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Premier League Round Up (Nov 28-30 2020)

After we had two points stolen from us at the end of the Brighton game I wasn’t in the best of moods and unsurprisingly had pretty much zero interest in watching any footy for the rest of that weekend. And I didn’t. I’m catching up on it now although I did know most of the results. 

 

In fact, I knew the result of Man City v Burnley before it even kicked off. Ok, that’s not quite true as I thought it was going to be 6-0. It almost was but City had two goals disallowed and had to settle for just the 5-0.

 

That was on right after our game and although I wasn’t watching it, the TV was still on while I was mooching around doing other things. When I saw Burnley’s starting line up with no Nick Pope I knew there was only one outcome here, and that was a massive City win.

 

You see here’s the thing about Burnley. We know they can be difficult to play against for a lot of teams but they’re an absolutely perfect opponent for Man City. If Guardiola was to create the perfect team for his boys to roll over, whatever he came up with would give them more of a test than Burnley.

 

The Clarets have zero pace or skill in the midfield and forward positions and therefore pose no counter attacking threat. And how do you hurt Man City? Counter attacks, of course.

 

The only way Burnley can potentially hurt Man City is with set plays but you aren’t going to win enough of them when you’re being pushed back into your own penalty for most of the game.

 

So Burnley are like a big ol’ slow heavyweight boxer who no longer has a knockout punch. Putting them up against Man City is like when Homer fought for the heavyweight title against Drederick Tatum. They just stand there taking punch after punch after punch and the only hope they have is that eventually Man City might break their fist on their big dumb old head.

 

That never happened, and City won 5-0 against Burnley at the Etihad for the fourth time in a row. Burnley would actually just be better off forfeiting this game and taking a 3-0 loss.

 

ConsciousObedientChafer-size_restricted.gif

 

Elsewhere, Everton’s stuttering title challenge *sniggers* suffered another blow as they lost at home to Leeds. It finished 1-0 but Leeds fucking battered them and could easily have won by three or four. They look good and the early season hype about them seems justified. Leeds I mean, the early season hype about Everton was fucking laughable.

 

Cracking game this by all accounts. I’ve only seen the MOTD highlights but I caught bits of it on the radio and they were raving about how entertaining it was. Loads of chances at both ends (but far more for Leeds) and Everton had two goals ruled out for offside by VAR. Both correct decisions and both would have been given by the linesman anyway.

 

My boy Bamford had one ruled out for offside too before Leeds eventually broke the deadlock when the lively Raphinha fired in from 20 yards. Even after taking the lead they kept throwing men forward looking for a second and they almost got caught on the break. That’s just all the more reason to like this team though. Leeds are fun.

 

Meanwhile, across Yorkshire Sheffield United boss Chris Wilder still has “three subs and one point” after they were beaten 1-0 at West Brom. The Baggies hadn’t won all season but everyone is beating the Blades at the moment because they just can’t score. Even in this game they missed two or three absolute sitters (Mousset somehow missed an open goal from two yards out). 

 

They didn’t deserve to lose but that seems to be the case most weeks now. It feels like they get beat 1-0 every game. Last season must feel like a lifetime ago for them. I’m pleased for Bilic that he’s finally got a win. I like him. I don’t think his team have a snowballs chance in hell of staying up but maybe I’m wrong.

 

Palace were without Zaha for their home game with Newcastle. Wilf’s got the ‘rona, but then has the Newcastle squad did too so that balanced itself out. First thing I saw in the highlights of this game? Another camera save by that fraud Darlow. Shot straight at him, pushes it away then flicks out the legs, arches the back and flies through the air. Twat.

 

Palace dominated the game but didn’t take their chances and paid the price late on. Callum Wilson broke the deadlock with two minutes left and Joelinton added a second in stoppage time. Wilson was a great signing for them as he’s exactly what they needed. Some players just seem like a perfect fit for certain clubs and Wilson was made for Newcastle.

 

Their fans aren’t happy with Bruce though and I sort of understand it as he is incredibly negative. Thing is though, those same fans moaning about Bruce fucking idolised Rafa who is basically the same guy but with much better PR. Bruce is no more defensive than Benitez but he is picking up more points. Yet one is demonised while the other is loved. What makes it even more baffling is that Bruce is a Geordie and lifelong Newcastle fan.

 

Nobody knows how to get the local media onside better than Rafa though. Shit, he employs people specifically to do just that. Maybe Steve Bruce should give Owen Brown a call? Results aren’t going to win the fans over so maybe getting Rafa's self proclaimed "Minister of War" will do the trick?

 

Onto Sunday now and Southampton had United right where they wanted them before completely shitting the bed in the second half. Bednarek headed the opener and then Ward-Prowse doubled their lead just before half time. 

 

I was listening to this in the car and when they went over to St Mary’s because Southampton had a free-kick, I said to Adrianna “listen to this now, it’s about to be a goal for Southampton”. And it was. She was like “how did you know???” and I just shrugged and said “I know football, it's my job” and left it at that. Cool. As. Fuck.

 

She was less impressed a few days when we went to pick her mate up from the bus stop. Her mate's name is Rihanna, and it was pissing down that day. So you can probably guess the rest. That's right, she gets in the car and I go "Hi Rihanna, it's lashing down out there. Did you not bring an umbrella-ella-ella-eh-eh-eh"

 

Rihanna laughed a little awkwardly while Adrianna sat there and fumed. I have no regrets.

 

Anyway, my clairvoyance in the Southampton game wasn't actually that impressive really as a free-kick to Ward-Prowse is like a penalty to most players. He’s lethal and I honestly fully expected him to score. De Gea probably should have saved it though, but he’s shite these days and only seems to be able to make saves with his feet.

 

He injured himself trying to save it and was replaced by Dean Henderson for the second half. He might not get his place back now as this might be the opportunity Solskjaer needed to get Henderson in. 

 

Tell you what was weird. I’m watching MOTD now and when Henderson came on I found myself saying “is that what he looks like?”. I’d never have been able to pick him out of a line up, even though I must have seen him play at least a dozen times when he was at Sheffield United. Has he had a facelift or something?

 

It was another half time sub that made the difference though. Cavani created one for Portuguese Gylfi and then scored two himself, including the winner in stoppage time. Fair play, that was a good comeback from United. If Southampton could defend they’d be nailed on for top six. They can’t though, which is why they’ll do well to stay in the top half.

 

Afterwards Cavani got himself in hot water by using the term ‘negrito’ on social media. I’m not sitting in judgement on him as there’s not a chance there was any racist intent to what he said and I feel like it’s pretty fucking arrogant of the English to judge what a word means in another language. Translating a word that means one thing in one language and then applying the meaning it has in our language is a nuanced issue.

 

Cavani wasn’t using that in any kind of negative way, it’s a term of endearment where he comes from. Should he be aware of what could happen when using that term though? Maybe, he’s close to Suarez and knows how all of that went down and the massive stitch up that was involved, but really I just struggle to give a fuck about this as it’s a nonsense and making an issue out of it cheapens the real fight against racism.

 

Still, it’s fucking hilarious seeing United fans bending over backwards to make excuses and telling everyone about how certain terms are meant affectionately in Uruguay and should not be translated literally. The stench of hypocrisy is overwhelming. Cunts.

 

Sunday’s big game was Spurs v Chelsea and it went perfectly from our point of view. We didn’t want either of these winning so a 0-0 draw was just what the doctor ordered. Awful game, a proper Mourinho ‘masterclass’.

 

Lampard and Mourinho really don’t like each other anymore do they? Nothing happened here, there was no kick off or needling like last time they met, but you can just see it with the coldness in the handshakes. There’s no warmth of friendliness there between them, which is weird seeing how they had so much success together. 

 

As much as we all know what a twat Mourinho is, I reckon this frostiness is totally down to Fat Frank who has outed himself as a bad bellend since he got that job.

 

Chelsea went closest to winning it but Werner’s goal was ruled out for offside. Not by VAR, but by the linesman. It was tight but the linesman spotted it and put his flag up. This is what I’m saying. The linos are generally very good and don’t need VAR, which only seems to be brought in to give decisions that are so fucking tight they should just be given as onside. Go back to how it was. The refs might all be shite but the linos are actually really good at their jobs.

 

I see Arsenal lost again. The wheels have come right off since they won at Old Trafford and had Tim Cahill declaring Arteta a genius. Roy Keane wasn’t having it and he finally got to gloat this week as Sky had him working the Arsenal game. Everything he said about the Gunners was dripping in either dripping in disdain or sarcasm. It was great. Talking about how the “Arteta cheerleaders” were out in force after they beat United and then quipping “I think they’ve got enough to stay up. I think they’ll be ok”.

 

It’s just a pity they didn’t have Cahill on with him so Keane could have directed the ‘cheerleader’ comment at him, as that was blatantly what he was referring to. Keane looked mortally offended when Cahill was embarrassing himself by talking up Arteta like he’d just produced some kind of masterclass. He sat there seething until eventually he had to interrupt with “how many games have Arsenal lost already this season?”.

 

However many it was, it’s more now. They’ve only taken one point since then and Wolves were good value for this win. Neto got the opener, Gabriel equalised and Podence got the winner. 

 

My boy Adama caught the eye for pretty much the first time this season. He was really sharp which isn’t good news for us as we welcome him and Wolves to Anfield this weekend. That’s going to be a tough game, it always is when play these.

 

I know I keep saying it, but its mad the way they’ve just replaced Jota with an exact replica. Its scary how Jota-like he is. He runs like him, moves like him, he’s two footed and he basically plays exactly like him. And like Jota, he’s fucking brilliant. Has Jorge Mendez discovered cloning? Would anyone be surprised if he had? 

 

He knows how to make money this fucker. If there are any flies on him they’re paying fucking rent. Even Neto is like a Poundland Jota. Or a Neto Jota if you like. If he has discovered cloning, can he make another Adama and send him our way? 

 

The biggest thing to come out of this game though was the horrific skull fracture to Raul Jiminez following a clash of heads with David Luiz, who also ended up going off with a concussion. A terrible shame as he’s fucking boss. I enjoy watching him but there has to be a real chance that we might not see him play again after this. So much of his game is about his aerial prowess but how is he going to able to attack a ball with his head again after this? Even if it was medically cleared, psychologically how would you do it? I defo couldn’t, I’d be gun-shy as fuck.

 

I hope he makes a full recovery and is back playing soon, I just fear that won’t happen.

 

It has sparked discussion again about concussion in football and what needs to be done. One of the things being suggested is a concussion substitute that doesn’t count toward the regular sub count. It seems like a good idea but I promise you that if that is brought in, you’ll have cunts like Mourinho instructing players to feign head injuries so he can make an extra sub.

 

I’m fine with that rule coming in, but any player who leaves the field with a concussion should automatically be ruled out for seven days, just like in the NFL who are light years ahead of footy when it comes to this issue.

 

The heat is increasing on Arteta now and no amount of Tim Cahill caressing his balls is going to help him now. He needs results and performances, because Arsenal look fucking sterile as shit right now. They’ve got loads of good attacking players but they can’t score goals. Arteta is being exposed.

 

After the Wolves game he was banging on about how many crosses they put in and that if they keep doing that they’ll win games. Jesus Christ, he’s gone full Moyes. Everyone knows you never, ever go full Moyes.

 

Still, it just shows you once again, when Everton touches you…. 

 

Finally, Monday night. Fulham beat Leicester and they deserved it. It was no fluke. They’ve been playing pretty well for most of the season but that defence is so bad it undermines anything they good they do at the other end. And they are doing some good things.

 

Lookman opened the scoring when he finished off a nice counter attack. Then they were awarded a penalty when Bobby Reid touched the ball past Fuchs and was clumsily kicked by the Leicester man. On first viewing you probably wouldn’t have given that if you’re the ref because it was difficult to see from his position. As soon as you saw the replay though it was clear that it was a pen. 

 

VAR was useful in that situation and it’s decisions like that one that strengthen the case for keeping it. Not for me though, I’d rather my team not get that penalty if it means no VAR. It’s always been a part of the game that sometimes you get penalties and sometimes you don’t. It’s only really a big problem when you don’t get the blatant ones.

 

Anyway, Fulham actually converted a spot kick for once to go 2-0 up and although Leicester pulled one back in the second half through Barnes, Scott ‘Scotty’ Parker’s men held out for a huge three points. Initially I said they’d finish bottom and might smash the record for the lowest points tally. More recently I said they’d finish above West Brom but still go down.

 

Now I’m not so sure. Their defence is terrible and will probably be their undoing, but one thing I have to say is that they look like they’re well coached and so I have to give Parker some credit. He might actually be a decent manager. I’m not prepared to go there yet but I’m preparing myself for the possibility.

 

The other game on Monday saw West Ham beat Villa. Ogbonna headed West Ham in front but Grealish drew the visitors level with a run and deflected shot from distance. Bowen won it for the Hammers with a flicked header. Trezeguet missed a sitter and then Watkins missed a pen. 

 

Justice there as I didn’t think there was enough in that to give a penalty. Sight tug of the shirt but not enough to impede the forward who took a clear dive. Not a VAR call that though, the ref gave that himself. Watkins smashed it against the bar though and West Ham survived, not least because of an incredible shit VAR offside call against Watkins.

 

His arm was adjudged to be slightly ahed of the last defender, but the only reason that was the case was because the defender was pulling him back and he was having to struggle to free himself When he did that, his arm strayed offside! VAR looked at it and they disallowed the goal. Yet more evidence as to why this fucking farce can’t be allowed to continue. 

 

There’s just no way that isn’t a goal. None. Villa were absolutely fucking robbed there. If you’re disallowing the goal then give them a penalty for the pull by the defender. This is just so shit. Every week we see two, three, sometimes more games completely ruined by this fucking nonsense.

 

As an aside, I just realised that I don’t like that Watkins. I’m trying to think why that might be and I’m fairly sure it’s because he seemed way too cocky when he was scoring those goals against us.


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'She was less impressed a few days when we went to pick her mate up from the bus stop. Her mate's name is Rihanna, and it was pissing down that day. So you can probably guess the rest. That's right, she gets in the car and I go "Hi Rihanna, it's lashing down out there. Did you not bring an umbrella-ella-ella-eh-eh-eh"

 

Rihanna laughed a little awkwardly while Adrianna sat there and fumed. I have no regrets.'

 

 

And nor should you have, it's what any self-respecting dad would do.

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I might be completely off here but I always got the impression Lampard and Terry didn’t really like Mourinho in a similar way Carragher and Gerrard didn’t particularly like Benitez probably because it’s a lot harder to enjoy playing for negative shithouse managers.  The difference between the two situations was that there were plenty of rumours of Carragher and Gerrard not liking him in their playing days and playing a part in getting him out but since they’ve retired they’ve been up his arse. There was never anything like that at Chelsea but you get the feeling since Lampard and Terry retired that neither are or were particularly found of Mourinho and don’t speak to him either.

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13 hours ago, tlw content said:

I was listening to this in the car and when they went over to St Mary’s because Southampton had a free-kick, I said to Adrianna “listen to this now, it’s about to be a goal for Southampton”. And it was. She was like “how did you know???” and I just shrugged and said “I know football, it's my job” and left it at that. Cool. As. Fuck.

The joke is on you, Adrianna obviously doesn't follow her aul fella's output:

Quote

I felt throughout the second half that a set-piece was our best chance of scoring. It’s a long time since we’ve been able to say that, but that’s the Van Dijk effect. I brought my daughter to this game (only her second ever game, the first was Wolves last year!) and I said to her after Everton equalised that Van Dijk would head the winner from a corner. After all the celebrations had died down, she looked at me in wonder and asked “How did you know?”. I just tapped my nose. 

 

Little does she know I make these kind of statements and predictions in every game and they virtually never come off. In fact, usually it's the opposite that happens as I'm a bad jinxing bastard for the most part.

On the other hand, I remember this shit so the joke is on me, fucking loser that I am.

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I wonder what Burnley fans think about getting thrashed constantly by City? I get that they just don't possess the tools to hurt City, even though most teams have now figured out a way to at least give them a game. But Burnley don't appear to even lay a finger on them. 5-0 and not a single Burnley player booked. Previous match - 5-0 and only one booking.  When I was still playing (I can just about remember that!), if someone was running rings around me, I'd at least make sure I gave somebody for a good kick. Doesn't seem as if Burnley can even manage that. (Different story when they play us, though).

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Elsewhere, Everton’s stuttering title challenge *sniggers* suffered another blow.

 

Just a gift that keeps on giving. Taken from GOT.

 

 

Crazy league this season points wise we are practically in a title race still. We only had to produce mediocre form in the last 6 games and we’d be near top of not top. If we can catch a bit of form now get players in jan and we can still achieve.

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8 hours ago, deiseach said:

 

The one she remembers most is last year or two back when I spoke for about 10 minutes about Man City's weakness on the left side of their defence and how Wolves had this player who could really make them suffer because he was so quick and skilful on the counter attack.

 

Later that day Wolves won 2-1 at the Etihad with my boy Adama scoring both. At the time City getting beat was rarer than rocking horse shit so she was well impressed.

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On 03/12/2020 at 21:55, tlw content said:

...following a clash of heads with David Luiz, who also ended up going off with a concussion. A terrible shame as he’s fucking boss. I enjoy watching him but there has to be a real chance that we might not see him play again after this.

You're talking about Jiminez right? It could easily read that you think Luiz is fucking boss. Negged for ambiguity.

 

Oh, wait. You are talking about Luiz. Oh my life. Like your dire Rihanna line it's further evidence of your slow, but relentless decline.

 

Now about this new home we've sorted out for you. They say you'll be very well cared for and I promise I'll come and visit you every other Sunday. 

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5 hours ago, rb14 said:

 

Now about this new home we've sorted out for you. They say you'll be very well cared for and I promise I'll come and visit you every other Sunday. 

Will they have priority for the vaccine?

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On 05/12/2020 at 10:46, rb14 said:

You're talking about Jiminez right? It could easily read that you think Luiz is fucking boss. Negged for ambiguity.

 

Oh, wait. You are talking about Luiz. Oh my life. Like your dire Rihanna line it's further evidence of your slow, but relentless decline.

 

Now about this new home we've sorted out for you. They say you'll be very well cared for and I promise I'll come and visit you every other Sunday. 

 

I was talking about Jiminez, the big handsome bastard. But it also applies to Luiz, I enjoy watching him too as there's always a comedy moment just around the corner.

 

And that Rihanna line was gold. Just because you're too old to get it and had to google who she was.

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