Was there anything more predictable than this? United have made a habit of spawning wins at Anfield over the years, but contrary to popular opinion I don’t even think they were lucky this time. Not at all, we’re kidding ourselves if we think that, as I’d say the game went exactly according to plan for them. So what if we played well and they didn't? We didn’t score and we gave away a shitty goal. Exactly how Van Gaal probably drew it up on his tactics board.
I say that because if I was bringing a team to Anfield, the gameplan would be simple: defend in numbers, give nothing away and hope to force four or five corners because one of them will inevitably lead to a goal. United were never going to come here and play an open game and what unfolded had a sense of inevitability about it. In fact I called it at half time when a mate text me saying how he thought we’d done everything right but were just lacking a cutting edge. “We’re nailed on to concede from a corner” I replied.
It hardly makes me Mystic Meg, I’m sure most the stadium were feeling the same thing. You can tell by the murmur of dread that rumbles around Anfield every time we concede a corner that we all know it's coming. We didn’t learn anything new from this game, it merely re-enforced what we already knew. In fact I doubt that there’s anything that can happen between now and May that we’ll learn anything from. We can’t score and we can’t defend corners. Whatever else happens doesn’t really matter as you’re not going to win consistently with those two rather significant flaws.
There’s not even really much else to say as I’ll only be repeating myself. We could overcome the shitness at defending set plays if we were able to score regularly, but because we are so toothless in front of goal any moment of sloppiness at the back usually proves fatal. Forget the goalkeeper and defence for now, we’ve got to add goals or nothing will change, and sending on an on loan Championship centre half to play as a striker isn’t going to get it done. Buy a couple of players who can score, you useless cunts. Or better yet, just let Klopp go out and get them as you jabronis have had your chance and look at the fucking state of us.
The eleven who took the field had six league goals between them this season. When you field a team full of players who rarely ever find the back of the net then you don’t need your UEFA A coaching badge to know there’s a very good chance that you’re not going to score. If the club had any ambition or clue at all they’d have signed a striker the day the transfer window opened. Is anybody even remotely surprised they haven’t though?
This isn’t a new problem, we’ve known about it for months and they had time to prepare for this window opening. The fact we’re in mid-January and the only signing we’ve made is Steven fucking Caulker on loan tells me all I need to know. The same thing happened last January, and indeed the one before when, who knows, the right signing or two may have been the difference between winning the title and just missing out.
Ah but “January is a difficult window”. Yeah yeah yeah, course it is. *Yawn*. Every window is difficult for us because we’re fucking useless at buying players. This is the worst United team I’ve seen since Big Fat Ron was there in the 80s, yet they’ve beaten us four times in a row. Why? Because we fucking suck, that’s why. If we had any goals in us we’d be beating United easily as they’re fucking terrible.
What makes it even more frustrating is that it’s not as though we’re totally useless. There’s a lot of good things going on both with and without the ball and we’re a well coached team. Klopp has made a difference to how we play but he’s not made a difference to results. It’s difficult to see any of the positives when results are continually so disappointing.
We played some good football against United and created openings, not clear cut ones, but decent enough openings, but we need more shots to score a goal than anyone in the league, with the possible exception of Villa (I’d need to check that). Never was that more evident than in this game.
Lallana lacked conviction when he ran through onto a great ball from Lucas and tried to head a bouncing ball past De Gea and then Firmino narrowly missed the target with the follow up effort. Milner then should have done better when he ran onto a glorious ball from Firmino but blasted over the bar while Henderson had a couple of good opportunities in the first half and missed the target with both. He got another chance after the break but hit it straight at De Gea, no doubt because he was just trying to make sure he hit the target after his earlier waywardness. Firmino had another chance when he ran clear but took too long to get a shot way and was dispossessed.
After the break Can had two good efforts that were saved by De Gea, but at least he hit the target with both and can consider himself unlucky. Sakho headed over because he couldn’t quite get high enough to convert a great cross by Milner, and Firmino wasted a great chance late on when he tried to control the ball instead of just lashing it in from a couple of yards out. That chance came after Milner had mis-hit a shot, but the reason he did that was because that fucking soft cunt Benteke had pulled his usual stunt of dropping back to the edge of the box instead of running into the goalmouth when Can had burst into the box and into a crossing position.
I’m sick to death of this shit from Benteke now, he needs some kind of electric shock device fitted to him that goes off every time he runs away from the danger area. Milner was in the perfect position waiting for the cut back yet that fucking knob ran into him and put him off. It’s just inexcusable now, I assume he is being told about it but it’s not making any difference. Honestly, watch a replay of that again and just look at him, the fucking moron. That said, Firmino should have buried it anyway.
In between all that we gave up a goal to the only shot United managed on target. I thought Milner was fouled in the build up to the corner United won, but it doesn’t excuse what followed. Ibe fell asleep and didn’t close down the short corner, even though he appeared to be watching it all unfold. Then Fellaini beat three of our players to the cross (I can live with that as he’s a big bastard who is going to win some headers) and headed against the bar, and the rebound dropped to an unmarked Rooney who had been left alone by Lucas. Weetabix head blasted past Mignolet for his first Anfield goal since 2005.
While I don’t put the blame for the goal directly on the keeper, I do find myself asking just why the fuck he ended up on the floor after Fellaini’s header? If he stays on his feet he saves Rooney’s follow up as it went straight at him. I’m not a Mignolet basher by any means, in fact I’m probably one of his most vocal backers (only Klopp and Simon’s immediate family are more supportive than me generally), but he didn’t cover himself in glory with that goal at all.
The bottom line though, is we’ve got a team full of support players who are completely ineffective without a Suarez or Sturridge (or both) banging in goals. None of them would look out of place in this team if we had a couple of players banging in goals, as they’re all good players. We’ve just got too many role players and no stars unfortunately. I don’t even blame these players anymore for what’s happening to us. I don’t think they’re under-achieving or not putting in the effort, they’re genuinely doing their best but it’s hard when you don’t have goals in the team.
Klopp is coaching them well and setting the team up to perform well, but he can’t score for them and they can’t do it for themselves either, at least not consistently. There’ll be the occasional game like Arsenal in midweek, but they will be outnumbered by days like this one unfortunately.
I’ve just watched the highlights of the game and I can’t really in all good conscience hammer them for it. The performance was pretty good on the whole. For example, I thought Milner played very well, Henderson had a good game (aside from his shooting), Can was very good and Firmino was a joy to watch at times. Lallana was the least effective but even he wasn’t terrible, but none of it matters when we can’t score. A goalscorer or two would have us looking at these players in a completely different light I feel, as we did two years ago when we finished 2nd.
Unfortunately the two we have are no use to us whatsoever for differing reasons. Benteke doesn’t have a brain in his head (getting caught offside with our last attack of the game sums him up) while that waster Sturridge needs banning from Anfield now. There he was sat in his box as usual, while his mates are out there busting a gut in a losing cause, essentially fighting with both hands tied behind their backs because he can’t even manage to put together a week’s worth of training sessions, the fucking fanny. I don’t even want to look at him anymore, the twat.
Since he signed that contract extension in October 2014, he’s picked up over £10m in wages and barely fucking played. He’s a disgrace and he needs to go, but I’m not sure how it’s even going to be possible to get rid of the fucker. He’s not going to take a pay cut and nobody else is stupid enough to give him the terms we did (while he was out injured too, let’s not forget), so we’re stuck with him for the foreseeable.
The result has now surely ended any top four ambitions once and for all. We’ve got a goal difference of -3 in mid-January for fucks sake. We’re averaging roughly one goal a game and our defensive record isn’t great either. There’s nothing whatsoever that points to us being able to make a run at the top four. We might nick a cup and that’s about all we have to hope for now.
It’s just depressing looking at the absolute kip of us, sat there in mid table with no real hope of moving up much higher. Going to Anfield is a real fucking chore these days, it’s just not fun at all and more often than not I come away from there even more miserable than when I arrived, and I’m usually pretty fucking miserable beforehand. I thought Kloppo might be able to change that, but it’s clear that he’s not going to be able to until they actually let him buy some players, and that doesn’t look like happening any time soon unfortunately.
Star man is a toss up between Lucas and Kolo, with honourable shouts to Sakho (erratic first half passing notwithstanding) and Can.
Team: Mignolet; Clyne, Toure (Benteke), Sakho, Moreno; Lucas, Can, Henderson; Lallana (Ibe), Firmino, Milner (Caulker):
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