A good weekend as the Reds weren’t able to ruin it by losing and I was able to just completely avoid all footy until now, as I catch up on it by watching MOTD. I’d prefer to play on Monday nights all the time now until we’re allowed back in.
I know I say this a lot, but until now I didn’t have a clue how most of these games finished. I knew Everton lost to Burnley because it was mentioned in one of the group chats. This did not surprise me in the least because Everton are fucking shit. I keep saying it and they keep proving it.
They’re fucking pathetic. The horrific run we’ve been on and the countless opportunities we’ve given them to pull away from us, and they keep shitting the bed. It offends me so much that we’ve let them get this close to us and I feel like slapping our players and saying to them “you should be fucking ashamed. Look how shit they are. Now look at the fucking table!!”
Their home form is almost as bad as ours. Burnley went in front very early when Tom Davies lost the ball and seconds later Wood was smashing it into the net.
Burley then wanted a penalty for handball. That would be given maybe 75% of the time as the defender’s arm is up above his head as the ball hits it. I don’t want to see that given as a penalty as his arm is up because he’s jumping, but more often than not that would be given. Burnley don’t get pens though. Only when they play us.
McNeill made it 2-0 with an absolutely brilliant goal. Nice drop of the shoulder to leave his marker for dead, then a perfectly placed curler from 25 yards right into the postage stamp. Goal of the month probably that.
It will be enough to keep people talking about what an exciting young player he is when the truth is he’s a poor man’s Stewart Downing. I’ve said it before, but he gets overhyped because of two things.
One, Burnley don’t ever give any young players a chance so the assumption is that he must be special. He isn’t.
Two, Burnley don’t have any players with pace or skill, so because McNeill has both it stands out way more than it would if he played for someone else. Don’t get me wrong, I think he’s alright and I’m not saying he’s shit, but two goals a season from an attacking player is Downing-esque. That was a great goal though.
It almost got even worse for Everton as Gudmundsen hit the post with a low shot from 20 yards. That would have been game over but the Blues took advantage of that reprieve and pulled one back through Calvert-Lewin. The absolute state of Nick Pope again though. Making himself small, Adrian style.
He did make a good stop to deny Gomes soon after though. Mee hit the bar and Vydra was denied by some jabroni keeper they brought on to replace the injured Prickford and Burnley were good value for the points. Technically they’re still in the relegation discussion but there’s no fucking way they’re going to be caught by any of those below them.
One of those teams are West Brom who were beaten at Selhurst by Palace. Dreadful game, very little quality from either side but Palace just about shaded it and deserved the points.
They finally gave a pen for handball in this one. For weeks now defenders have been handling in the box without punishment and some of them have been pretty outrageous. If this one had not been given then they may as well scrap the rule altogether.
The West Brom lad leaned sideways to try and block a shot with his chest but it was too far away from him and it hit his arm. You’ve absolutely got to give that. The ref missed it but VAR told him to take a look and he pointed to the spot. Milovojevic buried the pen.
Benteke went close with a rasping left footer that was superbly saved by Johnstone. The big fella is looking like he might be finding some form at long last.
Zaha is no longer taking the knee which has upset some people. His reasons for not doing it seem perfectly valid to me but I can see why some people feel it’s not a good look.
I'm like Marvin in Pulp Fiction when Vincent asks him what he thinks of the 'miracle' they just witnessed. "Man, I don't even have an opinion". Who the fuck am I to be getting involved in that discussion? In fact I'm not Marvin, I’m the barman who doesn't want to get involved when Vincent and Butch are having a disagreement. “My name’s Paul, and this shit's between y’all.”
Elsewhere, Fulham held out until the second half against City but then collapsed like a house of cards. It was all going fine until they allowed Stones to get on the end of a set-piece and that was the beginning of the end.
Getting sick of City’s centre backs scoring loads now. It’s just yet another massive slap in the face for us really. Last season it was Big Virg doing that while City bemoaned the loss of Laporte. Now their defenders are scoring virtually every week while the last time one of ours even got a head on an attacking set-piece was probably around November.
Jesus made it 2-0 when Fulham got caught playing around at the back. They’d worked it around brilliantly too and looked like they’d played their way out of danger but then Andersen got put in a bad spot and panicked. Aguero finished it off with a penalty that looked a bit harsh to me.
I want to like Scott 'Scotty' Parker, I really do. I like how Fulham play and I think he’s got the makings of a very good manager. Currently though I just can’t get past that fucking jacket. It makes me want to root against him. I’m not a fan of managers dressing like they’ve just stepped out of a Matalan catalogue. I blame Guardiola. He started this shitty trend, the bald little weirdo.
Leeds v Chelsea ended goalless but Leeds edged it on chances. Roberts was within a whisker of putting Leeds in front with a 25 yard curler. It hit the bar and when you see the replay you can just spot a slight touch by Mendy. Fantastic save that. He made another great stop to deny Raphinha and Leeds ought to have won the game really.
Worryingly, my boy Bamford was forced off after an awkward landing. He'll have been well up for this as he used to play for Chelsea. Well, he spent five years with them, on loan at other clubs. He had lengthy treatment from the physio and I'm willing to be my house that this is how he greeted the physio when he arrived on the scene….
So yeah, I did actually download the full video of that song and then edited it solely for the purpose of making that gag. And you know what, it was worth it. I have no regrets at all.
Aaaaaaaanyway, Chelsea have so many attacking players that Tuchel doesn’t know what to do with them. He’s just shuffling the pack every game now. Against Leeds he went with Havertz up front, Pulisic, Ziyech and Mount behind. He doesn’t seem to fancy Abraham much does he?
My Mackem brother in law has had a good week as Sunderland won a trophy. He’s been to Wembley seven times and they’ve lost every one. The first time he wasn’t there they won, so he’s been jinxing them all this time.
Anyway, the reason I mention him is he was telling me about a Newcastle fan who rang up the local radio phone in and kept referring to their striker “Linton”. He obviously thinks Joe is his first name, the absolute whopper.
Newcastle’s plunge towards the bottom three looked to be continuing when they fell behind late at home to Villa on Friday night. A deflected header by Watkins looked to have condemned them to another defeat but they threw everything at Villa in the closing stages and Lascelles headed in an equaliser with the last kick of the game. Could be a massive point for them.
Onto Sunday now and the North London derby, which Arsenal won 2-1 thanks to a, let's call it 'contentious' penalty.
First though, the Lamela goal that put Spurs ahead. So many people were raving about it and the MOTD commentator called it “the best goal you are ever likely to see in a North London derby”. Fuck off. I saw it and had the complete opposite reaction. I’m going full ‘yer da’ here but if I was his manager I’d have that bum doing extra sessions to work on his weak foot.
Sorry to piss on anyone's chips here, but Rabonas are for one footed twats and show offs. I’ve never done a rabona in my life. You know why? If you read the Wolves match report the other day you should know the answer to this. I would just use my left foot because I’m not a one footed cunt or a show off.
Lamela deserves zero credit for that goal. Absolutely none whatsoever. 99 times out of 100 that doesn’t come off. He got lucky. He should just be bending that in with his right foot but he didn’t because he’s a one footed cunt. Apparently he hasn’t completed a pass with his right foot all season. I'm not even joking. That's an official stat. What a fucking useless sack of shit.
That was the only effort Spurs had on target all day. Arsenal completely bossed them and had far more chances. They’d hit the woodwork twice before Odegaard’s deflected shot got them level just before half time.
Lacazette won and converted a penalty to make it 2-1. Sanchez got nowhere near the ball and caught Lacazette, but the striker had already taken his shot and completely missed his kick. In fact, his follow through actually initiates the contact with Sanchez who is trying to make a block of a shot that never comes.
Michael Oliver further angered Spurs when he sent off Lamela for two bookings. The first one was a good tackle and even the second one was a bit soft as he tried to hand off Tierney who threw himself to the floor. You live by the sword you die by it though. Remember Lamela’s despicable antics to get Martial sent off earlier in the season? Twat.
Kane thought he’d equalised with a brilliant header but he was offside. He then hit the post in the dying seconds from a free-kick he’d won with a trademark dive. Sanchez almost scored the rebound but Gabriel made a great block.
A deserved win for Arsenal and Spurs are fortunate that fans aren’t in stadiums because their fans would be bored shitless by how they’re playing most weeks. As I write this they are 3-0 down to a team whose manager has just been sent to prison.
Mourinho blamed Michael Oliver and Paul Tierney for the defeat because his take on the penalty was that the ball had gone when Sanchez made contact. That’s obvious but they occasionally do give pens even when the ball has gone when it suits them. It happened to us against Burnley for example. So it’s tough shit.
Sheffield United sacked Chris Wilder last week. Fuck knows why they did it now. I don’t know if it was the right thing to do or not as I’ve not paid enough attention to what’s been going on. In fairness you could probably sack him for the Brewster signing alone. Solanke got Eddie Howe the sack and now history has repeated itself with this.
One thing I would say is it doesn’t look like he had lost the dressing room based on how they played against Leicester. This was not a team that went out there with a fresh spring in their step because the man they were sick of had gone. They played like they were pissed off and miserable about it.
They even let that Iheanacho cunt score a fucking hat-trick. Not only that, they let that Ayoze Perez loser score as well. No wonder they’re getting relegated.
Vardy thought he’d added a fifth but it will go down as an own goal as it wasn’t going in before it hit Ampadu.
Leicester are in a real fight for second with the Mancs and hopefully they’ll get it. They deserve it I think, not least because of how well they’ve coped with an injury list that is second only to ours.
Iheanacho said he was “really emotional” and “I thank God that this day came”. Get to fuck you absolute shithouse. Thanking God?? You weren’t asking “what would Jesus do?” when you deliberately missed that sitter at the Etihad just to help out your old club. Jesus would have done the right thing and tucked that away in the corner and helped the Reds win the league. So fuck you. Twat. There are very few players I’d wish serious injury on. He’s one of them.
Brighton beat Southampton in a cracking game at St Mary’s. Dunk headed them in front from about 12 yards following a corner. Forster went down like a roll of lino though, the Frankenstein looking cunt.
Adams equalised after Brighton failed to clear a corner but Young Farage (aka Trossard) won it for Brighton when he finished off a lovely move. Brighton scoring more than one in a game is almost unheard of but Southampton are in a wretched run so it’s hardly surprising. If they hadn’t started the season so well they’d be right in the shit with Brighton.
Finally, United edged out West Ham at Old Trafford. No idea who scored, no idea who deserved to win. No interest in finding out.
The fixture list is a bit weird over the coming weeks but I'll continue with the round ups, even if they're shorter than usual due to the lack of games.
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