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Premier League Round Up (Apr 16-22 2021)

Bit of a fractured round of fixtures this week because of the FA Cup. There have been games every day since last Friday though so still plenty to get through.

 

Let’s kick off at the Pit last week where Spurs led once and trailed once in a game that turned out to be Mourinho’s last one in charge.

 

Kane scored twice while Spurs old boy Gylffi Sigurdsson did likewise for High Horse FC. Kane hit the bar with a brilliantly improvised header and then went off injured as his crisp bag ankles let him down again. He’s doubtful for the League Cup final this weekend now.

 

I don’t even know who they’re playing. I’m assuming it’s City but I’ve paid zero attention to it so genuinely don’t know. If they are playing City without Kane then they’ve got no chance.

 

Spurs sacked Mourinho the day after the Super League news broke. There were some rumours that he refused to take training in protest at it. Not sure if he was unhappy about the idea itself or the fact he was kept in the dark about it. Don’t really care. He was a genuinely awful fit for Spurs and they should never have appointed him. It was always going to end like this.

 

What happens next is going to be interesting. No top club is going to touch him and it remains to be seen if he can put his ego to one side and take charge of a smaller club with a lesser budget. I’d love to see him give it a go at somewhere like Newcastle or even a relegated club like West Brom or Sheffield United.

 

He doesn’t need the money but his reputation has been seriously eroded over the last decade. Taking over a lesser light and getting them promoted and then challenging for a European spot would be a great riposte to the accusations he only every takes the easy option.

 

I hope he does. There was a time when I despised him more than anyone else in football but over recent years I’ve warmed to him a bit. I’m not saying I like him, but I no longer hate him and I feel like he’s not the massive twat he once was. Much of it is an act. He’s playing a role, like last week with that “Ole is a terrible dad because he starves his kids” schtick. That was brilliant. I hope he's back soon but at somewhere that is actually going to be interesting. 

 

Newcastle against West Ham was probably the game of the weekend. No-one saw that coming but it was highly entertaining. The Magpies played well in the first half and took a 2-0 lead into the break after two calamitous moments by West Ham. First Drop pulled a Djimi Traore and pirouetted one into his own net. Then Fabianski dropped a corner right at the feet of Inton, and not even big Joel could miss that one. In between, Dawson was sent off for two reckless yellows.

 

All good then. We needed West Ham to lose and it looked a certainty at 0-2 and a man down. Newcastle then proceeded to choke like dogs and found themselves level after goals from Diop and Lingard (penalty). 

 

I was sat in a car park listening to it on the radio and I was in the middle of typing out a rant about Newcastle’s shitness to post in the group chat when they immediately went in front again through Willock. I didn’t post the message but I did copy it and was ready to paste if they blew it again. Thankfully they didn’t. Not that we took advantage of it like, but we did make up a point on them so it’s better than nothing.

 

Newcastle are virtually safe now. Fulham and West Brom need the miracle of all miracles or they’ll be joining Sheffield United back in the Championship. Fulham and West Brom are just fucking yo-yo clubs like Norwich, who are back up again for next season. I’m bored with all of them, I want something a bit different. I’d even welcome back those scabs at Forest.

 

Sheffield United’s relegation was finally confirmed when they were beaten 1-0 by Wolves. Brewster started and didn’t score. No goals for him this season but he’s still only one behind Adama Traore. I reckon he’ll score before the end of the season. I hope so anyway. He must be wondering just what the fuck has happened to his career.

 

He was on the receiving end of a really bad tackle that could have seriously injured him. Not only did he not get the free-kick but he was yellow carded for his trouble. A truly astonishing decision that one. It has to be seen to be believed. 

 

Willian Jose finally opened his account with a close range finish after being set up by Traore’s powerful burst and smart cross. When Traore is in that situation there is literally nothing defender can do to prevent him getting in a cross. All you can do is pick up the players in the middle and the Blades didn’t do that. They didn’t deserve to lose the game but they just can’t score goals and that’s why they’re bottom.

 

Nuno Holy Spirit said some really nice things about them afterwards and insisted that they’d come back up and that he “hopes they do from the bottom of my heart”. He’s such a nice fella him. I think there’s a decent chance now that he’s not actually that good a manager but he’s a class act.

 

Arsenal drew 1-1 with Fulham. They’re such fucking losers aren’t they? Them being in that Super League was by far the most offensive aspect of it to me. The fucking balls on them and to a lesser extent Spurs. They’re like the fucking Wedding Crashers. If that thing had gone ahead they’d be playing in it and all the big teams would be looking at each other asking “who exactly are they again and who invited them?”.

 

VAR played a massive part in this game and again it was just fucking horrible. Ceballos had a goal ruled out because Saka’s toe was apparently offside. Then Fulham were awarded a penalty for a clear dive and that also had the most marginal of possible offsides in the build up.

 

This one was adjudged to be onside but it’s like I said last week, there hasn’t been one of these that’s come out as being dead level all season, which is basically impossible unless they have instructions that when it’s level they need to move the line one way or the other. 

 

Whoever was on VAR that day clearly decided to fuck Arsenal over on both of those, because if he’d wanted to he could have given those the other way around and nobody would be any the wiser. It’s a fucking scandal this you know. There’s not enough being made of it either. We hear plenty of moaning about VAR but no-one has properly addressed this issue of officials just deciding games based on whichever outcome they want from these marginal decisions.

 

Maja buried the pen but Fulham couldn’t hold on and conceded seven minutes into stoppage time when Nketia tapped in at the back post. There was a VAR check on that because Holding was stood in an offside position but the goal stood because apparently he wasn’t interfering with play. Scott ‘Scotty’ Parker disagreed and was fucking fuming afterwards. He was talking absolute shite though. 

 

Here’s my issue with it. Imagine if that game actually meant something for Arsenal and they’d scored with the last kick of the game but the fans couldn’t celebrate it. VAR needs to fucking go. That famous “Agueeerroooooooooooo” moment would have been ruined if VAR was about as they’d have been checking to see if there was any way they could hand the title to United. I’m not even joking.

 

Speaking of United, they beat Burnley. Didn’t watch, don’t care.

 

Brighton got a point at Chelsea but they’ll feel they should have won as they had the better chances. The most shocking thing about this was Chelsea fans showing up to protest about the Super League. Did anyone expect them to do that? I’d have been less shocked if they’d turned up waving fifty pound notes and chasing “Super League ’til we die”.

 

Real Madrid president Florentino Perez certainly smelled a rat and said “there were only forty of them and I know who sent them there”. The implication being an opponent of the Super League paid them. It sounds crazy but is that any less believable than Chelsea fans having a moral conscience and doing the right thing?

 

Spurs began post-Jose life with a 2-1 win over Southampton. The Saints are either proper shit or they’ve been on their holidays since picking up enough points to ensure they wouldn’t go down.

 

Harry Kane was missing with that ankle injury. Maybe his tongue is injured too and that’s why he couldn’t speak out against the Super League? Shithouse.

 

Southampton should have taken the lead in the first couple of minutes but blasted two efforts straight at Lloris. The commentator was screaming about “brilliant goalkeeping by Lloris” for some reason. If standing still and having a ball smashed at you qualifies as brilliant keeping then we can all do that. Except Brad “Dodgeball” Jones of course. No, I’ll never let that one go.

 

When Ings headed Southampton in front the commentator said “not much Lloris could do about that one”. What, because it wasn’t twatted straight at him? Has this fella got shares in Lloris? Really strange commentary I thought.

 

Usually it’s Spurs blowing leads in the second half of games but this time it was them coming back to win. Bale curler in the equaliser (lovely goal) and Son thought he’d won it with 15 minutes left but after a VAR check it was correctly disallowed for offside.

 

What VAR taketh away it then gave back as after David Coote had given a free-kick on the edge of the box, Jon Moss had a look and told him it was on the line and therefore a pen. It was too, but it’s one of those that would never have been a pen in the pre-VAR days as it looked just outside when it happened and I think virtually any referee would have given a free-kick and not a pen.

 

VAR supporters (believe it or not there are still some out there) will say this is an example of it being beneficial but I disagree. If that’s given as a free-kick I’m good with that every time because it’s that close it’s like a marginal offside. You let the official make the decision based on what it looks like and if the replay shows he’s out by an inch and it’s a penalty, so what? VAR wasn’t meant to be refereeing games, it was supposed to rule out any obvious fuck ups. This ain’t that.

 

Bale gave the most clichéd post-manager sacking interview of all time afterwards. He started with “yeah no it is what it is” and if you were playing football cliché bingo you’d have had a full house. “As players we need to stick together and work hard” “obviously” “Ryan’s come in to do a job” “we’re all fully behind him” “keep fighting until the end of the season” “that’s all we can do”. I’d forgotten how much I couldn’t stand this cunt because he’s been in semi-retirement since Kiev.

 

City’s quadruple bid had some a cropper when Chelsea beat them in the cup semi last weekend. Maybe that loss was why Guardiola felt empowered enough into talking, without any hint of irony, about how sport isn’t sport if it isn’t competitive. They’ve been hoovering up all the domestic trophies for years and ensured English football is less competitive than the Champions League, yet this bald fuck sits there moralising about the spirit of competition. 

 

They fell behind early at Villa Park when McGinn shocked them after just 22 seconds. They equalised with the kind of goal they always fucking score. It used to annoy me but now it just annoys me that we never do it. It’s really not that hard when you have so much of the ball in the opposition half. 

 

We’ve got the players to do it but whenever we get into those positions the cutbacks just go straight to defenders. Pisses me right off.

 

Rodri headed in to make it 2-1 and then Stones was sent off after initially only being given a yellow card. That’s never a fucking red card in a million years. He tries to put the ball into touch but the Villa lad got there a fraction ahead of him and Stones ended up booting him. Standard yellow, but VAR told David Coote to have another look and he upgraded to red. 

 

Just fuck off with this shit. I wish there was as much outrage about this as there was about the Super League, but VAR is as much of a threat to the future of the game than that. In fact it’s even more of a threat as it’s genuinely the worst thing to ever happen to football.

 

Matty Cash was also sent off for two yellows. The second one came two minutes after the first and it was so irresponsible. He lost the ball and then chopped down Foden deep in the City half. I’d ring his fucking neck if I was his manager.

 

Dean Smith did say it was stupid and reckless, and also said the Stones red was only a yellow. He’s one of the good ones him. Dion Dublin on MOTD said it was a red card. Stick to talking about houses lad, you somehow made Danny Murphy look like the voice of common sense.

 

Finally, Leicester smashed West Brom with that Iheanacho cunt continuing his recent hot streak. I don’t mind Leicester as a team but fuck that guy.


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Regardless of what you think of Mourinho - and I think about as little of Spurs, in fact, probably less - if you're getting sacked when you're still right in the mix for a European Cup berth... it's pretty shit.

Who do they think they are, Real fucking Madrid?

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I think I started to change my mind on Jose (I wouldn’t have called him that a few years ago so that kinda proves it ) after he spoke so gushingly a few times about us on the way to winning number six 

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