Turd report - your first shit of the day

[Section_31]

 

What's your first turds of the day usually like? I'm taking a shit as we speak and to be honest they're always the same. My guts settle down throughout the day but as soon as I wake up it's straight to action stations. I get to the bog and it's pretty sloppy, wet, and smells a bit of cabbage.

[MOGLET]

 

What's your first turds of the day usually like? I'm taking a shit as we speak and to be honest they're always the same. My guts settle down throughout the day but as soon as I wake up it's straight to action stations. I get to the bog and it's pretty sloppy, wet, and smells a bit of cabbage.

 

 

Are you gillian mckeith?

[chrisbonnie]

 

What's your first turds of the day usually like? I'm taking a shit as we speak and to be honest they're always the same. My guts settle down throughout the day but as soon as I wake up it's straight to action stations. I get to the bog and it's pretty sloppy, wet, and smells a bit of cabbage.

 

oh, you're one of those "first thing in the morning shitters"

 

you're a shit snob then, i always find you "first thing in the morning shitters" are all high and mighty, you'se think you'se have gold coated intestines.

 

im an 11am shitter myself, i have a tea break in work at 10, so its usually around 11 am every day

 

my diet is pretty sound and consistant, so the shit is generally of a good consistancy, not too hard, and definetly not too soft, more often than not its an ivanisevic style ace, all one piece!!!

[Trumo]

There is a scale for this sort of thing.

 

[Paulie Dangerously]

Mine was just a little "pressure release" before my coffee lead to my main one.about 25 mins later

[Pony Princess]

I consider myself a pretty healthy eater, I drink loads of green tea, redbush or water during the day and I usually have a high-fibre dinner (loads of veg, lentils etc) or I will have a bowl of all-bran before bed.

 

This means the first shit next day is a pleasure, no effort at all.. barely touches the sides. I feel about 3 stone lighter afterwards.

 

If its the weekend however, and the night before was Strongbow then a pizza.. we're talking red hot battery acid coming out of my arse.

[Xherdan]

Every morning I have a bowl of porridge with a spoon full of honey and some crushed seeds helped down by a cup of green tea.

 

Immediately after this I will have a shit, type 4 on the stool chart.

 

Maybe two of the seven mornings I will have a shit as soon as I wake.

[stevebaby]

'Twas a type 2,full of body and finely textured.The aroma was rich and burgundian in its pungency,filling the room with the scent of fine cedar pencil shavings,newly mown grass and redolent of the Thai green chicken curry which graced my bowels last night.

All in all,a satisfactory unit which slid out the tube and into the bowl like a sleek grey battleship coming down the slipway.

8/10

[a stoner]

Best shit of the day without a doubt for me.

Always 20 minutes after I get up and normally a 3 but sometimes a 4 on the bristol stool chart. Feels fucking ace to have that emptied feeling to get the day going.

I'll have another about 7 in the evening which is aound a 2 or 3 on the BST some of which are fucking huge with one end out of sight around the U bend and the other sticking a good 3 inches out of the water.

[stevebaby]

Best shit of the day without a doubt for me.

Always 20 minutes after I get up and normally a 3 but sometimes a 4 on the bristol stool chart. Feels fucking ace to have that emptied feeling to get the day going.

I'll have another about 7 in the evening which is aound a 2 or 3 on the BST some of which are fucking huge with one end out of sight around the U bend and the other sticking a good 3 inches out of the water.

Faced with such a monster,the only solution is to whip out the chainsaw (which every real man owns) and chop it into manageable lengths.

That freshly emptied feeling is ace.It's like unloading a Lancaster bomber of 1000lb. incendiaries over Berlin,in fact I often pretend to be a bomber pilot when doing the biz,peering down into the bowl ("the target") and lining up two crossed pubes ("the bombsight").I even converse with myself,playing the parts of all the crew. I love saying stuff like "Heavy flak ahead Skipper!" and "Bogeys at 6 o'clock!" and best of all "Bombs gone,let's head home to Blighty chaps!".

[Unrighteous]

Im a 1pm shitter... I usually have my first shit of the day between 1pm and 2pm. It's generally a type 3... a lot of type 3.

[Section_31]

 

Straight to the mattresses again this morning, one solid poo and an afterbirth of moisture and the smell of hemp.

[chrisbonnie]

Oh, I forgot to mention

 

I was working, retiling the Walls in a toilet here in Ireland

 

Some guy had a shite in one of the cubicles early in the morning before we got to work, I'm not lying when I say this "thing" was over 14 inches long, and easily 4-5 inches thick!!! It was so big it reached from the bottom S bend to the rim of the toilet seat

 

Students where calling all their friends to come and have a look, it was simply outstanding

 

If anyone watches South Park and remembers the episode where Randy had a massive dump, this thing was bigger

[jonnybastard]

Had a clay like consistency. Near impossible to wipe clean, each wipe just spread it up my arse crack. Fortunately I was in mcdonalds, so smeared it all over the cubicle walls. Bet you've always wondered who did that.

[Trucker Paddy]

I have a bowl of porridge every morning between 3.30 and 5am, and when it gets to about 8am my first dump arrives, never ever fails to hit the bowl before breaking from my arse truely impressive if I do say so myself.

Probably similar to 2 on the chart

[Carvalho Diablo]

Got a week off work, and been out with the band the last couple of nights so I'm keeping some strange hours.

 

Only had 1 meal Monday, 1 meal yesterday, but today I woke up, had a cup of coffee and half a tub of Asda mini chocolate doughnut's which were hanging around in the fridge.

 

20 minutes later and something stirred.

 

Sprinted up them stairs and did a really thick and claggy type 6er. So thick that it needed a triple flush !!!

 

First triple flusher for a long time.

[Remmie]

First? As in how many do you have a day? I usually have one every 2-3 days. Varies considerably, but often quite damp and therefore needing half a bog roll and a sore back door

[Unrighteous]

Mine has 'stalled' today, it seems... Usually, it's already happened but not yet.

 

No need to panic yet, lads, I'll update when the shit arrives.

[Russ Atmosphere]

GIFSoup

[loadsoftrophies]

Whats the thinking on late night poos?

I'm getting the urge to go just before i head to bed around 1am. It's one of those where i could leave it till the morning or i could have it now. Strangely enough i had one last night and then had to have another this morning, good job i went last night.

[RedKnight]

Had one last night before I went to the gym and then one this morning before I went to the gym again. It's like living in the future.

[Section_31]

First? As in how many do you have a day? I usually have one every 2-3 days. Varies considerably, but often quite damp and therefore needing half a bog roll and a sore back door

 

I maintain that anyone who shits less than once a dead is a Vampire or some shit, you have undead bowels. RedKnight traditionally fell into this category if memory serves (I remember the important things about my fellow forumites) but it appears he has been arse Van Helsingd.

[moses]

had some co-codamol yesterday for my knee pain. Subsequently its been over 24 hours since I ve unloaded and I feel about 3 stone heavier, as bloated as Jo Brand and terribly uncomfortable. All this faecal chit chat is giving me poo envy.

[Trumo]

had some co-codamol yesterday for my knee pain. Subsequently its been over 24 hours since I ve unloaded and I feel about 3 stone heavier, as bloated as Jo Brand and terribly uncomfortable. All this faecal chit chat is giving me poo envy.

 

Co-codamol lists constipation as one of the side effects. That is the trade-off for being a powerful painkiller.

[RedKnight]

I maintain that anyone who shits less than once a dead is a Vampire or some shit, you have undead bowels. RedKnight traditionally fell into this category if memory serves (I remember the important things about my fellow forumites) but it appears he has been arse Van Helsingd.

 

Well remembered but now I'm almost daily. You know what did that? An Actimel every day. Go figure.