Saturday Mar 10…
United 2 L 1 Just fuck right off. Completely predictable and this is why every Red I know was dreading this game. I’m not angry at United for their second half bus parking, we know what to expect from them and it’s up to us to deal with it. I’m a little bit angry at the ref for his massive shithousery throughout the game, but mostly I’m angry at Klopp and our players for doing exactly what Mourinho expected them to do. Will we ever learn?
He knows what we’re going to do and he knows how to stop it. In four games against his United side we’ve scored two goals. One was a penalty when a United player inexplicably handled under no pressure, and the other was the absolute fluke we scored today. Bailly could be in that exact same situation a thousand times and he’d never do that again. De Gea didn’t even have to make a save today.
I love watching this team, but sometimes you can see they’ve frozen in the headlights and they fail to do things that are usually a matter of routine for them. I can think of half a dozen occasions today when we would have been in with a better pass or decision. Against another team, in another stadium, we would have been. Old Trafford and United often has this effect on us, and when you add in the Mourinho factor this is what you get.
Some of our fans want United in the Champions League. Those fans are fucking batshit crazy. If we get Barca or Madrid or City they won’t change what they do because they’re playing us. They would never compromise their style on our account, and that’s exactly why we could beat them. Mourinho though, fucking hell.
It’s rare to find someone with an ego that big who genuinely does not give a single fuck what anyone thinks of him. The end always justifies the means with him and that’s why they need to be avoided at all costs.
Sunday Mar 11…
Bloody hell, that Carra thing was grim. Can’t defend it or justify it because it was terrible to see. Not as terrible as the stampede of people lining up to call him a twat, scumbag and all manner of other things though. What he did yesterday was unacceptable. He lost the plot for a few seconds for whatever reason and he did something inexcusable, but spare me the fucking moral judgements.
The amount of stuff this fella does for people and causes in Liverpool and beyond makes him a much better person than me and most of you reading this. I’ve never spat at anybody but there’s lots of other things Carragher has done that I haven’t either, and nor have most of you. There’s barely a week goes by where he isn’t out there giving up his time doing something to help or benefit someone in his community, so take this ‘he’s a terrible person’ narrative and fucking shove it.
He’s a good man who lost his head and did something horrible in the heat of the moment. The reason it was so shocking because it was so out of character. I mean, he gets shit from Mancs and Blues all the time and has never reacted like this, so what on Earth caused him to snap and react like that to this fucking trolling scrote? He probably doesn’t even know himself, but I do. It’s because he was in a car.
Now come on, hear me out. When you’re behind the wheel and someone ‘wrongs’ you, it’s magnified by about, oh I don’t know, speaking personally I’d say about one thousand. I might even be under-selling it. I’m generally mild mannered and I haven’t been in a fight since I was in school (and I wouldn’t even call that a fight, it was more me getting hit, having the temerity to swing back and then getting my arse kicked). I hate confrontation of any kind, but put me behind a wheel and that changes everything.
I’m a good driver, very considerate of other road users and if it’s me in the wrong I’ll immediately acknowledge it. But if I’ve done nothing wrong and someone in another car so much as shakes their head at me, I’m ready to explode all over the fuckers. And if they beep their horn at me then all bets are off.
So having some ballbag repeatedly drive alongside me, with his window down, calling me a scouse this and scouse that (which is apparently what happened before the clip that we’ve all seen) after we’ve just lost at Old Trafford…. I honestly don’t know what I’d do. I’d like to think I wouldn’t spit into his open window when his teenage daughter is sat in the passenger seat but until I’ve been in that situation I can’t know for certain.
I haven’t ever spat at anybody before and it’s highly unlikely I ever will as spitting is a fucking horrible thing to do. But I’m fairly sure that until today Carragher had never done it either and that he feels exactly the same way about it that most of us do.
It was a disgusting act and it’s one that he’ll pay for, probably not with his job (at least I hope not) but certainly with the damage to his reputation and the shame and embarrassment he’ll be feeling over it. The rest of the country will be putting the boot into him, I expect that, but it’s sad when I see so many of our own doing it.
Monday Mar 12…
Really uncomfortable seeing Carra on Sky News today. He faced up to it, showed genuine contrition, offered no excuses and repeatedly apologised to the family concerned. I wouldn’t have done that. I’d have profusely apologised to the girl, but fuck the dad, the opportunist manc shitstain.
Of course every Knob, Dick and Vinnie is having their say about it. Joey Barton moralising about it almost beggars belief. Surprised he didn’t say “I’d rather have a cigar put out in my eye than be spat at”. As for Vinnie Jones, he can get to fuck, the talentless, fox hunting fucking Tory goon.
All these knobheads giving it the “if he spat at my daughter then I’d *insert random act of machismo*”. Missing the point here lads. Unless you’re speeding after him on a motorway, hurling insults while filming on your phone and trying to get a rise out of him just so you can have your five minutes of fame and make some easy money from the papers, then I don’t think your daughters have anything to worry about.
Tuesday Mar 13…
It doesn’t make up for Saturday but United losing tonight was funny as fuck. There are a couple of reasons they lost. Firstly, Mourinho is obviously a massive shithouse who paid Sevilla too much respect. Secondly, 0-0 away from home is not a good 1st leg result. This isn’t the 80s anymore. Sevilla knew that, you could tell by how they played the first leg.
Mourinho was desperate for them to over commit and give something away on the break, but Sevilla are as streetwise as anybody in Europe and they never tried to force anything. 0-0 was a good result for them, not United. As you know, I rarely watch United games but I watched a fair bit of this one because I thought there was a good chance they’d go out.
I got bored with it though after about 70 minutes because Sevilla were well in control but they were fucking useless as soon as they reached the box. “Where’s that fucker who kept scoring against us” I wondered. Then I put my daughter to bed, had a few games of cards with her, came back down and it was 2-1. Turns out they brought on the fucker who kept scoring against us just after I jibbed it, and he scored immediately and then quickly added another.
Mourinho was in peak form afterwards, trolling his own fans with this: "It's not the end of the world. I sit in this chair twice in the Champions League and I knock out Man Utd at home, at Old Trafford. I sit in this chair with Porto - Man Utd out - I sit in this chair with Real Madrid - Man Utd out... So i don't think it's something new for the club."
Their fans are fuuuuuuming about that one. He also kept bringing us into the conversation for some reason, even saying “Liverpool have the Champions League, but they don’t have the FA Cup”. There is actually context that justifies why he mentioned us but I’m not going to add that as I want to take the piss out of him, like this...
Meanwhile, Harry Wilson scores again for Hull. He’s only just back from the injury he picked up against Chelsea but he’s scored in both games since his return and they love him up there. It’s rare that any of our loanees actually do anything so this is encouraging. His goal tonight was ace, hopefully he can keep this going.
Wednesday Mar 14…
Carra is suspended by Sky until next season as the knobhead who caused the whole thing is given a slap on the wrists by police despite being bang to rights using his phone while driving on a motorway. His excuse? “I saw a famous person and got a bit giddy”. Wonder how many people up and down the country will be using that one next time they get pulled over for using their phone while driving? Fucking joke.
The cunt is in the papers again today, cryarsing about ‘death threats’ and how he ‘fears for his daughter’s safety’. Yeah, because some random keyboard loons making threats is far more of a risk to her wellbeing than razzing up the motorway chasing after a celebrity and videoing yourself shouting at him. Prick. “This hasn’t turned out the way I hoped” he says. Yeah, because he ‘hoped’ to make a few grand from the papers while maintaining total anonymity. Well….
Meanwhile, Stevie’s lads are out of the Champions League after losing on pens at Man City. They should have won, but George Johnson missed a stoppage time sitter and when it went to pens their arses went and they missed three out of five. Disappointing for them, they’ve had a great tournament overall and didn’t deserve to lose today.
Woodburn did absolutely nothing though and was subbed with ten minutes to go. This season has been a bit of a waste of time for him and I can’t help wondering exactly what Klopp’s plans for him are. He trains with the first team all the time so that must be helping his development, but I haven’t exactly been blown away by him when I’ve seen him this season.
Meanwhile, on a lighter note, the press are putting the boot into Mourinho on a spectacular scale. Just have a read of some of these quotes (most from Spain, they REALLY seem to hate him). They’re fantastic.
“It was done with pure football against Mourinho’s troglodyte model, in which so much money has been invested so that De Gea can hoof a long ball towards Fellaini and Lukaku. Sevilla won and so did football”
“You pay for meanness in the end. And Manchester United is a walking monument to mean spiritedness. Poor, miserable, they had everything in their favour to go through … and it was Sevilla that went through”.
“The general opinion of this team that was once respectable and no longer is has plummeted. It’s an unattractive, fearful team, rich in resources but lamentable in its play”
“Mourinho is starting to look like a washed-up rock star, one of those guys that goes around holiday hotels for pensioners playing old hits on an organ with the base and the percussion playing on a tape recorder”.
“Mourinho is living on the past. On a night like this fear took everyone but none quite like Mourinho”.
“All those millions, unused. A huge display of football from Sevilla against a Manchester United who are millionaires but misers; so much money, so poor”
On the field tonight Barca swept Chelsea aside 3-0. Got to be honest, I’m a little less bullish about wanting them in the next round now after seeing this. We’re much more suited to playing them than Chelsea are, but Messi is just so fucking good and I don’t know whether I’d trust our players to perform in the away leg, especially after watching that shitshow they served up last weekend.
Thursday Mar 15…
Any of you remember a big yard dog striker who used to play for Brazil, went by the name of Casagrande? Well I read some quotes from him today talking about Bobby and his world cup prospects for Brazil. This cunt reckons Firmino isn’t as good as Jo. Fucking JO!! That bum who flopped at City and Everton. What is it about Brazil and their love for dogshit centre forwards? Remember that Fred loser at the last World Cup? Or that big Serginho bruiser who soiled the legendary 1982 side with his unwanted presence? Or Afonso Alves?
If I was that Joselu loser at Newcastle I'd be trying to get Brazilian citizenship, they'd fucking love him the clueless cunts.
Jo better than Firmino? I mean fucking hell, what the hell kind of shitty hot take is that? This Casagrande tit must be the Brazilian Paul Merson. Mind you, compared to some ex pros Paul Merson seems like Steven Hawking (topical one for you there, may he rest in peace). I mean, just take a look at this abomination of a tweet from Dean Windass. I wouldn’t even know where to start with this, so I’ll just present it without comment.
Friday Mar 16…
City? Fuck off Uefa, not having that, all a bit too convenient for me. The English teams always get drawn together, but funny how Barca and Real are always kept apart, eh? There were 14 possible outcomes for us from this draw and we got the absolute fucking worst. The team we least wanted to face (Manchester is a waypoint on a European away, it shouldn’t be the final destination) and the second leg is away.
Klopp says he's not bothered who we got but his tetchiness today suggests otherwise. The cause of his foul mood was the Premier League helping us out by moving the derby back from Sunday to a 12.30 kick off on Saturday. Klopp had a proper cob on about it, which was weird. He kept going on about how we play City on Wednesday and how have to play the derby at 'breakfast time'.
He seems to be missing the point that by leaving it when it was we would have been playing at Goodison on Sunday and then having to play the second leg 48 hours later. A couple of journos tried to point this out and get clarification from him, but he just bit their heads off.
Still, if anyone thought Klopp's press conference was weird they clearly didn't see Mourinho's, which was immense.
"There is something I call football heritage. Since reaching the final in 2011, in 2012 out in group phase. The group was almost the same group this season. In 2013, out at Old Trafford in the last 16. I was on the other bench.
"In 2014, out in the quarterfinal. In 2015, no European football. In 2016, comes back in the Champions League and out in the group phase. In Europa League, second knockout, out of the Europa League.
"In 2017, play Europa League and win Europa League with me and goes back to Champions League. In 2018, win the group with 15 points and loses at home in the last 16.
"Seven years, four different managers, once not qualifying for European football. Best was quarterfinal. Football heritage."
Incredible. Not what he said, not even the way he said it (which in itself was funny as shit). No, it’s incredible because I read that and instinctively found myself saying “Go ed Jose lad, let ‘em have it”. Imagine that? I doubt if there’s anybody on the planet that hates Mourinho more than I do, and yet here I was egging him on just because I knew United fans would be fucking livid with him.
Knowing how much their fans hate him might actually make United wins that tiny bit more bearable. When they huff and puff their way to a 2-1 win at home to Brighton tomorrow their fans will be miserable as fuck, especially when he trolls them afterwards about something or other. Keep up the good work, Jose.
and that was the week that was
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