Saturday Feb 22:
Hahaha Timo Werner is a case isn’t he? As if the interview the other night wasn’t enough of a hint he doubled down on it today in an interview with Sky Germany in which he hailed Klopp as the world’s best coach and then insisted that everyone knows he’s a perfect fit for how Klopp likes to play. What’s next? Breaking out in Allez Allez Allez maybe? This is even more blatant than Torres sending us a come and get me plea by wearing an armband with YNWA on it.
More transfer speculation as Alex Bruce - son of Steve - reckons we’ll sign Todd Cantwell and he compared him to Jack Grealish and James Maddison. All three have something in common in that they look like massive twats. Where they differ is that in the case of Grealish looks can be deceiving, but the other two are exactly what it says on the tin. And the tin says ‘Twat’. Diving twats, although Cantwell is marginally less of a twat than Maddison. We’d better not fucking sign him though.
Speaking of Grealish, he was asked about rumours linking him with us and United. “Of course it’s nice.
Who doesn’t like to be talked about in a nice way? But, to be honest, I try and take everything with a pinch of salt. I had it all five years ago when I broke through and I was getting talked about a lot. I was 19 years old, going online reading about myself and I couldn’t believe it.
“I was in the papers all the time and they were asking: ‘Is this the new big thing?’ Then just one thing goes wrong and it all comes down on you like a ton of bricks. It is nice to read and nice to listen to, but I don’t let it get to me too much, because I know how quickly it can change.”
“I can’t help but think of playing for England because that is what I want to do. I hope I have done enough but I also think I can perform better and that is the God’s honest truth. People on the outside might say I am doing well, but I know for a fact I can do better and score more goals and get more assists.”
“What will be hard at the moment is with the position I am playing in at the moment, people would probably say I am playing as a winger. If you look at England’s wingers, I doubt I would have much of a chance of starting in front of [Raheem] Sterling, [Jadon] Sancho and [Marcus] Rashford, who are all unbelievable players!
“I’ve always said my favourite position would be playing in midfield. That is where I would love to play for England. It is where I would want to play for Villa, but it just so happens at the moment I am playing well in the position I am in and it is better for the team.”
I really don’t want to like Grealish but it’s proving impossible not to. I love his attitude and he’s just not the wanker I always thought he was. I don’t think we have room for him as I wouldn’t want to impede the progress of Jones, but if another spot opened in midfield (if they decided to give up on Keita for example) then I’d be well up for us signing this lad. Who’s with me? Anyone?
Sunday Feb 23:
This Barcelona thing is mad. They’ve signed someone called Martin Braithwaite. I hear that name and immediately think “lower league Yorkshireman, probably plays for Rotherham” but this is Barcelona so obviously it’s not. So I assumed he must be one of those random South American lads with weird English sounding names. I assumed wrong. He’s actually Danish. He did play for Middlesbrough until fairly recently though, and he’s 28, so he may as well be some lower league chump.
But Barcelona have signed him. And that isn’t even the maddest part. They signed him while the window was closed due to a loophole that allows you to sign players if you have injury problems. So the mighty Barcelona signed him from lowly Leganes by activating a release clause. And that still isn’t the maddest part. The maddest part is that Leganes are not allowed to sign a replacement. How fucked up is that?
Barca have got Messi and Griezemann and that Fati kid who is meant to be the next big thing, but they’re allowed to take the best player from a relegation threatened club who aren’t allowed to sign a replacement because they don’t have an injury crisis. What a fucking joke.
Just what the fuck has happened to Barca’s famed academy though if they can’t promote someone from there to sit on the bench? They must be in even worse shape than I thought they were.
Monday Feb 24:
L 3 West Ham 2. Fucking hell. With a 22 point lead it shouldn’t be stressful watching us but this winning run and unbeaten streak has really cranked up the pressure I’m feeling every game now. We can afford to lose but if it happens it’s going to really sting. At least the first one will. After that it won’t be anywhere near as bad as the record will have gone, but while we’re still going for it these games are not fun at all.
We weren’t good tonight and there was a large slice of luck in all three goals. Yet there’s just something inevitable about this team. They’re going to find a way no matter what. Those two second half goals were just forced through sheer bloody mindedness. They refuse to accept anything other than wins.
Bit worrying how shit we’ve been since the break though. It feels like the same thing happens to us every year at this time. I know there haven’t been any ‘official’ breaks before, but we usually get knocked out of the FA Cup and have a couple of weeks without a league game, and we always look way off it for a few games when we come back. Same thing has happened this time.
Still, at least we didn’t let Moyes put a dent in our record as that would have been hard to swallow. Instead we kept him right in the relegation mire. Really hope they go down, just because of Moyes and the owners. Other than that, I’ve got no beef with West Ham and I do feel sorry for their fans. Other than Everton and United, I’d feel sorry for anyone who had Moyes forced upon them.
Also today, the u23s beat Sunderland 6-0 as Curtis Jones bagged a hat-trick. I keep saying it, but he’s fucking fantastic. I have no doubt whatsoever he’s going to make it here and if I’m being honest I’m a little annoyed at how he’s being held back. When I see him playing at this level I just think it’s unfair on the opposition because no-one can get near him.
I said last week he looks like Zidane when he plays in these games. Just strutting around with he ball glued to his foot. I regret saying that now as it’s overly flattering. To that over-rated bald turd. Yeah I said it. Come at me, I’ll take you all on because I’m right.
Going back to Curtis though, to me it makes far more sense to have him on the bench for the first team and get him on whenever there’s an opportunity to do so. No disrespect to Lallana, but if he’s leaving this summer then why not have Jones in the squad instead of him, at least for run of the mill league games. I’m fine with going with Lallana in Europe in case he’s needed, but Jones is special and we need to bring him through.
Tuesday Feb 25:
I watched Napoli v Barca tonight. Well, I started to. Then I got bored. It was fucking dire. You could have thrown a coat over Napoli’s ten outfield players as they were so bunched together in the middle of the field. That’s not a criticism, being horrible to play against is their schtick and they do it well. It doesn’t make for much of a spectacle though, so I switched it off and put the Chelsea game on.
I’m glad I did as Bayern were a joy to watch. Fuck me, they completely took Chelsea and Lampard to school. It was men against boys. Any time I see Gnabri (in other words, any time he plays us or another English side in the CL) he looks sensational. How was he so shite at Arsenal? I know he was just a kid, but if he had it in him to be this good why the fuck did they let him leave. He went on loan to West Brom too and Pulis didn’t want him. Probably failed the height test.
Bayern just had pace all over the park and they made Chelsea look slow and ponderous. Speed kills and in the modern game I wouldn’t even entertain the idea of signing a player who isn’t quick.
The young flying machine at left back was sensational. I’d never heard of him before tonight but he’s now officially my favourite non-LFC player after I saw a video he made where he recreated the ‘Backstreet Boys’ scene from Brooklyn Nine Nine. Tremendous stuff, he even changed his outfit for each of the different characters. I can’t even tell you how impressed I was with that.
Lampard was asked afterwards if he learned anything from the game and he said along the lines of it was nothing to do with tactics, it was about the quality of the players and they are better than us. He’s not wrong, but that reeked of Mourinho. Bayern have better players than Chelsea but Lampard is a rookie coach at this level and that plays a part too. I’m surprised he absolved himself of all blame as he’s usually better than that. Maybe he’s feeling the pressure.
Meanwhile, Pogba’s attempts to force his way out of Old Trafford plumbed new depths today as he went to the extreme of saying how boss the Reds are. If that doesn’t work nothing will.
Also today, Man City’s players left for Madrid (a sign of things to come, if ‘Razza’ has his way) and they were wearing double denim. I have no idea what the fuck was going on there, but if that two year UEFA ban wasn’t enough to make their best players consider their future then surely this will. Klopp should have Divock on the blower to De Bruyne telling him we’d never make him wear shit like that.
Wednesday Feb 26:
Ok, Alphonso Davies’ run as my favourite non-LFC player didn’t last long. It’s now Patrick Bamford. Yes, the same Patrick Bamford I’ve been ripping for years in the PL Round Ups. Why the change of heart you ask? Jon Bon Jovi, that’s why. The great man was on Talksport this morning (no, I don’t know why either) and it turns out that Bamford is a massive fan and plays their songs to get himself up for games.
I now feel like a massive turd for all the years of scorn I’ve had towards him for no real good reason. For those who’ve forgotten, my long standing beef with Bamford was down to him repeatedly refusing to sign for me on Footy Manager back in the day (and also because he looked like he could be the leader of the Young Conservatives. He was the original Todd Cantwell). Of course it’s completely irrational but in my defence I’ve hated players for much less over the years.
I’m not the only one who irrationally hates players though. Do a twitter search for Mark Noble and check out the hate directed at him. Why? I don’t get it. What’s so loathsome about Mark Noble that so many people can’t stand him? Of course I see things to take the piss out of him for, and I can’t look at him without thinking “Gawd bless ‘im. He loves his dear old mum and the Queen”. He’s the ultimate Eastender, but he’s harmless enough and seems like a really good lad.
I saw him today on the Inside Anfield video and it just reaffirmed what I thought of him. Great pro, sound lad, loves his club (and his dear old mum and obviously her Majesty). They always show the bit where the captains and managers go to meet the ref pre-game, and Noble fucking loves Klopp. I noticed it on the ‘Inside West Ham’ video LFCTV put out after the game at their place, and here he was again.
He greeted Virg warmly and then he sees Klopp and says “Alright boss” and goes in for a big hug. Klopp loves him too, you can see it. There are some opposition players who you can tell Jurgen really has a lot of time for and Noble is one of them. Why? Because he’s just a good pro who’d do anything for his club. I like Mark Noble. There. I said it. Come at me if you like coz I don’t give a fuck. Noble > Zidane.
It’s mad how much he’s hated though (by fans of all manner of clubs) considering how insignificant he and West Ham are in the grand scheme of things. You know who hates him the most though? West Ham fans. He is to them what Hendo was to our moronic element before he silenced most of them by captaining us to the European Cup. Poor old Mark isn’t going to be lifting Big Ears any time soon though so the criticism of him will continue.
I don’t know why it bothers me but it does. West Ham are fucking shite and the reason for that is because they don’t have enough Mark Nobles. For years they’ve wasted money on shite players who are only there for a payday, but it’s the lad who bleeds claret and blue who gets most of the stick. Footy fans are proper weird.
On the pitch tonight, City beat Madrid and have one foot in the next round now. I despise Real almost as much as I do City so I can’t say I cared too much who won this one. I started out just about rooting for Madrid but I didn’t feel good about it because I fucking hate them. That hatred intensified the longer this went on, because I was getting wound up by how shit they are.
They’re absolute fucking garbage. If they played in the Premier League they’d be in the same sort of situation that Spurs, United and Arsenal are in. Floundering around with everyone wondering how the fuck they got so shit so quickly. It was obvious to me in the first half that City would win and the only surprise was that Madrid actually managed to score first.
City deservedly came back and won it but now I’m fuming about it because we won’t get the chance to get revenge on Madrid for two years ago. If we were to play them, we’d murder them. Our FA Cup team would probably take them out. With our first eleven it wouldn’t even be a contest. They couldn’t live with us in any area of the pitch. They were pitiful tonight and it shows what a massive bald fraud Zidane is that Gareth Bale can’t get in his team when he’s by far the best player at the club.
They’re a mixture of over the hill superstars (Modric, Ramos, Benzema etc), youngsters who might become top players but aren’t there yet (Vinicius, Rodrygo, Valverde), and bang average slapdicks who are massively over-rated because of who they play for (Carvajal, Casemiro, Vasquez). We’d have twatted them everywhere and it’s hugely frustrating that we won’t get the opportunity.
Still, no point dwelling on what might have been. Knocking City out again would be just as satisfying. We just need to get past Atletico first.
Thursday Feb 27:
Vinicius Jr: "I hate to say it but the referee was against us last night. This is the sad reality, the referees are always against Real Madrid. I don't know why but we never get any decisions. It's a historic thing against Real Madrid."
*checks date* It’s not April Fools day so what the fuck is this soft cunt on about? “A historic thing against Real Madrid”. Jesus Christ. I think I want City to put ten past them in that second leg now you know. Ok maybe, not, but it has annoyed the fuck out of me.
I’m the first one to cry foul when City are getting dodgy decisions, but there was fuck all suspicious in that game last night. Madrid were just a big pile of sloppy shit.
Friday Feb 28:
Ok so you know that Standard Chartered ad with the CGI Bob Paisley was one of the worst things ever? Well just when I thought the club couldn’t possibly be anymore cringeworthy, they made half a dozen of the lads show off their ‘acting’ skills to promote the club’s new official coconut milk partner….. and totally redeemed themselves!
It was great. Absolute gold. The acting from all of them was surprisingly good and it was genuinely funny. I knew Robbo would be great as he loves this shit and is an absolute natural, but who knew Hendo could pull off something like that? I’ll admit, I would have expected him to be almost as wooden as Rushy, but he wasn’t.
Curtis Jones was well more comfortable than I’d have expected too. Great performance from him. The undisputed star though was Matip. You never normally see him doing anything like this, but he needs his own weekly slot now. “Fun facts with Joel”. Get it done. As soon as he started talking I just burst out laughing.
I’ve heard him speak before so his voice didn’t surprise me, but it was still fucking hilarious the way he just chimed in with those random facts. It was too funny. On the outtake video that was released all of the lads reacted exactly the same way I did. Joel does his bit, there’s a split second’s pause and then every one of them creased up. Joel is baffled, he got his lines spot on and he’s throwing up his arms and asking “what?”. That just made it even funnier.
Great job by all, well played.
Meanwhile, there’s some scare mongering that this Corona Virus thing could cause the season to be cancelled before we’ve won the title. Won’t happen. The season can’t be cancelled, and it’s got nothing to do with us as I’m sure there are plenty who would be delighted to see us miss out. You know why the season can’t be cancelled? Because of promotion and relegation.
The likes of Leeds and West Brom would be losing out on incredible amounts of money if they were denied promotion, while there’s no way, say Norwich for example, would be allowed to stay up for another season at the expense of Championship clubs. There’s too much money at stake and money always talks louder than anything else. So even if the games ended up being played behind closed doors, they’d still be played.
It’s mad though that I’ve seen comments on social media hoping for a global epidemic that would kill millions, just to deny us a league title. Completely warped. And they complain that we’ll be unbearable when we win it. For thirty years we’ve had cunts being unbearable because we couldn’t win it. So yeah, it’s payback time.
and that was the week that was….
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