Qwik

Adam Lucas Riena

If she let me have a go at her she would need a UN resolution to get me back out.

Have not read every reply in the thread so apolgies if this has already been mentioned. Has anyone ever been in the Flying Scotsman at Kings Cross in London. Very small pub with a kind of horshoe bar. There is a partition of sorts which seperates the main bar from the back room (about the size of a large bedroom). A variety of young ladies of all shapes,sizes and vaginal furriness take thier clothes of on a stage about the size of a double bed. Before they go on stage they parade through the bar in some underwear with a pint glass into which you are expected to cast some money prior to watching them undress. Woe betide you if you do not contribute and subsequently take in the show. There are no seats. The best vantage point is at the back of the bar next to the door from the changing rooms. This is directly next to the stage and at some point you are gaurenteed to be as close to the woman in questions crinkly bits as is possible without facing charges. On one occasion this city spiv mistook this intimacy as an invite to help himself to the goods on display. The slap he recieved sounded like it had snapped his neck. The bouncer (until now unseen) obviously decided this was an insufficient punishment and set about him big style. When finished he casually drageed him to the front door and deposited him outside just in front of a couple of patrons who were entering. "A grabber" asked one. "Yes" replied the bouncer. "Fucking idiot" said the other. We call it the "pie shop".

At what level does a salary become that of a fat cat and does tax avoidance of any kind qualify you as one of said fat cats?

Barfan Magutsup - Famous Spanish cucumber grower (allegedly) Giro Islate - drug addled adversary Yermaws Yerdad - transvestite assasin

During a bit of craic at work the old Billy Connolly Joke about sitting on your hand prior to a ham shank so it feels like someone else was mentioned. Some poor idiot then proffered the idea that poking your thumb up your arse during said shank feels mint. He was forever known thereafter as fingerbob. Used to have a chain boy called squeek on account of his unfeasibly high voice. That was until one day he was asked to fill a skihl saw with petrol. Having done so and being pleased with himself he decided it was time for a fag. Sat down, made his roll up and to reinforce his coolness proceeded to do the old flick the lid of the Zippo open and strike it against the leg to light trick. Went up like a two bob rocket. Gentlemen may i introduce you to spit roast. Have a guy at work who is so accident prone he was at one point ordered to wear a harness and to attach it to something solid anytime he stood still. Known as Stumbledore. Used to have loads. Will try and remember some more later.

Never done it up the bannana fritter. Very nearly went in off the pink during a particularly vigirous (if slightly drunken) session with the wife. She went absolutely mental and accused me of trying it deliberately.

Airbrushed or not i would still clatter it up their Mary Whitehouse.

Not sure what i will put on my headstone but if the wife goes first i am gonna get "YES YOUR BUM DOES LOOK BIG IN THAT".

Wonder what the grandmother looks like. Hold on I'll ask Rooney!

Right she's gone. Yep I'd do them.

My wife is much better looking than both of them.