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Premier League Round Up (Sep 21-22 2018)

As long as we’re winning it doesn’t really matter what anyone else does but it’s always amusing to see United struggle, just as it’s incredibly frustrating to see City continue to just roll over everyone.

 

Thank God for Wolves who managed to take two points off City before also going to Old Trafford and frustrating United too. I’ll get to that shortly, but I’ll kick things off with City and a thoroughly predictable routine thrashing off Cardiff. 

 

I have no idea what the fuck Cardiff were doing though really. I mean I know it’s tough playing City, but look at how they lined up for the first goal. The defenders were in a line deep in their own box and the midfielders were in a line about 25 yards out. City’s players just stood in between them passing the ball to eachother and eventually Aguero scored. It was obvious from that point it was going to be a long afternoon for the newly promoted side.

 

City’s second came from a corner they should never have had though. The Cardiff keeper caught a cross and was adjudged to have taken it over the line. He didn’t. If it was over the line then it was over from the initial cross. Not that it would have made any difference to the overall result, but City are so good they don’t need this kind of help so it’s fucking annoying to see.

 

Gundogan scored a brilliant third and Mahrez came off the bench to add a couple more. City were brilliant but Cardiff made it much more difficult for themselves by the mistakes they made. They were never going to get anything from the game but a lot of the damage was self inflicted. I don’t think they even had a shot and City won’t have an easier game this season, except maybe when they play Everton, (depending on how close we are to City at the time, obviously). 

 

Warnock was smiling and laughing again afterwards. He’s the most relaxed manager in the league right now, he genuinely doesn’t seem to give a fuck, and why should he? Like i said last week, he’s playing with house money this season.

 

Lee Peltier plays for Cardiff. I didn’t know that. I used to watch him at the Academy. Him and Danny Guthrie were the stand outs from that team. I really thought Guthrie would have had a much better career than he’s had though. He’s playing in Indonesia now, which seems like a waste to me as he should still be playing in the Premier League.

 

Peltier has had to come up the hard way but he’s here now so good for him. The one thing I remember most about him was he was a ferocious tackler who frequently got himself into bother in ressies games because of it. He’s playing for Neil Warnock now though, so that won’t be a problem. In fact it’s probably why he’s there.

 

Bournemouth have been having a great season while Burnley have been abysmal and were rock bottom going into the game. Naturally, it ended 4-0 to Burnley. Funny old game eh? Bournemouth had 67% possession but they didn’t take their chances and Burnley did.

 

Vydra and Lennon scored twice in a couple of minutes just before half time and they never looked back. Ashley Barnes added a couple in the second half and they moved off the bottom. Barnes might be almost as important to Burnley as Zaha is to Wilfried Palace.

 

Eddie Howe used to manage Burnley for two years, apparently. I never knew that. I thought he’d been at Bournemouth his whole career. How old was he when managed Burnley then? He just have been about fucking 12. Genuinely shocked by this news.

 

Meanwhile, Spurs had a spawny win at Brighton. They didn’t play well but they were given a gift when Glen Murray put his arm up and blocked a free-kick to concede a pen, which Kane converted. It was a pen as his arm was outstretched, but it was cheap because if it hadn’t hit Murray’s arm it would have hit the guy next to him in the wall. Needless, just keep your arm down and don’t be a shithouse.

 

My boy Knockaert should have equalised but shot straight at the keeper and that boy band looking cunt Lamela came off the bench to add a second. Proper fucking hate him you know. The twat.

 

Brighton continued to make a fight of it and Knockaert pulled one back with a fine solo effort. He had a chance to equalise right at the death too but his shot was too close to the keeper. Important win for Spurs after three straight defeats though.

 

Kane was interviewed afterwards and it’s mad, because he actually sounds more and more like a Darren Farley impression of him with each passing week. It’s uncanny, it’s like he’s doing it deliberately. The slobbering and the excessive use of the word ‘obviously’. I think he’s trolling us all, the big slobbering goon.

 

Elsewhere, Huddersfield took the lead at Leicester when Jorgenson fired home following a set-piece. Leicester equalised on the counter attack when somehow Huddersfield sent everyone forward and had no-one back when Vardy and Iheanacho broke. The latter found the bottom corner with a smart finish, but you’ll struggle to see more irresponsible defending than that anywhere all season.

 

That cart horse Depoitre made a pigs arse of a one on one with Schmeichel, and Maddison then made him pay with brilliant free-kick. He’s a player that lad, I like him a lot. Vardy’s cool lob wrapped it up for Leicester late on. Huddersfield are really bad aren't they?

 

Fulham and Leicester played out an entertaining 1-1 draw at Craven Cottage. Watford were dominant in the first half and Andre Gray put them ahead in just the second minute. They missed several chances and were denied a pen when the lively Will Hughes went down. Martin Atkinson did them no favours at all as he also allowed Fosu-Mensah to stay on after a bad lunge on my boy Troy.

 

Fulham were great in the second half and Mitrovic was a real handful. He scored one, hit the bar with another effort and also put a header just over. Five goals for him already this season. I’ve watched him quite closely and I have to say he’s pretty fucking good. He’ll get close to 20 goals this season I reckon.

 

Mad that Newcastle fucked him off from Newcastle and replaced him with Joselu. That Mike Ashley, eh?

 

Speaking of the Geordies, Rafa took his exciting brand of attacking football to Selhurst Park and came away with a 0-0. He can thank Big Mama for that though. What a shocking miss that was. Fucking hell, he's shite isn't he? Still can't believe I never saw it.

 

Zaha is now trying to referee games himself. Any tackle that came in on him was met with a quizzical  “Are you gonna let them do that?” look to the officials. Getting a little big for his boots is Wilf.

 

Now to the comical goings on at Old Trafford. I completely neglected to mention United’s win at Watford in last week’s round up. It wasn’t a deliberate oversight, what actually happened was I didn’t watch it live (I never do) and because I knew they won I forwarded through the highlights on MOTD.

 

Usually I’ll make passing reference to it but it slipped my mind entirely, probably because they aren’t on my radar anymore as they’re already eight points behind us and choking on our dust.

 

I’ll give them their due attention this week though, in part because I watched their highlights due to them not winning, but also because they’ve been the biggest headline makers all week through one thing and another.

 

It started with them being held at home by Wolves. It could have been worse as Wolves outplayed them. De Gea came to their rescue several times and Wolves looked really good once again. Fred put United in front when he lashed in after an exquisite lay off from Pogba. Moutinho’s terrific finish levelled it and if Adama Traore had any sort of end product Wolves would have won.

 

This was Ferguson’s first game back after his health problems and you had to feel for him. The poor bastard battled back from death’s door to have to sit through THIS?

 

They’re in crisis and at each others throats. The two main protagonists - as they have been since the summer - are Mourinho and Pogba.

 

Basically it seems to be this:

 

Pogba got ideas above his station after the World Cup and decided he was too good for Manchester United. My two cents is that he’s not too good for Manchester United. To me he wouldn’t even be too good for Wolves, but that’s not really relevant.

 

He doesn’t like Mourinho’s style of football or his man management. He’s dead right on both counts here to be fair. 

 

Barcelona wanted him but United wouldn’t let him go, no doubt in part due to the fact that Barcelona don’t have the money to buy him. Spain’s big two can’t bully English clubs anymore because they’ve got the spending power of a Leicester or Crystal Palace these days.

 

Mourinho for his part, is sick of Pogba attracting headlines and being built up to be something he clearly isn’t. The lad is talked about like he’s Michel Platini, when really he’s just the most overhyped player in world football. Moments of brilliance, moments of dog shit, but millennials and people who’s knowledge of football comes from playing FIFA think he’s boss.

 

Pogba went public to criticise Mourinho’s tactics, so Mourinho took the vice captaincy off him and now you have United privately badmouthing Pogba in the media trying to make him look like a poor professional and bad influence in the dressing room. Apparently he was playing his music ‘too loud’ on the team coach before the Wolves game. He also had the temerity to travel straight from a game at Burnley to the airport (to join up with France) instead of getting the coach back to Manchester with his team-mates and then travelling to the airport. 

 

If this is the worst they can smear him with then it looks like Pogba isn’t really any problem, at least off the pitch anyway. He’s still bang average on it and not worth what they paid for him. United are reportedly irked that Pogba comes to training in a chauffeur driven Rolls Royce. This is fucking hilarious. They knew exactly what they were getting. He’s a flash cunt and always has been. Seems it’s only a problem when he isn’t living up the ridiculous hype they helped create around him. 

 

If he wants to have a chauffeur drive him round in a roller that’s up to him. United pay him so much money that he can afford to do it, so they’ve got some balls taking issue with that.

 

Mourinho apparently said to him in a team-meeting “you’re good but you’re not special”. He’s right, but Pogba could have thrown the exact same line back at him. Apart from him being good, as he isn’t even that anymore. He’s yesterday’s man. At least Pogba is still relevant. Now there’s talk that Pogba is leading a dressing room rebellion.

 

The whole thing is just hilarious to me, but in terms of picking a side I find it difficult because they’re both right. Mourinho’s football is turgid and doesn’t play to Pogba’s strengths, while Pogba is nowhere near as good as he thinks he is and should probably keep his mouth shut.

 

Really they should be keeping it in house and not airing their dirty laundry in public, but then that wouldn’t be anywhere as much fun for the rest of us so long may this continue.

 

Onto Sunday now, and I fancied West Ham to do us a favour against Chelsea, but that was before I knew Arnautovic wasn’t playing. When I saw that he was missing I had it down as a routine win for Chelsea, but I was wrong. West Ham deserved their point and should actually have won it, only Yarmolenko channeled his inner Sakho and missed an open goal with a back post header. Shocking that.

 

West Ham defended well. They were rarely in any kind of trouble and Chelsea were a bit too predictable. Hopefully they play like that again this weekend, because if they do we’ll spank them. You just know that little fuck Hazard will be right back on form after doing nothing against West Ham.

 

I mentioned last week about what a weird looking cat that Sarri is with his weird baggy t-shirts. My mum said the other day that he looks like an escaped con who stole some random clothes off a washing line.

 

Finally, Everton lost at the Emirates. They always do to be fair, they haven’t won at Arsenal since the 90s, which means they must have never won at the Emirates. They actually played really well but they’ve got Calvert-Lewin leading the line and the only thing he’s any good at is conning referees. Without that he’s useless.

 

Watching how easily they sliced through Arsenal just had me thinking about what our lads will do to that Arsenal defence. Telling yer, I was slobbering like Harry Kane.

 

They do have some firepower though. Lacazette’s finish for the first goal was a belter. Fucking good player him. Aubameyeng made it 2-0 with a close range finish. He was a yard offside and somehow the linesman failed to spot that. Funny that, usually Jon Moss’ linesman can’t wait to get involved by sticking his flag up. The busy cunt.

Edited by TLW


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Love the main picture , was watching the game live & the poor winger shit himself when Mitrovic grabbed him & bellowed in his face , after scoring.

 

Love your mum's line re Sarri , remember his first Chelsea press conference and said on here that he looks like he sleeps on a park bench.

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"I mentioned last week about what a weird looking cat that Sarri is with his weird baggy t-shirts. My mum said the other day that he looks like an escaped con who stole some random clothes off a washing line."

 

Love that.

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Nothing on slobbering Àrryˋs dive to win the free kick before the pen. Cheating twat, Sky, of course, did everything to make it look like a foul, it was two dives to be honest. East German judge gave it 9.0 for artistic impression.

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Elsewhere, Huddersfield took the lead at Leicester when Jorgenson fired home fol..........

 

Fulham and Leicester played out an entertaining 1-1 draw at Craven Cottage........

 

Didn't know Leicester have  2 teams  in the premier league now Dave ?

 

Gotta be a first and i thought Everton did everything first .........

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If Pogba really wants to wind Morinho up he should get the top half of the back end of the Roller cut away, fitted with a jacuzzi, and come to work with himself and a couple of blondes bubbling away.

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As I recall Dave, Howe went to Burnley around 2010-2011, when he was quite the bright young thing but it looked like finances at Bournemouth would remain more limited and stop them matching his own ambitions.  

 

While he was there his Mum died fairly suddenly, which ultimately played a part in him bringing his time to an end and coming back down.  He’s since said publicly he struggled being hundreds of miles away when it happened and coming back helped with the grief.

 

Most likely he was the link which originally took Ings to Burnley from AFCB, but can’t remember that for sure.

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