Weekends are boss when we win the early Saturday game. They’re even better when it’s Chelsea we beat and the entire football media train their sights on Mourinho. It’s funny how everyone now thinks he’s a bad bell when he's only behaving the way he always has.
He doesn’t have anybody defending his outbursts anymore though, suddenly he's not 'great copy'. It just shows you can get away with anything when you're winning, but as soon as things get a bit hairy expect them to be on you like a pack of wild dogs.
Ruud Gullit said on MOTD Jose needs to stop moaning and be “more humble”. Hahaha yeah good luck with that. May as well tell Paul Merson to be “more intelligent” or challenge Ruud himself to not keep throwing the word “also” erroneously into sentences (look out for that next time he’s on).
Chelsea losing has more impact on teams at the bottom than the top these days. Certainly Man City are no longer interested in Chelsea’s results, other than for the sheer amusement of it.
They continue to march on as they beat Norwich at the Etihad and then won 3-1 away in Europe at Sevilla. Good week for them, they’re actually top of both leagues right now, which might be the first time that’s ever happened. Maybe they're finally figuring out the CL, or maybe their group just sucks. Let's see what happens in the knock out stage.
They were a bit lucky to beat Norwich. Otamendi gave them the lead with a bullet header from a corner. Actually, speaking of bullets, I have to tell you this one before I go any further. So I got a new car this week and I only went and found a fucking bullet casing in the back seat didn’t I? I loved the car anyway, but now I’m completely buzzing off it as I might be driving around in some badass wiseguy car. By contrast, I then realised that I had left something in my old car that had gone in part ex... a Taylor Swift CD that I’d forgotten to take out of the CD player. It wasn’t mine, it was my 8 year old daughter’s, but I can neither confirm nor deny speculation that I occasionally listened to it when she wasn’t in the car.
Anyway, where was I? Yeah, Man City. Jerome equalised after an error by Hart that might not be topped by anyone other than Artur Boruc this season. Hilarious, or at least it would have been if John Ruddy hadn’t followed suit and allowed City to get out of jail with a last minute penalty. Just what the hell was he doing, the soft cunt? He’s the new Mark Schwarzer him, always makes a mistake against the top sides.
Finally on this one, I was watching Bony running around, defenders bouncing off him and him hitting shots so hard he was almost bursting the ball. He’s such a weird looking fella isn’t he? He looks like he’s three times the size of everyone else on the field, yet he’s only about six foot. He’s like a giant that’s been compressed to normal height. Six feet tall and three feet wide with a bonce that’s twice the size of a normal human head.
Moving on, and second placed Arsenal won at Swansea to ensure the Wenger Hokey Cokey meter swung back from Out to In before it went hurtling back to out when they found themselves 3-0 down at half time in Munich against a pissed off Bayern looking to set the record straight after their freak loss at the Emirates. It ended 5-1, cue talksport being flooded with angry Gooners baying for Wenger’s blood.
The Swansea win was easy enough though, although it may have been different if Gomis hadn’t missed an absolute fucking sitter at 0-0. He was clean through on goal but wanted all fucking day to make up his mind and got caught from behind by Bellerin, who wasn’t even in the screen shot when Gomis originally ran through. Remember when I told you all he was shit and then he went on a mad run and started scoring all kinds of goals and made me doubt myself? I learned a lesson there. That lesson? Never fucking doubt yourself Davey lad, because you’re the fucking man when it comes to identifying shite. Gomis = Shite.
Swansea then thought they should have had a pen when Mertesacker raised an arm and blocked a Sigurdsson free-kick. In fairness, he was merely appealing for a corner he should have had two minutes earlier, the big slow fuck.
Giroud opened the scoring after the break with a well placed header. Not that he’ll get any credit for it from Arsenal fans who think they can do better than him. Can’t wait until Welbeck returns and they have to put up with him.
Koscielny made it 2-0 when he got away with a blatant foul on the keeper before tapping into an empty net. Every player on the pitch stopped as it was obvious he’d backed in on Fabianski and impeded him. Koscielny himself even turned around and looked guiltily at the ref to see if it had been ruled out. Poor decision, but Swansea are used to that as they get hosed more than anybody.
To add insult to injury Joel Campbell added a third late on. I had no idea he was even still at Arsenal, where the hell have they been hiding him? Has he been frozen in carbonite in Wenger’s front room? They’ll be starting Christopher Wren and Oleg Luzny next week.
Ozil had three assists even though he didn’t actually do much other than lump balls into the box. His assists numbers in his career are off the scale but it’s the most misleading football stat since Phil Babb had the highest passing accuracy in the Premier League one year. At Madrid he used to get two assists a game just by passing it five yards to Ronaldo and letting him do his thing. Ozil I mean, not Babb. Madrid would never sign a player as bad as that. Although, Tommy Gravesen….
So I had West Brom / Leicester down as a 0-0. What do I know eh? Five goal thriller involving a Tony Pulis side? Who’d have thunk it. Rondon’s first goal at the Hawthorns broke the deadlock but the comeback kings did it again. My boy Mahrez stole in at the back post to convert a lovely cross by Albrighton and then repeated the trick from the other flank. Vardy then brilliantly scored for the 8th game in succession to make it 3-1. Although Big Rickie converted a pen to ensure a tense finale, Leicester held on to stay in the top four.
I really enjoy watching Vardy play, he’s exciting and makes things happen. I enjoy watching Leicester actually, it’s remarkable what they’re doing, especially as Ranieri is their manager. Be honest, who thought when they appointed an old arse, old school Italian as manager that they’d be the most entertaining team in the league? I’d love them to stay right up there and sneak a top four spot, as long as it’s not at our expense, obviously.
So Watford are definitely better than any of us thought, and Ighalo is one of the most dangerous strikers in the league. West Ham have been great away from home and I didn’t see them having any trouble at Vicarage Road, yet they lost 2-0 with Ighalo bagging them both. West Ham gift wrapped both goals for him but the striker drove them to distraction to the point that Collins just wellied him up in the air and got sent off.
Watford fans have this thing they do where they all turn the lights on their phones on and wave them around in what has to be the campest thing seen in a football stadium since Lawro hung up his tight shorts and blonde highlights. Seriously lads, what the fuck is that?
United bored the arses off everyone again, drawing 0-0 for the third time in a row before fluking a 1-0 win in the Champions League. They were lucky not to lose at Palace (De Gea saved them again) and their CL game was piss poor too.
Van Gaal is coming in for quite a bit of stick from fans and former players alike. Paul Scholes was ripping him and when Van Gaal was asked about it he replied “shticksh and shtonesh will break my bonesh, but namesh will never hurt me”. Seriously, he’s fucking funny isn’t he? He’s also taken to calling Chris Smalling “Michael” for some reason, which again, is fucking hilarious.
Newcastle played well at home to Stoke but Jack Butland kept them at bay with some great saves. They kept a clean sheet though, which doesn’t reflect well on Stoke’s underachieving forwards.
Last week I highlighted the horrific centre half play in the North East. Every week they’re scoring own goals, conceding pens and getting sent off. It was no change this weekend as Coates put through his own net at the Pit in Sunderland’s horrific 6-2 defeat on Sunday.
Sunderland’s defending was so bad Fat Sam must be questioning for the first time in his life whether he’s bitten off more than he can chew. I could go through the goals individually, but all that needs saying really is they allowed Kone to score a hat-trick. Fucking hell. Deulefeu scored as well and was also guilty of one of the worst dives of the season. Cheating blue bastard.
Also on Sunday, Southampton beat Bournemouth in “El Coastico”. The Saints went 2-0 up in the first half and looked great. Bournemouth dominated the second half but just didn’t have any cutting edge. They’re going down, which is a pity because had they not lost the lad up front who was scoring all the goals they’d have had a good shot at finishing above shite like Sunderland, Villa and Norwich.
Finally, Monday night football. Spurs beat Villa comfortably enough in the end, although they had some hairy moments late on before Kane’s emphatic finish sealed it. There’s a bit of talk starting to build around Spurs now because they haven’t lost since the opening day. I’m not buying it yet, they still look flawed to me and only for Gestede missing a late sitter they could easily have dropped two points at home to Villa, which is as bad as it gets at the moment.
Villa are appointing Remi Garde to replace Sherwood. Out of the frying pan into le fire. There’s no way he’s keeping Villa up. Not a fucking chance, it’s just a really weird appointment. Of course motormouth Wenger has had his say on it: "Remi is an intelligent man who has some experience in Lyon. He will try to get his ideas through, the ideas he got in Lyon, and hopefully it can work”. That was reported as “Wenger backs Garde to be success at Villa”. I’d say it was damning him with the faintest of praise. This fella won’t even see out the season. The French Sherwood, only without the gilet and general all round awesomeness.
Dave
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