Monday May 16:
Just when I thought I couldn’t love him any more than I already do, Klopp has gone and upset that fat, marshmallow headed cunt who is running the country into the ground. What a fucking man. In fairness he didn’t really say anything that should have justified Downing Street sticking their fucking oar in. He just refused to condemn the booing of the national anthem and said the real question that people should be asking is why is it happening because “our people don’t do things for no reason”.
Next thing, within an hour there’s a statement coming out and the tory media are putting out headlines like “Boris Johnson slaps down Jurgen Klopp”. Yeah I’d like to see the fat bubbling cunt try. Klopp would make mincemeat out of him in whatever setting you like. Physically or in a debate, Klopp would ruin the cunt. I really hope he does, but Johnson isn’t stupid enough to directly say anything to Kloppo.
Meanwhile, “You never know when it’s going to be your last. You go into the dressing room after the game and all of the lads are straight on their phones. I’m saying: ‘You’ve won the FA Cup - get off your phone!’” Peak Milner. What a man. He’s right too. It bothers me when you see the dressing room celebrations and players are sat there on their phones. I get it to some extent. Naby was FaceTiming his family on Saturday, which is completely understandable. Don’t be on social media though, for fucks sake. Not until later when you can post up all the videos you’ve taken so the likes of me can waste away hours just soaking everything in.
Meanwhile, Arsenal lost at Newcastle tonight. They’ll lose to Everton on Sunday too, the shit spineless fucking cowards. Not even Spurs can fuck that up now though. They only have to beat Norwich to be sure of 4th. So this is what should happen as soon as Arsenal’s fate is sealed. Julian Ward needs to fire over a bid of £40m plus a quid to activate Saka’s release clause. John W Henry should post a pic of him smoking a cigar. Then we should sign Saka and immediately loan him to Spurs. Fuck you Arsenal.
*disclaimer - if they send Everton down I will take back all of the above and will happily let them keep Saka.
Tuesday May 17:
Southampton 1 L 2. What a bunch of lads. We had to leave out virtually the whole team but the rest of the squad just went out there and kept the juggernaut rolling. I’m sure there are people who are fed up listening to Klopp and Hendo talking about how it isn’t about the team, it’s about the squad and that everyone is important. They constantly reference how the team couldn’t perform to such a high level without the back up players pushing them so hard in training every day. Klopp has often said that when we do 11 v 11 in training, the coaching staff and analysts always say “thank God we don’t have to play against them this weekend”.
A lot of people - mostly outsiders - won’t get that and will think he’s just blowing smoke up the arse of players like Minamino, Gomez, Jones, Kostas, Elliott, Rhys Williams, Divock etc but tonight we saw exactly what he means. Nine changes, all of the star names missing and we won relatively easily. 2-1 makes it sound like a contest but really it was complete dominance and their goal should never have stood. We asked on the podcast tonight where this team would finish in the league. Third or fourth would be my guess.
Everything Klopp says about the importance of the squad is true. Milner has said it too. “You should see them in training”. That’s the thing isn’t it? Our training sessions are of such a high level that the games themselves aren’t that difficult. Without the high level of training the team wouldn’t be as prepared and as intense. So those lesser lights who hardly play, they’re contributing even when they aren’t doing what they did tonight.
But we don’t see that. We only see when they play. And when they have played they’ve been fucking boss. Taki has 10 goals. Divock averages a goal every 90 minutes on the pitch. Kostas is almost as good as Robbo. Harvey is going to be amazing and I still have faith that Curtis is going be a superstar. And let’s not forget that this position we’re in, in Europe, wouldn’t have happened without Nat and Rhys. Other than his wife, those two were the first people Klopp messages after we reached the CL Final. I love that, how many other managers think like that? We’re so fucking lucky to have this guy.
We might still win the league after all. Probably not, but even if we come up short you have to love that we’ve done everything possible to make City sweat and we’ve forced them to have to win it on the pitch. They’ll have been desperate to see Southampton beat our second string tonight, but instead they now have to go out and win it themselves by beating Villa on Sunday. Chances are they will, handsomely, but it’s football and you never know.
Wednesday May 18:
Ok, you’re probably going to think less of me for this but I’m going to tell you anyway. I can’t get enough of this “Wagatha Christie” trial. On the one hand it’s pretty scandalous that a court is having to deal with this “mean girl” shit. On the other hand, it’s fucking hilarious. I can’t believe it’s actually a real thing that’s happening as it’s so petty and ridiculous. I do feel like it’s unfair putting any of this on the Rooney’s though as Vardy’s missus is so clearly 100% responsible for this whole thing. She’s a right fucking limelight seeking, money grabbing little shitehawk and Colleen has done her like a kipper with that sting operation.
All the little snippets that have come out of the trial are hilarious though.
Things like Rooney’s barrister saying “So the phone is in Davey Jones’ locker” and Rebekah Vardy saying “I’m sorry, I don’t know who he is”.
Or Vardy’s lawyer: ‘I believe you have a private Instagram too?’ Wayne Rooney: ‘Yes that’s correct.’ Vardy’s lawyer, squinting through this glasses: ‘Is that… Wazzaroon08?’ Wayne Rooney, smirking: ‘Yes, that’s correct.’
Rebekah Vardy: ‘…..if I’m being honest’ Coleen Rooney’s lawyer: (sounding exasperated) ‘I would hope you’re being honest given you’re sitting in a witness box at the High Court’
And this absolute belter. “Arguing with Coleen is like arguing with a pigeon. You can tell it that you are right and it is wrong; but it’s still going to shit in your hair.” It makes no sense whatsoever, so it’s quite fitting really.
This whole thing is so fucking stupid and pathetic but I can’t get enough of it. I wish I only was in the courtroom watching it all. The mad thing is it was Vardy who brought this thing to court and so far she’s 100% looking like the twat here. I haven’t seen a single thing that would make Colleen look bad here and she’s the fucking defendant!! Someone actually told Vardy this was a good idea and that she had a strong case.
This is equivalent to Boris Johnson taking someone to court for calling him a liar. He’d never do it because he’d have to sit there while thousands of lies are used in evidence against him. Yet Vardy’s missus has brought this case, knowing that they have access to all of her WhatsApp and texts. She must be the stupidest person in this entire fucking country. Actually no, that would have to be Jamie wouldn’t it.
On the pitch tonight Rangers lost the Europa League on penalties. I wanted them to win and was really disappointed for them. The players I mean. It’s hard to feel too sorry for the fans when you see all those Union Jacks all over the gaff, but I did still have sympathy for them because this was probably a once in a lifetime opportunity for them.
Will they ever win a European Final? Highly doubtful so this was their moment and they didn’t take it because they relied on someone with Arsenal DNA to step up in the biggest moment and he went the full Arsenal on them. Every other Rangers penalty was fucking brilliant. They up stepped “Rambo”. He needs to change that nickname immediately as it’s an insult to John Rambo, and also to our own ‘Rambo’ who was deadly from the spot.
While everyone seems quick to condemn Rangers fans for their behaviour, I feel as though its gone under the radar a bit that those Frankfurt fans caused murder at West Ham and were kicking off all over Seville these last couple of days. We have to face them in the Super Cup next season and I think there’d have been much less bother if we’d met Rangers. They might get a shock though if they unveil that “God Shave the Queen” banner. It won’t get the response they expect as we’ll be applauding it.
Thursday May 19:
It was going so well wasn’t it? I knew it was too good to be true but still allowed myself to get swept along with it. 2-0 down to Palace, Burnley leading at Villa, could it happen? No, it couldn’t. And I’m fucking gutted about it. I have no right to be. We’ve won two trophies, we’re in a Champions League Final next week and there’s an outside chance we win the title this Sunday. I shouldn’t be bothered by anything that happens at Everton and yet here I am, sulking because Everton have survived with one game left.
By the time Sunday rolls around I’ll be over it and won’t give it another thought until they struggle again next season, but tonight I feel pretty fucking down. I can’t be too angry at Palace because they’re responsible for City having 5 less points than they might have, but that tonight was still fucking shameful. That said, it’s mostly Chelsea’s fault and I’ll never forget that. I hope they go bust.
Fuck Arsenal too. And United. Shit bottling bastards.
Friday May 20:
Remember when we lost in Kyiv and Klopp was in his kitchen with his mates singing about how we'll do it next year? That was me this morning, on my own.
"We saw the relegation cup,
then the bastards fucking stayed up
but next season they’ll be going down
coz fat Frank is a tory clown”
Needs work like, but it’s the sentiment that counts. In all seriousness though, I’m really low today because of what happened last night. We’re chasing a quadruple and I’ve got a proper cob on. I know I’m just being greedy but this was so close. It was within our grasp but it slipped away and those scenes on the Goodison pitch last night have really pissed me off. If you can look at that and laugh at them for the sad cunts they are, then good for you. That’s the best way, no question. Others will look at them with pity, because it really is a fucking wretched existence being a Blue. Invading the pitch, carrying on like a little club that has just won promotion, it’s absolutely cringeworthy shit and I can’t relate to it at all.
These people come from the same city as us. They’re our family, friends, yet I look at that and can’t relate at all. I can’t imagine ever being in a situation where I’d celebrate such absolute shitness. In that position I’d have breathed a massive sigh of relief, applauded the effort from the players to come back from 2-0 down and then I’d have left the stadium resenting just how fucking shit my team is despite the club breaching every FFP rule in the book for the last few years.
I’m sure plenty of them did do that, but there’s just no self awareness there though with loads of them. That pitch invasion and the joyous scenes of celebration were just fucking appalling. I don’t even have words for it. Then you’ve got that arrogant little pigeon faced cunt Richarlison throwing shade at Carragher. I’m sure Carra found it funny and he won’t be the slightest bit arsed about it.
Me though? I’ve said for years Richarlison the biggest cunt in the league and he proves it on a weekly basis. I’m not arsed about him having a go at Carra, but I am arsed at the reason for it. What did Carra do to upset him? He said that every time he watches Everton, Richarlison goes down three or four times a game pretending to be injured when he isn’t. That’s just a fact. There’s no disputing that so what’s his fucking problem?
Carra should be getting onto the producers at Sky and slipping them a few quid to go through the archives and compile a video of Richarlison diving and feigning injury game after game. It will be a long video but it would completely nail that prick to the wall. I think the country as a whole aren’t really aware of how bad he is because Everton are so shit that nobody pays attention to them. Putting a video out there of all his embarrassing shit would be fucking ace.
Speaking of embarrassing, PSG are giving the keys to the farm to Mbappe. Basically letting him write his own cheque and giving him total control of decisions and transfers. I dread to think what his salary is going to be if he’s turning down Real Madrid. I don’t know what to think about this.
The easy thing is to say he’s taken the easy option and put money ahead of his football career. He’s better than PSG but it’s the team he supported and they’re offering him such eye watering wages it must be hard to turn that down. Ultimately I don’t really care because as soon as it became a dick measuring contest between Real Madrid and Qatar, it was none of our concern anyway.
We’ll just do what we do. Find cheaper options and turn them into superstars. See Diaz. A player who isn’t just hungry, he’s fucking starving. As talented as Mbappe is, could you see him showing the same passion, enthusiasm and general delight to just be here than Diaz has? Maybe he would, I don’t know enough about his personality and you can never overstate the Klopp effect.
PSG are a clown show though aren’t they? These fucking oil clubs have completely distorted the market and while the likes of the Premier League allow these cunts to keep buying our clubs then it’s going to continue. What we’ve done in the face of all this rampant cheating is incredible.
Speaking of which…. Burnley and Leeds are threatening to take legal action against Everton and the Premier League. Quite right too. One of them will be going down even though they’ve played by the rules and Everton haven’t. They can cook their books as much as they like, but it couldn’t be more apparent that they’ve completely disregarded the FFP regulations. They haven’t even been sneaky about it like City, they’re openly declaring fucking massive losses, three times the amount allowed.
Best case scenario is they get points deducted either now or next season. Even if that doesn’t happen though, they aren’t going to be allowed to spend any money and their squad is dogshit. There’s nothing to suggest that they’ll be any better next season, so I’ll console myself in that. Their demise is inevitable.
….and that was the week that was
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