Turd report - your first shit of the day

[RJ Fan club]

Had a strange morning turd today. I've been ill with manflu for a few days.

 

I was in the shower at 6:15am, early for me; when I felt the need to go. Bastard well had to get out the shower and I had an early explosion. But all was well by 8:30/9am to resume for my normal duties and the second of the day. Didn't need my 10/10:30 shit as a result.

 

Regular as a Kennedy funeral, set your watch by my arse. Well, except for today.

[Guest TK-421]

9.50am. Been regular and impressive this week, like I'm returning to my roots.

[norwichlfc]

Every morning, usually twice, i have a 7 on the scale. Mainly due to the fact i suffer from IBS

[Section_31]

Just launched the alert Vipers. Moisture and a cabbage smell pervade the lavatory. I had 30 seconds warning.

[Remmie]

When I arrived in Vegas I had 10 shits in 24 hours. Wasn't even diarrhoea, normal sized shit it was. Adjusting to a new land.

[RJ Fan club]

When I arrived in Vegas I had 10 shits in 24 hours. Wasn't even diarrhoea, normal sized shit it was. Adjusting to a new land.

 

Travelling upsets my rhythm too. Particularly when being in the tropics. Before I've had a chance to eat or drink anything I feel the need to shit, a lot, then throw up. This carrries on for two days, then I'm right as rain.

[RedKnight]

Didn't shit for four days upon arrival in the US. I then had two in one go. Twins!

[Section_31]

I had a shit in Vegas airport, needed to go in Phili but the place is a hellhole so I held it in for five hours. A monumental achievement.

[Hand Shandy]

Didn't shit for four days upon arrival in the US. I then had two in one go. Twins!

 

I'm not sure how this is even possible?

 

In fact, I'm not sure I want to know!

[Hand Shandy]

I had a shit in Vegas airport, needed to go in Phili but the place is a hellhole so I held it in for five hours. A monumental achievement.

 

Do you mean the actual toilet in Philly was a hellhole, or do you just have something against taking a dump in cities that have dubious reputations?

 

And why didn't you just take a shit on the plane?

[RedKnight]

Just had my first of the day and it was a thing of beauty. Fully formed, perfect form and it was an ace in the wipe department. A dream.

[Section_31]

Do you mean the actual toilet in Philly was a hellhole, or do you just have something against taking a dump in cities that have dubious reputations?

 

And why didn't you just take a shit on the plane?

 

Philadelphia bog was awful. Made me want to go and live with my aunt and uncle in Belle Air. I can't shit on planes.

[Strontium]

Got out of the shower this morning, went to break wind, and out came the first poo of the day. Not good.

 

Fortunately I was unencumbered by a dressing gown or towel at the time, so the only things that needed cleaning were myself and a solitary tile on the bathroom floor.

 

The biggest problem now is that every time I fart I have to do it on the bog just in case. And being veggie I probably fart more than the average.

 

Also, I don't remember eating nuts yesterday...?

[Tom R]

I often have two within an hour of waking. One generally always firm and an almost non-wiper. But then it's usually followed, generally after my first coffee, by a less solid, sometimes bordering on wet effort and the wipe is like drawing with a brown crayon for fucking weeks!

 

What's that aboot then eh?

Edited October 18, 2012 by Tom R

[RJ Fan club]

Expecting a belter tomorrow. 10k this evening, squid salad for tea and few glasses of red in a bit. Been storing up today, can feel it baking.

[chris71]

We've new shitters installed at work. Where once they were three nicely spaced out thunder rooms they've now squeezed in five.If you take away the one centimeter dividing plywood your knees would be touching the bloke next to you. This is seriously affecting the quality of my first morning shit and read.

They may as well install those Full Metal Jacket jobs with no partition or doors,the sick fucks.

[Unrighteous]

i dropped a brilliant 'type 3' this afternoon... really, really satisfying

[Captain Turdseye]

I often have two within an hour of waking. One generally always firm and an almost non-wiper. But then it's usually followed, generally after my first coffee, by a less solid, sometimes bordering on wet effort and the wipe is like drawing with a brown crayon for fucking weeks!

 

What's that aboot then eh?

 

That's happened to me this morning. The second one was a real feel-good shit, the type that really puts a smile on your face. There was a worry with having two shits in quick succession that there could potentially be a bit of ringsting but no, I'm fine.

[jonnybastard]

Had a green curry last night- didn't seem that hot at the time, but I've just shit napalm. My arse feels like jim'lls fixed it.

[Hand Shandy]

Just had a beauty at work.

 

It was so good I've left it for the next person into the trap to admire.

[RJ Fan club]

Expecting a belter tomorrow. 10k this evening' date=' squid salad for tea and few glasses of red in a bit. Been storing up today, can feel it baking.[/quote']

 

Disappointed it was semi slops. On the plus side there was loads of it.

 

Round 2 due in an hour. Might have firmed up by then.

[Hand Shandy]

I had a pang of guilt and went back to flush.

 

It wouldn't go.

 

It wants recognition.

 

Who am I to argue...

[RJ Fan club]

Just had a beauty at work.

 

It was so good I've left it for the next person into the trap to admire.

 

Some twat did last week. It was huge. Proper King Kong's finger.

[Tom R]

Didn't shit for four days upon arrival in the US. I then had two in one go. Twins!

 

Mud brothers.

[Section_31]

It's a hot one.