Saturday Jun 15:
Paul Joyce RT’d something from Mbappe and LFC twitter got a mass collective hard on. Joycey was actually trending, such was the traction it got. Bet he was pissing himself. He’s probably on holiday, bevvied, and just decided to do it to see what happened.
Mbappe is in LA at the moment. He just met LeBron James and they posted some pics of it to their social media accounts. LeBron was rocking his LFC cap, which you’d assume will have been a topic of conversation as it would be weird if it wasn’t.
Does it mean anything? Nope, almost certainly not. But you never know. Fabinho is in California too, and him and Mbappe are boys from their time at Monaco. Jurgen is in the US too, running wild in Vegas. I’m talking myself into this now.
We should sign Mbappe just to show that we can. Flex our muscles a bit, you know? Show Madrid who’s the new sheriff in town. He’s their dream signing so let’s go and get him to show everyone that we’re the hottest gig in town now.
Ok ok, not going to happen, but if he does come on the market this summer then it will be interesting to see if we do try to make a pitch for him.
Speaking of Madrid though, today’s reports have them trying to get Pogba. He’s made some noises about needing ‘a new challenge’ and Madrid have apparently expressed an interest, providing certain conditions are met. Wage cut, transfer request, no agent fee and various other things that have as little chance of happening as Pogba stringing together three good games on the bounce.
It got me thinking though. Madrid are massively in debt yet they’ve spent around £300m already this summer. Their squad is huge now and they’ve got all kinds of dead wood they want to shift to raise some cash and to reduce the wage bill.
You know what should happen? Every club in Europe should get together and agree not to sign anyone from them. Leave them with that enormous wage bill and don’t let them recoup any of the massive fees they’ve spent this summer. Then complain about them to UEFA’s FFP crew. How funny would that be?
Sunday Jun 16:
Newsnow is awash with stories of Salah rejecting a £150m move this summer but that he plans to reassess in a year. It’s getting boring now. This isn’t news, it’s just stating the obvious. There’s not a chance in hell he goes anywhere this summer, but in a year he might feel like he fancies a change, or he might not.
You know the mad thing about it though, I’m not even arsed either way. For years I’ve lived with the dread of our best players leaving and whether we’d be able to cope, but now, I’m just a lot more chilled about it. Stories about Salah or Mané leaving just make me shrug. Partly because I don't think there's any chance of it happening, and partly because if it did we'd be fine.
As great as our front three are, I have no doubt whatsoever that if any of them left we’d replace them with someone just as good or even better.
The idea of Van Dijk leaving terrifies me (he can't be replaced), as does the idea of Robbo leaving (because it would break my heart). As much as I love all the other lads, I’d feel confident that we could replace them if needed. The real issue is whether they would do as well somewhere else. A lot of Klopp’s players have looked like world beaters under him and then been bang average after leaving.
Sahin, Kagawa and Coutinho all immediately spring to mind and there's probably loads more. Goetze would be another high profile one. Lewandowski and Hummels did alright but more often than not when you leave Klopp things ain't getting better for you.
So if Mo decided next year he wanted away, so be it. Get a massive wedge and go and get someone else to fill the role. That’s what we always used to do and it’s what we’d do now. Hopefully Mo's smarter than that, but if not it would be his loss.
Other reports today link us with Wilfried Ndidi and Alex McCarthy. The Ndidi link makes no sense and has to be bollocks. He’s a good player and his style would probably suit us, but with Fabinho, Henderson and Gini all able to play that holding role why the hell would be splash out on a lad who wouldn’t play?
United are also being linked with him, as well as Harry Maguire. Again. Honestly, the pair of them should stay put because Leicester will finish above United next year if they keep their squad together. The whole ‘big six’ thing has become tiresome and it would be good to see someone gatecrash it.
I wouldn’t want it to be Everton (not that they have a hope in hell anyway) and Wolves can fuck off, so that leaves Leicester. I’d like to see what Brendan could do with that squad, as there’s a lot of talent there. They need to resist the stupid money United will be desperately throwing around though.
So yeah, I’m not having the Ndidi thing at all. McCarthy though, I could see that happening. He was linked with us once before and everyone went mad because it looked like he was going to be coming in as number one, which would have been daft but not unlike us at that time. Ian Ayre was pictured having dinner with him or something, and LFC twitter hit the roof. Not sure we ever did find out what the whole thing was about.
This time though, I reckon he’d be seen as a shrewd acquisition as it’s not easy filling the back up keeper role. You don’t really want a kid, as you need young keepers to play and gain experience. You don’t really want someone over the hill either, but getting someone who still has a bit left in the tank is tricky because what pro worth his salt wants to sit on the bench? That’s why we can’t keep Mig because he isn’t a Carlo Cudicini or that Romero chump at United.
Like Mignolet, McCarthy is too good not to play, but at the same he could do a year or backing up Alisson and maybe picking up a medal or two and making good money. This would suit all parties, except Southampton fans who are sick to death of us taking their players. They should be glad it’s only their back up keeper and not…. I’m struggling here. Who have they got who’s any good?
Monday Jun 17:
Oh Man City. You really are so fucking small. So small that you need to do shit like this just so people can see you…
I’m not angry, it hasn’t wound me up, it just make me cringe for them. I think it reflects terribly on them and makes them look like the tiny sad bastards they clearly are. You know what's even worse that them tweeting that shit? Pricks describing it as them 'trolling' Liverpool. They ain't 'trolling' shit, they're just making themselves look like wankers.
I don’t think I’m over reacting here, as my stance on this kind of thing has been consistent. I didn’t like Derby’s official twitter tweaking Leeds after they beat them either. Club's shouldn't be acting like 15 year old virgins tweeting from their bedrooms thinking they're being 'edgy'.
Had a City fan account done that I wouldn’t have been arsed. It’s not the fan account though, it’s their official club twitter. Show some fucking decorum you embarrassing cunts. Coming so soon after the players were singing shit about us, this isn’t a good look for them at all. Not that they’ll be arsed. I bet they don’t even realise why this kind of thing shouldn’t happen.
No doubt they’ll do what every other soft cunt does when they say or do something that makes people think they’re dickheads. “What’s the problem, it’s just banter?” Once you start using the 'B' word you've already lost.
Also today, reports in Portugal claim we’ve had a bid rejected for Bruno Fernandes. Probably bollocks, but the link doesn’t seem to be going away so maybe it’s something to keep an eye on. There aren’t a lot of things Klopp can do to improve what we have but adding a midfielder who this season scored 32 goals and had 18 assists would probably do it. I'd rather have Coutinho back myself, but this lad sounds exciting.
Interesting speculation on the Origi situation. Apparently the club won’t let him leave this summer even if he doesn’t extend his contract. They’d let him go for free next year just to keep him around for another season. I sort of understand the logic, in the sense he cost us buttons and he’s more than paid that back with his goals this season, but if he turns down that deal I’d be getting someone else in and taking whatever I could get for Big Div. I’d probably use some of the fee to build a big fuck off statue of him outside Anfield though, the big fuckin’ hero.
Tuesday Jun 18:
Oh, here we go! Michel Platini is arrested in connection with an investigation into UEFA awarding the 2022 World Cup to Qatar. I don’t know what role he played in it and I can’t be arsed reading up on it. It’s obvious though that some shenanigans have gone on because why the fuck would you award them a World Cup over some of the other countries that wanted it?
Palms were definitely greased. Was Platini’s one of them? Who knows. I’d throw him in jail anyway though just to be on the safe side, the slimy twat.
Sheyi Ojo joins Rangers on loan, having apparently signed a five year deal with us beforehand. There’s no flies on us these days is there? No way is Ojo going to make the grade here but the way the market is these days, one good loan year can turn an unproven talent into a £25m player. Failing that, there’s always Eddie Howe.
Good luck to Ojo, hopefully he can do as well there as Ryan Kent did.
Wednesday Jun 19:
Don’t know what’s going on today and frankly I don’t care. Why? Because I was at Anfield. Sat in the Kop. Watching Bon Jovi. Does life get any better than this? Jon Bon Jovi at Anfield, talking about being at the home of the European Champions (he actually said “European league winners” but that’s ok, he’s American and not a footy fan, so I’ll give him a pass for that).
It looked like he’d borrowed Bobby’s teeth for the occasion too, which was nice. He also had the most impressive smile at Anfield this season other than Gini.
What a night though. The only way this could have been better would have been if the Proclaimers had been the supporting act. Or if Bon Jovi were supporting the Proclaimers, either works for me.
Honestly, it was fucking boss. I took Adrianna and she loved it. She too has got great taste in music, a real chip off the old block in fact. For example, they finished with a Beatles song (twist & shout) and she was fuming. “I came to hear their songs, not someone else’s. I don’t care if it's the Beatles. They should have ended on Livin' on a Prayer.”
I don’t think I’ve ever been more proud. I’ve raised her well. She said we defo need to see them again, and when I told her I don’t know if they’ll tour the UK again she said “well we’ll go to America to watch them”.
So if I’m going to pay for that I’m going to need your help. Keep those subscriptions coming folks, and can I interest you in a t-shirt perhaps….
Thursday Jun 20:
Mbappe is asked if he had to go one team on FIFA, who is he picking. Of course he picked us, because “they won the Champions League” and he thinks Klopp is great. Not only that, but he’s just recently followed Fabinho, Gerrard and Salah on instagram too. Be still my beating heart.
Today’s transfer gossip has us in for a left back from Betis who’ll cost a king’s ransom. Not likely, not unless he’s versatile and can play other positions. A more realistic link is Matt Targett from Southampton, which I guess answers my question from Sunday about who they have left that’s any good.
In other news, I started working on the summer issue of the fanzine this week and something dawned on me today. I’m not even the slightest bit bothered that we finished second in the league. The pain and frustration of not winning the title has gone. Winning the European Cup, combined with how fucking great this team is, means I’m genuinely not even arsed about it any more. I thought I'd be devastated, but I'm not even arsed. I'm just buzzing about number six and how fucking boss this team is.
It would be different if I felt like it was our last chance to do it or if the team was about to break up like it did in the past (when we lost Alonso in 2008 and Suarez in 2014). That’s not the case now. The team is still on an upward curve, we aren’t losing anyone so let the lads rest up and then let’s fucking go and get it next year, starting by smashing City in the Charity Shield.
I want to win that. I want the European Super Cup and I want the World Club Cup. Let’s fucking win everything and piss everyone off. You think this is unbearable? We haven't even started yet.
In other news, I saw that Jesse Lingard was trending on Twitter. Now, there are only really two possible reasons for this. Either he was being sold, or most likely he’d posted another fucking stupid, cringe fest video on social media.
I had a look, and it was the latter. There was one a few days ago that was terrible, but this was even worse. I’ve tried to rationalise it by questioning whether this is just an age thing and whether I’m too old to ‘get it’. It’s not that though, is it? He’s just a collossal fucking whopper isn't he? I mean look….
Jesse Lingard posted this video on his snapchat. This man definitely had about ten bottles of Ciroc before uploading this. Ole won’t be happy pic.twitter.com/BMZVqyeZJD
— Devils of United (@DevilsOfUnited) June 19, 2019
He’s just not funny. Everything he says and does makes me think he’s a massive weapon. And yet, in the grand scheme of things he’s not a bad lad. He's not out there raping or assaulting people or being a nasty horrible cunt (leave that to the politicians). In fact he seems pretty harmless. He’s just embarrassing.
I did wonder if he played for someone else whether I’d feel differently, but I honestly wouldn’t. I’d think he was a wanker regardless of who he played for, even if (God forbid) he played for us. Admittedly, because he’s a manc it goes up a notch or two but having had a look through a load of comments about him there on Twitter, even the United fans are starting to hate him.
Mind you, they only hate him because he’s shit and the team is shit. It wasn’t so long ago they were buzzing off his stupid fucking videos, the fickle twats. Speaking of which, they’ve decided the Glazers are going to get it again now. #GlazaersOut has been trending for a couple of days now. Been here before haven’t we? “Green and Gold, unless we’re good”. Knobheads.
They deserve Jesse fucking Lingard.
Tell you what though, I’d be having words with Trent and telling him to keep a healthy distance between himself and this clown. About 30 miles should do it.
By the way, it’s being lost in all this, but Rashford is a complete helmet as well. It just goes under the radar because he’s not in the same league as Lingard or Pogba.
Imagine having knob heads like them in your squad. The worst thing we have to worry about is Big Dejan occasionally letting his mouth run away with him, but unlike those three he is genuinely funny, irrespective of whether he means to be.
Friday Jun 21:
Adrianna won an award at school last night and we had to go to the presentation. I was proud, but not as proud as I was the other night at the Bon Jovi concert. The reason I mention this isn’t to boast about my superswat kid, it’s to tell you about something that really tickled me. One of the lads who won an award was called Benitez. I don’t mean his surname either. His first name was Benitez.
I quickly did the maths and he’d have been conceived when we were European Champs sometime around early 2006. Class that. Can’t wait until these awards in 12 years time when a lad called Klopp Jones or something is cleaning up.
The main story was today was Torres retiring. I couldn’t be any more indifferent to him. I hated him for a while but that passed a long time ago. I think I softened to him when he refused to score in 2014 and squared it to Willian instead. He was professional enough to not fuck up the chance, but respectful enough to not be the one who put the nail in our title coffin.
I think that’s probably the moment I stopped hating him, because after the shit we'd given him (justifiably so, mind) he could have put that chance away and rubbed our noses in it. He didn't, and that has always stuck with me.
There’s no affection there though. He downed tools in his last year with us. I know we were a mess and he’d probably been lied to and promised all sorts. He was well within his rights to leave but unlike Mascherano and Suarez (and Coutinho too), he let his unhappiness show in his performances as well as his attitude. And he went to fucking Chelsea.
Still, if it hadn't happened then we'd never have been treated to this amazing banner Chelsea made for him. Remember this one? They basically nicked ours but made it blue, and didn't realise it had the Shankly Gates on it.
Chelsea were Man City when Man City were playing grudge matches against Oldham and Gillingham.
and that was the week that was…
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