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I honestly think depression and most conditions are something you can be talked into. When I fell off my bike I was nearly sectioned.

 

Mental lllness is a mile away.

 

It probably can be talked into.

 

But then again it can also not be underestimated how serious it can be.

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Had very sever postnatal depression, resulted in social services involvement for the younger kids and them being put on the register due to the risk of emotional harm on their development ect...

 

I was proper nuts, mind. I couldn't utter a sentence without counting every letter in every word and it ending on an even numbered letter, if it didn't i would keep talking until it did. Sleep just wasn't happening. I was suicidal, it was going to happen by either me throwing myself down the stairs onto the slate floor, or crashing into a wall. It had to look like an accident, for the kids sake. There was never more then a pack of paracetamol in the house and we had no knives at the time either. I self harmed, not in the usual cutting like most do, i would bang the back of my head (hair would cover any bruising) against the slate wall, loved the hot warming sensation if provided when i'd bashed it hard enough, the pain would stop me thinking momentarily.

 

I went on trycyclics, old school but it wasn't so much a mood stabilising drug i needed, it was something to stop the thought patterns from firing at the speed they were at and allowing me time to just stop and not think so to speak.

 

Sleep and actually getting some made a difference for me along with the meds, the days between the 'dark' days increased, and when i did have down days i recognised it for what it was, just a day and tomorrow may be better. I still have shit days, we all have shit days, i know they're not depression, they're just shit days. If things are taking too long to pick back up i'll stop and examine why. I find if i can pin point a reason it stops things spiraling out of control.

 

Chin up lovely, you'll get there. x

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I honestly think depression and most conditions are something you can be talked into. When I fell off my bike I was nearly sectioned.

 

Mental lllness is a mile away.

Not in my experience...and I say that as a qualified Mental Health Officer

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That last post of mine was very Silverlining-esque. I dedicate it to his memory.

 

Surely SL would have called everyone else self absorbed cunts not referred to himself as one?

 

Cath I've sent you a pm in lieu of posting on here as we've spoken about my issues before and I don't really want to go on about it on here.

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Surely SL would have called everyone else self absorbed cunts not referred to himself as one?

 

Cath I've sent you a pm in lieu of posting on here as we've spoken about my issues before and I don't really want to go on about it on here.

 

You may be right. I'll still dedicate it to him.

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I share Jules's surprise at so many having felt it. Very surprised with Cath as she always seems so upbeat and happy, which in itself is a lesson in how easily it can be concealed to those of us who haven't suffered.

 

I've got no words of wisdom to offer anyone, except 44 years has told me it's better to share your problems (of any type) with others rather than to bottle them up.

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I'll be honest, it's blown me away how many have already said they've had(have) it.

 

It's a very common thing to fall into at some period in a lifetime, but very rarely talked about, although that's changing.

 

When I had what I can only term a nervous breakdown, I spent a month or more making up different excuses to have time off work, until it got to the point where I had to go and see the doctor or lose my job, and they signed me off work immediately, but it took me six weeks before I could tell my partner because I was embarrassed about it, didn't really understand it or believe it could affect me, and didn't feel like it was something I could admit to. I was getting up in the morning, pretending to go to work, and then coming home.

 

It took six months to tell anyone else in my family, and I was signed off work with it for over a year before finally losing my job, then it took another eighteen months to get to the point now where I think I can say with some confidence that I'm over it, but still most of my family have no idea about it.

 

It's only with reluctance that I'm even posting this now, but I think it's something that should and has to be talked about for people to understand it, so I'm trying to overcome my natural reticence on the subject to do so.

 

Depression is different for every single person who experiences it, but if you've never experienced it, you can't know how debilitating it is for those who do. I would compare my experience with it to badly breaking both my legs, it had that much of an effect on my life, although with broken legs you can still use a wheelchair.

 

In the worst grip of it, I couldn't even get out of bed most days, let alone eat, shower, take any interest in anything, or do any of the things which might have helped me to slowly rebuild my life. People talk about exercise, and it's true that it helps massively, but the problem with depression, I found, was that you just can't motivate yourself to go and do exercise. Strangely enough I did keep going on the internet and playing computer games and shit, but that's a trick of distraction. It was either that or stare at the ceiling.

 

In the end, I tried over two years of seeing therapists and taking fucking horrible medication which made me insomniac at times, hypersomniac at others, dried up my mouth all the time, made me clench my jaws all day and night, and made me nauseous, and none of that really worked all that much, although it probably all had a cumulative effect, and I would say it was all worthwhile to some degree.

 

I think what finally sorted me out in the end though was just finding enough energy to go out and do some voluntary work, which started to make me feel good about myself again, to the point where I did some more of it, and that had a snowball effect on me. It probably helped that the voluntary work I liked most was doing hard physical work delivering second hand furniture to people who had fuck all.

 

It's a funny thing though; I wouldn't change what happened to me, because having gone through it, I've learned a lot about myself, and I'm not going to settle any more for things in my life which I don't want in it. I don't know exactly what made me the person I used to be, but I'm a massively changed person now as a result of that breakdown, and a much, much better one. I liken it personally to a steam valve that maybe stopped the engine from blowing up.

 

I don't think I will fall into it again, but if I do I know how to get out, not that what I learned could help anyone else necessarily, because at the end of the day you can only really support someone with depression; they have to take the road out of it themselves.

 

If there is some simple advice I could give to anyone it would be don't be afraid to ask for help, ask for what you want in life, and that things will generally get better at some point.

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I share Jules's surprise at so many having felt it. Very surprised with Cath as she always seems so upbeat and happy, which in itself is a lesson in how easily it can be concealed to those of us who haven't suffered.

 

I've got no words of wisdom to offer anyone, except 44 years has told me it's better to share your problems (of any type) with others rather than to bottle them up.

 

Which is in part why (a) I am posting now, but also (b) why I delayed posting because I have felt like such a fraud being able to post as I have on here when feeling like shit and in answer to (b) for fear that people might dismiss what I was saying and by association may others who may disclose to them similar previously hidden feelings

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It's a very common thing to fall into at some period in a lifetime, but very rarely talked about, although that's changing.

 

When I had what I can only term a nervous breakdown, I spent a month or more making up different excuses to have time off work, until it got to the point where I had to go and see the doctor or lose my job, and they signed me off work immediately, but it took me six weeks before I could tell my partner because I was embarrassed about it, didn't really understand it or believe it could affect me, and didn't feel like it was something I could admit to. I was getting up in the morning, pretending to go to work, and then coming home.

 

It took six months to tell anyone else in my family, and I was signed off work with it for over a year before finally losing my job, then it took another eighteen months to get to the point now where I think I can say with some confidence that I'm over it, but still most of my family have no idea about it.

 

It's only with reluctance that I'm even posting this now, but I think it's something that should and has to be talked about for people to understand it, so I'm trying to overcome my natural reticence on the subject to do so.

 

Depression is different for every single person who experiences it, but if you've never experienced it, you can't know how debilitating it is for those who do. I would compare my experience with it to badly breaking both my legs, it had that much of an effect on my life, although with broken legs you can still use a wheelchair.

 

In the worst grip of it, I couldn't even get out of bed most days, let alone eat, shower, take any interest in anything, or do any of the things which might have helped me to slowly rebuild my life. People talk about exercise, and it's true that it helps massively, but the problem with depression, I found, was that you just can't motivate yourself to go and do exercise. Strangely enough I did keep going on the internet and playing computer games and shit, but that's a trick of distraction. It was either that or stare at the ceiling.

 

In the end, I tried over two years of seeing therapists and taking fucking horrible medication which made me insomniac at times, hypersomniac at others, dried up my mouth all the time, made me clench my jaws all day and night, and made me nauseous, and none of that really worked all that much, although it probably all had a cumulative effect, and I would say it was all worthwhile to some degree.

 

I think what finally sorted me out in the end though was just finding enough energy to go out and do some voluntary work, which started to make me feel good about myself again, to the point where I did some more of it, and that had a snowball effect on me. It probably helped that the voluntary work I liked most was doing hard physical work delivering second hand furniture to people who had fuck all.

 

It's a funny thing though; I wouldn't change what happened to me, because having gone through it, I've learned a lot about myself, and I'm not going to settle any more for things in my life which I don't want in it. I don't know exactly what made me the person I used to be, but I'm a massively changed person now as a result of that breakdown, and a much, much better one. I liken it personally to a steam valve that maybe stopped the engine from blowing up.

 

I don't think I will fall into it again, but if I do I know how to get out, not that what I learned could help anyone else necessarily, because at the end of the day you can only really support someone with depression; they have to take the road out of it themselves.

 

If there is some simple advice I could give to anyone it would be don't be afraid to ask for help, ask for what you want in life, and that things will generally get better at some point.

 

Would rep that if I could.

 

Great post and totally agree with all of it.

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So what sparked it? If you don't want to tell that's fine by the way.

 

It's hard to say. I don't think there was a specific thing which sparked it off.

 

Looking back on it, I had probably been putting it off for twenty years with drugs and alcohol though. I was one of these people that manage to function in life and hold down a job whilst not really being very happy I suppose, although you wouldn't have known that about me.

 

I can point to some things in my youth that definitely contributed, but mostly I think I just never learned to deal with my emotions properly, and that all added up on me to the point where it eventually stopped me in my tracks.

 

At the heart of it was a lot of self-hatred though. There's a saying that depression is anger turned inwards, which might seem counter-intuitive, but in my case there's a lot of truth to it.

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Some superbly written descriptions in this thread. Like others have said I'm shocked by the sheer number of people who have experienced it in some shape or form. Thankfully I've no experience of it but talking, even among strangers on here can only be a good thing.

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Another one here, don't really have time to post about it in detail. Kicked off by the death of my mother, but was always underlying from an unhappy childhood. Like Zig, I put it off via a cocktail of booze, nights out and gear. On top of a hugely stressful workplace. In the end caught up with me.

 

Small course of therapy, 5 x 1 sessions. Found it really good just to talk meaningfully with a professional. Also short course of drugs I took the very minimum, 6 months and wanted off. Loads of exercise helped too.

 

5 years on, healther than ever, fitter than ever, got a Masters in that time, quit bifters, drink less, found the missus, promotion and at peace with myself. I have the odd low day, but usually blitz 5 or 10k to balance me up.

 

As Bob Hoskins once said its good to talk. Although the other stuff was good too.

 

It's really more common than you think. You're in good company.

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I think it's good to talk about it even if it just helps someone who hasn't experienced it to understand what it is. I was probably a bit disparaging of it before I went through it to be honest. I'm from a generation where people were supposed to get on with stuff and pull themselves together. An awful lot of people never let on about it until the point where suddenly they commit suicide and it seems like it's out of the blue. You can't always tell someone is suffering from depression unless they do have a breakdown of some sort.

 

If you do manage to talk about it and get help, you're on the right track though.

 

Except in very, very few cases, where it's a permanent medical condition, you will get over it eventually. More so with help.

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I think it's good to talk about it even if it just helps someone who hasn't experienced it to understand what it is. I was probably a bit disparaging of it before I went through it to be honest. I'm from a generation where people were supposed to get on with stuff and pull themselves together. An awful lot of people never let on about it until the point where suddenly they commit suicide and it seems like it's out of the blue. You can't always tell someone is suffering from depression unless they do have a breakdown of some sort.

 

Yes again I agree.

 

None of my family or friends had a clue.

 

I was extremely sociable (still am), played loads of sport, always out laughing and partying.

 

But I was hiding the problem.

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Interesting. My childhood was boss, I've never smoked and taken drugs and rarely gamble or drink. Life could be better but I've always been thankful for the many good things that have happened in my life whenever something bad has happened. Life isn't perfect and it never will be.

 

That's one reason why I'll never join Facebook. Just a collection of people saying how great their life is when reality is it's all front.

 

Misanthrope me.

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In the worst grip of it, I couldn't even get out of bed most days, let alone eat, shower, take any interest in anything, or do any of the things which might have helped me to slowly rebuild my life. People talk about exercise, and it's true that it helps massively, but the problem with depression, I found, was that you just can't motivate yourself to go and do exercise. Strangely enough I did keep going on the internet and playing computer games and shit, but that's a trick of distraction. It was either that or stare at the ceiling.

 

 

It's a funny thing though; I wouldn't change what happened to me, because having gone through it, I've learned a lot about myself, and I'm not going to settle any more for things in my life which I don't want in it. I don't know exactly what made me the person I used to be, but I'm a massively changed person now as a result of that breakdown, and a much, much better one. I liken it personally to a steam valve that maybe stopped the engine from blowing up.

 

My 'strangely enough' has/was been getting out on my bike, and why its been so galling coming off it and not being able to get out.....even at my lowest, points, when I could barely get out of bed, I could get up to go out on my bike...another thing that made me feel like a fraud....'if she can get up and got out and cycle for miles, there cant be that much wrong' I sort of believed that myself but, besides the endorphin boost which I discovered only had short lived effects once I'd finished my ride, I rationalised it in times of when I was out on my bike no-one could ask anything of me....I could just sort of disappear

 

And the other bit, awful as it is and upset as I am at the thought of slipping back there now I absolutely agree with you that I wouldnt change what has happened as it has probably saved my marriage and brought me closer to my brother (and his wife) in a way that I dont know could have been achieved in any other way. It was him confiding in me that gave me permission to acknowledge my own feelings

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My 'strangely enough' has/was been getting out on my bike, and why its been so galling coming off it and not being able to get out.....even at my lowest, points, when I could barely get out of bed, I could get up to go out on my bike...another thing that made me feel like a fraud....'if she can get up and got out and cycle for miles, there cant be that much wrong' I sort of believed that myself but, besides the endorphin boost which I discovered only had short lived effects once I'd finished my ride, I rationalised it in times of when I was out on my bike no-one could ask anything of me....I could just sort of disappear

 

And the other bit, awful as it is and upset as I am at the thought of slipping back there now I absolutely agree with you that I wouldnt change what has happened as it has probably saved my marriage and brought me closer to my brother (and his wife) in a way that I dont know could have been achieved in any other way. It was him confiding in me that gave me permission to acknowledge my own feelings

 

It must actually be very difficult that the thing which gave you some relief from it ended up hurting you. I'm not surprised you're feeling low at the moment Cath. You'll get better and get out there on the bike again though, just keep hanging in there and take the support that comes your way. Seeing a professional about it will help. It gives you a lot of perspective just to articulate your feelings to someone else.

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