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Premier League Round Up (Mar 6-8 2021)

For those of you still reading these I salute you. Another grim weekend from our perspective and it’s now reached a stage where I no longer have any idea who we are in competition with and who we need to lose games. I guess it doesn’t matter when we lose every week anyway.

 

The top four looks like it’s well gone now so we’re almost at the point where we need those above us to keep winning so we can avoid the Europa League spots. Playing on Thursday nights (or even worse, afternoons!) again? Nah, you’re alright. We’ll pass. 

 

So barring an immediate upturn in results that keep us in contention for the top four, we’re close to being in the situation where we need those around us to win rather than lose. It’s been that kind of season though. Absolutely fucking insane. 

 

Ok, let's get cracking then. Brighton played quite well again but were beaten by Leicester. Their problems are obvious. They just can’t score the goals to match their nice approach play. A mate said to me this week that they should sign Origi because he’s a good finisher. They could do worse and so could he. If they stay they should be looking at jibbing Welbeck and bringing in Div.

 

They did take the lead in this game when Lallana ran onto a Maupay pass and finished well. He then hit the bar with a header that would have made it 2-0 and probably seen them pick up maximum points. He also set up a goal for Maupay that was ruled out for offside and generally he ran the show for an hour. His season with them has been pretty much what everyone would have expected. He’s played some decent stuff and been in and out with injuries. Such a shame how his body kept letting him down because an injury free, prime Lallana would get in any midfield in the country. Except one picked by my mum, obviously.

 

I may have mentioned that she’s replaced Lallana in her disaffections (is that even a word?) with poor old Naby Keita now though. I got this the other day….

 

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She still calls him "Kiter" by the way because "a gust of wind sends him flying". Another update is that Gini is no longer the apple of her eye and Fabinho has gradually overtaken him as her favourite player. My dad on the other hand is currently worshipping at the alter of Nat Phillips who he says should be Virgil's partner when everyone is fit again. He also "trusts Adrian more than Alisson" so yeah there is that.

 

Anyway, to get back on track. That Iheanacho twat equalised just after the hour mark but Brighton continued to press and Lallana was denied by Schmeichel late on. Leicester should have had a penalty when Dunk brought down Vardy. It looked like a good tackle initially but the replay from behind the goal showed Dunk didn’t get the ball. For some reason though the VAR replay they kept showing was the overhead view where it looks like he did get a touch. 

 

I don’t understand this because he absolutely did not get the ball and he clearly brings down Vardy. He gets a touch to take it away from Dunk and he’s caught on the shin. At this point he just leaves his legs there to be taken away by Dunk who is sliding right across him. How the fuck is VAR not telling Oliver to go and look? It’s not Oliver’s fault as it looked a good tackle at first but it’s proper weird how they ignored the angle that shows it’s a clear pen and instead kept going over and over the one that was ambiguous.

 

The decision didn’t cost Leicester because the Brighton keeper flapped at a corner and Amartey scored to win it. I genuinely can’t believe that non-penalty though. Fucking hell.

 

Leicester had a Portuguese kid in midfield and he looked quite useful. They’re recruitment is pretty good on the whole isn’t it?

 

Burnley and Arsenal drew in a game that will only be remembered for Lacazette’s amazing scream after being fouled. The way the MOTD panel ripped him for it was funny as fuck. He should never live that down, the soft cunt.

 

Aubamayeng put Arsenal in front with a goal that should have been prevented. It was bad enough that the defender let him cut inside when it was obvious to anyone who has ever seen him play was literally the only thing he wanted to do. But then you’ve Nick Pope being beaten on his near post. This fucking cunt. Man of the match every single time he faces us and then fucking shit against everyone else. I’m developing a real dislike of this fucker.

 

Burnley’s equaliser was just about as Arsenal as it gets. Fucking around at the back as Leno plays it to Xhaka who has a man right up his arse. He has to play a pass with his right foot, which is never going to end well, and he smashed it straight at Wood and the ball bounced off him into the empty net.

 

In fairness to Leno he’s doing what he’s told to do and if Xhaka played it first time he had three team-mates in acres of space. As soon as he takes a touch he’s fucked though.

 

VAR saved the day late on when Marriner gave a pen and red card for what he thought was a deliberate handball by Pieters to stop a goal bound shot. Turns out it hit his shoulder and Marriner overturned it. It’s decisions like this that the tiny minor of VAR supporters use as justification for its existence, but I’d live with the odd mistake like this rather than the constant stream of terrible decisions and stoppages to the game we’re getting from VAR. Not to mention how it has completely killed the moment. 

 

Arsenal should have had a pen for handball but they just seem to have stopped giving them at all now. Burnley wanted one too when Vydra was clipped. Not for me, Clive. Dyche referenced that they get fewer pens than anybody. This is true. Unless they’re playing us they have no chance of getting one.

 

Southampton might be the only team in worse form than us. They’d only taken one point from nine games but just like us they were able to pick up a win at Bramall Lane. Ward-Prowse set them on their way from the spot after Tella was fouled by Ampadu, and Che Adams leathered in a beauty to make it 2-0 after the break. Absolute belter that one. Taki should have made it 3-0 but hit the side netting.

 

Still no goal for Brewster. He’s gone the full Dominic Solanke hasn’t he? Main difference was that I actually rated Solanke.

 

Next up the Midlands derby between Villa and Wolves. Villa hit the woodwork twice in the first half, Wolves did twice in the second. Seiss also put one a mile over the bar from a yard out. 

 

Villa are three points behind us with two games in hand. You know what’s really mind blowing? We’ve lost SIX home games in a row. If we’d won those, which let’s face it was a much more likely scenario than us losing all of them, we’d be second, six points behind City with a game in hand. It’s incomprehensible what’s happened to us. And it’s annoying as fuck.

 

Onto Sunday now and United beat City in the Manc derby. Didn’t watch it, don’t want to watch any highlights and the only thing I have to say about it is that it was probably the best result just because it stopped City’s winning streak and because we aren’t catching United anyway so it had no bearing on us at all.

 

City have been the best team by a mile this season but they aren’t as good as the great side they were two or three years ago. They don’t need to be though because we’ve been shite and lockdown footy has suited them down to the ground.

 

The big worry I have is if they go out and buy Haaland this summer then he’ll score sixty goals a season in that side and no-one will get near them. 

 

Sunday was fucking grim as Spurs beat Palace to leapfrog us in the table. Bale tapped in a Kane cross to put them in front and their celebration was nauseating. It was that whole “big star scores from a big star’s assist” thing where he points at him and he’s going “You! You!” while the other cunt is looking back at him going “No, you!” Fuck off.

 

I can really do without them becoming a double act. A chimp and a simpleton. A Chimpleton if you will.

 

Speaking of nauseating celebrations though, Palace levelled with a towering Benteke header and he did his shitty thigh slapping thing. I root for Benteke but I’ve got such an irrational hatred of that. When did he start doing it? Was he doing it when he played for us? Hard to remember because I can barely remember the fucker scoring. I want him to do well though. Just get a new goal celebration for fuck's sake.

 

Kane then set up Bale for another one to restore Tottenham’s lead just after the break and Kane himself added a fucking brilliant third. I know we all hate him but he is one hell of a player. At this point he’s my choice for Player of the Year.

 

Sub Zaha hit the post as Palace battled to get back into it but Son crossed for Kane to head in his second of the game to make it 4-1. No celebrations on that one as VAR did a lengthy check for offside and got the etch a sketch lines out. If that’s us that goal is ruled out without any doubt. I’m glad it wasn’t as no-one wants to see them disallowed even when it’s Kane scoring.

 

Newcastle and West Brom drew 0-0, a result that helped Fulham more than anyone. With them beating us at Anfield they narrowed the gap to Newcastle and they’ve got a real chance of getting out of it now. Newcastle and West Brom were both fucking rubbish. That Joelinton is pathetic. One of the worst strikers I’ve ever seen. Doesn’t do anything well. Absolute shite.

 

Onto Monday now when there were two games played. West Ham beat Leeds 2-0. Lingard won a pen, missed it but scored from the rebound. Dawson’s second half header wrapped it up. Dawson also hit the post with another effort. He’s not even big but he seems to get on the end of everything just by attacking it.

 

My boy Bamford had a terrible day in front of goal. Any Other Day he would have had a hat-trick but this was no Bed of Roses for him. There should be No Apologies though, just Blame it on the Love of Rock and Roll Paddy lad. Anyone wanting to have a go at him just needs to Hush. Ok ok I’ll stop now.

 

Finally, Chelsea beat Everton because…. that’s right, Everton are shite. Listen, just because we’re below them doesn’t mean I’m wrong. They are shite. It’s just that we’ve been worse. Doesn’t change that they’re shite though.

 

Havertz set them on their way with a deflected strike from an Alonso cross. He thought he’d added a second but it was correctly ruled out for offside. He also won a penalty when he was flattened by Pickford. Jorginho converted and Chelsea won at a canter really.

 

Of course Timo Walcott didn’t score and he missed yet another one v one. Their attacking depth is fucking ridiculous these days. When they beat us last week they did it with Giroud, Pulisic, Havertz and Hudson-Odoi on the bench. If they’d started the season with Tuchel managing them instead of Lampard there might still be a title race.


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My boy Bamford had a terrible day in front of goal. Any Other Day he would have had a hat-trick but this was no Bed of Roses for him. There should be No Apologies though, just Blame it on the Love of Rock and Roll Paddy lad. Anyone wanting to have a go at him just needs to Hush. Ok ok I’ll stop now.

 

 

This really should have stopped months ago 

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38 minutes ago, Whelan5 said:

 

My boy Bamford had a terrible day in front of goal. Any Other Day he would have had a hat-trick but this was no Bed of Roses for him. There should be No Apologies though, just Blame it on the Love of Rock and Roll Paddy lad. Anyone wanting to have a go at him just needs to Hush. Ok ok I’ll stop now.

 

 

This really should have stopped months ago 

I'm Always going to do it. 

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Kept half an eye on that Dawson lad since he was in the England under-21's and he has made me a few bob betting on him scoring over the years. Odd how some defenders just seem to have the knack while others couldn't score in a brothel. I remember William Gallas explaining his system attacking corners as just aiming to arrive 4 or 5 yards out facing the back post saying you get 5 goals a season from tap ins on deliveries that have avoided everybody or deflected through.

 

 

 

 

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Yeah it's just obvious and it baffles me whenever I see a corner avoid everyone and then go out of play on the other side. Hanging around that back post is something every team should have a player doing.

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1 hour ago, dave u said:

Yeah it's just obvious and it baffles me whenever I see a corner avoid everyone and then go out of play on the other side. Hanging around that back post is something every team should have a player doing.

Got to play the percentages.

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1 hour ago, Stephen Adams. said:

We could still end up in Europe in that new Conference thing that starts next season despite our best efforts in the league.

With our home league form we could just end up in the Conference 

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Things like "chimpleton" are why I'm still reading these!

 

This year has been beyond shite for us, but sooner or later it'll get better. All we can do is grin and bear it until it does. We've had 3 pretty good years and I'm sure there'll be more to come. VAR will get it's reckoning, they're asking all club managers and captains to give feedback on it, can't imagine there'll be too many glowing endorsements.

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Apart from the Manc derby result which I accidentally saw on Twitter, this is the first time hearing these results.  Kane is a shoe-in for the FWA player of the year as they've been blowing smoke up his arse all season about his 'assists', the slobbering goon, isn't the PFA one usually voted for around now?

 

 

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I don't put too much stock in the 'assists' stat but in fairness to Kane most of his have been legit ones. Great through balls and crosses to Son and Bale.

 

He's by far and away POTY for me.

 

Still hate him like, but there's no doubt he's a great player.

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5 minutes ago, dave u said:

I don't put too much stock in the 'assists' stat but in fairness to Kane most of his have been legit ones. Great through balls and crosses to Son and Bale.

 

He's by far and away POTY for me.

 

Still hate him like, but there's no doubt he's a great player.

He'd be unbelievable in our team.

 

Perfect for Mane and Salah.

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Prior to the last 12 months I'd have completely disagreed with that, but the way he's developed his game now to be able to drop deep and create as well as play up top and score, yeah, he'd be amazing.

 

I'd probably still hate him though!

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3 hours ago, dave u said:

I don't put too much stock in the 'assists' stat but in fairness to Kane most of his have been legit ones. Great through balls and crosses to Son and Bale.

 

He's by far and away POTY for me.

 

Still hate him like, but there's no doubt he's a great player.

Him or Fernandes this season, they have both been incredible.

 

Obviously I have to say I hate them...

 

...but fuck me would I love either/both in our team right now. 

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