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Premier League Round Up (Jan 10-12 2020)

I’ve got a mate who is a Leicester fan and I told him on Friday that they’d have their hands full with Southampton. The most obvious result of the weekend was City winning at Villa, but the next best bet was that Leicester wouldn’t beat Southampton.

 

When you beat a team 9-0 they’re going to be like men possessed when you face them again. We know that from experience. Southampton are a hugely different kettle of fish to the side that were embarrassed at St Mary’s by Brendan’s boys and there was no way they were going to lose to Leicester again.

 

Leicester did take the lead though when Vardy crossed for Praet to finish from close range, but Southampton equalised soon after when Armstrong’s shot deflected in off Maddison.

 

Vardy had a goal ruled out for offside and Ings hit the bar as both teams traded blows. Ings then hit the bar again with a fucking thunderbolt, having earlier been denied by a double save from Schmeichel. 

 

Southampton were awarded a penalty when Shane Long did a Shane Long. He got in front of the defender then just stopped running and allowed the defender to clatter into him. Classic Long. VAR showed him to be fractionally offside though so no pen.

 

The Saints went ahead when Evans released Ings and he toe poked it through Schmeichel’s legs for his 16th of the season. He was then denied again by the keeper, while Leicester had two more goals disallowed by VAR, including what would have been a stoppage time equaliser by Evans.

 

Leicester aren’t a threat to us but they were second in the table going into this game so in one respect the more games they lose the better for us. Really though, I think I want them to keep winning for the time being at least just to keep Man City occupied.

 

Southampton’s turnaround has been remarkable. They’re level on points with Everton and Arsenal now. Their goal difference is -12 which when you consider they lost one game by nine goals is pretty impressive. This is the level they should be. It’s why I was saying they needed to bin that manager because they should never have been as shit as they were.

 

He’s got them flying now though and they aren’t a side you’d want to face at the moment as they’re full of energy and Ings is scoring every week. He’s in such electric form right now. 

 

Leicester should probably be looking at him as a partner / alternative to Vardy, as he’s miles better than that Iheanacho cunt. Not sure Ings would want to leave Southampton though as that’s his boyhood team so he’s probably loving life at the moment. So pleased for him and long may it continue.

 

Next up, Norwich. They’ve been very competitive of late but haven’t had any luck. There was nothing unlucky about the spanking they got at Old Trafford this weekend though. Mata crossed for Rashford to put United ahead but Cantwell was close to an equaliser just before half time when he was denied by De Gea.

 

Rashford made it 2-0 after Brandon Williams dived to win a penalty from Tim Krul, who had flown out recklessly, and the second goal ended any resistance from the Canaries. Martial headed in number three and substitute Greenwood scored with his first touch after coming on. He seems to score every week that cunt. I don’t care for him much.

 

Solskjaer was cock-a-hoop afterwards, seemingly not realising that not only are Norwich bottom of the table but were also riddled with injuries. He was bigging up United on the basis that Man City went full strength against them in the league cup. When’s the parade?

 

Over at Stamford Bridge Burnley thought they’d taken the lead against Chelsea but VAR foiled them. Willian then bought a penalty out of Lowton when he lured the defender in and then went down. Reckless from Lowton, smart from Willian. Kevin Friend doesn’t need a second invitation to award decisions to Chelsea. Jorginho calmly buried the spot kick.

 

Burnley threatened from a couple of set-pieces but then Kevin Abraham’s header somehow went through Nick Pope. Proper weird one that, but it changed the game as it allowed Chelsea to relax and enjoy their football. 

 

They’ve lost a lot of home games to shite recently so they’ll have had some nerves until that second goal went in. There was more than a hint of fortune about it as not only did Pope make an inexplicable error but Abraham had nudged Tarkowski in the back as the cross came in. 

 

Hudson-Odoi made it 3-0 with his first ever Premier League goal. Just me who thinks he’s not all that? He’s talented but he’s definitely overhyped. I like that Reece James a lot though. Good player him. Second best right back in the league behind Trent.

 

Do you reckon Burnley might go down this year? I’m starting to lean that way. Earlier in the season it looked like they’d gotten back to where they were a couple of years ago but they’ve slumped back into the sort of run they had to start last season.

 

Also on Saturday, Everton just about edged out Brighton at Goodison. The Blues have actually been on a decent run of late but the derby loss to our kids has put a massive cloud over everything and no-one seems to care about the points they’ve picked up since Silva was sent on his merry way.

 

Walcott thought he should have had a penalty when Dunk impeded him in the act of shooting. Not sure why Dunk did that as surely everyone knows by now that the best option when Walcott is in the box is to just stand back and watch him fuck it up. Pointless cunt.

 

Richarlison got the only goal of the game and it was a cracker. Everton were just about good value for the points although Brighton had some great chances. Trossard was within a whisker of doing a Curtis Jones but his shot came back off the bar, while Murray had two great chances that he failed to take. 

 

Calvert-Lewin had a goal ruled out for handball and was yellow carded for his troubles. That was harsh as fuck as he didn’t deliberately handle, he was trying to get it with his shoulder and it hit the top of his arm. Disallowing the goal was correct, but he shouldn’t be booked for that, Fuck him though, the diving twat.

 

I’ve changed my mind on Lewis Dunk. I’ve been impressed with him a few times this season and he was brilliant at Anfield, but Walcott and Calvert-Lewin both made him look a bit Harry Maguire-ish so my opinion of him just fucking plummeted.

 

Arsenal and Palace drew 1-1 at Selhurst. Aubamayeng put the Gunners ahead but Ayew equalised with a shot that deflected off two Arsenal defenders. Aubamayeng was then sent off for a high, late challenge that could have caused serious injury. The ref initially gave a yellow but VAR correctly over-ruled.

 

Even with ten men arsenal could have won but for a great double save from the Palace keeper. I’ve said it before, he’s sneaky good him. I couldn’t pick him out of a line up and I can’t spell his name, but he’s one of the best in the league.

 

It feels as though Arsenal have been marginally less shit in recent games but Aubameyeng is the only one who ever seems to score and if they lose him for three games then it’s going to be a slog for them.

 

Arteta’s touchline demeanour looks like it’s based on his mentor Pepe, albeit a Pep with a lego man haircut. Needless to say, I don’t like him.

 

One of the more surprising results of the weekend came at Molyneux were Wolves were held by injury hit Newcastle.

 

Almiron has scored three goals in three weeks now. Good for him, he kept plugging away and now things are finally going his way. This was a lovely goal too. Very nice team goal and no more than they deserved after a lively start. They were pegged back when Dendoncker volleyed in a corner. 

 

Dubravka then made an incredible save to keep out a point blank header from Jiminez and then did the same to deny that little Neto arsewipe.

 

Great point for Newcastle who had thirteen players unavailable through injury. Bad result for Wolves though who still seem to have problems when teams sit back against them and force them to make the play.

 

I almost forgot about Friday night’s game and how funny that was. McBurnie took advantage of a howler by poor Dave Martin to give the Blades the lead and they held onto it until deep into stoppage time when my boy Snodgrass equalised to spark wild celebrations in the away end and on the touchline, where Moyesy was giving it loads.

 

And then VAR disallowed it, and he looked absolutely crushed. Glorious stuff. The higher Sheffield United finish the better as far as I’m concerned. Their fans have been by far the least wanker-ish to come to Anfield all season and their manager is sound.

 

Contrast that with West Ham, who have Moyes. The winner who never wins. The more misery that is heaped upon him the happier it makes me.

 

Everyone is kicking off about that goal and complaining about VAR and the new handball rule. Declan Rice was crying about how unfair it is and most people seem to agree with him. Not me.

 

There have been occasions this season when that new handball rule has been applied and it’s been ludicrous. This isn’t one of them. The defender comes across and wins the ball. He’s heading it away from Rice and if it doesn’t hit his hand there’s no danger at all as the ball is cleared.

 

The only reason Rice was able to maintain possession and run through to set up Snodgrass is because he blocked the clearance with his hand. It wasn’t deliberate, but that doesn’t matter. Good decision, and not just because it upset Moyes.

 

Onto Sunday now, and Bournemouth’s slide down the table continued as they were beaten at home by resurgent Watford.

 

Harry Wilson brought a great save out of Foster with a trademark free-kick and if Bournemouth are going to get out of this then our boy is going to have to really play well between now and May.

 

Doucoure broke the deadlock when Bournemouth’s young keeper played a bad pass straight to Sarr who picked him out in the middle. Bournemouth were their own worst enemies, trying to play out from the back even though their first choice keeper and best central defenders are all missing.

 

My boy Troy made it 2-0 when he smashed in a loose ball after Sarr had skinned Cook, and Pereyra added a third late on. Watford are out of the bottom three for the first time this season while Bournemouth now have only Norwich below them.

 

13 points from six games for Pearson. For once, Klopp might actually have a rival for manager of the month this time. 

 

Doucoure was asked afterwards what the manager has done to turn this around and he said “not as much as people think. Just the basics. We were a good team and were always going to get it together”.

 

Does he know nothing about his new manager? Doucoure is either very brave or very stupid. Ben Foster obviously knows. He said "we needed someone to stick a rocket up us. Simple as that. It's almost like you're dealing with schoolkids at times. If they give them an inch they'll take a mile. This manager doesn't give an inch".

 

Finally, Man City pulled Villa’s pants down and put six past them at Villa Park. This is one of those where you go into it hoping that somehow Villa might do something, but when it becomes clear they won’t, its a case of just wanting them to get bummed into oblivion.

 

They’re lucky it was only six. They never tried to get close to City or to put  tackle in, they just stood off and let City rip them apart. And if they weren’t doing that they were gift wrapping the ball to Aguero or Mahrez. 

 

Danny Drinkwater turned up in Villa’s midfield and thoroughly embarrassed himself. Tell you what, Ngolo Kante is a great player with a hell of a CV, but I don’t think many people realise that his greatest achievement in football was making Drinkwater look like a good player. That little man is way better than anyone realises.

 

Villa were so bad that some of their fans left with an hour to go. Not sure why you’d do that. Maybe they had a birthday party to plan for one of our players again? 

 

The sixth goal was the funniest. Villa’s fans were giving it the ole’s as their players completed a few passes, and then one of their centre backs passed it straight to Mahrez who set up Aguero for the hat-trick. Comedy gold.

 

City look like they’ve got their swagger back and some of their injured players are nearing full fitness now. No doubt we’ll see a lot more of this kind of result from them, but the difference this year is that even if they win every game between now and May 6-1 it will only be enough if we suffer some kind of unprecedented collapse.

 

Thy won’t win every game 6-1 though because not every side is as fucking hopeless as Villa are at the moment. Really hope they go down, but it’s 100% about the fans. And because of that Elmohamady chump giving it the “are you not entertained?” celebration after scoring with a deflected cross against our kids.


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Quality write up as usual Dave.

Hopefully we're wiping that smug look off the goblin's grid come the weekend.

It's high time that we put those cunts to the sword with a good old fashioned twatting.  Hopefully Rashford is out and Jones is in.  Our front 3 will have Jones gurning like someone has stuck a fish hook in his bellend.

I'm pleased for Dinger at Southampton too, I always wanted it to work out for him here, but it just wasn't to be.

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