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Premier League Round Up (Aug 28-29 2021)

Arsenal. *shakes head*. I’m a broken record here but I don’t even enjoy Arsenal’s struggles because frankly they absolutely make me sick. The disgust I feel over-rides any amusement I may have as I just find them completely offensive. They’re utterly fucking pathetic and I hate them for it.

 

If I was an Arsenal fan I just wouldn’t pay to watch it. Simple as that. There’s no way I’d be handing over cash to watch that group of players, and that’s before we even start on ownership. Everything about Arsenal is a fucking disgrace and I just find them shameful.

 

City winning this game was as nailed on as when they played Norwich a week earlier. The chances of them not winning either game were about the same as me winning the lottery, and I don’t even do the lottery.

 

Only marginally less predictable was Arsenal getting a red card, and if they were getting a red card the name at the top of most people’s list would have been Granit Xhaka. So named because he’s thicker than a bucket of rocks.

 

He epitomises exactly what is wrong with Arsenal these days. The cunt has nine lives. He’s been on his way out every year for the last four or five years but somehow he’s still there and sometimes he’s actually the captain.

 

That tackle he got sent off for absolutely stank of a player trying to fool people into thinking “at least he cares”. He probably does care, he may be one of the few that does, but he’s a fucking dickhead. He does shit like this all the time and he’s an absolute liability. I’m actually ok with him absolutely fucking wellying someone because they’re getting hammered, but not in the first half!

 

The fact he’s still there doing it does not only reflect badly on him, it reflects badly on the lack of leadership and competence at Arsenal. They either have players who don’t give a fuck (the dancing clowns Aubameyeng, Lacazette, Pepe…) or reckless, ill disciplined liabilities like Xhaka and David Luiz.

 

Then you someone like Ainsley Maitland-Niles who can’t get a look in when he’s one of the few players there with any kind of resilience about him. Arsenal are such a fucking shambles that Maitland-Niles is desperate to get out of there to join Everton. Imagine!

 

They lost 5-0 and they should be relieved it wasn’t double that. If City had wanted to really humiliate them they could have. Still, Arsenal have got Norwich next so they’ll probably win that and be back to doing their whacky goal celebrations. Shameless cunts.

 

I didn’t watch any of it but I’ve seen the Xhaka tackle and read Guardiola’s post match comments praising Arteta. He’d be doing that even if it wasn’t his former protege. As I said last week he loves an opposing coach that makes it easy for him. Disingenuous baldy shithouse.

 

West Ham’s opening goal against Palace was terrific. It looked like the chance had gone when Antonio didn’t shoot and instead cut back inside. But he found Fornals who then returned it to him with a lovely disguised ball. Antonio then squared it back to Fornals for a tap in. Lovely.

 

Chelsea loanee Conor Gallagher equalised with Palace’s first goal of the season. He’s looked lively for them in all of their games so far. Yet another player Chelsea will move on for an ‘undisclosed’ fee.

 

Antonio blasted West Ham in front again soon after but Gallagher hit back again with a brilliant bit of skill and a tidy finish. West Ham will feel they should have won as they dominated the game, but they could easily have lost it right at the death.

 

Patrick Vieira was full of praise for Gallagher afterwards, saying “We wanted to get Conor running in beh..” zzzzzzzz. Sorry nodded off there.

 

Good result for the Blues as they won 2-0 at Brighton. 

 

Maupay had a shot from 35 yards that went well over. Pickford threw himself into the air anyway instead of just waving it goodbye, and then he leapt up and started screaming at his defenders. God I fucking hate this little scrote. Any defender in the world is going to be happy with a forward shooting from there, and if my keeper started yelling at me for allowing the shot I’d tell him to fuck off. Pickford’s just the fucking worst.

 

Ok, he’s not quite the worst. Richarlison has that honour. I’ll get to him shortly. Demerai Downing gave the Blues the lead with a shot that should never have beaten the keeper. Appalling stuff that, why the fuck did they get rid of Matt Ryan?

 

So, Richarlison. What a cunt. Pretty sure I’ve said before that Calvert-Lewin probably hates him and if he didn’t before he almost certainty does now after this. The Blues were awarded a soft penalty when Coleman ran into a Brighton player and took a tumble, and Richarlison grabbed the ball and insisted on taking the pen even though Calvert-Lewin was the designated taker.

 

Rafa, sorry, Rafael, had to get word out there and Coleman and others needed to drag Richarlison away. That put needless pressure on Calvert-Lewin but he scored anyway. Rafa, sorry, Rafael, hates shit like that but he can’t have been surprised. He has eyes, so he already knows that Richarlison is the absolute fucking pits. No redeeming qualities at all, just a complete cunt with the most punchable face in the world.

 

Vardy opened the scoring with a neat finish from a Ricardo cross. Little disappointed there was no canary impression from him.

 

Norwich could have equalised straight away after another howler by Soyuncu, who’s been shite for a good while now.  Then he conceded a penalty with a needless challenge. Pukki scored from the spot to make it 1-1. Norwich’s first goal of the season that, but they did face us and City in consecutive weeks. 

 

Albrighton’s deflected shot face Leicester the three points although Norwich had their chances and played pretty well overall. They had an equaliser ruled out because that Cantwell turd was stood in front of Schmeichel in an offside position. Tough one for Norwich to take as Schmeichel wasn’t saving that one whether Cantwell was there or not, but if you put a player in that spot specifically to block the keeper then don’t cry when he gets given offside. That’s some Burnley behaviour that is.

 

Leicester have signed Lookman from Fulham. Nice little addition that. They play 4-2-3-1 so having Barnes and Lookman in the wide areas looks pretty decent. Let’s face it, anything is an improvement on that Ayoze loser.

 

More VAR woe for Newcastle as they had victory snatched from them deep into stoppage time against Southampton.

 

Djnepo missed two early sitters as the Saints made all the running in the opening exchanges. He was inches away from opening the scoring early in the second half too but his shot curled just wide. Those missed chances eventually came back to haunt them as Wilson headed the opener. Southampton levelled through some fucker I’d never heard of before. Mohamed Elyounoussi. They said he hadn’t played for two years, but I don’t ever remember seeing him before. Southampton have pulled a Watford on us there.

 

Newcastle thought they’d won it in stoppage time when Saint-Maximin scored. He went into the crowd to celebrate but it was premature as VAR said “nah, you’re not having three points” and awarded a penalty when Lascelles challenged Armstrong in the box. Could have gone either way, but Newcastle’s beef will be that a virtually identical incident at the other end was waved away.

 

Ward-Prowse buried the pen and then gave it the full Jamie Vardy, standing in front of the Geordies, miming a golf shot, looking up at his imaginary golfball, then cupping his ears, grinning, nodding his head, the full beans. Really funny, but not when it’s against you. Big fan of Ward-Prowse though, can we not swap Keita for him? Pretty please?

 

Ivan Toney opened his Premier League account with an emphatic finish to put Brentford ahead at Villa Park. Buendia cancelled that one out with a lovely finish of his own. That’s how it finished but both teams had chances to win and it was a decent game.

 

Brentford had a goal disallowed when the striker nicked it off the keeper as he tried to kick downfield. The keeper had it in his hand but when he let go to volley it, is that not now in play? The forward nicked the ball away cleanly and it wasn’t dangerous play, but VAR took a look and ruled it out. If that isn’t allowed then the rule need rewriting to simply say that you can’t challenge the keeper when he’s kicking out of his hands. If the rule doesn’t already say that then this was a goal.

 

Brentford’s manager is class. I really like him, even if he comes across more like an art teacher than a footy manager. Interesting character. 

 

Villa had a 17 year old starting in midfield. I think I remember him from the youth cup final last year. They’ve got some really good kids there. They’ve got Watkins back now too and it will be interesting to see how he gels with Ings.

 

Onto Sunday, and some of those decisions in the Wolves / Man United game just gave me a real feeling of deja vu. We’re not paranoid are we? They do just always seem to get favourable decisions year in year out. Wolves got screwed but nobody is surprised. 

 

The only goal of the game should never have stood as it was a clear foul by Pogba. How is Mike Dean not seeing that? Well, because he’s Mike Dean. How isn’t VAR sorting that though? Well, because Mike Dean said he’d seen it and refused to check the monitor. Disgrace. Baldy little pointy faced fuck.

 

Wolves were also denied a penalty when their player got absolutely wiped out after he cut the ball back. Remember last season when Rashford got a pen for being caught after getting his shot away? Yeah, one rule for them and a different rule for everyone else. It fucking stinks.

 

Wolves main problem is that they keep missing sitters. All three games now they’ve had better chances than the opponent but they aren’t taking any of them. They should have signed Origi as the one thing he does well is finish. Wolves are so toothless that Wayne Rooney fancies them.

 

Spurs beat Watford 1-0. Is that three 1-0 wins on the spin now for them? *checks table* Yeah it is. That’s not sustainable but Nuno has obviously gone in there with the intention of first and foremost making them hard to beat, and so far it’s working. Son got the only goal of the game with a cross that deceived the keeper.

 

Watford did their customary “send out a player you didn’t know played for them” routine again. Moussa Sissoko. I heard his name and assumed he was playing for Spurs, but no he’s joined Watford. Good signing for them that. They sold the albino Will Hughes to Palace. He wasn’t playing this weekend, presumably because he’s not allowed outside in natural light.

 

Finally, Burnley and Leeds. Proper war of the roses shit this one. Tackles flying in all over the place and Burnley going the full Burnley. Tarkowski body slammed my boy Bamford early doors and then Barnes went right through a defender with the same kind f scissor kick move he tried on Joel last week.

 

Burnley went ahead with a typical Burnley goal. Set-piece not cleared, scramble, ball still not cleared, cross, shot, deflected in by Wood who was stood right in front of the keeper. If the Leeds defender had pushed out he’d have caught him offside, so not great by Leeds there really.

 

My boy dished out some Bad Medicine late on though when he poked in from close range to snatch a point for Leeds. A shot through the heart of Burnley that one. 

 

Remember last week when Klopp pointed out that Burnley’s players are prone to wrestling moves? That was headline news for days and everyone had a pop at him, including Dyche who was aghast that he’d mentioned players by name.

 

Check out this gem of an interview from my boy. Not one fucking word has been said about it either. Serious double standards here. He’s great though isn’t he?

 

 

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I'm getting lots of laughs out of Arsenal's misfortune. You know how you go on about bums who congratulate themselves despite having nothing to be self-congratulatory about, such as players ostentatiously celebrating goals against the B team of a Championship outfit? Well, Arsenal fans spent the best part of a decade revelling in how they had won the title more recently than Liverpool, hitching their wagon to the likes of Man City and Chelsea in a manner that would make a Bitter blush. Okay, that's overstating it. Either way, how's that working out for you now, lads?

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I'd love to hear DT's thoughts on Arsenal these days, but I haven't found him on Arsenal Fan TV so far this season.

 

Troopz is over in America or something as well, doesn't feel quite the same

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14 minutes ago, Through Ball said:

I'd love to hear DT's thoughts on Arsenal these days, but I haven't found him on Arsenal Fan TV so far this season.

 

Troopz is over in America or something as well, doesn't feel quite the same

 

Screenshot_20210902-174327_Twitter.jpg

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On 02/09/2021 at 07:19, Anubis said:

I’ve never heard Bamford speak before. He sounds nothing like I’d have imagined him sounding.

Really? I think he sounds exactly like expected. How did you think he'd sound?

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I love seeing Arsenal be shite.

 

Their support were so fucking smug when they were boss and they used to do that 'hoof' shout to us and sing 'hoof the ball, win fuck all' at us.

 

Giving it the big one about their league and cup wins was fair do's - but when they were doing it for their top 4 finishes i just found that pathetic.

 

I remember going Highbury in the late 80's/early 90's and ok we were close rivals then fighting for leagues but their support were just horrible twats...full repertoire of 'sign on' 'in your liverpool slums' etc.

 

Seeing them be shite is delightful - long may it continue.

 

Oh and this says it all...

 

 

arsenal_dressingroom1-401060.jpg

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