Would you sleep around while in a relationship?

[Remmie]

3 minutes ago, Captain Turdseye said:

 

Looking for posts by myself containing the word ‘married’. Mulling over the idea of three nights in Vegas and if we go there we might as well just do it. 

Is it that much cheaper going for 3 nights? Some of the flight and hotel packages for 1 week are/were really good - I swear Vegas must subsidise the holiday companies.

[Captain Turdseye]

3 minutes ago, Remmie said:

Is it that much cheaper going for 3 nights? Some of the flight and hotel packages for 1 week are/were really good - I swear Vegas must subsidise the holiday companies.

 

I’ve only done a brief Google search to get an idea of prices and saw that they were starting at 3 nights. If I do decide to go I’ll definitely shop around first. 

[General Dryness]

3 hours ago, Remmie said:

I miss the tooth, worraloon.

I've had piles I've missed more than that utter cunt.

[Captain Turdseye]

On 09/05/2018 at 22:34, Captain Turdseye said:

Me and my bird became friends with a couple when our daughter was going to the same nursery as theirs about two years ago. They were, on the face of it, a really nice husband and wife, married for nine years. I started going out drinking occasionally with him and Mrs Turdseye was getting pally with her, going on dog walks, round each other’s houses for a brew and a chat, etc.

 

It wasn’t too long before my bird was coming back telling me stories about the wife. She was apparently quite brazen about having four/five men on the go all the time. It properly shocked me. Not just because she was supposed to be happily married but also because she’s a big old unit and I wouldn’t go there if you paid me. They had a chalet on the coast and she’d go away regularly for some ‘alone time’ and she’d also have blokes round while he was at work. My bird didn't really want to know because the husband is sound and it put her in an awkward position but this woman just would not shut up about being rattled by blokes off the internet.

 

Her telling me put me in an awkward position also because for all I know while I was out on the ale with him she was getting shafted in the marital bed. There was also the risk of me running my mouth after one too many.

 

They split up a couple of months ago and he’s still none the wiser. He doesn’t want to cause any grief for his daughter so she’s kept the house, the car, everything, and he’s in a shared house with a lad he’s not too keen on. She’s apparently ramped it up and is meeting anyone with a dick and no shame.

 

Now I’m going out with him a lot more regularly and Mrs Turdseye doesn’t go round her house anymore. When slagface comes to ours Mrs Turdseye asks me to hover around so she doesn’t start banging on about her sex life.

 

The trouble is, I’m starting to think of him as a real mate. If that is the case, am I obliged to tell him? I’m not sure I trust myself not to at some point while I’m pissed.

 

On 09/05/2018 at 22:59, Captain Turdseye said:

She keeps posting on Facebook from a public common in a town about 20 minutes away, adding hashtags like never forget, don’t stop dreaming, etc.

 

Asked my missus why she’s always there and apparently that’s the last place she got walloped by some army fella who cut it off with her abruptly. Travelling all that way several times a week to reminisce about being boned in a field. It’s mental.

 

On 14/05/2018 at 08:11, Captain Turdseye said:

Seen this lad down the pub last night and found out that he’s knobbing the local bike. She’s another one we met at the nursery. This one is quite open about being a spunk depository. Word has it that she promised one bloke she’d get an abortion if he bought her an iPad. So he bought her the iPad but she went ahead and had the baby anyway.

 

At least his wife tried to hide the fact she was a slag. Unbelievable.

 

On 16/05/2019 at 10:30, Remmie said:

Any update on this cheese?

 

On 16/05/2019 at 11:00, Captain Turdseye said:

Fat slag is now shacked up with some Polish bloke who’s fifteen years younger than her. Apparently he’s really controlling, doesn’t let her do anything and insists that they’re not even in a proper relationship even though he moved into her house about two days after they met.

 

He’s a weed dealer and she was briefly making skunk brownies and trying to sell them. Mrs Turdseye got a sample and it was one of the most disgusting things I’ve ever tasted. I can only describe it by saying it was like eating a bag of shit weed. Cellophane included. 

 

She came round to ours a few weeks ago crying after he made her take her dog to a shelter because he didn’t want to look after it while she was out. 

 

Meanwhile my boy has got a new missus who, as far as I’m aware, isn’t a rabid whore. He’s grown a beard, moved out of the shared flat and is living in one of the nicer parts of town. I think he’s winning. 

 

Update for you @Remmie

 

House got raided on Tuesday. Turns out they were growing ganja. Police have seized 10 plants and all their gear. As far as I know, Polish dude has been arrested and she hasn’t but she’s got to go in for a formal interview next week. 

 

But there is some better news. She’s been playing away with none other than the army man she was wistfully remembering on her visits to the field he used to bang her in! He’s back on the scene apparently and he’s only a youthful energetic 22 year old. They jumped back into their affair with much enthusiasm until he punched her in the face twice the other day. Now I suspect she’ll seek retribution by bonking eight of his mates. 

 

Stay tuned. There’ll be more when I get it. 

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

41 minutes ago, Captain Turdseye said:

 

 

 

 

 

Update for you @Remmie

 

House got raided on Tuesday. Turns out they were growing ganja. Police have seized 10 plants and all their gear. As far as I know, Polish dude has been arrested and she hasn’t but she’s got to go in for a formal interview next week. 

 

But there is some better news. She’s been playing away with none other than the army man she was wistfully remembering on her visits to the field he used to bang her in! He’s back on the scene apparently and he’s only a youthful energetic 22 year old. They jumped back into their affair with much enthusiasm until he punched her in the face twice the other day. Now I suspect she’ll seek retribution by bonking eight of his mates. 

 

Stay tuned. There’ll be more when I get it. 

Who needs some scripted bullshit soap operas with this real life gem. I'm hooked.

[Jairzinho]

She seems alright.

[TheBitch]

Pics?

[Elite]

It's like an episode of Brookside this.

[Captain Turdseye]

32 minutes ago, TheBitch said:

Pics?

 

You really don’t want them. 

[lifetime fan]

53 minutes ago, TheBitch said:

Pics?

 

I’d give her one without pics. 

[Captain Turdseye]

I’ve just checked her Facebook page and seen that she borrowed a dehumidifier from somebody last week. I’m presuming the girl who lent it to her will have to put in some sort of request at the police station if she wants it back. 

[General Dryness]

13 hours ago, lifetime fan said:

 

I’d give her one without pics. 

You'd give her one without a jonny.

[Elite]

She's probably shagging the entire barracks.

[Anubis]

20 hours ago, Captain Turdseye said:

I’ve just checked her Facebook page and seen that she borrowed a dehumidifier from somebody last week. I’m presuming the girl who lent it to her will have to put in some sort of request at the police station if she wants it back. 

 

If the girl’s fingerprints are in the system she’ll be getting pulled for helping set up the cannabis farm, if they print the dehumidifier.

 

I hope there are no children in this scenario.

[Ken Robber]

I had my first serious relationship when I was 23 and got cheated on. Wish it didn't still bother me because it was over 2 years ago but I'd be lying if it said it never gave me trust and self esteem issues as a result. Nowadays it's rare that I make a move if I fancy someone because my instinct now is to try and avoid getting emotionally attached as a defence mechanism.   

 

Cheatings a cunts trick.

[Captain Turdseye]

33 minutes ago, Anubis said:

 

If the girl’s fingerprints are in the system she’ll be getting pulled for helping set up the cannabis farm, if they print the dehumidifier.

 

I hope there are no children in this scenario.

 

One little girl, mate, same age as mine. That’s how we met them in the first place. I’ll be speaking to my mate, the girl’s dad, but I don’t think he’s got it in him to go for full custody. 

[Elite]

Is there a chance this thread could be used for evidence?

 

It'd be a first in legal history if a Mr. Turdseye got called to testify.

[Paulie Dangerously]

15 hours ago, Ken Robber said:

I had my first serious relationship when I was 23 and got cheated on. Wish it didn't still bother me because it was over 2 years ago but I'd be lying if it said it never gave me trust and self esteem issues as a result. Nowadays it's rare that I make a move if I fancy someone because my instinct now is to try and avoid getting emotionally attached as a defence mechanism.   

 

Cheatings a cunts trick.

You'll need to suppress that if you ever want to get another bird. Fake it til you are it. Don't be a soyboy betacuck. Be a Chad. 

[VladimirIlyich]

3 minutes ago, Paulie Dangerously said:

You'll need to suppress that if you ever want to get another bird. Fake it til you are it. Don't be a soyboy betacuck. Be a Chad. 

In English please.

[Paulie Dangerously]

1 minute ago, VladimirIlyich said:

In English please.

SUMO - shut up move on

 

Get over it.  

[VladimirIlyich]

3 minutes ago, Paulie Dangerously said:

SUMO - shut up move on

 

Get over it.  

In other words,man up!

[Paulie Dangerously]

10 minutes ago, VladimirIlyich said:

In other words,man up!

In 2019 every hour spent moping is an hour spent not on Tinder slaying vag. Youth of today don't know how lucky they are. 

[VladimirIlyich]

14 minutes ago, Paulie Dangerously said:

In 2019 every hour spent moping is an hour spent not on Tinder slaying vag. Youth of today don't know how lucky they are. 

'Slaying Vag.' Love it.

[Liverpool lad]

I am not sure if I have replied in this thread before but I could not afford to have an affair. 

 

I have told my girlfriend this

 

 

[VladimirIlyich]

1 minute ago, Liverpool lad said:

I am not sure if I have replied in this thread before but I could not afford to have an affair. 

 

I have told my girlfriend this

 

 

Not afford? If she is your girlfriend she is not afforded anything until she becomes your wife,is that not how it works nowadays?