So...Tim facking Sherwood eh? What can I say, I’ve been telling you he’s ace since last season but would you listen? No, you wouldn’t. Well this week he guided Villa to an away win. Imagine that! Not just that though, they scored four goals in the first half. Hell, he even got them on first on Match of the Day this week. Truly amazing. I worry for him now though as the last fella who went around performing miracles like that ended up nailed to a cross. Actually give him a couple of weeks and Tim will probably be making that comparison himself, he’s never backwards in coming forwards with self praise.
He deserves to enjoy this one though as it was one of the most surprising results of the season. Even though Sunderland are terrible themselves no-one expected them to be 4-0 down before half time to Aston fucking Villa. Bizarrely it have been even worse as other good chances were wasted. The opening goal was brilliant, as it started with the keeper and they passed it all the way up the field at pace before Benteke finished it off. The second goal was not so pretty, as O’Shea got caught underneath a long punt upfield and Agbonlahor capitalised with a scruffy finish.
Sunderland were a little unfortunate in that they came up against Agbonlahor on one of those rare days when he runs riot and looks like the best striker in the land. We can relate to that as he’s done it to use a couple of times. He’s good for two or three of those a season usually, it’s like “NBA Jam” back on the Super Nintendo when one of your players would catch fire and suddenly become faster and stronger than everyone else on the court, and every shot hit nothing but net. It only lasted a short while before you reverted to type. That’s Agbonlahor that is. He made it 3-0 with a fine solo effort before his “fire” eventually went out and he wasn’t heard from again in the game.
Benteke headed a fourth goal before the break, sparking angry scenes in the stands. Thousands of Mackems had gotten up and left after the third goal, thousands more went after the fourth and a few even stopped by the dug out to let Poyet know what they thought and had to be removed by the police. They were booed off at half time and booed back on for the second half by those that actually bothered to stay. I’m not sure I can ever remember such open revolt in such large numbers, but it’s understandable. I mean 0-4 at home to Villa??? Damn. Poyet must have known he was done as you simply don’t come back from that kind of humiliation.
Poyet was asked if he understood the fans’ reaction afterwards. “Yes, I would do the same if I was a fan”. Fair play, I quite like old Gus but he was never going to survive this one. He was eventually sacked a couple of days later but they may as well have done it at half time as that first half sealed his fate and everyone knew he was toast.
Pellegrini may be joining him at the dole queue soon the way he’s going. City lost at Burnley and then followed it up with a limp display in the Nou Camp where only the magnificent Joe Hart stood between them and a complete humiliation. That and the fact that not even Suarez and Messi can match Agbonlahor when he’s in “NBA Jam” mode. Pellegrini doesn’t look like he’s got a clue. His entire philosophy seems to be “you’re good players, just go out and play” and when it isn’t working he seems powerless to do anything.
Burnley should not be able to beat a side containing the likes of Silva, Aguero, Kompany and Toure, but they did and they deserved it. I hope they stay up and they do look to be the only one of the bottom three capable of making a fight of it. Boyd got the winner and he’s a much better player than he’s given credit for. Whenever I’ve seen Burnley this season he’s usually been their best player and the technique he showed for his goal was incredible. As sweet a strike as I’ve seen all season.
City felt they should have been given a penalty late on but instead the referee booked Zabaletta for a dive. Really tough one that, it was probably a pen but I can see why the ref thought he was trying it on. The defender didn’t get the ball but I’m not sure he got much of the City full back either. Pellegrini was asked about the penalty and dismissed it, saying “It doesn’t matter, it’s up to the referee”. What, so nothing about a ‘campaign’ against City then?
Credit to Pellegrini for not bitching about referees, but he did come out with some pretty lame excuses after they were rolled by Barca. Complaining about not having a winter break is probably not the smartest thing to do when your team had a week in Abu Dhabi and followed it up by losing at home to Middlesbrough. Equally, whining about “spending restrictions” doesn’t carry much weight when you’ve spent £170m on players in the last two seasons. He’s sounding pretty desperate, and so he should as he’s clearly on borrowed time.
Elsewhere, Arsenal had a comfortable win over West Ham and then went really close to overturning that deficit against Monaco, coming up just short. Good. I’d much rather they went out in agonising fashion like that after getting their hopes up. That will sting far more than if they’d lost 2-0 or something. Fucking Arsenal. I’m so sick of them and their identikit seasons year in year out. It’s the same every year, the boring pointless twats. It’s like fucking Groundhog Day…
* The season starts with Gooners kicking off about why Wenger has signed another pint sized attacking player instead of the centre back or defensive midfielder they’ve needed for years.
*Pint sized attacking player starts off like a house on fire so Gooners declare “In Arsene We Trust”.
* Wilshere scores a great goal against some nomark team and we’re told that he’s finally ready to fulfil his potential and become the midfield lynchpin for club and country.
* Wilshere gets caught smoking on a night out.
* Wilshere is ruled out for three months with an ankle injury.
* Walcott suffers a six month injury.
* Arsenal qualify from their Champions League group with relative ease.
* Oxlade-Chamberlain has a great game for England on the left wing and 'the Ox' hailed as a future superstar.
* Wenger decides to play Oxlade-Chamberlain as a holding midfielder or a right back, just because.
* Oxlade-Chamberlain picks up an injury and is ruled out for four months.
* Arsenal lose to Stoke and fans complain that Wenger has outstayed his welcome and that just finishing in the top four isn’t good enough. He’s got to go.
* They go on a four game winning streak and it’s back to “In Arsene We Trust” again.
* Where the hell is Abou Diaby??
* Aaron Ramsay is ruled out for four months having scored 15 goals in his first dozen games.
* Wilshere gets caught smoking again.
* Giroud misses a few chances in high profile games. Arsenal fans complain he’s not good enough and that Wenger needs to sign a world class striker.
* Giroud hits a hat-trick against Cheltenham in the FA Cup, taking him to 20 goals for the season already. Arsenal fans hail him as world class.
* Arsenal are knocked out of the Champions League at the first or second knock out stage. Wenger has got to go.
* Wilshere returns from injury and is going to finally fulfil that potential.
* Turns out Wilshere’s ankle is still goosed, he’ll miss another month.
* Arsenal win five Premier League games on the bounce, all against mid-lower level teams. They’re now within touching distance of the league leaders. In Arsene We Trust.
* Aaron Ramsay comes back and looks great. Arsenal fans say if he hadn’t been injured they’d be winning the title.
* Wenger gets his arse handed to him by Mourinho, ending their faint hopes of the title. Arsenal fans say it’s time for him to step down.
* Arsenal hammer some bum team at the Emirates to secure a top four spot at the expense of Spurs. Gooners celebrate like they’ve won a trophy, it’s back to “In Arsene We Trust”.
* Fans and pundits alike say Arsenal will be genuine contenders next year, all they need is a commanding centre back and a “Patrick Vieira type” in the middle of the park….
Moving on, QPR took another step closer to a return to the Championship by getting dicked at Selhurst Park by Pardew’s Palace. QPR are really, really terrible, they look like certainties to go down now. Bolasie ran them ragged and created the opening two goals for Zaha and McArthur. Joel Ward made it 3-0 and it wasn’t even half time yet. QPR made more of a fight of it in the second half and were rewarded with a goal of the season contender from Matt Phillips, who lashed on in from about 40 yards, but they look doomed.
Elsewhere, Tony Pulis put one over on his old team as West Brom edged out Stoke 1-0. It feels like West Brom win by that scoreline every week these days. It’s taken over from the old 2-1 to Spurs as the banker scoreline of the weekend. Pulis has done it again, hasn’t he? Brown Ideye got the only goal of the game but West Brom were denied the most blatant penalty you’ll ever see when Craig Dawson was completely clattered by Jeff Cameron. Michael Oliver had a perfect view too, but wasn’t interested.
What’s going on here, it’s as though refs are just not giving penalties anymore? There were at least four stonewallers not given this weekend and it was the same the week before. The only teams to get a penalty this weekend were Everton and Southampton, whose spot kick came at Chelsea, interestingly enough. Did someone say ‘campaign’?
Moving swiftly on, and Leicester’s hopes of survival are getting slimmer by the week, something which can not be said about Tom Hundredstone who was sent off against the Foxes. Leicester don’t score at home, Hull can’t score away so this was almost as nailed on as West Brom winning 1-0. Even with ten men Hull held out for a goalless draw without too much trouble. Leicester just don’t have the firepower to survive in the Premier League, but they won’t be missed, especially their manager who’s a real shitstain on humanity. I joked about him being a complete badass who you wouldn’t mess with, but in all seriousness he really is a nasty piece of work. I bet he doesn’t have a friend in the world.
Onto Sunday, and United picked up an unexpected win at home to Spurs. I say unexpected based only on how both teams have been playing, but that wasn’t taking into account Spurs being Spurs. They were pitiful and got exactly what they deserved, the shithouses. Is there a worse centre back in the league than that Eric Dier jabroni? Well there’s Brown and O’Shea obviously, but that goes without saying. Dier is the Andros Townsend of centre backs, just utterly atrocious.
I love how the United fans are all buzzing off Fellaini now though, just because Van Gaal is using him in the way that poor old Moyesy would never have been allowed to. He’s still just a huge, awkward, elbowing throwing fucking bogbrush who can’t play football, but Van Gaal is making the most of the “nuisance” value he poses.
All the talk after this one was about Rooney and his oh so hilarious boxing celebration. I haven’t seen the incident with Bardsley as apparently it was in the S*n. He probably sold it to them himself, he’s got form for that let’s face it. So although I haven’t seen the video of Bardsley knocking him on his arse, I just saw loads of people talking about it on twitter and then I saw what Rooney did after his goal. Far too many people giving him credit for it for my liking.
It seems to me like we’ve all forgotten just what Rooney actually is. I’ve fallen into that trap myself so I have to keep reminding myself what a little scrote he is. He comes across as a decent enough lad these days and those bad tempered, snide little incidents that used to be his trademark are few and far between. I get that, but we need to remember that he’s still a rat who betrayed his city by 1) selling his book serialisation to the S*n and 2) joining United.
He captains a club whose fans chant about hating scousers every single week. How can he justify that to himself? I can think of 300,000 reasons a week why actually. So yeah, fuck Rooney and his comedy goal celebrations.
Also on Sunday, Everton picked up a much needed three points that now puts them within just one or two wins of survival. They’re still in Europe too, which is quite funny seeing as though everyone else is out. I think I’d like them to get to the final and then lose, that would amuse me greatly. Newcastle were the perfect opposition for them though. If you’re ever in desperate need of a win, you want a home game with Newcastle in the last couple of months of the season when they have nothing to play for. Losers.
Finally, Southampton got a draw at Chelsea which doesn’t really mean much in the grand scheme of things. City’s ineptitude has more or less ended Chelsea the title barring an unforeseen collapse, while Southampton look like they’re battling Spurs for 6th spot at the moment. I still enjoyed this though, any time Chelsea don’t win you’ll find me with a little smile on my face, but what made this one all the sweeter was a bizarre outburst on social media by Mourinho’s little punk kid afterwards.
Apparently the Chelsea fans were on the back of Fabregas and some of the other players, and junior helmet wasn’t happy about it.
“I’ve seen bad Chelsea fans but Sunday was the worse I've ever seen. Fans booing Cesc not singing at all. I completely agree with the chant 'Mourinho's right, you're fans are s****. Our fans are a disgrace!"
When a couple of Chelsea fans pulled him on it, he replied: "I'll show the fans some respect, when the fans respect the team. Who has been scoring goals? Iva. Willian he is just having a bad time. Every player has that doesn't mean you can boo them and put their momentum down. Oscar hasn't done anything wrong. That's why every single staff of Chelsea hate Chelsea fans! Oscar has created a lot of our chances. Willian and Ivanovic are probably the players who track back the most they don't stop running.
"Ivanovic has saved us this season, scored so many goals and helped beat Liverpool with their s****y youngsters. Willian put the cross in. You need to remember who you are talk to and realise I know a lot more than you."
Hahaha that’s just priceless isn’t it? “Every member of the Chelsea staff hate the fans”. You have to assume that’s true as this is the manager’s kid saying it, so he’d know. Loved the “Liverpool’s shitty youngsters” line too. That’s defo come from his old man that has, I can even picture him round the dinner table waffling on about Brendan’s kids in his stupid Russian Robot voice, fucking Metal Mikhail over there.
Without doubt though the killer line from all that was the last one. The condescending tone, the superior attitude, the “I’m better than you and don’t you forget it” insinuation… the apple didn’t fall far from that tree did it. Clearly it’s a maggot infested, rotten piece of shit apple too, just like his gobshite dad.
Dave
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