Everton held out for a whopping 22 minutes at the Etihad before predictably dropping their pants to City. In fairness at least they had a go, which is more than I expected.
They actually gave City a few problems - as most teams do when they actually have the balls to try and attack - so credit to them for that, but you have to know your limitations, and Marco Silva clearly has no idea who his players are. Does he think he’s coaching Barcelona?
I first noticed it in the derby and wondered what the fuck they were doing. When Pickford has a goal kick, their centre halves come right the way back onto the goal-line to receive a pass, much like City do under Guardiola.
Difference is, City can get away with it because Stones and Laporte are footballing defenders and Ederson could probably play in midfield for a lot of teams. The Blues have calamity Pickford and the likes of Zouma and Keane. And Mina of course, mustn’t forget ‘former Barcelona star’ Mina.
Against us they did it and got caught out a couple of times. It didn’t cost them a goal but they were asking for trouble. They kept doing it though, it was just stupid. Who the fuck do they think they are? It’s laughable.
City’s opening goal was an absolute joke. Completely self inflicted by the Blues as Pickford rolled it to Mina, City pressed him and he just lobbed an aimless ball into the middle where an all alone Gundogan couldn’t believe his luck. He gave it to Sane, who gave it to Jesus and just like that, 1-0 and City headed back to the top of the table, ‘albeit temporarily’. See what I did there? Probably not, but I thought it was clever so bollocks to you.
Jesus then made it 2-0 soon after with an unmarked header from a Sane cross. Three centre halves yet the lone striker is left all alone? Good job Everton, you fucking bums.
Speaking of bums, Calvert-Lewin actually managed to do something good that didn’t involve him winning a penalty for cheating. He scored an actual goal. No really, he did. It was a good one too, a well placed header. That put the cat among the pigeons, but sadly not for long.
Having put themselves in a position to maybe sneak a point, the Blues predictably shit the bed immediately. Sterling had only been on a couple of minutes and he scored with his first touch. With a header. In the six yard box. With no Everton player anywhere near him. Fucking losers.
That Mina is a fraud. I thought he was good in the World Cup but it was a massive red flag when Everton was the best option he had. That suggested he must be shite, and he is. I mean what’s the point in being seven foot tall if you can’t judge the flight of the ball? Richard Gough and David Weir will be spinning in their graves watching that shit.
So all in all just what we expected. A comfortable City win that meant both sets of fans went home happy. No doubt the Evertonians swapped their City shirts for United ones the next day, but that one didn’t end as well for them.
I just checked their fixture list as I had a horrible thought. Imagine if they were playing City at Goodison in the title run in. We all remember how that went down last time, when Barkley and Naismith were the only ones even trying, but thankfully that game is in February.
Not that it makes any difference to how little they’ll want to win it, but with there being three months left at least it won’t be as galling to watch them roll over and have their bellies tickled this time.
On to Vicarage Road next. Watford are like a number of sides outside the big six. They’ll appear to be going well and then all of a sudden you realise they haven’t won for six games. Bournemouth and Leicester are exactly the same.
They ended their winless streak with a slightly, and I mean slightly, controversial home victory over my main man Neil Warnock’s Cardiff side.
Deulefeu had his “one good game every six weeks” and fired Watford in front with a fine solo goal. He then assisted as Holebas curled one in from 18 yards. Some kid I’d never seen before made it 3-0, but at that point it should have been about 8-0 as Watford were fucking murdering them.
The reason it wasn’t 8-0 is that Cardiff’s keeper is decent. He’s having a really good season so far and made three or four brilliant saves in this one. He’s a fucking baby though and his interview afterwards made me cringe.
His problem? A tackle by Deeney that caught him late. “I don’t want to say anything about it” he said, before then of course saying something about it.
Look, what people have to understand is that Time Traveller Troy arrived in the Premier League from the 1980s. The game is played differently where he’s from and there was nothing wrong with that challenge. He was entitled to go for it and it was the slippy conditions that made it look worse than it was.
Etheridge is a goalkeeper though and things like that are part of the job. It wasn’t a bad tackle and he wasn’t hurt, so stop fucking whining you big fanny.
Cardiff rallied late after my boy Junior Hoilett did it again, curling one into the top bin from 25 yards. Glorious goal. Bobby Reid (good lad him, big Red) then toe poked in from close range to set up a grandstand finale and Cardiff could have nicked an unlikely point.
Warnock’s rant afterwards was a head scratcher. He wasn’t happy that Deeney wasn’t booked for the challenge on the keeper, but in the grand scheme of things what did that matter? A yellow card wasn’t going to change the game, plus they were 3-0 down anyway.
I think he only referenced that incident because he wanted to make a broader point about the referee, Andy Madley (Bobby’s brother). Not because his performance was bad, but because it was his first Premier League game and Warnock was annoyed that his side are seen as the guinea pigs.
“It’s only Cardiff, let them have the YTS lad” he complained. I’m tellin’ yers, he’s fucking funny this fella. Great entertainment. You’ll all see the light eventually. He should have his own segment on MOTD every week.
Moving on, Spurs left it late but just about saw off Burnley at Wembley. Full credit to them for their versatility. Three days earlier they’d played Barcelona in Camp Nou and now they were facing Burnley. It’s not easy that as it’s almost like playing a different sport. Like Roger Federer playing squash, or Ronnie O’Sullivan turning his hand to pool. There are some similarities but not too many.
Spurs deserved to win but it was a grind and Burnley defended really well for the most part. Lamela missed a great chance when he shit himself thinking he might get clattered by Hart. He had loads of time but snatched at it because he’s a fucking coward. Hate him, the boy band looking cunt.
He then thought he’d won it late on but was denied by a worldy save by Hart. Burnley were so close to holding out for a point but they were under increasing pressure in the closing stages as Spurs sent on Llorente and went full on alehouse. It paid off as Eriksen fired in a stoppage time winner.
Obviously I’d rather Spurs hadn’t won but Burnley losing softens the blow a little. Burnley look Burnley again now though, unfortunately.
Huddersfield lost at home to Newcastle. If anything screams out “GOING DOWN!!” it’s that.
Newcastle had just 26% possession but they put together one really good move that was finished by Rondon and that’s all you need against Huddersfield because they can’t fucking score.
We’re at the point now where I just think they deserve to go down for paying a wage to that Depoitre cart horse. He looks like Rickie Lambert’s Dad. At one point in this game he was taken out on the touchline and as he lay on the floor, he pulled his shirt down because he knew his gut was on show.
I got onto that straight away as it’s exactly the kind of thing I’d do. I’m not getting paid to be a Premier League striker though, sadly.
Wagner should be begging his mate Klopp to let him have Solanke or Origi in January.
Meanwhile, Wilfried Palace won without Wilfried for the first time in… I don’t know, maybe since he went back there from his little stint at United. It’s been a long time, put it that way. They were lucky to win this one though as Leicester were well worth a point.
Milivojevic smashed one in from 25 yards to put Palace ahead, although there’s a strong case to be made that it shouldn’t have stood on account of his shit Gareth Bale ‘heart’ celebration. Instead of fucking around with the offside law, UEFA really need to get tough on this kind of shit as it’s ruining the game.
Leicester will be wondering how they didn’t get anything from the game though. Vardy had a goal disallowed for an alleged foul on the keeper. Looked fine to me. He then had a shot brilliantly tipped onto the post and the rebound bounced straight back into the keeper’s arms.
Fulham lost at home to West Ham, but they really shouldn’t have. Kamara could have had a first half hat-trick but his profligacy would prove costly as unlike Fulham, West Ham didn’t fuck about in front of goal.
My boy Snodgrass scored again. A belter, as usual. Antonio then showed a cool head to make it 2-0. Fulham played ok but they were pure Zlatan at both ends and it cost them. That turd American centre back played and was shite again. He’s the Depoitre of defending.
Next up, an awful pass from Charlie Daniels undid a promising start from Bournemouth as they lost at Wolves. The left back shockingly gave the ball away to Jota who crossed for Jimenez to tap in at the back post.
After that Bournemouth made all the play but Wolves kept picking them off on the break. It took them until the 94th minute but they eventually made one of their counters tell as Cavaleiro raced clear to make it 2-0.
Wolves are no good chasing the game but if they get in front they’ve got so much speed on the break they’re a real handful.
Onto Sunday now. Chelsea made heavy work of beating Brighton. They were in complete command for most of the game but were left hanging on at the end because they didn't kill Brighton off when they had the chance.
Pedro opened the scoring with a goal straight out of the Sterling playbook. Hazard did all the work on the left and drilled a ball across goal for Pedro to tap in at the back post.
Hazard made it 2-0 when he ran clear following a terrible ball out of defence by one of the Brighton centre backs (Stephens I think).
Chelsea were cruising but then conceded to Solly March out of nowhere to set up a tense finish.
Brighton were left fuming when Marcos Alonso was only given a yellow card after pulling back March outside the box. Smart foul that, March was clean through so even if he’d been given a red it would have been worth it given the situation and how little time was left.
The yellow should have seen him walk anyway if the ref had done his job earlier. Twice he pulled players back and somehow escaped a booking. Maybe he's got the same incriminating photos that Fernandinho has.
Alonso is a strange player. He’s not like any full back I’ve seen. He looks like scoring in every game he plays, but he doesn’t do it as a 'traditional' left back. He just appears from nowhere in weird positions. He’s kind of like how I imagine Chris Lawler was back in the day. He’d be the best left back in Europe if Andy Robertson didn’t exist.
Finally, Arsenal had gone 26 games without losing while Southampton hadn’t won for 16. So of course it ended up 3-2 to the Saints.
Two headers from Ings either side of one from Mkhitaryan had given Southampton a 2-1 half time lead. The Gunners have been the kings of the second half comeback this season and when Mkhitaryan’s second of the game drew them level it wasn’t looking good for Southampton.
Then up popped my boy Charlie Austin to head in a Shane Long cross and give them their first win under their new coach, who’s an absolute ringer for the fella who played ‘the Governor’ in the Walking Dead. He’s got a funny name that I can never remember, so I’ll just refer to him as ‘not useless’ for now.
There’s a touch of ‘Diet Klopp’ about him. He’s got an up tempo playing style and the players and fans have gotten onside straight away, which is half the battle. Southampton should be much better than they are and maybe this was what they needed to kick start their season. They’ll be fine now I think.
This result was as Arsenal as it gets though. For years they’ve done this. Just when you think they’re on a run and might be getting somewhere, they throw in a result like this away from home against a bottom feeder.
It’s who they are, what they do, and it’s difficult to shake that off. We know that as well as anyone as we’ve been exactly the same for close to 30 years now. I was going to say “until now” but probably best not to, as I’m not one of the world’s best defenders so don’t want to tempt fate.
Recommended Comments