The penultimate round up of the season and it was another good week for us. Heroics from Alisson at the weekend to beat the Baggies and then a more routine three points at Turf Moor saw us ramp up the pressure on Chelsea and - especially Leicester - and we now go into the final fixture in fourth spot, with the potential to move up or down one.
I’m sure you’ve all seen that incredible stat about Leicester being in the top four for something like 68 out of the last 70 weeks or something mad, yet they’re staring down the barrel of another fifth place finish. It’s staggering, but if that happens at least they’ve got the FA Cup to console themselves with. That wouldn’t be much consolation to any of the ‘big six’ but Leicester had never won it before so it actually meant something to them.
It was quite refreshing to see actually, and not just because Chelsea were on the receiving end. I didn’t watch any of it live but I saw the scenes of celebrations on the news and it was a little weird with there being a crowd there. Normally I’m not happy for anyone else as I tend to hate everyone, and had it been Villa, Newcastle or Everton fans enjoying themselves at Wembley I’d have felt differently, but I was actually quite pleased for Brendan and Leicester.
I also knew that they were almost certainly going to lose the league game with Chelsea a few nights later, because that’s how it always goes. It’s weird how often the teams that meet in the cup final seem to have to face each other either immediately before or after it in the league. I might be totally wrong there and I can’t be arsed checking, but that’s how it feels. Same as when two English clubs meet in Europe it always seems to be right around the same time of a league meeting between them.
Whoever won the final was going to lose the league game because it’s hard to play with the same motivation so soon after, against the same opponent who are now looking for revenge. Remember when we absolutely fucking battered Chelsea a few days after they beat us at Wembley? Carroll and Shelvey running wild. I think a young Hendo scored a beauty that night too.
So yeah, Leicester were always losing at Stamford Bridge and it should have been by a bigger margin than 2-1.
It was an eventful game though with lots of talking points. Firstly there was a bizarre decision by Mike Dean when Werner got in front of Tielemans and the Leicester man just booted the back of his leg. Blatant pen but he gave the free-kick AGAINST Werner. In fairness it was a split second incident and I don’t blame Dean for not seeing it clearly on first view, but what the fuck is VAR doing there? Incredible.
It’s not like VAR wasn’t getting involved in everything else. Werner had one ruled out for offside and then another for handball. Why was he even celebrating that? He knew he missed it with his head and that the ball went in off his arm, but he gave it the full beans anyway. That goal was NEVER going to stand and he must have known.
He’s not too bright though is he? I mean he spends more time offside than Jack Grealish does breaking lockdown.
Rudiger put Chelsea in front and then VAR overturned an error by Dean to give Chelsea a penalty rather than a free-kick. Jorginho rolled in the penalty and at this point it looked like Leicester were going to get thumped, which would have been a good outcome for us given the potential goal difference ramifications.
Sadly that never happened because that Iheancho cunt pulled one back. The chance he buried was remarkably like the one he deliberately fluffed against City in that “Vincent Kompany game” that effectively cost us the title. Fuck that game throwing twat.
It all kicked off late on when Ricardo went in hard on Chilwell and it sparked mass handbags. Leicester’s players were probably not thrilled abut Chilwell’s celebrations when he thought he’d equalised at Wembley. Both teams have been charged over that incident and personally I thought it was disgraceful and worthy of points deductions.
City won at Newcastle on Saturday. Krafth headed Newcastle in front totally against the run of play and Shelvey then clattered the bar with a free-kick. Cancelo equalised with the aid of a big deflection and then Torres put them in front with an acrobatic flicked volley. Nice goal that.
Korean striker Joe Lin Ton made it 2-2 from the spot after he himself had been fouled, and Willock then followed suit by winning - although not converting - a penalty. Fortunately for him he was first to the rebound after Scott Carson had saved it. Two goals in as many minutes from Torres won it for City, but no-one really cares anymore do they?
Scott Carson was making his first Premier League appearance in ten years and described it as “another proud moment in my career”. Low expectation havin’ muthafucka.
Burnley secured their safety last week and have since conceded seven and scored none in a week. They gave it a decent enough go against us but they were spanked by Leeds at the weekend. Bielsa’s men were just fucking rampant. They’re ending the season on fire and they’ve been great to watch all year.
Klich curled in the opener from 20 yards just before half time and they never looked back. Harrison flicked in the second, Rodrigo made it three and then added another to wrap it up.
There was an incident involving Alioski and McNeil and that led to both managers getting a talking to as well. Based on the highlights it looked like McNeil got (rightly) pissed off at some playacting by Alioski. He lost his temper and stood over him, shouting. It looked like he may have spat on him too, but whether that was deliberate or not there’s no way of knowing.
Dyche subbed him before he got himself in trouble and as he left the field Alioski first pulled tongues at him and then looked like he was making a gesture that basically amounted to “haha get off yer fucking mong”. A Burnley player put in a complaint about it, presumably on the basis that it could have been interpreted as a monkey taunt. That’s not what it was, but it was a really bizarre, school playground type of thing to do. Will be interesting to see what happens though.
Brighton took a late lead against West Ham through Welbeck but it lasted only a minute before Benrahma equalised. Good result for us as it took West Ham completely out of the equation for the top four once and for all.
Elsewhere, Southampton had a win as Adams lashed in his ninth of the season to break the deadlock and Tella doubled their lead with his first touch after coming on as a sub. Fulham’s teenage debutant Carvalho blasted in to pull one back before Walcott finished it off with a deflected shot. Goals from that cunt are like rocking horse shit these days. What a fucking waste of a career.
If I never see Fulham in the Premier League ever again it will be too soon, the yo-yo twats. Thanks for Harvey, now just fuck off.
And is it just me, or does Ralph Hasselhoff always seem to be soaking wet? Every time I see him on the touchline is seems to be pissing down on him. Does he have his own little raincloud following him around?
Onto Sunday now. Hodgson must have read last week’s Round Up as he announced he was leaving Palace. He didn’t confirm he was retiring, but surely he will. They beat Villa in what was actually a really good game.
McGinn fired Villa in front but Benteke equalised with a towering header. Could really do without him going into beast mode just in time for their trip to Anfield. That was a great goal.
El Ghazi restored Villa’s lead with a back post finish. It feels like he scores every other week and it’s always the exact same goal. I don’t think he’s very good but I don’t have the irrational dislike of him that I have for that Trezeguet tit on the opposite flank. If El Ghazi were to needlessly change his name to Dugarry then maybe I’d have beef with him too, but until then he gets a pass.
Zaha made it 2-2 with a shot that went in via a huge deflection. He’s scored 11 goals this season without really getting any kind of headlines or praise for it. Their young left back Mitchell won it when he snuck in at the far post and chested the ball in.
Wolves lost again. Kane put Spurs in front just before half time with a perfectly timed run and predictably good finish. VAR looked at it and ruled it onside, but there was virtually no difference between this and the one he had disallowed the other week. Just depends on what the VAR nonce decides he wants to do.
Kane almost made it 2-0 but Patricio made a brilliant stop to turn it into the post and then Alli hit the other post from the rebound. Hjoiberg eventually added a second and Spurs were good value for it as Wolves were garbage again.
Traore has been playing well the last few weeks but most of his good work comes to nothing. He’ll beat six players and carry the ball eighty yards, then he rolls it to Fabio Silva who shoots wide. Rinse and repeat.
The funniest moment of the weekend was obviously Alisson’s header, but Everton losing at home to Sheffield United was a distant second. A 17 year old making his debut got the winner, meaning both he and Alisson have now outscored Rhian Brewster. Kinell. Still, Dom Solanke has been tearing it up in the Championship so there’s hope for Rhian yet.
Midweek now, and I’ve already covered Chelsea and Leicester. Also that night, United were being held at home by Fulham. They’re the worst second placed team since….. well since they finished second under Mourinho. No protests before this game. Can’t think why. Fucking wankers.
Apparently there was a plan to chant against the Glazers in the 51st minute but it fell flat when they got a free-kick on the edge of the box. Good to see their priorities are clear. Sad bastards.
United’s goal was a farce. Great finish by Skeleton but he’s offside. You have the ridiculous situation where the goal is given because they claimed Fernandez got a touch on the clearance by the keeper (he clearly didn’t) but then the keeper is awarded the assist. Absolute joke. Imagine if there was actually anything riding on this game.
Brighton beat City. Before the game it was all smiles between Potter and Guardiola. They were chatting cordially at pitchisde, and Guardiola had been glowing in his praise of the Brighton boss in the build up. By full time it was all kicking off. Pep’s a nice guy until you beat him you see.
There was a video doing the rounds from City’s title celebrations and Guardiola was in full on smug wanker mode. It was horrible, I immediately wished I hadn’t pressed play on it. A mate summed it up perfectly though “He’s only got two modes hasn’t he? Smug and crybaby”. He said that the night BEFORE the strop at Brighton, which merely proved the point perfectly.
City scored after a couple of minutes through Gundogen but Cancelo was sent off soon after. That was a fucking scandalous decision that though. He didn’t do anything at all. Foden made it 2-0 to the ten men but Trossard started the comeback with a cool finish that was the beginning of a complete onslaught by Brighton.
Webster headed the equaliser and Dan Burn won it with the scruffiest goal ever. The kind of goal you’d expect from an eight foot tall wing back on his wrong foot.
City rallied and should have had a penalty when Lallana dived in and went over the ball on Jesus. He probably clipped the top of the ball before nailing Jesus on the shin with his follow through, and I genuinely can’t believe that wasn’t given.
The stadium was bouncing and those Brighton fans had a great time. Good for them, their team has done well this season and this was a nice send off for them. Potter seemingly got a bit carried away which annoyed Guardiola and his staff. Not sure what he did but he apologised and insisted he meant no offence.
Of course he didn’t, he’s clearly one of the good guys which is more than can be said for the little bald cunt who was kicking off at him. God I fucking hate Guardiola, the little weirdo.
I like Potter a lot though, he just seems like a top fella. I heard him on the radio earlier in the week saying “I”m not a sexy appointment. There’s nothing sexy about me. I’m even called Graham and there’s never been anyone sexy called Graham”. Man’s got a point.
Leeds won at Southampton in a game of two halves. The Saints dominated the first half but couldn’t score. Leeds dominated the second and found the net twice.
Ward-Prowse has four goals from free-kicks this season and he almost made it five with a thirty yarder that hit the bar. He’s incredible from a dead ball. He is what Charlie Adam was supposed to be. You’d pay £10m just for his set-pieces.
My boy Bamford went round the keeper, was clipped, stayed on his feet and got fuck all. He was fucking fuming and was saying to the ref over and over “So I have to dive?” and he’s right. If he went down, penalty all day. You stay up and you aren’t getting anything.
He would eventually make it 1-0 with a goal that looked offside. Remember the one he had disallowed earlier in the season because he was pointing where he wanted the ball and his arm was offside? This looked way more off than that but it was given. Roberts calmly side footed the second and Leeds were good value for the win. What a season they’ve had.
Onto Wednesday now. The Bueshite finally won a home game, edging out sorry Wolves 1-0 with a Richarlison header. First thing that cunt’s done in months, but the tackle on Thiago will buy him plenty of time before they turn on him. Same with Pickford, he’s got a free pass on howlers now and a place in their hearts forever.
Can’t believe how disappointing Wolves have been this season, but hopefully they end on a high and beat the Mancs this weekend. Nuno is leaving after that game which is surprising I guess, even though I’m not surprised. They’ve seriously underachieved this season and it’s not just because they lost Jimenez to a broken head. Jorge Mendes will have a client ready to step in and do that job. Shit, he might even do it himself.
Spurs fans have been waiting the best part of 12 months to be able to boo their team and they made up for lost time against Villa. I don’t even blame them. They were charged £60 for that shite and they’re also having to deal with the Kane situation. My take on that is he isn’t going anywhere because Levy won’t accept anything less than Kane’s value and nobody is going to pay that.
It’s a Zaha at Palace or Grealish at Villa situation. Kane is worth far more to Spurs than he is to anyone else, so they aren’t going to sell for the valuation another club puts on him. He’s going nowhere whether he likes it or not.
Speaking of Grealish, he was back in the Villa line up and they won. Not a co-incidence. Hopefully he can inspire them to another three points against Chelsea this weekend.
Villa deserved that win at Spurs as they played well. Spurs started ok and led through Bergwijn, but after that they were awful. Somehow Lloris got away with flattening Watkins without conceding a penalty. Incredible that one. He just flew into him and knocked him sprawling.
Reguilon scored an all timer own goal to make it 1-1 when he shinned it past his keeper from 18 yards and then Watkins quickly made it 2-1. That was all she wrote for Spurs, who are in such disarray at the moment it’s not inconceivable that Leicester score the goals they need to claw back the goal difference advantage we have.
West Ham secured a European spot with a win at the Hawthorns, prompting Allardyce to spit his chips into his gravy. There’s a lot of things I could say about his post-match rant but I’m not going to because I can’t be arsed. I’ve said everything that needs saying about that big turd and hopefully I’ll never need to say it again because we won’t see him in the Premier League anymore.
Maybe I’m kidding myself there, he’s got good PR (everyone on talksport championing him constantly) and some soft bastard will panic next January and go begging him to save them. If he had anything about him he’d stay at West Brom and get them back up, but he’s quit because he can’t be arsed. He just wants the six month rescue act with the big salary and then six months with Gary and Keyes in Dubai. Fuck him.
Finally, Newcastle beat Sheffield United and need one more win for Bruce to finish with more points than Rafa’s best season. Didn’t stop those fans from booing him though. Not sure what exactly they want or expect. By all means hate Ashley, but Steve Bruce has just kept you up with plenty to spare you ungrateful deluded cunts.
There isn’t a pundit out there who can talk about Newcastle without saying “they’ve got great fans up there”. Fuck off. There’s a world of difference between being obsessed and great. They may well I’ve and breathe Newcastle United but most of them are fucking idiots. They don’t like Steve Bruce because his style of play is boring and defensive. Fair enough, I’d accept that viewpoint if they weren’t all going home after games and then wanking into socks while gazing at the Rafa posters on their walls.
Don’t tell me that Rafa’s Newcastle were better to watch than Bruce’s, because that’s bollocks. They were fucking turgid under Rafa but he did a nice job of pinning all their deficiencies on Ashley. Bruce doesn’t get the benefit of that doubt as he’s seen as Ashley’s stooge.
Yet when Bruce has had his full compliment of attackers fit and available they’ve been decent. The problem is they spent most of the season with either Wilson and / or Saint Maximin sidelined. Until this win over Sheffield United they hadn’t won a game without Wilson, which shows just how important he is.
The point is, Steve Bruce is a decent man who has done a pretty damn good job at Newcastle (he also signed Willock on loan, which proved to be a masterstroke) and he deserves better than the shit that is being thrown his way by those fucking try hards. If I was him I’d walk away now and leave them to it. He can leave with his big old fat head held high.
Wait, I almost forgot Arsenal, which is fairness is very easy to do these days. They ruined Hodgson’s last home game by turning Palace over at Selhurst. Arsenal played well and Pepe is showing a bit of form now, in true Arsenal fashion. They’re good when it no longer matters. I’m not wasting anyone’s time by discussing Arsenal though, the pointless twats.
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