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Premier League Round Up (Nov 10-11 2018)

Damn, I really put the mockers on Bournemouth the other week didn’t I? Since I hyped them up they’ve lost both games to teams they probably should be beating.

 

Complacency cost them at home to United last week, and this week they lost to hapless Newcastle.

 

Rondon got both of Newcastle’s goals while Lerma pulled one back for Bournemouth. Ibe was given his first start of the season and he should have equalised but blasted his shot over the bar from close range. He does my head in you know. He should be so much better than he is but his finishing is just terrible. If he fixed that he’d be really good as he’s got a lot of other things going for him. 

 

Alternatively, he could just sign for Man City and score 20 back post tap ins a season and fool people into thinking he’s suddenly become a good finisher.  Well why not? It worked for his big bro Raheem.

 

Massive win for Newcastle but I feel as though Rondon is wasted in English football. He’s a good player but as long as he’s here he’s destined to be used as a lone battering ram in shite, defensive sides, forever locked in relegation battles.

 

In another country he could play for a side contending for titles, but because of his style of play and willingness to scrap and fight, defensive managers are drawn to him like flies to cowpats.

 

Poor Rondon’s lot in life is to plough a lone furrow, run the channels, battling manfully to hold the ball up against two defenders. Occasionally he’ll have the odd scrap to feed off, usually from a set-piece, but for the most part there’s no joy in what he does so I just hope he’s well paid for it.

 

Spurs were fortunate again this weekend, avoiding a trip to Wilfried Palace and instead coming up against the utterly abject bunch that is left when Zaha isn't there to carry them. No Zaha means no points, we all know that. At this stage there seems to be little point even playing the match other than for goal difference purposes.

 

Palace had plenty of chances but their record without Zaha speaks volumes. They're the very definition of a one man team. Spurs were crap but got the points. They've done that even more than us this year. At least we've had a few decent showings.

 

Foyth got the only goal of the game. No, I have no idea who he is either. 

 

I saw Kane on twitter this week boasting about shooting his first under par round of golf. He posted a video of himself holing the final putt on 18. What he didn’t show was Hugo Loris booming all the drives and Eriksen stiffing all the approach shots for him to tap in putts from six feet.

 

Seriously though, how do we know he shot under par? We only have his word for it and we know he’s a lying cunt. That putt could have been for a 93 for all we know. And I bet he didn’t make it at the first attempt either. Prick.  

 

I saw this mischievous tweet from ESPN this week about Sol Bamba and big Virg.

 

espnvandijk.jpeg

 

Where’s the stat for Bamba getting caught under the ball, losing his man and allowing Lewis Dunk to head Brighton in front last weekend? 

 

You can manipulate stats to show whatever the hell you like. I feel bad for Bamba because the Van Dijk comparison does him no favours. I like him, he’s a good defender and Cardiff are lucky to have him. Comparing him to the best defender in the world is silly though.

 

Cardiff equalised through Paterson, who has done alright as a makeshift striker. He’s scoring more than the likes of Benteke and Sanchez anyway.

 

Brighton were reduced to ten men when Stephens was red carded for an over the ball tackle, and Bamba made up for his error at the other end by scoring the winner from close range after his overhead kick had come back off the post. 

 

He was offside initially so he got away with that, and he got away with taking his shirt off after scoring too. He said afterwards the ref asked him ‘did you take your shirt off?’ and he told him he didn’t. Premier League refs, best in the world….

 

There was a Cardiff fan with a wig and fake tash pretending to be Vincent Tan, the club’s owner. The seat next to him was empty, no doubt because his missus didn't want to be seen with him. Imagine getting ready to go the match and going, “actually luv hold on, I’m just gonna stick on a pair of glasses and a grey wig and go as John Henry today. Get your red dress out and you can be Linda”. Whopper.

 

Elsewhere, Leicester dominated at home to Burnley but couldn’t find a way past Joe Hart and the game ended goalless. About time Burnley had a Burnley type score, but on another day they’d have lost handily.

 

Southampton got rid of Les Reed this week but kept Mark Hughes. Laughable that. Getting rid of the guy who keeps signing players who are sold on for massive profits, while somehow managing to replace them with players who are also then sold on for massive profits. He was the best thing they had going for them. 

 

My boy Gabbiadini put them ahead and then my other boy Charlie Austin thought he’d made it 2-0 but it was ruled out in farcical circumstances when the linesman thought Yoshida had gotten a touch on the shot while in an offside position. He was nowhere near it. Just a staggeringly shit decision and Austin and Southampton were left fuming.

 

It was a shocker, but then they’d gotten away with a clear penalty earlier when Bertrand scythed down a Watford player. Not that Useless saw it that way of course, the whiny bastard.

 

“It’s not good enough. All we want is for the key match defining moments to be given correctly”. Like the penalty you mean? Which would have been a second yellow for Bertrand by the way.

 

He was a fucking cry baby as a player and he’s an even bigger cry baby as a manager. I quite like Southampton, but fuck Mark Hughes. Charlie Austin’s post match rant was epic though. First class stuff that.

 

Alex Pritchard became the first Huddersfield player to score at home since April when he fired in from 20 yards against West Ham. Anderson equalised with a brilliant finish and although both sides could have won it late, it ended 1-1. Not really much use to either of them that.

 

Onto Sunday now. Arsenal have reverted back to being Arsenal again. That long winning run came to an end and since then they keep drawing. There’s a defeat coming in the post for them soon too, I can smell it.

 

Their next game is Bournemouth away. They look ripe for the picking, but it depends if the hoodoo I put on Eddie Howe’s boys is lifted in time for that game. Arsenal will then go on a six game win streak which will have everyone saying they're back, before they throw in another couple of clunkers. It's what they do.

 

They were lucky to even get a point at home to Wolves, who were comfortably the better side. They went ahead after a howler from Xhaka. Cavaliero picked the ball up and exchanged passes with Jiminez before finishing past Leno. If the Wolves fans don't have a chant for him based on the Simpsons "Canyonero" song then they don't deserve to ever see their team win again.

 

Arsenal were wide open on the break again. They always are. That’s why I was disappointed with how we played against them. Wolves' front three exploited the space far better than ours did. 

 

Arsenal equalised late on with a fluke from Mkhitaryan. Traore should have won it deep into stoppage time but Leno denied him. Then that Morgan-Gibbs kid I mentioned last week almost hit a spectacular winner but his brilliant curler came back off the inside of the post. 

 

Arsenal have Leno to thank for he point because Wolves deserved to win. They defended superbly (Coady was great) and posed a huge threat on the break. Good side.

 

Have Wolves changed their kit mid-season? This was a proper Wolves kit, with the gold shirts rather than the yellow ones I was complaining about back in August. Maybe it's my TV that's the problem?

 

Everton did us a favour by taking two points off Chelsea at Stamford Bridge. Jorginho should have been sent off for a terrible lunge on Sigurdsson. He got away with only a yellow card because Kevin Friend fucking loves Chelsea. I’ve been telling you that for years.

 

Everton wanted a penalty too when the ball hit Rudiger on the arm. Even I wouldn’t have given a pen for that so there’s no way Friend was giving it. The draw was just about fair, although Chelsea had the better of the chances.

 

The Manc derby saw United arrive at the Etihad quivering in their collectively stupid coloured boots. I don’t care who you are, if you just sit back against City and hope to keep them out, you’ll fail. I don’t know how many times managers need to see it, but the only chance you have is to have a go at them and expose a defence that isn’t actually very good when put under pressure.

 

You’d think Mourinho of all people would know this, having seen his side come from 2-0 down to win 3-2 last season after they had to throw caution to the wind. That’s the only chance you have against City, but predictably he tried to park the bus, and as the magnificent Mark Goldbridge ranted “you can’t park a bus when it’s got no bloody wheels”.

 

 

 

 

City’s third goal came with four minutes to go and United only a goal behind. They put together 44 passes before Aguero’s finish. You’re losing 2-1 with a few minutes left and you’re standing off letting the other team put 44 passes together without even attempting to press them and put a tackle in. Fucking shameful.

 

And De Gea can fuck off too, the teen wolf looking cunt. Every time he plays us he’s sensational, but look at the fucking state of him in this game. Prick.

 

United now have a negative goal difference. What have I always said about goal difference being the real measure of a team? The points can often be deceiving, but the goal difference never lies. They’re shite.

 

That's it for this week then and there's no round up next week because of the internationals, which is great for me as I'm still completely up the wall since the house move. We've had to get a full rewire done so the place has been like a building site. We had most of our furniture in a storage unit but we emptied it this week so at least we have a bed and a sofa now.

 

Actually that reminds me of something that happened this week that I may as well share. My Dad was helping me empty the storage unit and as we're putting stuff in the car, there was another family also moving stuff. The Grandma was stood by the exit looking after a little baby in a pram, and my Dad walks past carrying a big mirror.

 

He stops, puts it down in front of this woman and says "I don't know why I'm having to take this. I've told him to dump it. I mean look at it, isn't that the ugliest picture you've ever seen?"

 

Now he's never met this woman before and has no idea if she can take a joke, or if she'd even get it for that matter. I'm stood there thinking "oh fucking hell, not again", but thankfully she saw the funny side, as did her husband who heard the exchange from around the corner and said to her "don't you be looking straight into that, you'll break it".

 

Old scouse fellas just don't give a fuck do they?

Edited by tlw content


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