This week’s round up will be like the semi-final stages of the Champions League - a Man City free-zone. We played them on Sunday so that was covered in the match report. All the fall out from it - and there's a lot - will be in “the week that was” due to be posted up at the weekend, so this will cover all the other games.
May as well kick things off with the two sides who are now the closest of the chasing pack. First up, Chelsea beat Palace in the early game to temporarily go second.
Kevin Abraham broke the deadlock in the second half with a composed finish and Pulisic wrapped it up late on to give Chelsea six league wins on the spin. They haven’t played anyone decent in those six games, but you still have to win and they have.
Pulisic is looking really good now and Lampard has introduced another youngster into the side, Reece James, who was terrific and completely shut down Wilf Zaha. He probably shouldn’t be allowed to play again until he’s been the barbers though. Dreadful state of affairs that. It looks like a tarantula orgy.
James’ hairstyle apart, Chelsea are looking good and next up they’ve got a certain side who I’m not talking about, which could be a cracker of a game. Defensively they’re suspect but they’re great going forward and their style is attractive to watch. If they get it right tactically and that’s going to be interesting.
Palace were shite, because Palace are shite. Been saying it all season, but it’s only a matter of time until they’re in the bottom six.
Chelsea’s stint in second spot was short lived as Leicester rolled over Arsenal to leapfrog them. Arsenal losing again was no surprise though. It was away and they travel about as well as BA Baracus, plus Leicester are much better than them. Throw in the fact they were up against Jamie Vardy, a man who has embarrassed the Gunners in recent years almost as frequently as Arsenal Fan TV, and there was nothing down for them really.
Leicester smacked them around and it was far easier than the 2-0 score suggested. Arsenal only had one shot I think. They were pitiful. They were lucky not to concede an early pen when Guendouzi grabbed Soyuncu by the shoulder as he attacked a set-piece. VAR didn’t over-rule the ref on that, which again just makes you wonder what’s going on. It’s 100% a penalty and it deserved to be punished for sheer stupidity alone. How are they not giving that?
Maybe they were influence by the likelihood that Soyuncu wasn’t even going to reach the ball, but that makes what Guendouzi did even worse. How thick do you need to be to do that? That incident was Arsenal in a fucking nutshell though. They do shit like this every week. If it’s not Xhaka it’s David Luiz. If it’s not David Luiz it’s Guendouzi. Next week it will be Torreira or Bellerin or Kolasinic or Mustafi. They must have the thickest squad of players in the league. Absolutely no discipline whatsoever.
Vardy eventually broke the deadlock after the break and Maddison quickly added a second. Maddison is having a great season but the more I watch him the more I can’t stand him. He reminds me of Jack Grealish as he just looks like a massive twat who you’d love to slap.
Maddison is a class player though. Grealish might be too but he’s playing for Villa so it’s more difficult to judge. Maddison has the England spot while Grealish keeps getting overlooked. It would be interesting to see them do a job swap to see who is actually the better player.
Bit disappointed in Vardy’s celebration though. After last week’s “Flapping Eagle” impression after scoring against Palace, I thought he might have fired an imaginary cannon to wind up the Arsenal fans. Maybe he only trolls when he’s away from home though. And am I imagining it, or is it always absolutely fucking pissing down when Leicester play? It's like they have a permanent dark rain cloud accompanying them everywhere. A Claude Puel if you like.
Southampton appeared to have hit rock bottom when they conceded nine at home to Leicester a couple of weeks back. After all, it can’t get any worse than that, can it? Well yeah, you could lose at home to Everton. Fucking hell Southampton, just what is it going to take before you ditch that manager and give yourself a chance at survival?
With the players they have they just shouldn’t be this shit. There’s talent in that squad and they have a goalscorer in Ings, who has six goals in his last seven games. But if you can’t beat Everton at home then you may as well just fold the club and send everybody home.
The St Mary’s crowd weren’t happy and let the players know it. And just like that, it made sense. Everton never win away but with all that booing their players will have felt like it was a home game.
Tom Davies headed them in front before Ings tapped in an equaliser. Richarlison got the winner and went to kiss the badge before changing his mind and biting it instead. Wise move, not even Evertonians would be buying that shit and they’d be using that photo against him for the rest of his life, depending who he moved to.
Staying with the Blues for a sec, I was in my Mum’s the other day when they were showing the Davies goal on Sky Sports News. “He’s a funny looking little thing” she said, before adding “he looks like he should be sat in the garden holding a fishing rod”. Nailed it. Again.
Newcastle had a good win on Saturday, coming from behind to beat Bournemouth at St James’ Park. Our boy Harry put Bournemouth ahead with an accomplished finish to round off a wonderful training ground set-piece. Great goal that, so clever.
Newcastle kept going though. Saint-Maximin and Almiron are lively and cause problems, but they just can’t score. It’s funny as fuck to watch though. Saint-Maximin looks the more likely of the two, although that’s not saying much as Alan Shearer looks more likely to score for Newcastle now than poor Almiron.
He must have thought he was finally about to pop his cherry when he latched onto a loose ball after the keeper had dived at the feet of Saint-Maximin, but his goal bound shot was blocked on the line by….. Saint-Maximin! He's never going to score, he's the Rob Jones of strikers.
Despite the lack of goals from the forwards (Joelinton isn’t scoring either), Newcastle found a way to get the job done. Yedlin’s flying header got them back on level terms and then Clark somehow bundled in the winner despite barely making any contact on the ball. Huge win for the Geordies and for Steve Bruce. Lascielles has been ruled out for the season now though, which is a big blow for their survival hopes.
Tell you what though, there were loads of empty seats there. You never see that at St James’, but there were more gaps in that crowd than in Guardiola’s defence the next day. Ah fuck, so much for being a Man City free-zone. Sorry, just couldn’t help myself.
Moving on, Spurs’ woes continued as they were held - and outplayed by - Sheffield United at home. “Poor Sonny” gave them the lead and was all smiles again. Three goals in four days for him since “the incident”. Trauma? What trauma? He’s the type of heartless fuck who’d get remarried before his dead wife was even cold.
The Blades thought they’d equalised almost immediately through McGoldrick, but VAR had other ideas. This one looked dodgy as fuck. It was a worse decision than the one we had at Villa Park, because it wasn’t even the goalscorer that was given offside. Shit, it wasn’t even the guy who crossed it for him. It was a player involved in the build up, and that technology didn’t prove anything.
The picture was so blurred the lad looked like he had Sideshow Bob feet. They took one line from the end of his blurred, clown shoe-like boots, but the other line was from the middle of the knee of the defender. Nobody wants to see this shit. The technology isn’t a perfect science on these things, and therefore goals shouldn’t be ruled out like this. When it’s that close and you can’t prove it either way, give the fucking goal.
They didn’t let their heads drop though and they got their reward when a cross by Baldock eluded everyone and snuck in at the back post.
No-one saw Sheffield United being this impressive. I certainly didn’t and there’s no way it’s going to last. They look like they’ve got enough to survive, but currently they’re in fifth place. FIFTH PLACE!! It’s mad.
I didn’t foresee that, but the two biggest errors of judgement I’ve had so far this season is over-rating Norwich and Arsenal. In the early weeks of the season I thought Norwich would survive comfortably, especially after they knocked off City (ah shit, I did it again. That's twice now. TWICE.... TWIIIIICCCEEE), mainly because of their home form. I don’t think they’ve won since, and on Friday night they lost 2-0 to the bottom club, Watford.
Deulefeu scored one and made one, and you have to say he’s far too good for Watford. He is to them what Zaha is to Palace. He'll be in the same boat as Zaha too at the end of the season if Watford stay up. He'll fancy a move to one of the big boys, but which of us would pay what it takes to get him? Maybe Arsenal, they love a diminutive attacking player who doesn't offer anything defensively.
Norwich are fucked though. Nailed on to go back to the Championship. Watford may join them but it wouldn’t shock me if they started to pick up a little now they’ve finally won a game. My boy Troy will be back soon too, which will obviously help.
They’re keeping a bottom three spot warm for West Ham, who were thumped by Burnley at Turf Moor and are in a massive slump. That wiseguy goalie who is standing in for Fabianski needs to be sleeping with the fishes soon or West Ham are going to find themselves in a whole world of trouble. He’s horrendous and he’s killing them every week by letting in soft goals. I just don’t know what they were thinking when they signed him as one look at him should have been enough to know he was dodgy as fuck.
Roberto doesn’t even look like a keeper. I could definitely see him hanging around the Bada Bing wearing a white vest and a big gold chain, always wanting to impress the bosses but constantly fucking up and having to take a beating. Maybe he took one beating too many and turned rat? Maybe he’s in witness protection and they set him up as West Ham’s back up goalie, thinking he’d never be needed because they had Fabianski?
What? That’s more plausible than the idea that this guy is actually a professional goalkeeper that West Ham scouted and signed to replace Adrian. He’s an absolute train wreck and was directly to blame for two of the three goals conceded. You can probably argue he should have done more on the other one too.
Ashley Barnes ended his barren spell by prodding in the opener from a corner. Chris Wood then thumped in a header to make it 2-0, or so he thought. VAR had other ideas. Close, but it looked like they got that one right. I hate all this bullshit though with the lines being drawn between one player’s toe and another player’s bollock. It’s just shit. Said it before and I’ll say it again. Scrap that rule and just use each player’s standing foot as the marker. Much more simple and fair if it’s done that way.
Wood was unlucky with that one but he did get his goal not long after when he took advantage of a ridiculous throw out by the Hammers’ hapless keeper. His attempt at stopping the shot was pathetic too, but as bad as that was he outdid himself soon after when he punched a corner kick into his own net. Mama mia!
Declan Rice said afterwards that they were bullied all over the pitch and they need to be honest with themselves. They’ve had a really easy start to the season but their upcoming run is brutal and by the time we get to Christmas they might be bumming around near the drop zone. Fabianski isn’t back any time soon, and Lanzini just busted his collar bone. Pellegrini might be on the hot seat by the New Year.
Onto Sunday now and the Mancs had a much needed win at home to Brighton. I’ve got nothing else to say about it as I didn’t watch. I actually forwarded through the highlights so I could get to the Midlands derby. Me not watching United games was a common thing a couple of years ago but that was because it just wasn’t good for my blood pressure watching Mourinho’s side churning out ugly, undeserved wins to stay ahead of us in the table. That’s not the case anymore and I didn’t watch them just because I couldn’t really be arsed. They’re just not on my radar anymore.
So finally, Wolves just edged out Villa in the “Smalltime bellend fans Derby” game at Molyneux. Imagine being in that stadium listening to those two sets of fans trying to ‘outbantz’ each other. *shudders*
Villa left Neves all alone on the edge of the box for the opener. Why? Why would you do that? Of all the players in the league you might leave alone on the edge of the box, he’s the absolute last one you should leave. They deserved to lose the game on that alone.
Jiminez made it 2-0 late on before Trezeguet gave Wolves a very late scare with a stoppage time goal. Wolves battered them really and should have been out of sight before that last ditch consolation. They have definitely recovered from that bad start and are looking like a top six contender now.
My boy Adama Traore is having a great season so far. He’s added end product to the ridiculous pace he has and now he’s a right fucking handful.
Wolves are actually better than Arsenal and United. I don’t just mean they are currently playing better, I mean they’ve got better players. They might actually finish fifth if Spurs don’t get their act together. Guess there’s a lot to be said for player trafficking.
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