I’ll be glad when this is all over. It’s too stressful worrying about other team’s results because we can’t trust our own to handle their business, and I’m becoming increasingly resentful that a season that started so well and looked for several months like it might be a title challenge has now descended into a pitiful scrap for fourth place.
Hopefully we’ll get it, but at the risk of going all Roy Keane, there should be no celebrations if we do, only relief.
I’m fucking annoyed about the whole thing and I’ll still feel that way even if we get fourth. We should already have Champions League football secured, but two points from our last three home games against shite teams has opened the door for Arsenal, fucking ARSENAL, to do their usual trick of somehow getting into the top four. How do they do it every year? Osmosis?
Of course if we beat West Ham and Boro it won’t matter what Arsenal do, but does anyone have any real confidence we’ll do that? Not me. I fully expect us to win at West Ham and then fuck it right up against relegated Boro and have the whole country laughing at us as Everton roll over and have their bellies tickled by Arsenal on the last day and the Mancs win the Europa to make us the only team in the top six to not have Champions League next season.
That’s where my mind is at right now but can you blame me? I used to think people who thought like this were just shithouse miserable bastards who always expect the worst and needed to grow a set of balls. Now? Anyone who doesn’t think that way is a fucking loon, because there’s a whole body of evidence to justify being a “Doubting Thomas”.
Arsenal beating the Mancs initially looked like it was good for us, but then they did what we failed to do and beat Southampton and all of a sudden it’s not looking so good now is it? We’re relying on Stoke beating them otherwise they’re nailed on to take nine points from their remaining games and any slip up from us will be catastrophic. And Stoke have been on their summer hols for months. Hell, we even beat them.
Many of us have spent most of the season laughing at Arsenal and United, but this is the danger of writing cheques our loser team can’t cover. If they don’t get top four after all this, I don’t think I’ll ever forgive any of the cunts, Klopp included. It took me months to get over that loss against Sevilla last year, but this would be so much worse.
Anyway, let’s get this over with. The weekend kicked off on Friday night as West Ham ended Spurs’ title hopes. Adrian had a great game in goal for the Hammers and Lanzini popped up with the winner at the other end.
It might be a bit rich coming from me, as someone who has spent years talking about “doing a Spurs” and how being chokers is in their DNA, but I didn’t like some of the shite I read about how this was “typical Spurs” and that they’ve bottled it. They’d won nine in a row to at least make the title race somewhat interesting, but you can’t expect a team to win every game they play and eventually points will be dropped.
Spurs didn’t play well at West Ham but let’s face it, they were due a bad performance as they’ve been great for months. They didn’t bottle anything, they just lost a game. Now if they were to go and do what they did at the end of last season and completely implode over the next couple of weeks they’ll deserve every bit of stick that comes their way, but losing one game away at West Ham doesn’t make them bottlers. Hopefully they’ll stick it right up United this weekend and secure second spot in style.
City are looking good for third now after they bounced back from dropping two points at Boro by absolutely murdering Palace at the Eitihad. Silva put them ahead inside of two minutes but they had two wait until two minutes after the break to add a second, when Kompany thumped in a De Bruyne cross. De Bruyne, Sterling and Otamendi added further strikes as Palace waved the white flag.
It’s annoying as fuck that we lost to them a week earlier, but what’s even more annoying is seeing people having a go at Palace for not playing as well at City as they did at Anfield. Same with Southampton who followed up a draw with us by losing to Arsenal. Guess what folks, it’s not them, it’s us.
Meanwhile, at the other end of the table Hull look like they’ve blown it now after they lost at home to Sunderland and Swansea beat the Blueshite. Hull had the easier run in but that’s gone up smoke now after they lost what looked like a home banker.
Pickford made a fine stop from Hernandez and then played one of the passes of the season to set Defoe in on goal but his finish was uncharacteristically poor. Not as poor as the effort from N’Diaye just after when he mis-kicked from three yards out. He’s shite him. You know how I know that? Because he scored against us, and we specialise in letting shite score against us. Pickford then made a great stop to deny Markovic before Jones headed Sunderland in front.
Pickford’s heroics continued with a reflex save to keep out Hernandez and then Defoe made it safe in stoppage time when he bundled in a Larssen free kick. He was offside and the linesman should be thankful that Sunderland were already leading, because that would have been a huge error otherwise.
How pissed off would you be if you were a Sunderland fan though. That bunch of losers have done nothing for months, then as soon as they are relegated and the pressure is off they deliver a win. I’d be angrier about that than about any of the losses they’ve had I think.
Everton look like they’ve packed up and gone home for the season now. They slumped to a 1-0 defeat at Swansea, their first defeat in Wales since 1956 apparently, which just shows the advantage of a good home support. Llorente got the only goal of the game but Swansea never really looked like conceding.
Everton can’t finish any higher or lower than 7th now, so the only thing they’ve got left to play for is taking one up trap two from Arsenal on the last day in the hope they can spite us. What a sorry existence.
Leicester are looking good for a top half finish now after a comfortable victory over Watford moved them up to 9th. Ndidi and Mahrez had put the game out of reach before Albrighton added a third in stoppage time with a typical Leicester goal on the break.
As for Watford, I don’t know how they aren’t in the bottom three because they’re fucking terrible. I think next season they’ll be in big trouble.
Sam Vokes put Burnley ahead at home to West Brom but the Baggies almost levelled (from a corner, obviously) when they were denied by the bar. Seconds later Rondon finally ended his goal drought with his first goal in eight and a half hours of football. I say football, that’s probably not the right word for it as it’s West Brom we’re talking about here.
They took the lead with a goal from Dawson (from a corner, obviously) but then got a taste of their own medicine as Vokes headed in a free kick after Foster flapped at it.
Bournemouth included some striker I’d never heard of before, and he wasted no time in getting on the scoresheet. Unfortunately for him it was at the wrong end, as he headed in a Stoke corner. Stanislas equalised but Diouf restored the visitors lead with his first goal in a year. Still, that makes him prolific in comparison to Berahino, the man whose place he had taken. Bournemouth salvaged a point when King’s off target shot hit Shawcross and went in.
Arter was booked for a terrible challenge on Wee Joe. He’s a proper dirty bastard him. Nasty piece of work, I don’t like him at all.
Sunday saw Wenger finally beat Mourinho in the league. I didn’t watch it live, not just because of my self imposed “avoid watching United live at all costs” ban, but also because after we’d failed to beat Southampton the last thing I wanted to do was watch this fucking game. Any game in fact, but this one in particular.
I have watched the highlights since so I do have some observations. Neither side looked like they had a goal in them until the Swiss Charlie Adam’s speculative shot deflected off that little cunt Herrera and looped up over De Gea. Herrera turned his back on it, coward that he is, and that’s why it went in. Imagine if that had been Luke Shaw, he’d have been left in the away dressing room bogs, bound and gagged and with “BITCH” carved into his for with a stanley knife.
Welbeck scored the second with a terrific header and he actually celebrated it. Good for him. He didn’t go mad and it wasn’t disrespectful, and it was good to see, particularly as it was against United. Up with that sort of thing, I’m fed up of the fake respect we see every week from players scoring against their old clubs.
Mourinho couldn’t resist taking the piss out of Arsenal, which is normally not something I’d frown upon, but he’s such a smug horrible cunt that even when it’s Arsenal on the receiving end I still can’t get on board with it. He’s the absolute fucking worst.
He also described their upcoming Europa semi with Celta Vigo as “the biggest game in our history”. Interesting that, coming from the man who taunted Rafa a few years ago by saying "I don't want to win the Europa League. It would be a big disappointment for me. I don't want my players to feel the Europa League is our competition."
So, to recap, United’s 26 game unbeaten run has taken them from 6th to, erm, 6th, and closed the gap on us by one point. Not that we can take the piss too much as they’ve already won one trophy and we’re relying on Iago fucking Aspas to keep them out of another final. If he can do that I’ll get a Kermit the Frog tattoo in his honour.
(disclaimer: not really)
As for Arsenal, they followed this win up by winning at Southampton. Oxlade-Chamberlain’s season is over though, as he went off with a hamstring injury. To be fair it must be a couple of months since his last one. Get him signed, if Sturridge goes then Danny Ings is going to need someone to keep him company in the treatment room.
Onto Monday now, and Chelsea put one hand on the Premier League trophy with a routine win that finally put Boro out of their misery and relegated them. Boro were fucking woeful and all three goals went through the hapless Brad Guzan’s legs, which only makes their impending clean sheet at Anfield even more soul destroying.
There is nothing on this earth that could make Chelsea likeable, but Antonio Conte has gone a long way towards making them more difficult to hate.
Recommended Comments