Boss weekend that. We won with a last second penalty that caused Pardew to completely lose his shit. United lost. Everton lost in the most comical circumstances imaginable. Chelsea, Arsenal and Spurs all failed to win, while Leicester picked up three points to extend their lead at the top.
The only minor blemish was City winning, but they were playing Villa so that was a gimme anyway. May as well have just given them the points and saved everyone the effort of playing. Villa might not get another point all season now.
Leicester won the North London derby as Spurs and Arsenal both squandered leads in a 2-2 draw. “After you sir”, “no, after you”. To be fair, it’s hard to shake off so many years of being losers.
Ospina was in goal because of Cech’s injury. I didn’t realise that the big dope picked up that injury sprinting back after going up for a corner in the midweek home loss to Swansea. It just gets better and better doesn’t it? Arsenlol.
Ramsay put Arsenal ahead with a finish right out of the Usher collection (you’re all sat there going “yeah right”, but I know my boy John G is nodding his head in approval). Then Coquelin got himself off for two daft yellow cards right out of the Milner collection.
Spurs thought they’d levelled when Kane’s shot looked to have gone over the line, but hawkeye disagreed because approximately one inch of the ball was just about touching the line. I keep saying it but that’s just a bullshit rule. As soon as more than half of the ball has crossed the line, that should be a goal. That rule needs changing as it’s shit. Morally I just don’t know how you can look at this and say it isn’t a goal:
I’ve noticed that it’s crept into other decisions too. Like players never take corners from in the quadrant. They were never allowed to do this shit before, but recently linesmen are allowing them to take corners when the ball is barely even touching the quadrant. I don’t like it, it's ridiculous.
Anyway, Spurs did level soon after through Alderweireld and then Kane put them in front with a ridiculous goal from a position he didn’t even have any right to shoot from.
Dier was then booked for pulling someone back by the shirt, and then did the same thing again not long after and escaped further punishment. Complete bottle job by Michael Oliver that. Hang your head in shame, you absolute coward.
In between those fouls Arsenal had drawn level with a nice finish from Sanchez. Lloris should have saved it though as he let it bounce over his hand. Poor that.
That’s how it ended and the draw is probably marginally better for Arsenal as they were away from home and down to ten men, but Spurs won’t mind too much as they’re still ahead of the Gunners and aren’t too far off Leicester.
Speaking of whom, they won at Watford but it was a battle. Mahrez got the only goal of the game and if Leicester weren’t Leicester, we’d all be talking about how title winning teams can grind out these scrappy 1-0 wins when they need them. No-one is saying that though because they’re Leicester. Games are running out now though, they only need to hold on for a little longer.
Holding on is something the poor old blues just don’t seem to be able to master though eh? How many times have they blown games this season? They’re a team build entirely in their manager’s image; all style and no substance. Wigan with better players. West Ham are a reflection of their manager too, they’re scrappers these days and no longer a soft touch. Bilic has done better than anyone expected there.
I can’t even enjoy this Everton collapse as much as I’d like because it gifted West Ham three points and kept them ahead of us. It looked like we’d have the opportunity to get within five points with two games in hand when the Blues went 2-0 up despite having to play with ten men after Mirallas picked up two yellows (one for diving).
Lukaku and Lennon put them 2-0 up and Lukaku then had a chance to put the game to bed from the penalty spot but missed. Still, with only ten minutes left they had a 2-0 lead and the Hammers had barely even had a shot up to that point, yet the Blues somehow managed to fuck it up, giving away two goals in a couple of minutes and then allowing Payet to get a stoppage time winner. Not great for our hopes of climbing the table, but still, you’ve got to laugh.
Tell you one thing though, if I’m Lukaku I’d be off like shit off a stick this summer. The season he’s had and yet he’s in the bottom half of the table. He must be fuming.
God’s gift to defending was subbed before the collapse, which on the one hand makes him exempt from any blame, but on the other is pretty fucking damning when you think about it. Down to ten men and needing a really stout defensive effort, Martines takes him off. “Money can’t buy yer Stones”, yet with each passing week they are starting to wish it had.
Newcastle lost at home to Bournemouth and the most telling thing was that I don’t think anybody was even the least bit surprised. Steven Taylor’s unfortunate own goal put the visitors ahead and the boos were ringing out after every poor bit of play from the Geordies, and there was plenty of it.
Josh King (who’s got better and better as the season has gone on) made it 2-0 and although Ayoze Perez pulled one back with ten minutes left, Charlie Daniels walked through to add a third in stoppage time and put the final nail in Shteve’s coffin.
Rafa has taken over now and McClaren appears to have been treated appallingly. Ok, he had to go, that’s been obvious for months, but the way he was left dangling this week when everyone knew Benitez was taking over makes United’s treatment of poor old Moyesy seem almost acceptable. Absolute joke of a club, they deserve to go down and hopefully never come back up again.
As for Rafa, fair play for taking on the challenge as many managers with a good reputation wouldn’t have even considered it. I always slate Mourinho for not having the balls to take on a job like that and always looking for the easy ride, and while Rafa isn’t in the same bracket as Mourinho he is far more qualified than anyone else Newcastle could have hired and his reputation could suffer if it doesn't go well. Respect for backing your own ability Rafa.
Can’t wait to see how he copes with the Mensa triplets, Shelvey, Taylor and Mitrovic though. He’ll be tearing what’s left of his hair out with those three, as Rafa has never been one to tolerate fools.
Does anyone else think that the only reason he’s taken this job is the chance to relegate Fat Sam? I’m serious. It’s obvious now that Newcastle and Sunderland are fighting each other to stay up. Norwich are in there too but whatever way you look at it, the only way either Newcastle or Sunderland stay up is by relegating the other. I don't know if Rafa is as petty and small as me, but if I’m Rafa I’d 100% be thinking that if I go there and keep them up, it’s the ultimate “fuck you” to Allardyce, and you can't put a price on that.
That North East derby next week is going to be well worth watching, that’s for sure.
Sunderland will have mixed feelings about their own result at the weekend. Last season they lost 8-0 at Southampton so they’d have taken a point beforehand, but they went into stoppage time with 1-0 lead against ten men, so to only come away with a point is a massive kick in the plumbs.
Defoe put them ahead very late on the game after Fonte had been sent off for hauling down the lively Borini, but Van Dijk smashed in an equaliser right at the death. The point did keep them out of the bottom three though, but they could have really stepped on Newcastle’s throat if they’d held on.
Norwich lost again as Swansea continued to pull away from trouble. Sigurdsson scored again. I told you didn’t I, he scores every week. The dubious goals panel must be taking some away as otherwise he’d be running away with the Golden Boot.
You know who I’ve got a really irrational hatred for? Patrick Bamford. No idea why, but I can’t stand the twat. I couldn’t even pick him out of a line up so it’s nothing to do with how he looks, but I hate his name. Every time I hear his name I just think “cunt” but I couldn’t tell you why.
It might be the Chelsea connection, but I don’t think it is. They aren’t even on my radar since they sacked soft shite. It’s mad how utterly irrelevant they’ve become so quickly. They’ve been on a good run under Hiddink but absolutely nobody cares. They were held to a home draw by Stoke before losing to PSG in the CL in midweek. They’ve still got the FA Cup to play for, and hopefully they’ll knock the Blueshite out this weekend.
Traore put them ahead against Stoke with a lovely strike. The defending was Villa-like though, as Stoke allowed him to pick it up on the edge of the box and take about six touches to get it back on his left side and shoot under no pressure at all. He looks almost as one footed as that jabroni at Swansea I mentioned a couple of weeks ago (don’t even remember his name, he’s that much of a jabroni). Diouf equalised and Stoke could easily have won it.
Ruben Loftus-Cheek came on as a sub and I realise that I fucking hate that cunt too. Maybe it is a Chelsea thing after all?
City’s win over Villa was straight forward enough. It finished 4-0 and Aguero also missed a penalty (couldn’t have done that at Wembley though could he). It was 0-0 at half time though, and there’s something just not quite right with City. They’re the same, but different. It’s like we’ve been watching them in HD for years and now they’re just on standard. Aguero has said he’ll leave when his contract runs out in a few years too, which is significant because it might mean he goes sooner if City don’t want him to leave for nothing. Toure and Kompany don’t have too long left either, and Silva is 30 now too isn’t he?
Considering how terrible they’ve been at buying players in recent years (De Bruyne being the obvious exception) City fans should be worried. The sooner they go back to being the loveable losers they’ve always been the better.
Their neighbours United have not often been losers and they’ve never been lovable. They’re close to achieving one of those now though, as they lost yet again. How are they in the top six when they seem to get beat every other week? Louis Van Gaal is the fucking man, he cracks me up every week. If he’s not diving on the touchline he’s telling United fans they need to be more like us. What a guy.
This week he was telling the ref he shouldn’t have sent Mata off because Mata doesn’t usually pick up bookings and isn’t that type of player. So on the flipside then, does that mean refs should be allowed to just send off Rooney as soon as he sets foot on the pitch? I’d defo vote for that.
I don’t even get what Van Gaal’s beef is as they were two of the most obvious bookings you’ll ever see. Mike Dean’s face when he gave the first yellow card was funny. Mata stepped in front of a West Brom free-kick and blocked it, and Dean just looked at him, shook his head and blew out his cheeks as if to say “what are you doing, you dopey ewok looking fucker”
The second one left Dean with no choice as he took a big swing at Fletcher and although he tried to pull out at the last second he still booted him right under the refs nose. Even if he’d wanted to be lenient, Dean didn’t have any choice as it was so blatant. He can’t say to West Brom “look lads, he’s a nice fella so I’m giving him a pass on this one, ok?”.
West Brom went on to win thanks to a good finish from Rondon, and incredibly the goal came from open play. United didn’t defend it well but you can’t really blame them as they were no doubt expecting the Baggies to try and win a corner rather than put a cross in to the striker. Not a good week for United. Let’s hope the next one is even fucking worse for them.
Finally, after Pardew’s meltdown about the Benteke penalty, there was nothing surer this week than a Palace player getting a soft penalty to make him look even more of a cunt, and lo and behold Bolasie took a tumble under the faintest of touches from a Reading defender as Palace progressed to the FA Cup quarter finals. Pardew’s response? “I haven’t seen it yet”. Presumably the next time he faces the press he will be grilled about it, as I can’t wait to hear how he justifies his hypocrisy, the slimeball.
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