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Torres asked if he has any other skills

Thants

By Thants,
in FF - Football Forum

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Thants Grand Master

Thants

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The Daily Mash - Torres asked if he has any other skills

 

 

 

At least he's not fucking everybody's girlfriends

The £50m striker has yet to score for Chelsea and owner Roman Abramovich is hoping to recoup the fee by having the inaccurate Spaniard work in the back office during the week.

 

A vacancy has just arisen as Nikki Hollis goes on six months maternity leave which the club insists has absolutely nothing to do with John Terry's semen.

 

A spokesman said: "He should have paid for himself by August 5418."

 

Torres has been placed in Chelsea's data entry section, which logs violent offences committed by season ticket holders, but has so far failed to strike up an effective partnership with filing assistant Margaret Gerving.

 

Gerving said: "He gets himself into the right position - Nikki's desk next to Mr Cole's gun rack - but at the vital moment he'll just shank the file right over the desk and into the kitchen.

 

"Most days last week we just told him to go home early."

 

Unless his clerical skills improve, Torres could be transferred to the Stamford Bridge security staff alongside former shorthand typist, Winston Bogarde.

 

But head security officer Roy Hobbs said "Part of our role is to stop fans attacking players they've taken a sudden but entirely typical dislike to.

 

"So in effect Fernando would be expected to shield his own car while he was inside it."

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ReDeus Enthusiast

ReDeus

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This is all daft as much as i dont want to say its just a matter of time till he tears defenses to bits again.

He'll score goals, no doubt. But he won't be as dangerous as he was when he played for us. We have seen the best years of Torres, like we did with Owen, McManaman, Macherano, and every other tosser that thought leaving Liverpool was a forward step.

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Guest davelfc

Guest davelfc

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He'll score goals, no doubt. But he won't be as dangerous as he was when he played for us. We have seen the best years of Torres, like we did with Owen, McManaman, and every other tosser that thought leaving Liverpool was a forward step.

 

You've failed to account for the media, they'll hype the slightest thing he does totally up and out of proportion. His goals for us will seem like tame tap ins compared.

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Guest simon

Guest simon

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Guys its Fernando fucking Torres argubly the best striker in the world. I dont believe anyone has seen his best Chelsea just need to work to his strength the whole team have been shite lately. That cant be helping him im not making escuses for him but noone can deny he is class a judas prick but non or the less class he will score soon then they will just follow.

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ReDeus Enthusiast

ReDeus

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Guys its Fernando fucking Torres argubly the best striker in the world. I dont believe anyone has seen his best Chelsea just need to work to his strength the whole team have been shite lately. That cant be helping him im not making escuses for him but noone can deny he is class a judas prick but non or the less class he will score soon then they will just follow.

This isn't 2008.

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Guest davelfc

Guest davelfc

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Saying sulky twat will start scoring for the chavs is like saying it will rain at some time over the next few months, I'm just enjoying the sunny weather. Once it rains I'll go indoors.

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Guest simon

Guest simon

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When i saw Mancs had signed Hernandez i was ripped to fuck for saying he score shit loads for them a d he scared me. I was ripped to fuck.

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Xherdan Veteran

Xherdan

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The 2008 version of Fernando Torres was the best striker in the world. He has had serious injury and attitude problems since then and he may never recover. He may put in the odd good performance and score the off wondergoal but he will never be as prolific and dangerous as the old model.

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Hakuna-Matata Contributor

Hakuna-Matata

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He'll score goals, no doubt. But he won't be as dangerous as he was when he played for us. We have seen the best years of Torres, like we did with Owen, McManaman, Macherano, and every other tosser that thought leaving Liverpool was a forward step.

 

bit early to write monster masch off yet.

 

 

also ~I used to get slated for saying torres was past his best ( this and last season) what a difference a couple of months make.

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silverlining Grand Master

silverlining

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He was the top scorer in the Champions League the season before he went to Chelsea, 9 goals in 12 matches with Milan making the semis. He was 29 years old. In no way was he past it.

 

Hmmm, he didn't struggle to score goals no, but there was plenty of rumours that Milan were of the opinion that he was on the wane and it was the right time to sell. This was backed up by him looking totally as if his legs had gone as soon as he pitched up at Chelsea, possibly because it's a much faster and more physical league.

 

FFS Inzhagi can still score goals in Serie A. He'd look about 105 years old if he tried to play here.

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