Monday Jul 25:
Didn’t do one of these last week because there wasn’t anything happening. Then as the week drew to a close loads went down. David Moores died. I don’t really have anything to say about that other than to offer condolences to his family. His house is about 2 minutes from mine but I’ve never seen him out and about which I always thought was weird. Maybe he’s been in poor health for a while. RIP anyway.
Also last week, we had a 5-0 friendly win in Leipzig in which Nunez scored four. I do have things to say about that. Only one of the goals actually impressed me. Three of them were very much in the “Darren Bent finishes” category. The keeper should have saved two of them (one from the spot) and Darwin almost missed the easiest of the chances and it went in off the post. His second goal was a lovely finish though. My point here isn’t to downplay what he did though. It’s more a case of showing the folly of this judging players on pre-season stuff.
He was being ripped by rival fans for not scoring in a couple of short appearances. That was ridiculous. Now he scored four in a half there’s a temptation to go overboard and read way too much into that. Don’t do it. It means fuck all. Let’s wait and see how he does when the real stuff starts and then we can judge. These games mean nothing.
That said, I’ve seen enough of Carvalho to know he’s going to be a fucking superstar and I’m also really struggling to hold off on declaring Stefan Bajcetic the next big thing. He looks really good so far for 17. I don’t think he’s even played in the 21s yet. Looks to be some prospect though.
Staying with the pre-season theme and how results mean nothing, look at Everton. Last week their fans were laughing at us for losing 4-0 to Manchester United. A few days ago they lost 4-0 to… Minnesota United. You just can't write this shit. That might just be the most Everton thing ever.
It was their strongest line up too. Pre-season results mean fuck all but there’s still something about this one that sets off alarm bells. 4-0 to an MLS team isn’t good. They’re fucked aren’t they? The only thing that can save them this season is if the newly promoted clubs really stink. If one or two of them are decent, then it’s bye bye Everton.
Tuesday Jul 26:
The lads are enjoying themselves in Austria. The videos of all the latinos (plus Kostas) fishing was great. Better than the photos anyway, which were misleading to say the least. Nunez and Diaz both posing with a fish that Alisson caught was some sneaky shit. The glory was Alisson’s but the forwards were being typical forwards. What they did was akin to chasing a goal bound shot and getting a touch as it went over the line.
This picture of Alisson though might be the most dripping with testosterone thing I’ve ever seen. It’s got everything. The mountains and the lake in the backdrop, the shirtless, bearded macho man handling a huge fish that he’d caught. In years gone by he’d have been doing that to provide food for his family, but knowing Alisson he will have given that sturgeon a little kiss on the nose and sent it swimming on its merry way. What a man he is.
He’s got some serious competition in the most rugged man at the club stakes though, as Milner has been growing a beard. He really suits it too. He’s only been growing it a week or two but it’s already thicker than if I’d went unshaven for six months. By the time the season starts he’ll look like he could be in ZZ Top.
Great to see Darwin letting his hair down too. Literally. That stupid man bun thing he has during games does him no favours. When his hair is free flowing, wow. Spectacular. Ditch the man bun and go with an alice band, lad.
Meanwhile, these extracts from Ljinders book have got me way too excited. I honestly this might be the best footy book ever written and I’m basing that in a couple of extracts and what Ljinders himself is telling us its about. I’ve never looked forward to a book coming as much as this. All the behind the scenes stuff we don’t know about, his tactical analysis of different games we’ve played and all the insight he’ll give us into how Klopp operates, this is going to be like nothing we’ve ever seen before and I can’t fucking wait.
Wednesday Jul 27:
Salzburg 1 L 0 The performance was quite good, especially the second half, but we couldn’t score. We were sloppy in the first half and wide open to counter attacks, and their goal was brilliant. Really good football that. They were decent, they’re a really young team and chances are one or two of them will play for us one day as we seem to do a lot of business with the Red Bull clubs.
Our finishing was a bit shit but at least we played well enough to create the openings. I’m sure Diaz is eventually going to click in front of goal and have a 30 goal season (like Suarez did), but who knows if that will be this year or if it will take longer. When that happens we’ll probably win the league because Mo will also be hitting 30.
It’s weird that we can beat the real Red Bull team 5-0 and then lose 1-0 to the sugar free one, but it means fuck all. We’ve lost two games already in pre-season now but it has no bearing on what will happen this weekend or the week after when the official stuff begins. We didn’t look sharp tonight but that’s probably due to Klopp running them into the ground the day before. Shit, for all we know they might have even had a gruelling session a few hours before the game. It wouldn’t be the first time.
It does seem like a bit of a rushed pre-season this time. I might be wrong but it feels like it’s all starting too quickly and we haven’t had enough time to prepare. Don’t we usually play six or seven games? We’ve had four this time. There’s a game planned for the day after we play City, which is a great idea as it means the squad players will get the minutes they need. Apparently there’s a friendly arranged for the day after we play Fulham too, which again has to be to get minutes for the likes of Gomez, Milner, Jones, Kostas etc
We don’t usually do this so it all just seems a bit rushed. This season is gonna be weird because of that stupid fucking world cup.
Thursday Jul 28:
Everton have signed Dwight McNeill hahahahahaha. Fucking hell, I’ve been saying how shit he is for years so this has made my day. £20m they’ve paid. For a winger who scores one or two goals a season. I dubbed him Dwight Downing in the round ups but that was well harsh on Stewy as he’d normally score five or six a season.
I think one of the things I hate most about football is wingers who never score. Absolutely stealing a living they are, the fucking shysters. If you play that high up the pitch you have to be getting double figures or you’re basically a passenger in my eyes.
For a club with massive debts and struggling to stay within the constrains of FFP I’m not sure how they’ve been allowed to squander half the Richarlison cash on this chump, but I’m not complaining. McNeill and Tarkowski are going to be relegated in consecutive seasons, the pair of dickheads.
United have made a signing too. A centre half who is about the same size as Harvey Elliott. I’m sure that’s going to go well for them.
Where’s all this Bobby to Juve talk coming from? There’s just no way this is happening. If he was leaving the summer it would have happened already. He’s still here because he isn’t leaving until his contract is up. He might even get a new one depending how this year goes, but I knew he was staying as soon as Nunez kept name-checking him in his first interview after signing. If Bobby was leaving, Nunez would have been given a heads up on that and wouldn’t have been saying how much he’s looking forward to playing with him and learning from him.
Friday July 29:
Klopp shits all over the Bobby leaving talk. He didn’t say anything about a new contract but he’s defo here for this year and Klopp called him ‘the heart and soul’ of everything we do. Hey Jurgen, 2019 called, it wants its Firmino description back. How cool would it be if he did have a renaissance though?
Ox is going to be out until October. It’s the first injury he’s had in about two years but he’s got that reputation for always being crocked so it feels like “not again”. The bad news for him is he’s going to miss the early rounds of the League Cup and that was basically the only chance he had of getting a game. I doubt we’ll see him in the league at all.
How can Robbo and Harvey train every day in vest tops yet still have golf tans? It’s mad, they’ve got normal, tanned arms up the elbow and then somehow they’re still translucent when you get above that. They must be hammering the factor 50.
Finally, the Wagatha Christie case verdict is in and as expected, Rebekah Vardy lost. I still can’t get my head around how this ended up in court. She was actually the one who wanted this to go to court even though she literally had no fucking case and was never going to win. Every single bit of evidence that was heard made her look a cunt.
She’s squandered a shitload of cash on this and embarrassed her husband in the process. He’s going to get shit at every stadium he goes to now. All because she was a busy, greedy cunt on social media. What the fuck is wrong with people?
….and that was the week that was
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