The first couple of weeks of the season are a Manc free zone, so let’s enjoy that while we can because as soon as either of them has a convincing win over some turd team we’ll be subjected to the nauseating fawning over them.
The back end of last season was a joke really. All that bollocks about “resurgent United” because they looked decent against a load of slapdick bottom half teams and because Leicester and Chelsea choked like dogs to let them sneak third. They’re still majorly flawed and they’ve still got a manager who got Cardiff relegated.
Then we have City. Seemingly everyone is tipping them for the title, in many cases because of “how strong they looked after lockdown”. Did they really though? Or are people getting carried away by their flat track bully act? They lost the same amount of games as we did but the perception seems to be that they were great when footy came back and we were shite.
This actually suits me just fine as I’d much rather not be the favourite, but it is a load of bollocks when you actually take a step back and look at it objectively. They shouldn’t be favourites because they’ve done nothing to suggest they’re better than us. Absolutely nothing at all.
People have been completely fooled by City. They win so many games by cricket scores that it influences people into thinking that the bad results they have are somehow just a fluke. The bad results aren’t a fluke. They’re every bot as much who City are as the 6-0 wins.
City will always finish with the best goal difference because when they get on top of a bad team they pound them into the ground and keep trying to score goals right up until the end. They’ll do it again this season. There’ll be games when they score six, seven, maybe even eight (although their personal bitch Watford getting relegated makes that less likely) and everyone will be going “oh aren’t City just wonderful”.
Yeah, they are. When they have it their own way there’s nobody like them. At the risk of sounding all Neil Warnock though, the fact is they don’t like it up ‘em. Get City in a close game and you’ve got every chance of beating them. Just ask Lyon, or any of the nine Premier League sides who beat “Pep” last season. I feel like this is lost on most people though.
It’s like how they’re always favourites for the Champions League even though they have zero pedigree in the competition. Why the fuck would City ever be favourites for the Champions League? There’s absolutely no logic to it as they’ve never done anything of note in Europe. Even when they seemed to have a clear path to the final this year they went and lost to a team that finished 7th in a “farmer’s league” for fucks sake. They’re about as welcome in Europe as Nigel Farage.
In terms of the Premier League, on what basis do people have them being better than us? They lost nine league games last season and they finished 18 points behind us. Since then they’ve lost David Silva, while Sergio Aguero is another year older and the squad have had even more time to get sick of the sound of Guardiola’s voice, the fuckin’ weirdo.
There’s only so much “guys, come on guys… we need to play better guys… ok guys, let’s do this guys” that even the most ardent professional can tolerate before he switches off completely. So I’m not sure why everyone just assumed that last year was a blip when City’s flaws have been exposed on so many different occasions.
They’re a bully with a glass jaw. They look big and tough when they’re pounding on the weaker kids and stealing their lunch money, but as soon as anyone hits them back they run off crying (to the CAS when it was UEFA doing the hitting).
If they sign Koulibaly that could certainly be a difference maker and if that happens then you could probably make a case for them being at least joint favourites with us. But as of yet they haven’t signed him, yet people are still falling over themselves to tip City for the title. It isn’t based in logic because over a sustained period of time (i.e. two full seasons) we’ve outperformed them massively and neither squad has changed much, other than City have lost Kompany and now Silva.
So while I’m not shouting from the rooftops that we’ll win the title again, what I would say is that if you look at it rationally and sensibly then we should be seen as favourites, but I’m glad we’re not. I won’t be making any predictions in these round ups until we’re four or five games in though.
Actually no, I’ll make one prediction right off the bat. Fulham are going straight back down. They’re no different to how they were last time they were up. I’ll reserve judgement on Leeds (and West Brom too, I suppose) but my mind is already made up about Fulham.
They’ve got no chance of surviving, especially as that bum Tim Ream is STILL at the heart of their defence. Incredible. Nothing has changed with them since last time. They played nice football and created some chances against the Gunners, but they lost 3-0. Standard Fulham that.
Lacazette got the first, new boy Gabriel shouldered in the second and Aubameyeng hit a brilliant third. That was a great move and a terrific finish.
How weird was it seeing Willian playing for Arsenal though? He’s a good signing for them as he’s already their second best player behind Aubameyeng. Arsenal will definitely have a better season than last time but how much better only time will tell. Beating Fulham isn’t an indicator of anything, as everyone will beat Fulham.
Elsewhere, there’s a real dark cloud hanging over West Ham at the moment and for once it isn’t David Moyes. In fact, much as I enjoy ripping into Moyes the fact is he actually did a decent enough job last season in keeping them up. They ended the season in encouraging form, with Antonio scoring goals and there generally being a more upbeat vibe about the place.
That’s gone now though. The fans fucking hate the owners though, and who can blame them? I hate them and they don’t have anything to do with my club. Sullivan, Gold and Brady are the reason I wanted West Ham to go down last season. Other than them (and Moyes, obviously), I’ve got no beef with the Hammers.
I still want them to go down this year but at the same time I do feel sorry for the fans. This isn’t a Newcastle situation where I just think the fans have the owner they deserve. West Ham’s fans have done nothing to deserve these fuckers.
The unrest has really increased in recent weeks due to their transfer activity. No signings of any note and they sold some kid who had looked good in pre-season and who the club apparently had high hopes for. Things are so bad that club captain Mark Noble took to twitter to express his disapproval at that decision. I like Mark Noble. It’s not a popular view but I think he’s sound and him speaking out against how the club is being run only reaffirmed that.
COVID is the best thing that could have happened for West Ham’s owners as it means no fans in the ground to protest. Can you imagine the unrest there’d be if fans were in the London Stadium right now?
They were convincingly beaten at home by Newcastle and Moyes even admitted as much afterwards. The Geordies have done some good business this summer. Jamaal Lewis was good enough to attract a bid from us so he’s quite the coup for them. Ryan Fraser may be a turd and a wretched individual (© Simon Jordan) but he improves their squad significantly, as does Jeff Hendrick, while Callum Wilson is EXACTLY what they needed. He will definitely score goals for them.
He broke the deadlock at West Ham with a poachers effort at the near post and Hendrick’s smart finish wrapped up the win. I could even see them finishing in the top ten this year but I’ll hold off on that for another few weeks.
Can’t believe Southampton lost at Palace though. They were one of the form teams of the second half of last season and looked to be heading in the complete opposite direction of struggling Palace. I had them down as a banker there but Palace are the absolute fucking masters of the “how the fuck did they win that” result.
Zaha got the only goal of the game when he volleyed in a cross by Townsend. Other than that it was mostly Southampton but they couldn’t beat an inspired Gueita in the Palace goal, while in fairness Zaha could easily have had a hat-trick and looked very dangerous. Looks like he might have to stay at Palace another year unless something drastic happens.
The most interesting thing that happened in this game was a red card for Kyle Walker-Peters that was overturned after a VAR review. This was great, really encouraging. Fat Jon Moss got it badly wrong as although the kid was high he didn’t really catch the Palace player. It was never a red card in a million years although in real speed I could maybe see why Moss may have thought it was worse than it was.
So Craig Pawson has a look and then tells Moss to go and check it out on the monitor to see what he thinks. Moss has a look and changes his mind. That’s exactly how this thing was supposed to work when it was brought in. So how come we had that entire year of complete bollocks last season?
It’s really not difficult, just let the on field ref use the tech and then either stick with his decision or change it. If he sees the video and STILL gets in wrong then we can all hammer the cunt. Which no doubt we will when Moss hands out yet another phantom pen to United and then stands by his horrific decision. It will happen. You know it will.
Still, I can’t believe I’m saying this and the likelihood of it happening against at any point this season is virtually non-existent, but…. well done Jon Moss.
Sidenote on this one. Southampton’s kits this season are sexy as fuck by the way. They wore the away shirt in this one but the home one is even nicer. Just lovely.
Ok, so I know I said I wasn’t making any predictions yet but fuck it. West Brom are going down too. Them and Fulham plus one more as yet unnamed team. There’s just no way either of those are staying up though. I’m prepared for the possibility that I might be writing the Baggies off too early, but no way are Fulham proving me wrong.
West Brom were beaten easily in the end by Leicester but the first half was pretty even. The game changes when new signing Castagne stole in at the back post to head Brendan’s boys into the lead and after that they never looked back.
He’s their only signing so far despite them bringing in a huge fee for Chilwell. He’s a right back, but they’re well stocked there with Ricardo and James Justin. Why not sign a left back, Brendan? He’s proper shite at transfers isn’t he? Do Leicester have a transfer committee he can blame? What’s Aly Cissokho doing these days?
Vardy then doubled Leicester’s lead with a penalty. Bit of a soft decision as it looked like an accidental off the ball collision. He added another penalty to make it 3-0 late on. This was a stonewaller. Vardy always scores against West Brom and their fans fucking hate him. He's always rubbing their noses in it when he scores and even though the stadium was empty he still couldn't help himself and ran to the home end cupping his ears. Top notch shithousing as usual from Vardy.
Final note from this. I’d forgotten just how much I hate James Maddison’s face as I hadn’t seen him since before lock down. His face and his hair is proper annoying. I feel the same way about him that my mum did about Lallana for all those years. Some faces and haircuts just rub you up the wrong way I suppose.
One face that I most certainly hadn’t forgotten how much I hate is that Richarlison cunt. I hate his face even more now he’s bleached his hair. I actually think he’s the player I hate the most in the entire league, he’s just such a massive cunt. I’d never tire of slapping him and I reckon Calvert-Lewin probably feels the same way.
That chance he wasted when all he had to do was cut back to an un-marked Calvert-Lewin was a fucking disgrace. Greedy selfish prick.
On another day it might have cost Everton but not this day, because Spurs were terrible. Calvert-Lewin superbly headed in the only goal of the game to give them a rare win away at Spurs. Lot of nonsense being spouted about this new look Everton and how much stronger they are with their new signings. They’re still shite and they’re in debt up to their eyeballs. House of cards that is.
Spurs are shite too. There’s just no fun about them anymore. It’s all very dull and stoic these days. Maybe Gareth Bale can give them the spark that’s missing but I suspect it’s going to take more than him to completely cancel out the Mourinho effect. They’re just so fucking uninspiring and if they had fans in the ground I suspect there’d be plenty of unrest at how they’re playing. The results have been ok since lockdown ended but they’re boring as fuck to watch.
Doherty is a good signing I think. I like him a lot. Hoijberg not so much. It’s going to be fascinating to see what Bale does though. He was amazing in his last few seasons with Spurs before he left but he seems to be injured a hell of a lot and it remains to be seen how he’ll cope with being asked to play as a second left back in Mourinho’s 6-4-0 system he uses in big games.
Onto Monday now, where there was actually TWO games played. Why were Wolves and Sheffield United playing at teatime? Is this how it’s going to be now, because fans aren’t in the ground no-one gives a shit what time games kick off anymore? I don’t like this. I understand that each game needs to be televised, but this is shit. There were only four games on Saturday
Wolves won this game inside the opening six minutes when they scored twice. A lovely controlled finish by Jimenez set them on their way and Seiss added a second with a great header from a corner.
By the time the Blades had settled the damage was already done. Wolves could have scored more as they hit the woodwork twice. They look to be the best equipped of the “non big six” clubs to break into the top six this season. They should be thinking they can finish above Spurs at least. Maybe Arsenal too.
Mendez FC are going to be interesting this season as they’ve made a few new signings. It looks like my boy Adama is going to be playing wing back as they’re completely stacked with forwards but sold Matt Doherty to Spurs. Playing Traore there is either going to be a masterstroke or an absolute waste of his talent.
Maybe he’ll get pissed off and demand a transfer, and we can do a swap with Wilson, Origi and Grujic. What would I give for that? I’m so desperate for us to sign him that if that happened I’d even be willing to oil up his muscles before games. Who’s with me? Let’s grease up this beefcake, gang….
Chelsea have been getting a lot of positive press too after all the new signings they’ve made. They look to have bought well but there are two reasons why I’m not yet too concerned about them. Firstly, Frank Lampard. His teams concede shitloads of goals and there’s nothing as yet to suggest he’s a top level manager. Secondly, their keeper is SHITE.
It’s funny really. Lampard was lauded last year for bucking the Chelsea trend of spending big and instead concentrating on bringing through young players like Tomori, Hudson-Odoi, Mount, James and Abraham. As soon as their ban was lifted though what happened? Bish bash bosh, two hundred million spent and most of the kids are out in the cold.
James is still in the side and he scored a cracker as they beat Brighton 3-1. It wasn’t the most convincing performance and Brighton gave as good as they got, despite losing Lallana to a first half injury. The poor bastard, it’s just really sad. Hopefully he isn’t out too long but his body just can’t cope with the demands of top flight footy anymore can it? He’s got the same cheese string muscles that Sturridge has and it’s such a shame.
Anyway, Chelsea had taken the lead courtesy of a Jorginho pen (he might be the best in the business as he just never looks like he’s going to miss) but Trossard lashed in an equaliser. Plenty of fingers pointed at Kepa for that, and rightly so. He’s the Spanish Brad Jones.
James hammered in from 25 yards to put Chelsea ahead again before Zouma’s scruffy late deflected effort killed off Brighton. In between those two Chelsea goals though Lewis Dunk missed an absolute sitter at the back post. We’ve got Chelsea next week though so my lips are sealed until then, and if the football fates can just forget everything I’ve written about Timo Werner these last few months too that would be appreciated.
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