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TLW Diary (Aug 2015)

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Aug 1: Helsinki 0 L 2 Bit boring this, but overall some good things to take from it. The biggest positive was that we pressed the shit out of them and didn’t let them get into our half for most of the game. The midfield and forward players just swarmed all over them when they had the ball. Of course a better team will play their way through that and then we’ll see what we’re made of with no holding midfielder playing in front of a back four with Lovren in it (he’s gonna start at Stoke isn’t he??), but for now it’s so far so good. Nice for Origi to get another goal too.

 

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  Meanwhile, Mario is photographed out on the town in Italy, having a great time. Nothing wrong with that, it would be daft to expect him to be sat at home crying because Brendan is freezing him out. It does nothing to dispel the common perception of him as someone that just doesn’t give a fuck and who enjoys the trappings of a top star without having the dedication to be one though. That said, I wish I was out there hanging out with him, you just know you’d never stop laughing if you were out with Mario. Terrible centre forward, but he might be the greatest friend anyone could have.

 

Aug 2: Swindon 1 L 2 Bit of an uninspiring game but that goal from Benteke was fucking ridiculous. It was as though he just delivered a huge “fuck you” to all those who said he was just a big lump who needed crosses to his head to be able to score. You don’t get better technique than that, it was just a right thumping bastard of a goal. Aside from that, I liked the look of Firmino and the 16 year old held his own at right back, although if I’m Ryan McLaughlin I’m proper pissed off that I’m now behind Dan Cleary and… *checks LFC website*… Trent Alexander-Arnold (fuck me, that’s the least scouse name ever, he should be playing for Arsenal or Chelsea) as well as Clyne and Gomez.

 

In other news, Mourinho and Wenger are at it again, this time refusing to shake hands after the Charity Shield, which Arsenal won meaning Wenger has finally beaten Mourinho, or does this not count as it’s friendly? “It’s not a fucking friendly?” cries Gerard Houllier! Can we not just get them to do that white collar boxing or something, and end this shit once and for all? I’d give anything to see Wenger knock his fucking stupid head off.

 

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Aug 3: Sick of being suckered in by bullshit click baiting headlines. “Reds complete deal for former Spurs star” reported the Daily Star as I browsed newsnow. Ok, it’s the Star so I probably deserve all I get, but even so, how many of you would have guessed from THAT headline that they were talking about us loaning 5th choice keeper Lawrence fucking Vigeroux to Swindon??  Still, at least they didn’t just completely make up some bullshit story like some of the other papers have done. The Express has us ‘ready to complete’ a move for Illaramendi, the Spanish press have us bidding £15m for Cherysev and the Metro, that fountain of all bullshit, says we’ve slapped in a bid for Alvaro Negredo. The race for clicks has seen any kind of journalistic integrity go flying out the window, it’s only getting worse too.

 

  It’s not just this country either, the Catalan press was awash today of stories about some Barca kid called Traore who was on his way here for a medical ahead of a move. Initially it was mooted as a loan deal, then they said it was permanent. Everyone piled onto youtube to see how ace he is, as you do, only for the local press to say it’s bollocks and we aren’t signing him. Same thing happened all summer with that Kovacic kid from Inter. The Italians were adamant we were signing him, but the lads over here said there was nothing happening. They were right on Kovacic and they’ll be right on this Traore kid too.

 

Aug 4: Logged onto twitter this morning, first thing I saw was the Echo tweeting out “Reds in for £35m Toni Kroos”. Just. Fuck. Off. Also in the Echo, Ian Ayre: “We set out a plan with Brendan at the start of the summer, and the objectives the manager wanted to achieve. We’ve achieved all of them. So we are very pleased with how the summer has gone and it’s been kind to us this year. It’s interesting because we don’t do anything differently, but sometimes the cards fall in your favour, and sometimes they don’t. But we’re very pleased with the outcome.”

 

  Hmmm, it kinda reads like “you got what you wanted Brendan, no more excuses” doesn’t it? I’m not having that not doing anything differently bullshit though. We’ve done everything differently. We let the manager buy who we wanted, we paid the fee it took to get them even though they were higher than we’ve liked, and we did the deals early with very little arsing around. So yeah, about as differently as it’s possible to be. You could call that…. a load of hot Ayre. What?

 

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Aug 5: You know the new season is upon us when….. Jack Wilshere is in the headlines for fucking up his ankle again. Seriously, what are his bones made of, quavers?

 

  I was watching LFCTV today and fuck me, their adverts are depressing as shit. It’s either starving kids or mistreated donkeys, or terrible soundbites from the players telling us that “You’re watching LFC TV” No shit lads, I think we’re already aware of that, thanks. Something doesn’t quite sit right with me about those charity ads though. You have a multi million pound company running ads that are basically meant to make the viewer feel so guilty that they put their hands in their pockets to help those less fortunate than themselves.

 

  Presumably those charities have to pay LFC to run those ads, as football clubs don’t do anything for nothing. Instead of expecting us to shell out cash many of us can’t really afford, why not use the money they’re paying LFC and others to help them? And why don’t LFC do something, like for example now that Brad Jones has gone, why not keep paying his salary to save the children or whatever? The more I think about this the more pissed off I am. Doesn't take much these days to be fair.

 

Aug 6: Slow news day today. So much so that Enrique having his bird’s name on his boots was actually a story. He’s a fucking dick. I’m sorry, but he is. I had to unfollow him as I was fed up of him tweeting out pics of him and his bird all the time. He wasn’t that bad until his boy Suso left and now he’s just a bad clingy bastard that’s never away from his bird’s side. Except when he’s bothering monkeys at the safari park or playing Fifa. Even Borini isn’t that bad, and he’s a bad blouse too. Enrique's got no use for boots anymore and no-one is ever going to see them. Him getting “Amy Jane” on his boots makes about as much sense as the Pope getting a cock ring. 

 

 

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Aug 7: Meanwhile, Benteke hits back at Sherwood’s comment from several weeks ago about how there’s no point in him signing for a team that doesn’t cross the ball. Time will tell who’s right but I think most of us feel that there is at least an element of truth in what Sherwood said and that hopefully Brendan will tweak things to allow for more crosses to go in to his striker. Looking at how some of the sites on newsnow reported it though… “Liverpool star hits out at manager statement over his ability” says Give Me Sport. Fucking hell, the race for clicks will see them stoop to all kinds of levels of sneakyness.

 

  In other news today, and this is fucking great this is, El Hadji Diouf is looking to start a new career in….. politics. The sad thing is, I’d probably vote for him ahead of most of the ones I see on TV over here. Not that he’s running for Prime Minister obviously, he wants to be a Sports Minister in Africa apparently. Kinell, as if they don’t have enough problems.

 

Aug 8:  “I turned down a contract so it ended the way I wanted it to” says Glen Johnson. He did turn down a contract, because (thankfully) his pride wouldn’t let him take a pay cut. Probably thought he’d have clubs lining up around the block to take him on a free as well didn’t he? In the end, the best he could do was fucking Stoke. There’s a reason for that, not that he’s got the self awareness to get it like. “I've got nothing to prove. When I was fit I was in the team, simple as that. There's no problems at all.” And THAT, is exactly why he’s never amounted to what he should have, given his natural talent.

 

  Elsewhere, Sherwood hits back at Benteke over the “why would you join a team that doesn’t cross the ball” thing. “I can’t remember ever saying that, he must have dreamt that one” he said. Fucking impressive that, completely denying something he was actually on camera saying. You have to be a proper brazen bastard to pull that off. “Tim Facking Sherwood” ladies and gentlemen. Little known fact, Shaggy’s “Wasn’t Me” song was penned in honour of Tim Sherwood.

 

  In yet more other news, Nigeria appear to have failed in their efforts to convince Jordon Ibe to reject England and play for them instead. Apparently their email wasn’t enough to persuade him…. “GREETINGS! Permit me to inform you of my desire of selecting you for our national football team. I got your contact from the International web site directory. I prayed over it and selected your name among other names due to it's esteeming nature and the recommendations given to me as a reputable and trust worthy person I can do business with and by the recommendations I must not hesitate to confide in you for this simple and sincere business". They really need to change their approach I think.

 

Aug 9:  Stoke 0 L 1 That’ll do nicely. Wasn’t pretty and a draw would have been a fair result, but who cares? The defence played well, the shape was good but we were shite with the ball and L'il Phil was as bad as anyone until he pulled that screamer out of his arse just before he was about to be subbed. A wins a win though, I'm buzzing.

 

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Aug 10: Seems like something went on with Lucas yesterday and now we’re ‘listening to offers’. Can’t say I’m shocked, I’ve been hearing for over a year that as nice a lad as Lucas is, when he’s not in the team he’s a massive pain in the arse as he’s a right moaning fucker. That said, at least he cares about playing which is more than can be said for some of his colleagues.

 

Aug 11: Kinell, Mourinho has banned the lovely Eva from pitchside after the shenanigans at the weekend. Way to go arsehole, the one person at Chelsea who people don’t hate, and you’re banning her from matches? She must have really done something to piss him off, and I doubt it’s running on to the field to treat Eden Hazard when she should have known he was playacting. *nudge nudge, wink wink*

 

Aug 12: "What I think is that I will not play in a team better than this. Liverpool are a match for Manchester United. It is true we haven't won the league for many years, but we must not forget that we have won five European Cups." He's right to be fair, wherever Enrique goes it's going to be a step down, but he's a Liverpool player in name only these days. “I had a very good option to return to Spain, but is complicated because the economy is very different from what exists here. The only teams that can deal with what is paid in England are Real Madrid and Barcelona, so I would love to stay here until my legs stop me.”

 

  So rather than go and play every week in Spain, he's taking the cash here to sit on his arse for the final year of his contract before leaving on a Bosman, which will in turn get him a higher salary. He's entitled to do it, and there'll be some who won't blame him. I just can't really be doing with a player who has hardly played any football for the best part of three years and doesn't seem bothered about it. Footballers always talk about how "it's a short career" but it seems that only applies when it's trying to justify their wage demands. If he sticks around this year then he'll have played about 100 games less in his career than he could have done. 

 

Aug 13: Interesting stuff on Balotelli from Simon Hughes today. Simon is as well connected with happenings at Melwood as anyone as he does stuff for the club’s official magazine so spends a fair bit of time there. This story was presumably meant to portray Mario in a bad light but I just found it fucking hilarious...

 

“Later in the afternoon, Balotelli scored a jaw-dropping goal from near the halfway line. Witnesses stood open-mouthed: first-team players shook their heads in disbelief, youngsters smirked nervously at the brilliance in front of them. One problem: the goal was at the wrong end. At 1-1 during a 10 on 10 match, with Balotelli on the weaker team made up of likely substitutes for the weekend’s game at Arsenal as well as teenagers from the academy, he deemed it appropriate to turn around and fire a shot towards Brad Jones. The goalkeeper was helpless. Balotelli thought it hilarious, laughing away by himself in the centre circle.”

 

Sorry, but that’s just brilliant. I can picture it so clearly too, him absolutely pissing himself while everyone is looking at him and wondering what the fuck is going on! "Brad Jones was helpless". Well yeah, what's new? That's probably why Balotelli did it, just to show him up for the bum he is. If I was his manager and he did that, I'd have shit a lung laughing I reckon. Fucking Brendan, the big seri-arse.

 

Aug 14: So Balotelli will get a million quid bonus if he’s still on the books when the window closes. It’s not like he needs the cash, but he does need to get back on the pitch again because his career has completely turned to shit and he can't live off that halfway line strike past Brad Jones forever. It’ll be interesting to see where his priorities lie. I reckon he'll want to go and play somewhere and won't do a Borini, who will only be leaving if he gets a whopper pay rise, otherwise he's sitting tight for a Bosman next summer. 

  Meanwhile, Dunga explains calling up Kaka in place of Coutinho by saying a team needs a mix of old and young players. Or he could have just told the truth and said he'd been sniffing glue.

 

Aug 15: West Ham and Sunderland continue to be linked with Borini. They'd better be prepared to offer him 60k a week minimum or he’s not going to sign for anyone. He's defo planning to run down his contract and leave on a free, by which time he’ll have had his full salary paid by us and won’t have had to take any kind of pay cut, and with no transfer fee involved he’ll probably even manage to get a pay rise when he leaves. Maybe he’ll prove me wrong and make a permanent move and we’ll get a fee for him, but only if some desperate fucker is prepared to pay him stupid money. The lion seems to have grown rather comfortable in his cage. 

 

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Aug 16: Chelsea are walloped by City, Mongo is subbed at half time and Mourinho is talking bollocks afterwards again. Much as I don’t want City to be good again, it’s difficult not to enjoy that at least a little bit.

 

Aug 17: L 1 Bournemouth 0 Pretty dull but if this is how it’s going to be until we hit our stride I can live with it, as over two games we’ve rarely looked like conceding. We’ve not looked like scoring much either and tonight’s goal shouldn’t have stood. Benteke was ace though and Clyne looks boss too. The back four all did well again tonight. You’re never going to be able to completely stop teams from creating a chance or two, but over 180 minutes we’ve only given up the Glen Johnson chance, the Diouf near miss and the disallowed goal tonight, which I agree was a foul. Mignolet has hardly had anything to do so far so that’s promising. Of course, neither have the opposing keepers. It’s all going to come crashing down on us next week at Arsenal though isn’t it?

 

Aug 18: Ok, speculation today that Chelsea are about to bid up to £40m for John Stones. £40m???? All this just to stop Mourinho’s repeated hissy fits? Abramovich has gone soft, time was when anyone crossed him like this would end up in a concrete overcoat. Seriously? £40m??? John Stones??? He could probably get one of his dodgy mates to buy Everton for not much more than that and then just do a swap deal with Cuadrado or some other jabroni they signed on a shady 3rd party ownership deal.

 

Aug 19: What’s all this Sakho nonsense? Roma and Leverkusen having loan offers turned down. Why are they making loan offers, do they know something we don’t? Even allowing for the Italian club shopping in England “mingebag factor” this seems weird. Especially weird considering FSG effectively own Roma don’t they? Since day one I’ve been hearing that Rodgers doesn’t fancy big Mama and that he was a ‘committee signing’ and now he’s not only picking Lovren ahead of him, he’s also bumped Kolo in front of him too, which is quite frankly, fucking ridiculous. Bottom line, clubs wouldn’t be making us offers (especially loan ones) unless someone hadn’t led them to believe he was surplus to requirements.

 

Aug 20: United send "the Equaliser" over to Spain to clinch a deal for Pedro. Unfortunately for them, Pedro was a plane headed the other way as he was joining Chelsea. Proper Ian Ayre behaviour this, especially as United tried to save face by saying “we decided not to pursue a deal for him”. When did you decide that, when you got to Spain and he’d left a sign on his door saying “Hi Ed, gone to sign for Chelsea. Soz! Lolz Pedro x” Fucking losers, remember when we used to be like that? Way back in… errrr May.

 

Aug 21: New contract offer for Sakho? Bit out of left field that, to say the least. There’s no way this is Rodgers’s doing though, absolutely no chance at all and it points to some dissension in the ranks to me. He doesn’t rate Sakho but there are plenty at the club who do. It looks to me like the board have said “whoah slow down there Tonto, you might not even be here beyond this season so we’re not letting you sell someone we think is top quality”. I really hope Sakho stays, but if I was him I’d be thinking long and hard about this. The pay rise is all well and good, but he knows Rodgers doesn’t really fancy him and if he’s not playing this year he’ll lose his place in the France team.

 

  Of course if he signs, Brendan will be pontificating, as only he can, about how “… he’s a wonderful defender (pause for effect) is Mamadou (long eye contact with whoever asked the question)… he’s big and strong…. he’s great technique for a big guy…. he just has to wait for his opportunity but it’s a long season and he’s definitely in my plans…”. It’s a crock of shit though, he’s defo been looking to move him on but he’s been slapped down by the powers that be I reckon, and rightly so. Probably not a co-incidence that Henry and Werner were over here this week.

 

Aug 22: The under 18s were 3-0 down at home with half an hour left and won 4-3. Wish I’d watched it, but I’ve lost all interest in the Academy over the last couple of years. Might get back into it this year if this is the kind of thing I can expect. You know what I did instead? I watched the Mancs turn in yet another turgid display as they were held to a goalless draw at home by Newcastle. I’ve definitely got my priorities all messed up somewhere along the line.

 

Aug 23: "I thought it was an excellent decision" said Brendan about Benteke's goal the other night. If that was any other manager saying that I'd be laying into him for being a bad bellwhiff. That's Mourinho behaviour that, could he not have just said "it's difficult for the officials and clearly he's got that one wrong, but we'll happily take it".

 

  Amazing scenes at the Pit today during City's 2-0 win over the Blues. Sergio Aguero stopped play during a City attack to alert medical staff to an Evertonian having a seizure. Absolutely incredible. Not just that he stopped play when his team were on the attack, but that he was able to look into that mass of contorted, bile spewing faces, and spot that one of them was having an actual fit rather than a standard Evertonian match day one. Sergio Aguero, you're a better man than me.

 

 

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  Meanwhile, over in Spain Rafa takes charge of his first Real Madrid game and it ends 0-0. You've got to hand it to him, that's fucking impressive, nullifying one of the world's greatest attacking forces like that. Of course, it's his own attack, but still, that takes some doing. If Rafa were a snooker coach he'd have Ronnie O'Sullivan winning matches but not potting blacks, he'd be boring the shit out of everyone with yellows and greens.

 

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Aug 24: Arsenal 0 L 0  Ok that was actually pretty damn encouraging. Firstly, it was never a 0-0 game as it was very entertaining. Secondly, we looked really good in attack in the first half and really good in defence in the second. Joe Gomez was ace, Coutinho was sensational in the first half and Jim Milner is my new hero. I fucking hate Arsenal, their fans are just such wankers. I'm desperate to finish above them this year and hopefully it's not out of the question, particularly if Benteke can start banging in the goals. Plus who knows, there's always the slight possibility Sturridge comes back, shows his best form and stays fit. Ok someone slap me, I'm losing it now aren't I?

 

Aug 25: Rodgers says Lucas is going nowhere. Man, he's gonna be pissed. Remember last summer when he unfollowed all the club's official social media accounts and removed any reference of being a Liverpool player from his twitter profile? I even heard from a good source he was complaining about being included on the team photo too because he was convinced Rafa was coming in for him.

 

Aug 26: Le Parisien claim Sakho had been given the go ahead to find a new club but FSG look to have changed their minds and offered him a new deal. Or Rodgers was shopping him around and the club over ruled him. One man they're all in complete agreement about though is Balotelli, who flew out to Milan today to complete a season long loan with us paying a chunk of his wages. What a disastrous deal this has been, and no amount of leaked stories to the local press lads about Mario's training ground antics can deflect away from where the real blame for it lies - with whoever decided it was a good idea to bring him in in the first place. And I'm not buying that he didn't know who Joe Allen was after playing with him for four months either. I'll buy that Mario said it to take the piss, but no way did he not know, although it won't stop Joe's army of critics lapping it up and taking the piss. 

 

Aug 27: Markovic goes on loan to Fenerbahce but the club were quick to emphasise to all the LFC journos that he's still part of Brendan's plans and he'll be back next year. Much like Sakho this, don't let him leave in case Brendan isn't here much longer and the new guy might have some use for him. Seems obvious there's clearly still some division at the club, with Rodgers wanting rid of all those he doesn't fancy, and those who bought them telling FSG that they're good players and Rodgers is the problem. If Rodgers genuinely did want to keep him, why aren't we loaning him to Watford or someone so we can at least see whether he can cut it over here? Turkey? What's the point?

 

  So anyway, Balotelli and Markovic have both gone, but guess who's still napping in his cage...

 

 

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Aug 28: We get Rubin Kazan, Bordeaux and Sion in the Europa. We should top that group comfortably but for whatever reason we've been awful in Europe under Brendan. Can't say I'm especially arsed about this, I'd use it to play all the bench and squad players like Sakho, Allen, Ings, Origi etc because we've got NO CHANCE whatsoever of winning it.

 

 Hang on, Sinisa Mihailovic is the Milan coach? A hotheaded, strict disciplinarian with previous for facist / racist behaviour? Yeah that's gonna end well for Mario that. Fucking hell, he might be back here before the window even closes.

 

  Brendan was in bullish form in his presser today, which never bodes well does it? How many times have we seen this, he gets all cocky after a few decent results and then it all goes tits up? He's just far too quick to pat himself on the back. Brendan, wait until you've actually achieved something before you start sucking your own dick.

 

Aug 29: L 0 West Ham 3 Y'see? Happens almost every time. He runs his mouth about how all the extra defensive work he's been doing has paid off and we let in three at home. He talks about how Lovren is now "a different player" and whoops, no he's still the same train wreck he was last season. Not that Lovren is the problem here. Yeah his mistake was wretched, almost unforgivable in fact, but surely the fact he was the only one who even managed a shot on target in 100 minutes of football is far more serious that him making one error in a game in which we conceded two other goals on top? The hope that the first three games provided was nice while it lasted.

 

Aug 30: Lovren deletes his instagram account because a load of whoppers sent him abuse and 'death threats' after yesterday's mistake. It's not as bad as the absolute shithouses who were sending Brendan's daughter abuse after the Stoke game, but still, I just can't get my head around how much of a twat you have to be to send a message to a footballer wishing death on him or calling him a cunt because he made a mistake or he isn't very good. There should be a way of just banning them from using the internet. A three strikes and you're out policy or something. These fuckers are actually making me feel sorry for Lovren when I still want to be mad at him after yesterday.

 

Aug 31: Wait, HOLD THE BACK PAGE!! Fabio signs for Sunderland for £8m and, yep 60k a week.

 

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