it may not have been the right time previously, accept that you didn't focus on a life balance of your work, your life and your relationships, be open to new activities etcetc.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fucking hell, I hate that I can't turn this voice off. LET ME BE SAD.  

Thanks, mate. I finished it then bailed out. I have no idea what I want to do, which is obviously a massive obstacle to even exploring a future. I worked intensely during my PhD and, even though I completed it, I felt like it was a waste of time, and it took an incredible investment of time and effort to complete.  I was ruined by the end of it and I became terrified of getting involved in anything high level afterwards because I was fearful of being a failure, of wasting my time, of wasting other people's time, of burning out, of never achieving what it is I want to achieve, even though I don't know what it is I want to achieve. It's all noise, like a maelstrom of cognitive noise weighing me down. I never enjoyed any of it: I graduated 1st class and received an academic award, and I didn't derive any satisfaction from it, none. I was immediately in the mindset of "what next?" and threw myself into my MSc, which I graduated from with distinction, and I took no satisfaction from that too, I couldn't even be arsed to go to the graduation for that one. I then threw myself into finding a PhD studentship, which I found, and  we (me and my missus) moved down South for 3.5 years. I made some amazing friends during my PhD, and we loved living on the South coast,  but I was crippled with self-doubt and this suffocating, perennial sense of working class inadequacy for the duration of my doctorate. I finished it and didn't feel a sense of accomplishment, I felt the opposite. It's bizarre. 

[Oh Buoy]

10 minutes ago, Scal Capone said:

Thanks, mate. I finished it then bailed out. I have no idea what I want to do, which is obviously a massive obstacle to even exploring a future. I worked intensely during my PhD and, even though I completed it, I felt like it was a waste of time, and it took an incredible investment of time and effort to complete.  I was ruined by the end of it and I became terrified of getting involved in anything high level afterwards because I was fearful of being a failure, of wasting my time, of wasting other people's time, of burning out, of never achieving what it is I want to achieve, even though I don't know what it is I want to achieve. It's all noise, like a maelstrom of cognitive noise weighing me down. I never enjoyed any of it: I graduated 1st class and received an academic award, and I didn't derive any satisfaction from it, none. I was immediately in the mindset of "what next?" and threw myself into my MSc, which I graduated from with distinction, and I took no satisfaction from that too, I couldn't even be arsed to go to the graduation for that one. I then threw myself into finding a PhD studentship, which I found, and  we (me and my missus) moved down South for 3.5 years. I made some amazing friends during my PhD, and we loved living on the South coast,  but I was crippled with self-doubt and this suffocating, perennial sense of working class inadequacy for the duration of my doctorate. I finished it and didn't feel a sense of accomplishment, I felt the opposite. It's bizarre. 

I don't think it's bizarre.

 

It sounds like you're struggling with your direction/meeting expectations/goals. It sounds like you're putting too much pressure on yourself and setting the bar so high that it immediately becomes overwhelming to even look at. Break it down mate. What industry do you want to get into? Look at less demanding positions and gain some stability (e.g. is this the right industry? If not, can I transfer my skills to something else?) 

[3 Stacks]

My health anxiety is almost unmanageable for me at the moment. Not a day goes by where I don't think about it. Dreamed of being in a doctor's office getting diagnosed with cancer the other night. This is unusual for me as I never dream about my own life. 

 

Already tried therapy and meds, neither did much. I've had chronic pain for a year and a half and other consistent symptoms which scare me. Been checked by my family doc a few times and an immune disease specialist, but no concrete checkup other than a few blood tests. I feel like they don't care, I don't know what to do anymore. 

 

It's a constant struggle in my head. I've had a pretty unlucky year and a half health wise and being stressed about it would seem normal, but I can't shake the feeling that I have a disease which will change my life. 

[Numero Veinticinco]

8 hours ago, Shooter in the Motor said:

It's been 15 years since I went to the doctor regarding a severe upsurge in anxiety/depression but this morning it had to be done. Fluoxetine has been prescribed for 28 days, although the doc said it could result in an increase in anxiety initially. Not looking forward to that.

 

Lots of things happening over the last six months and it just all came in last week. Jaw is a lot better but it may have opened up lots of feelings/thoughts that may have been held on to.

 

I'm not a huge fan of taking meds for it but needs must, hopefully they give some assistance as I try and sort out the things that have played a part in causing it to happen. 

 

Anxiety is a vicious little urchin.

It is mate, it can be utterly debilitating. If you need, my inbox is open. Same for anybody reading this who doesn’t want it in the open. 

[Numero Veinticinco]

7 minutes ago, 3 Stacks said:

My health anxiety is almost unmanageable for me at the moment. Not a day goes by where I don't think about it. Dreamed of being in a doctor's office getting diagnosed with cancer the other night. This is unusual for me as I never dream about my own life. 

 

Already tried therapy and meds, neither did much. I've had chronic pain for a year and a half and other consistent symptoms which scare me. Been checked by my family doc a few times and an immune disease specialist, but no concrete checkup other than a few blood tests. I feel like they don't care, I don't know what to do anymore. 

 

It's a constant struggle in my head. I've had a pretty unlucky year and a half health wise and being stressed about it would seem normal, but I can't shake the feeling that I have a disease which will change my life. 

I’ve experienced a lot in life. I think health Anxiety is as bad as almost anything I’ve ever felt. It’s really horrific. 

[3 Stacks]

12 minutes ago, Numero Veinticinco said:

I’ve experienced a lot in life. I think health Anxiety is as bad as almost anything I’ve ever felt. It’s really horrific. 

I don't think I'll get over it unless I can reliably find the root of my symptoms and that realization scares me as well. Something's gotta give eventually, I guess. 

[Numero Veinticinco]

2 minutes ago, 3 Stacks said:

I don't think I'll get over it unless I can reliably find the root of my symptoms and that realization scares me as well. Something's gotta give eventually, I guess. 

It’s a really difficult thing to deal with. I’m not a long term sufferer, but it practically knocked me out for three months. Just flattened me. Having somebody on here who knew what they’re talking about and have a shit really helped. 

 

My advise, for what it’s worth... do the things that are in your control. Healthy eating, exercise, correct medication, etc. All you can do is all you can do. 

[Scal Capone]

38 minutes ago, 3 Stacks said:

I don't think I'll get over it unless I can reliably find the root of my symptoms and that realization scares me as well. Something's gotta give eventually, I guess. 

You will eventually rule it out via the correct diagnostic tests. But, if my experience is anything to go by, it will morph and you will focus on other health related symptoms in the future. I've had this on and off for 17 years. 

[3 Stacks]

31 minutes ago, Scal Capone said:

You will eventually rule it out via the correct diagnostic tests. But, if my experience is anything to go by, it will morph and you will focus on other health related symptoms in the future. I've had this on and off for 17 years. 

Probably. But the symptoms I have have been consistent for a year and a half and I still don't feel I've had comprehensive enough tests to rule anything out. Wouldn't call it bare minimum, but there's been no real effort from medical professionals, I feel. My relatively young age doesn't help and I haven't always been great at verbalizing how I'm feeling, but still.  

 

It's hard to convey how mediocre I feel physically on the internet, but the more time passes the more I believe there is really something wrong with me. My worry is that my situation will deteriorate until I end up in the hospital. 

[Guest]

1 hour ago, Numero Veinticinco said:

I’ve experienced a lot in life. I think health Anxiety is as bad as almost anything I’ve ever felt. It’s really horrific. 

It is - it can hit like a freight train and if you're not prepared for it, it can make it ten times worse. It's such a difficult thing to manage when it comes over you, it's not like you'll suddenly have a visible symptom and everyone will help you through it. I have just repaired relationships with some of my family as this has been a large factor in how I've felt over the years so that's a positive step. The next thing is to try and work out whether the job I do is still a good fit for me, either in it's current form or any form. Personal relationships have been nigh on impossible over the years due to it's force of nature. Exercise has become easier since the back and jaw pain has relieved and eating fish/chicken and veg rather than pizza and ready meals makes a big difference for me so far. It's also incredible that anxiety seems to have the ability mimic other conditions, almost like it's a parasite making it's stay harder to identify. Horrible stuff.

 

It's a really nasty emotion when it manages to take hold so hopefully anyone who is experiencing it can find a way out. I tend to read on the subject when I'm feeling the hardest effects and along with the TMJ book which is helping I am also reading The Anxiety Cure by Klaus Bernhardt - just 99p on Kindle. Any book that has practical exercises that assist in helping to relieve the pressures of it are worth trying and the author clearly knows the subject well.

 

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Anxiety-Cure-Live-Panic-Weeks-ebook/dp/B076PQG2S4/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1548708167&sr=8-1&keywords=anxiety+cure

[Section_31]

It's interesting reading a lot of these posts and also friends who get down in the dumps the way they beat themselves up and do themselves down. 

 

I genuinely don't do that, I never have and I don't know why. I had a horrendous time at one point in school, in addition to taking shit off people where I lived as well as my step dad in the house itself, but at no stage did I ever feel I deserved it or beat myself up, on the contrary I started feeling quite aloof, like I was okay and they were all absolute scum. It's a mindset I still have when I encounter cunts. Maybe I'm fucked up.

[Oh Buoy]

10 hours ago, Section_31 said:

It's interesting reading a lot of these posts and also friends who get down in the dumps the way they beat themselves up and do themselves down. 

 

I genuinely don't do that, I never have and I don't know why. I had a horrendous time at one point in school, in addition to taking shit off people where I lived as well as my step dad in the house itself, but at no stage did I ever feel I deserved it or beat myself up, on the contrary I started feeling quite aloof, like I was okay and they were all absolute scum. It's a mindset I still have when I encounter cunts. Maybe I'm fucked up.

 

It's great to hear that you have a good source of resilience, mate. Often it's an array of factors that contribute to the decline in self-esteem/confidence. I've had many clients who have presented exactly how you have above ("fuck 'em") yet something has happened/triggered that's has thrown view upside down. Common sources of this are usually: 

• Breakdown in relationships (social/romantic)
• Loss/Change in circumstances (house, partner, job) 
• Trauma (anything from historic (abuse) to current (car crash))
• Bereavement/grief
• Work/family-related stress (caring for a family member, unsupportive boss etc). 

Whilst they may have been resilient before any of the above happened, a daily hit of these problems is enough to break anyone down.

 

[Numero Veinticinco]

3 minutes ago, Seasons said:

 

It's great to hear that you have a good source of resilience, mate. Often it's an array of factors that contribute to the decline in self-esteem/confidence. I've had many clients who have presented exactly how you have above ("fuck 'em") yet something has happened/triggered that's has thrown view upside down. Common sources of this are usually: 

• Breakdown in relationships (social/romantic)
• Loss/Change in circumstances (house, partner, job) 
• Trauma (anything from historic (abuse) to current (car crash))
• Bereavement/grief
• Work/family-related stress (caring for a family member, unsupportive boss etc). 

Whilst they may have been resilient before any of the above happened, a daily hit of these problems is enough to break anyone down.

 

So having experienced all of those in abundance, I’m good to go with feeling shit sometimes, right? 

[Oh Buoy]

4 minutes ago, Numero Veinticinco said:

So having experienced all of those in abundance, I’m good to go with feeling shit sometimes, right? 

 

Some elements of those listed (trauma, bereavement, relationship breakdown) above would be benefitted from counselling should you feel you're stuck in that 'loop'. The others are often tackled with CBT/ACT etc. 

 

Feeling shit every few days can be quite normal but you've got to base that on what's normal for you. If you're worried about your wellbeing/mental health, speak to your GP. Or send me a message. 

[Numero Veinticinco]

4 minutes ago, Seasons said:

 

Some elements of those listed (trauma, bereavement, relationship breakdown) above would be benefitted from counselling should you feel you're stuck in that 'loop'. The others are often tackled with CBT/ACT etc. 

 

Feeling shit every few days can be quite normal but you've got to base that on what's normal for you. If you're worried about your wellbeing/mental health, speak to your GP. Or send me a message. 

It was tongue in cheek, mate. I appreciate the kind response. Considering some of the things that have happened, I’m doing pretty well. I think I’m pretty resilient, but my point was to reinforce yours, that those things can make even the most resilient people break. 

[Oh Buoy]

7 minutes ago, Numero Veinticinco said:

It was tongue in cheek, mate. I appreciate the kind response. Considering some of the things that have happened, I’m doing pretty well. I think I’m pretty resilient, but my point was to reinforce yours, that those things can make even the most resilient people break. 

Waaaay too early for tongue in cheek comments. I'm only half way through my coffee. 

 

[Guest]

1 hour ago, Seasons said:

 

It's great to hear that you have a good source of resilience, mate. Often it's an array of factors that contribute to the decline in self-esteem/confidence. I've had many clients who have presented exactly how you have above ("fuck 'em") yet something has happened/triggered that's has thrown view upside down. Common sources of this are usually: 

• Breakdown in relationships (social/romantic)
• Loss/Change in circumstances (house, partner, job) 
• Trauma (anything from historic (abuse) to current (car crash))
• Bereavement/grief
• Work/family-related stress (caring for a family member, unsupportive boss etc). 

Whilst they may have been resilient before any of the above happened, a daily hit of these problems is enough to break anyone down.

 

It is interesting reading the list there as i lost all my youth friends as they all entered long term relationships (this is a tough experience when such relationships do not work out for yourself. I also had to sell the house that I purchased as I found the payments on the mortgage and bills too much to handle by myself. I now live in a rented room in a house share. I have experience PTSD where i just saw the world through a single event that took quite a while to move past and i pretty much lost contact with my entire family. All this while working six, sometimes seven days a week as I was/am self employed and almost trying to distract myself from all those problems. It is when you get time to think about it that's when it hits. 

 

When i think about it thats quite a lot to handle but I'm sure there are people in the world who have been through worse. But as you rightly say it is about resilience and sometimes there is an event that tips the balance. 

[Oh Buoy]

1 hour ago, Shooter in the Motor said:

It is interesting reading the list there as i lost all my youth friends as they all entered long term relationships (this is a tough experience when such relationships do not work out for yourself. I also had to sell the house that I purchased as I found the payments on the mortgage and bills too much to handle by myself. I now live in a rented room in a house share. I have experience PTSD where i just saw the world through a single event that took quite a while to move past and i pretty much lost contact with my entire family. All this while working six, sometimes seven days a week as I was/am self employed and almost trying to distract myself from all those problems. It is when you get time to think about it that's when it hits. 

 

When i think about it thats quite a lot to handle but I'm sure there are people in the world who have been through worse. But as you rightly say it is about resilience and sometimes there is an event that tips the balance. 

Right, this sentence right here. I'd say 80% of people I see say this in almost exactly the same wording. 

 

"I sound silly/pathetic/stupid to be worrying about this, there are probably other people struggling with a lot worse and here I am complaining about XYZ". 

 

Stop playing down your problems. When you're going to the gym or out in public, if you're feeling a bit unhealthy you don't stand next to an overweight person and go, "I'm silly for worrying about this because they have it worse than me". If you do, you're probably one horrible cunt but you get my drift here. 

 

The answer to that phrase is this: You're correct, there's many people that are struggling. There's a lot of people who have been abused, exploited, gaslighted - you name it. On the other side, there's people who are terrified of going outside, worried that they could have cancer because there's a pain in their chest, stressed that they can't sleep or subconsciously drilling themselves into the ground because they have to somewhat prove themselves to others. You can't compare an individual's situation to another. They're all different even if they're under the same umbrella. 

 

If it's impacting your mental health, it's important. If it's a fear of the doorbell ringing, it's important. If it's something that's knocking your confidence or making you feel shit, it's important. Quit playing down your problems by comparing them against the worst case scenario. It just feeds into the stigma. 

[Guest]

3 hours ago, Seasons said:

Right, this sentence right here. I'd say 80% of people I see say this in almost exactly the same wording. 

 

"I sound silly/pathetic/stupid to be worrying about this, there are probably other people struggling with a lot worse and here I am complaining about XYZ". 

 

Stop playing down your problems. When you're going to the gym or out in public, if you're feeling a bit unhealthy you don't stand next to an overweight person and go, "I'm silly for worrying about this because they have it worse than me". If you do, you're probably one horrible cunt but you get my drift here. 

 

The answer to that phrase is this: You're correct, there's many people that are struggling. There's a lot of people who have been abused, exploited, gaslighted - you name it. On the other side, there's people who are terrified of going outside, worried that they could have cancer because there's a pain in their chest, stressed that they can't sleep or subconsciously drilling themselves into the ground because they have to somewhat prove themselves to others. You can't compare an individual's situation to another. They're all different even if they're under the same umbrella. 

 

If it's impacting your mental health, it's important. If it's a fear of the doorbell ringing, it's important. If it's something that's knocking your confidence or making you feel shit, it's important. Quit playing down your problems by comparing them against the worst case scenario. It just feeds into the stigma. 

The problem with anxiety is it distorts your sense of perspective and causes other emotions to run amok and unchecked. I started my meds today and already i feel the difference. Unfortunately the anxiety has had it's fun and caused quite a few problems, sometimes on a subconscious level.

 

Hopefully perspective can be realigned with a reduction in anxiety. 

[Section_31]

Does anyone find themselves being fixated by mundane shit? 

 

I don't worry about normal stuff such as the prospect of nuclear war, money or the mortgage, I worry about my zip being broken on a coat I don't even wear much, or sit up late at night Googling watches even though I don't want or need another one. 

[Bjornebye]

37 minutes ago, Section_31 said:

Does anyone find themselves being fixated by mundane shit? 

 

I don't worry about normal stuff such as the prospect of nuclear war, money or the mortgage, I worry about my zip being broken on a coat I don't even wear much, or sit up late at night Googling watches even though I don't want or need another one. 

I spend too much time on right move looking at houses I hope one day to be able to afford. Life  is shite at the minute so i try and pretend just for a few minutes that I have just bought the house and go from room to room imagining how id kit it out. Even when doing it I'm asking myself whats the fucking point in this. The prospect of a nuclear war isn't doesn't feel as bad as it should right now. If anything it will get rid of the fucking tory party.