We shit the bed in the first game of the weekend which meant I just tuned out of any footy until we played Madrid on Tuesday, so I’m only just getting round to watching the highlights now nearly a week later. Not much went our way did it? Everton not winning and United losing were just about the only things we could clutch at, but they’re scant consolation for how shit we are right now.
Chelsea made hard work of beating QPR despite taking an early lead through a fantastic finish by Oscar. Charlie Austin equalised with the type of goal that used to be my trademark before an ankle injury cruelly cut short my career at just 40 years old last summer. Clever little back flick that bamboozled the keeper, if I’ve done that once I’ve done it a thousand times. He later missed a great opportunity to put them ahead. If I’ve done that once, I’ve done it a million times.
QPR actually gave it a real good go and had their opportunities, but they were undone by a soft penalty conceded by Vargas on Hazard. It could have gone either way but who’s going to give the benefit of the doubt to a grown man with a tattoo of Michael Jordan on his neck? I mean come on, what the actual fuck? I’m a big Bulls fan and I love MJ as much as the next guy, but a tattoo? On the neck? Of Michael Jordan? Kinell.
Hazard buried the penalty because Rob Green has clearly never watched him take a pen before. I’m sick of seeing keepers diving early and making it easy for him, he just waits to see where they’re going and puts it either the other way, or quite often down the middle. Does my fucking head in, Hazard never takes his eyes off the keeper when he’s taking a pen, how do they not know this?
(nice to see the Maribor keeper had done his homework, stood up and saved Hazard’s spot kick in midweek. Hopefully Mignolet was watching that for when Chelsea get their inevitable pen at Anfield tomorrow)
Mourinho took the unusual step of slagging off his own fans afterwards, saying it was like playing in an empty stadium. Maybe they could come up with some kind of initiative to create a better atmosphere. I don’t know, plastic flags perhaps, that’s bound to work.
Seriously though, you have to be one colossal fucking skid mark for me come down on the side of Chelsea fans in any kind of argument. He’s a cheeky disrespectful twat who should be ashamed of himself for that. Chelsea fans are in the same boat as the rest of us, being fucking fleeced by the wankers that run all of our football clubs. I read somewhere that kids tickets at Stamford Bridge are £50 or something.
Some of these gobshites in football are just completely detached from the real world. They want to know where the atmosphere is? It’s in the pubs and living rooms, because most of the fans who used to be at the game creating an atmosphere aren’t there anymore. Why aren’t they there? Because they’ve been priced out. Why have they been priced out? So pricks like Mourinho can have their huge salaries (not to mention unlimited transfer funds in his case). And then he’s there complaining that their fans weren’t loud enough as his massively expensive team full of multi millionaires were struggling to beat Queens Park fucking Rangers. Just when you think the man couldn’t possibly be any more of a cunt, he goes and outdoes himself.
There was a cracking game at the Britannia between Stoke and West Ham. No really. It was a hell of a game and the ball was mostly on the floor. Stewart Downing was the best player on the pitch and had a goal and an assist. Honestly, I’m not kidding.
What the hell have West Ham got Downing on though? That’s some serious performance enhancing shit he’s been on this year. He was brilliant in this game, making West Ham’s first (for the lively Valencia) and scoring their second (which was the fault of lazy arse Victor Moses), both with his right foot. It won’t last, obviously, but I don’t like it. It makes our own shiteness even harder to take.
As does Southampton’s continued good form. They won again on Saturday. They kept a clean sheet again too. Wanyama’s brilliant finish was enough to give them 1-0 victory at Hull to keep them in 2nd place. Still can’t believe that I was feeling sorry for them not so long ago. I’d like them to get top four as long as it’s not at our expense.
Alexisenal won again too. It should have been about 10-0 as Burnley’s goal led a charmed life, but they had to settle for just three. Sanchez got two, of course. Wenger was asked afterwards if Sanchez reminded him of Suarez. Like a knife through the heart of every Liverpool fan watching MOTD that was. If those at LFC responsible for not signing him are reading this, I fucking hate you; you’ve killed our season you tight fisted cunts. Of course they won’t be reading this as they won’t have shelled out for a season ticket because they can find an inferior round up that’s free. It doesn’t matter that it’s a round up on the Indian Women’s Hockey League and isn’t any use to them, it was cheaper so job’s a good un.
Honestly, every goal Sanchez scores just feels like a punch in the face. I’m not sure I’ll ever truly get over the whole “losing Suarez and then not moving heaven and earth to get Sanchez” thing. I couldn’t even enjoy them blowing a 3-0 lead in Europe because Sanchez scored again and besides, we lost our own game and aren’t in a position to laugh at anyone these days. We’ve now become the laughees, not the laughers.
West Brom beat Leicester thanks to an unfortunate own goal by Cambiasso. I got nothing else to say about that, except Berahino continues to impress and I wish we had him as he’s young, direct and exciting. Mind you, we’d have probably loaned him out to Derby too.
Elsewhere, Everton were held to a goalless draw at home to Swansea who had “redshite” Shelvey sent off for two yellows. Jonjo’s a bit thick isn’t he? His first yellow was for kicking the ball away and although the second was maybe a little harsh, why would you run the risk? Tell you what though, Swansea are getting absolutely screwed every week now by refs, it’s pretty shocking and it’s extremely obvious. The sending off they had at Anfield was a joke and that red card was rescinded, but in this game Alcaraz dived full length and blocked a shot with an outstretched arm. Everyone in the Pit saw it except that useless cunt Kevin Friend. I really hate him you know, the only ref I’ve ever hated more than him is Webb.
It was the Manc derby on Sunday, but for some reason MOTD2 isn’t showing up in my planner and I’ve got absolutely zero inclination to go looking for any highlights. City won, but they looked shite again I’m told and ended up holding on against ten men (Smalling was sent off). The Liverpool of last year would have a great chance of winning of the title this year. Instead we’ve got the Liverpool of this year who will do well to crack the top six. The one crumb of comfort is that United may well be in the same boat. It’s actually kinda funny that Southampton are better than us, United and Spurs despite being picked clean by the three of us last summer.
Speaking of Spurs, they were incredibly fortunate to beat Villa with two late goals on Sunday. Villa actually found the net though so that’s a win for them I guess. They were in danger of being renamed Aston Nilla, the useless gets. The last goal they scored was against us I think, and they had to cancel their October goal of the month award on their club website as they didn’t score any in the entire calendar month. Embarrassing that, but that’s Villa for you.
Benteke’s return hasn’t helped much has it? He got sent off against Spurs which ultimately cost them the game. He was a bit unlucky like, that jabroni midfielder for Spurs (the one who spent the last six years bumming around the lower leagues, I’ve forgotten his name already) provoked the whole thing, the snide little fuck. You can take the man out of Millwall and all that…
Still, one of the worst things in football is that “if you raise your hands you have to go” bullshit. Benteke pushed him away to get his head out of his face. Big fucking deal. On the same weekend I saw Sissoko almost break Joe Allen’s leg and Janmaat boot Balotelli into the middle of next week. That’s fine though, but don’t “raise your hands” lads as we won’t stand for that. Fucking joke.
The Janmaat one was absolutely scandalous, it was school playground stuff. You know, when there’s one player who’s either miles better than everyone else or simply thinks he is, and someone loses their rag and just decides to volley him up in the air. I’ll leave you to decide which of those categories best fits Mario.
Bet we slap in a panic bid for Benteke in January to team up with the rest of the “not suited to how we play” bunch of strikers we have. Still, Divock Origi is coming next summer so everything is fine (even though his strike rate is one in five and he’s only got nine career goals for Lille).
Finally, Monday night’s game at Selhurst Park saw Sunderland record a much needed win over Palace. Steven Fletcher’s fine header put the Mackems ahead but, surprise surprise, a Wes Brown own goal pegged them back. I’ve been doing these round ups for four or five years now and you can probably count on one hand the amount of times either Brown or John O’Shea HASN’T fucked Sunderland over with some kind of blunder.
Jordi Gomez restored Sunderland’s lead and Fletcher grabbed his second deep into stoppage time following a mistake by my boy Puncheon. This is exactly what Warnock wanted, the shithead. He’s been planning revenge on J-Punch ever since the winger exposed him on twitter over his alleged “picking players in return for a percentage of their appearance fee” scam, but he couldn’t just come in and drop him straight away as that would be too obvious. He had to bide his time, but Zaha finally remembering how to play football gave him the excuse he needed and ‘the knockout Punch’ now finds himself warming the bench. You know the deal Jason, you don’t pay you don’t play.
Warnock was fined nine grand this week for complaining about refs so I guess he’ll have to shuffle his pack this weekend to cover that one.
Dave
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