Jump to content
tlw content
tlw content

Premier League Round Up (Jul 26 2020)

The longest season in history is finally over, and for the first time I'm able to write one of these final day recaps without having to mention another club being Champions. Feels good.

 

It wasn't the most dramatic of final days was it? Leicester, Watford and Bournemouth were the biggest losers, with Villa, Chelsea and United the ones left celebrating (much to the annoyance of Roy Keane, I'll get to that later).

 

Watford are so shit that they couldn’t even get a result against an Arsenal side with both eyes on next week’s FA Cup Final. Arsenal had nothing to play for, Watford had everything to play for. And Arsenal still won. Watford would have probably gone down even if they’d kept Nigel Pearson but getting rid of him ended any slim hope they had.

 

The Gunners went ahead after just five minutes with a VAR awarded penalty after Dawson clumsily barged into the back of Lacazette. Notorious Arsenal hater Mike Dean didn’t give it initially but VAR corrected that mistake and Dean’s face was a picture as he got the message through his ear piece. You could see him thinking “Ok, if that’s how you want it, but I still say I was right”.

 

Aubamayeng converted from the spot to edge closer to Vardy in the race for the Golden Boot. He then teed up Tierney for the second, which came immediately after Watford had wasted a glorious chance to equalise. Soon it was 3-0 as Aubamayeng produced a brilliant overhead kick to get himself within one of Vardy. That’s as close as he would get as Watford dominated the rest of the game and Arsenal almost went the full Arsenal.

 

Dean confirmed his true colours by awarding a penalty AGAINST Arsenal when Luiz caught Welbeck. The striker got his shot away, it was saved, and Luiz arrived a fraction late and kicked him. There is no way on earth though that Dean gives that at the other end.

 

I read somewhere that Luiz set a Premier League record for penalties conceded with that. At least this time he didn’t also pick up a red card. Money well spent that new contract. I'm glad he's staying as he's one of the most entertaining players in the league. He's like the golfer who goes birdie, eagle, quadruple bogey right the way through his round. He's the one you want to follow around as you never know what he's going to do next. That's David Luiz that.

 

Deeney tucked the penalty away and he didn’t go down the middle this time. Must have read what I said last week. That sparked a Watford flourish and Welbeck’s close range strike made it 3-2. They peppered the Arsenal goal after that but couldn’t force an equaliser.

 

So off you fuck, Watford. Hopefully the newly promoted teams will fare better against Man City than you did. Let’s face it, they can hardly do worse.

 

I’ll miss my boy Troy though, unless he gets picked up by another top flight club of course. He was asked by an interviewer after the game if he was planning on retiring and replied: “I’m not that old. You cheeky bastard. Sorry, shouldn’t swear. Sorry!”. Like I say, I’ll miss him, he’s good entertainment.

 

Is there anything worth scavenging from the Watford carcass? Sarr seems to be a player who a lot of Reds would take. I liked him before he even joined Watford as I remember him excelling as an attacking right back in the World Cup or Senegal. I wouldn’t want us to sign him though. Maybe in a couple of years he might reach the required standard but right now he’s nowhere near. Doesn’t score enough goals, misses too many chances and still has a lot of developing to do.

 

Doucoure will be in demand and Deulefeu would be getting a lot of attention too if he hadn’t picked up that bad injury against us. Neither would be of interest to us but both are good Premier League players. On his day, Deulefeu is brilliant. That ‘day’ used to be two or three times a season but over the past year or so he’s improved his consistency. Danny Welcrap is finally about to find his level though, at long last.

 

There is one player from Watford I’d probably take though depending on the circumstances and cost. Ben Foster. Now hear me out. He’s not someone I’d be looking at if we didn’t already have Alisson. He’s not number one at a top club material but name me a better number two in this league. I don’t think there is one.

 

Foster has easily been a top ten keeper in the Premier League these last few seasons. He’s got the occasional howler in him but every week on MOTD he seems to be making miracle saves. I don’t know what’s happening with Adrian and whether we’ll be in the market for a new number two, but if we are I’d defo be kicking the tyres on Foster (I'd consider Joe Hart too, although I'm pretty sure I'm in a minority on that). He’s English too which helps on the home grown quota, although I think we’re fine on that anyway.

 

So Watford can fuck off, they have no complaints, but I can see why Bournemouth will be looking angrily at that failed hawkeye incident that gave Villa a point against Sheffield United. They’re talking about legal action but it won’t get them anywhere. Not unless they can borrow Man City’s lawyers.

 

They have a legitimate beef about that but they also need to be looking in the mirror because ultimately Bournemouth just left it too late to start showing some form. They comfortably beat Everton at the Pit but it counted for nothing as Villa picked up the point they needed at West Ham.

 

Richarlison’s handball allowed King to open the scoring from the spot but Moise Kean equalised with a tap in. Goals from him are rarer than rocking horse shit. The same could have been said about Dom Solanke until recently, but he’s doing alright now and he restored Bournemouth’s lead with a great header. I hope he tears up it in the Championship next year.

 

Stanislas made it 3-1 as Pickford yet again made a fool of himself. Proper shit him. Just mistake after mistake after mistake. Him and De Gea seem to be trying to out-clown each other and Pickford is winning by a distance. What makes it worse is he's an arrogant little cunt with it, always shouting at people and being an aggressive, cocky little prick. His team-mate probably fucking hate him.

 

I see Richarlison has pledged his future to the Blues this week. Kind of. Sort of. Ok, so what he said was if an offer comes in then I’m off, but if it doesn’t then “I guess I could hold on for another year”. Maybe he thinks Barcelona will come back in for him? Actually they might, as they seem pretty fucking clueless of late. Anyone on the planet with a Brazilian passport probably has a shot at a move to Camp Nou these days.

 

I see that Bilbo Baines retired after this game. Can’t say I blame him. Playing in that team has to have taken a heavy toll. Even more of a toll than when he was carrying the ring around all those years before palming it off on poor unsuspecting Frodo. What is it they like to say? When Everton touches you you’ll never be the same.

 

Funny thing is he left Wigan 13 years ago to give himself a better chance of success and in that period Wigan have won more than Everton. You can't write this shit, that's why I stopped years ago. Everton's reality is funnier than any piss take I can come up with.

 

The result left the Blues languishing in 12th. Ancelotti has been in management for 25 years and had never finished in the bottom half until now. Again, when Everton touches you…

 

So despite Bournemouth winning it was Villa who survived thanks to a draw at West Ham. They took the lead late on through Grealish but were pegged back immediately through a deflected Yarmolenko shot that looped over a desperately back-pedalling Reina (he’d have saved that easily back in his prime). 

 

They were never going to lose it in the closing minutes though because West Ham had no incentive to score. The players probably felt arlarse on Villa, knowing that if they scored they’d be relegating them. Maybe with a crowd in there it might have been different but with an empty stadium there was nothing to push West Ham into trying to score. If I’d have been a Villa player I’d have been in the ear of the Hammers lads telling them to just chill and take the draw. 

 

It was the perfect final day fixture for Villa really. They looked dead and buried when footy restarted, especially as they continued to lose. But the shitness of Watford and Bournemouth kept them in it and then they rallied to save themselves with two wins and two draws from their last four games. 

 

There were scenes of jubilant celebrations afterwards, much to the contempt of Roy Keane. The look of complete disgust on his face was great, as was Micah Richards’ hysterical laughter in reaction to it. Great TV that.

 

My take before I saw it was that I wouldn’t begrudge the Villa players celebrating as an outpouring of relief is completely understandable. When I actually saw it though, the singing of “Sweet Caroline” and all the dancing and bouncing around, yeah I’m leaning more towards Keane’s take on it. I understand that any team in that position is going to celebrate but it doesn’t sit well with me at all when I watch it. Just makes me look at them and think ‘you fucking losers, next year you won’t be so lucky’.

 

So I completely get why someone who thinks the way Keane does would be appalled by it. I reckon Souness probably had the same reaction when he saw it. Say what you like about Keane but it’s that single minded, win at all costs and anything else is failure mentality that made him the great player he was. 

 

And he was a great player. I have no qualms about admitting that. United had several genuinely world class players during that era and I fucking hated them all (Schmeichel, Hughes, Ronaldo, Cantona etc). Yet all of the United greats were seen as being greats while they were playing. Only one of them has become a great since hanging up his boots. Only one has seen his reputation grow with each year since he stopped playing. It’s a mystery even Colombo couldn’t solve. 

 

At the current rate of progression in ten years time Paul Scholes is going be sandwiched in between Messi and Maradona on the all time greats list. It’s fucking ridiculous. Seems like every other week there’s some slapdick or other who was selected for one England squad, coming out of the woodwork and trying to make himself seem like some sort of football sage by waffling on about how under-rated he was and “no-one could get near Scholes in training" or “he was always three moves ahead of everyone else”. 

 

Fuck off with that shit. If he was that great then people would have said it at the time and we’d have all seen it with our own eyes. He was never even in the top three players at United in the entire time he played there. I’ll fight anyone to the death before I’ll ever concede that Scholes was world class. Over-rated miserable little manc ballbag.  

 

I have absolutely no idea how I ended up talking about Paul fucking Scholes but clearly it must have been festering away and I needed to get it out, so there you have it.

 

So anyway, Villa live to bore another day while Nice Guy Eddie now has to face the prospect of life back in the Championship. Assuming he stays there of course, which he might not. What would be the point really? He’s taken them to heights they’ll surely never scale again. He should look for a new challenge now. 

 

Maybe Grealish will too? It was fitting that he scored the goal to ultimately keep Villa up as they’ve been almost a one man team at times this year. Mings has done alright too but it’s mostly just Grealish isn’t it? He might stay now they’ve survived, but it probably depends who comes in for him and how much Villa demand. Early reports suggest £80m. Anyone who pays that is utterly fucking mental and has more money than sense. So United it is then.

 

If we were flush with cash and in the market for a player like that, I’d be all over him (but not anywhere close to that price) even if it was just to see my mum’s reaction. We aren’t flush with cash and we aren’t in for a player like that, because if we were I’d much prefer we brought Coutinho back.

 

Is there anyone from Bournemouth worth cherry picking (see what I did there? They’re the cherries, and I said cherry picking, because we’d be picking from the cherries. This is what you pay your subscription for)? City are taking Ake (they’re welcome to him) and there will be quite a few other players in demand. Wilson, King and Stanislas are all mid level Premier League players, while a lot of people seem to like Lewis Cook.

 

I don’t think there’s anyone who would be of interest to us other than maybe the kid at left back who turned us down to go there. I didn’t want Bournemouth to go down but now that they have I can’t say I want them to come back up. I’d rather a team with a bigger stadium came up, just because it makes it easier for our travelling fans to get a ticket.

 

Onto the top four ‘race’ now. Initially I felt bad for Leicester as I believed they deserved top four having been there all year right up until the final week. Then I saw their record since Christmas. Fucking hell, it’s not far off relegation form. The only reason they were able to hang on for so long is because of the flaws of everyone else other than us and City.

 

I do have sympathy for them over what’s happened since lockdown as they’ve just been killed by injuries. They don’t have a big enough squad to cope with that and nor should they. They’ve done well to build such an impressive first eleven but you can’t expect a team with their resources to have a star studded bench too.

 

The last few games they’ve been without the two full backs, Ndidi, Maddison and Soyuncu and it’s completely killed them. Here’s the thing with Brendan. When things are going well he’s great. He can set up a team to play a certain way and when he has his best players it can be really effective. When the going gets tough though, he just doesn’t have it in him to just dig in and grind out some results. 

 

With all of those injuries Leicester should have just reverted back to the old “sit back and hit Vardy on the break” tactic that won them a league title. Instead they just continued trying to play 'Rodgeball' and the end result is the soft cunts have allowed United to sneak into the Champions League. I find that hard to forgive so I hope they go down next year.

 

They had their fate in their own hands but lost 2-0 to United. It was so predictable too. They even let Jesse fucking Lingard score. They needed to win so Brendan went all gung ho instead of playing patiently and waiting for an opening. There was nothing more certain than them getting done on the counter, as that’s pretty much the only thing United are good at.

 

Of course United were also awarded a penalty. Their 20th of the season and 14th in the league, which is a new record. Nothing dodgy about that though, no sir.

 

Johnny Evans was sent off for an over the ball tackle. Soft get must have forgotten he wasn’t playing for United anymore. You can only get away with that when you play for them, not against them. Jonjo Shelvey was unavailable for comment, he’s probably still busy calling Ferguson a cunt. Yeah, I’ve got a long memory when it comes to holding grudges. Fuck Johnny Evans.

 

I expected Leicester to lose but I also thought there was a reasonable chance Chelsea would too as Wolves are the kind of side that could go there with nothing to play for and completely spoil the party. I don’t trust Chelsea at all as they’re flakey bastards. You could even argue that there’s a touch of the Arsenals about them, although Chelsea have more attacking talent and aren’t quite as gutless as Arsenal. Still, they’ve conceded six more goals than Arsenal this year and next week’s cup final could end up 6-5 if both sides turn up. It’s more likely that we’ll see both of them shitting themselves and it going to pens after a 0-0 draw though.

 

Wolves can feel aggrieved about this though as Chelsea’s opener came from a free-kick that never was in first half stoppage time. Neto pulled out of his challenge and was nowhere near Alonso, who took a dive. Mount scored from the free-kick and Wolves lost their heads, then allowing my boy Giroud to score a minute later after being played in by Mount.

 

Mount has had a good season and he might be worth picking up on the cheap when he finds himself cast aside for all these new players Chelsea are buying now that their ban has been lifted. We’ll see how much “Fwank” believes in youth when next season starts and Mount, Abraham, James and Tomori are all watching from the bench or from Vitesse.

 

Not sure who I want to win the FA Cup Final. Ordinarily I’d want both of them to lose but seeing as these two ensured that there’d be no Mancs in the final I don’t begrudge either of them winning it. I can’t actively root for either, but I think I’d rather Arsenal won it because they beat City and because Lampard is getting too much praise for not really doing anything. The same is true of Arteta actually, but he didn’t act like a cunt on our touchline so there is that. On the flip side, Arsenal Fan TV is shit when they win.

 

Speaking of cunts though, Harry Kane was on the scoresheet again as Spurs drew at Palace. Schlupp got the Palace equaliser and they probably should have won. Mourinho and his coaches celebrated at full time because the result saw them qualify for the Europa. How the mighty have fallen eh? Bit embarrassing really (and his coaches seemed to realise it as they were a bit half arsed). I’d love to get Roy Keane’s take on it.

 

Zaha wants to leave but where’s he gonna go? The Blueshite were the only ones who wanted him and that might be the case again. He’s too good for them but if no-one better wants him then what can he do? I’d happily have him here as we never get pens anymore and he’s the master at winning them. Seriously though, if he was available on the cheap I’d defo take a punt on him but he won’t be, so it’s all moot. I've said this before, but Zaha is worth £80m to Palace but half that to anyone else.

 

Sheffield United’s excellent season ended on a bit of a downer as they lost to Southampton. The Blades went ahead through Lundstrom but a brace from Che Adams against his old club and an Ings pen won it for the Saints, who look well equipped to be next season’s Leicester (hopefully without the manc enabling choke job). They’re really tough to play against and they improved massively over the course of the season. 

 

A screamer from Bissouma put Brighton up at Burnley. This was his first ever goal in what was his 50th game. Mad that really, he’s played 50 games in the Premier League and I genuinely have no idea who he is or what position he plays. There are so many nondescript player in the league these days it’s impossible to keep up. Most of them seem to play for Watford, Brighton and Villa.

 

Burnley equalised with a brilliantly taken goal by Wood. I’ve said plenty of disparaging things about him over the years but this was a lovely goal. Connolly then won it for Brighton with a nice individual goal. Can’t decide if he’s good or shite. He’s mostly shite but there are times when he looks really promising.  

 

Burnley should have had a blatant penalty when Rodriguez got across his marker and went down but ‘Mossy’ was having none of it. Bear in mind this is the same fat cunt who’s been handing out penalties to the Mancs whenever a defender so much as farts in the direction of one of them. Check his bank account for fucks sake. Then again, he’s probably being paid in Pizza Hut vouchers. Twat.

 

Burnley also had a goal disallowed for offside, which was quite fitting really. Rodriguez (who headed it) was fine but they had a player impeding the keeper from the corner (as they do on every corner) and he was correctly adjudged to have been offside and interfering with play. 

 

Dyche didn’t entirely agree with it but said he’d have wanted it disallowing if it had been against his team. He’s been alright this season you know. There have been one or two times in the past when he’s seemed like a bit of a knob but for the most part I reckon he’s a decent enough fella.

 

As is Graham Potter, I like him and because of that I’m glad Brighton stayed up. 

 

Finally, Man City did what they do best. Beat up on some poor saps in the bottom half. Them beating Norwich 5-0 was the most predictable result of the day. I said in the Newcastle report that City seem to win 5-0 four out of five games, and then lose the fifth. The biggest upset of this entire season was them losing at Norwich, so this was always going to be a big win for them.

 

I didn’t even watch the highlights, I just forwarded it to the post match and then wished I hadn’t, as it was yet more ball licking of the 'Spanish Paul Scholes'. 

 

Ok, that’s harsh as, unlike Scholes, David Silva has genuinely been a great player. I wouldn’t dispute that, he's brilliant and if you can put your dislike of City to one side (I can't) then you'd say he's a joy to watch. My beef here is that he’s just not as great as so many people seem to be bigging him up to be. Again, let me point this out for the sake of clarity; he’s a great player and he’s had a brilliant career. 

 

All I’m saying is that it’s doing my head in seeing all this over the top praise for him. Just say he was a great player, really talented and fun to watch and leave it at that. Don't go overboard to prove a point. There are people who are genuinely trying to claim he’s been the best foreign import to the Premier League. He’s not even the best foreign import on his own fucking team.

 

Again, just to be clear, he’s been a great player. I’m not telling you otherwise, but the amount of fawning over him is doing my head in. Loads of Reds are doing it too, which I’m pretty sure is in no small part being done to wind up City fans by showing how magnanimous we can be about their players while they do nothing but pour scorn on ours.

 

Nevertheless, I’m irritated by all this “one of the greatest” nonsense. That’s where the Scholes comparison comes in. Silva has never been Footballer of the Year (never really been close to it either) and how many times has he even made the “Team of the Season”?? Just checked and the answer is twice. So in all the time he’s been here (ten years) he’s made the team of the season twice and never been close to being named the best player in the league. And now he’s leaving "Scholes Syndrome" seems to be kicking in.

 

So yeah, say it with me. O-V-E-R-R-A-T-E-D.

 

Good riddance to the little cunt. Can’t wait until Aguero fucks off next. In short, fuck each and every person at Manchester City who isn’t named Kevin De Bruyne.

 

And thats another season in the can. Thankfully we don't have to wait long for the next one as I'm ready for it right now.

 

Finally then, some awards:

 

Player of the Season (non LFC)

 

1 Kevin De Bruyne

2 Danny Ings

3 Mateo Kovacic

 

Goal of the Season (non LFC)

 

1 Son v Burnley (sorry Mum!)

2 Harry Wilson v Man City

3 De Bruyne v Newcastle

 

Wish he played for us:

 

1 Kevin De Bruyne

2 Mason Greenwood

3 Adama Traore

 

Best opposition fans:

 

1 Sheffield United

2 Ermmm….

3 Yeah I got nothin’

 

Cunt of the Season

 

1 Pep Guardiola

2 Pep Guardiola

3 Pep Guardiola

 

Team of the Season (non LFC):

 

Pope; Ricardo, Soyuncu, Tarkowski, Chilwell; Moutinho, De Bruyne, Kovacic; Sterling, Jimenez, Ings:

 

My Boys XI (all players selected are either current, past or potentially future ‘my boys’):

 

Hart, Lamptey, Dunk, Soyuncu, Van Aanholt; Traore, Fleck, Snodgrass; Ings, Deeney, Giroud:

 

subs: O’Connell, Antonio, Noble, Doherty, Saint-Maximin, Pukki.


User Feedback

Recommended Comments

I would have loved for us to be in the upcoming CL tournament in Portugal trying to retain it but since we are out - do you think it will be better for us for preparing with the new season? Would it have been better for the players to have more competitive games in the CL or would the 6 weeks off with a bit of rest be better for them?

 

  • Upvote 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

18 minutes ago, Moin Kapadia said:

I would have loved for us to be in the upcoming CL tournament in Portugal trying to retain it but since we are out - do you think it will be better for us for preparing with the new season? Would it have been better for the players to have more competitive games in the CL or would the 6 weeks off with a bit of rest be better for them?

 

Erm, hang on a minute. Are you really asking Dave to answer your question? Have you read nothing of these reports?

 

Look, it goes like this. He asks his mother what she thinks. He then makes a pronouncement which will either:

1. Turn out true in which case he'll say "called that one last week." 

2. Turn out false in which case he'll say "it turned out like that because of what I wrote last week". 

Then he'll add in some dumb Italian/Americanisms (usually "jabroni", or "cojones", or "gotten"). He'll then go off on one about Mike Riley or Fraudiola or Fat Fwank before a final flourish involving a few "my boy"s and a dig at either one or both of Everton or the red Mancs. 

 

Please don't be asking him serious questions. It's neither the time nor the place. 

 

  • Like 2
  • Upvote 6
Link to comment
Share on other sites

27 minutes ago, rb14 said:

Erm, hang on a minute. Are you really asking Dave to answer your question? Have you read nothing of these reports?

 

Look, it goes like this. He asks his mother what she thinks. He then makes a pronouncement which will either:

1. Turn out true in which case he'll say "called that one last week." 

2. Turn out false in which case he'll say "it turned out like that because of what I wrote last week". 

Then he'll add in some dumb Italian/Americanisms (usually "jabroni", or "cojones", or "gotten"). He'll then go off on one about Mike Riley or Fraudiola or Fat Fwank before a final flourish involving a few "my boy"s and a dig at either one or both of Everton or the red Mancs. 

 

Please don't be asking him serious questions. It's neither the time nor the place. 

 

Yeah that template seems pretty accurate -  also need to include the obligatory laugh at David Moyes every time he loses a game which usually happens every other week. 

  • Upvote 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 30/07/2020 at 12:38, tlw content said:

The longest season in history is finally over, and for the first time I'm able to write one of these final day recaps without having to mention another club being Champions. Feels good.

I've been 'good' since the final whistle of the Chelsea-Man City game. Every morning I wake up and my first thought is to marvel that it has finally happened, and the feeling persists throughout the day. 

  • Upvote 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hart made the 'my boy XI' because I needed a keeper and none came to mind. I'm rooting for him to get his form back as I feel bad for how his career just went down the shitter almost overnight.

 

I think he might be over that run of brutal form he was in for a few years because he was playing well for Burnley while Pope was injured. They just kept losing all the time but it wasn't down to him. Then their form picked up when Pope came back in. Maybe that's not a co-incidence but maybe it was.

 

Either way, I want him to have a resurgence as what happened to him was completely inexplicable.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

33 minutes ago, dave u said:

Hart made the 'my boy XI' because I needed a keeper and none came to mind. I'm rooting for him to get his form back as I feel bad for how his career just went down the shitter almost overnight.

 

I think he might be over that run of brutal form he was in for a few years because he was playing well for Burnley while Pope was injured. They just kept losing all the time but it wasn't down to him. Then their form picked up when Pope came back in. Maybe that's not a co-incidence but maybe it was.

 

Either way, I want him to have a resurgence as what happened to him was completely inexplicable.

Yeah he's a strange one alright. Was a very decent goalie for a few seasons then his form dropped off a cliff. 

  • Upvote 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, KMD7 said:

Yeah he's a strange one alright. Was a very decent goalie for a few seasons then his form dropped off a cliff. 

I sense something a presence I have not felt since.......... watching the Mancs - DeGea

  • Upvote 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites


×
×
  • Create New...