Ante-natal class

[VladimirIlyich]

One of our friends had a baby a few months ago' date=' she had the birthing plan all sorted, candles,plinky plinky music, birth in a pool etc. The time came and she had a 30 hr labour, drugs and plenty of screaming. Afterwards she realised she'd been a bit of twat romanticising the progress and told the wife to get drugs and get them early!

 

The midwife did mention last night that lots of women don't like to be touched at all and basically become scary mofo's. I've realised my place will be do exactly what she tells me, when she tells me.

 

Thanks for all the congrats and advise - it's appreciated. Just wondering whether to start a new thread for the baby sitting rota or just add to the Jimmy Saville thread.[/quote']

 

I'd recommend Freddie Starr but if it was a girl he'd probably marry her.

[Champ]

One of our friends had a baby a few months ago, she had the birthing plan all sorted, candles,plinky plinky music, birth in a pool etc. The time came and she had a 30 hr labour, drugs and plenty of screaming. Afterwards she realised she'd been a bit of twat romanticising the progress and told the wife to get drugs and get them early!

 

The midwife did mention last night that lots of women don't like to be touched at all and basically become scary mofo's. I've realised my place will be do exactly what she tells me, when she tells me. Question: Do you like being touched when you're in great pain?

 

Thanks for all the congrats and advise - it's appreciated. Just wondering whether to start a new thread for the baby sitting rota or just add to the Jimmy Saville thread.

 

Let me tell you there's no shortage of 'advice' (people telling you what to do), only trouble is a lot of it can be quite contradictory and to some extent you just have to do what seems right at the time...and unless you're at the point of harming the child, sometimes you have to do what you have to do

 

And here I am dishing out my own tuppenceworth....

 

As far as the birthing thing (and lots of other stuff) goes, dont beat yourselves up too much, you dont know what you dont know

 

And dont listen to Vlad, he knows nothing about the pain of childbirth (or women's tolerance of pain.....no pain relief for me bar a Tens machine...only because it all happened very quickly at the end and there was no time for pain relief)

[Fowlers God]

Also be prepared to take books, you can only read the paper once- Our last one we had to be induced for two days and I can tell you its so fucking boring- I got through Fowl88s and Ca88a's autobiographies.

[markcd]

My missus never swears but i think i got called everything under the son with our first one.

Pain relief is essential as women have got a very low pain threshold.

 

Exactly. Just after we had out first daughter, I remember getting a paper cut. Everyone knows nothing hurts as much as a paper cut, right? Try telling that to my Mrs. - Childbirth this, ripped fanny that... I ask you.

[Rico1304]

Exactly. Just after we had out first daughter, I remember getting a paper cut. Everyone knows nothing hurts as much as a paper cut, right? Try telling that to my Mrs. - Childbirth this, ripped fanny that... I ask you.

 

Ha! One bloke asked the midwife if he could relate to the pain that a woman feels, something comparable. Midwife said the best example would be renal pain, passing a stone etc. I whispered to the wife it can't be as bad as a papercut on your finger and then eating a packet of salt and vinegar crisps. She didn't laugh.

[Fowlers God]

I had really bad toothache when we had our first. There was only one winner who had the gas and air that day. Every time the nurse was out the room I was sucking on it harder than a crack whore. My blooming tooth, fuck me that hurt.

 

My Mrs has torn on both occasions and it aint a pretty site- be prepared for some horrow shows...

[jonnybastard]

Don't know how these people got the gas and air of their women, my missus was like a rabid honey badger when I tried. Congratulations by the way.

[Alan Sex]

My wife says childbirth is painful. Fuck that, I never felt a thing with any of my kids.

 

 

Oh, except the one time the nurse hit me. The wife had just spread 'em and put her feet up on the stirrups and Sexy here sez "crap, I forgot my roll of coins".

 

(Stripper reference for any virgins out there...)