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Premier League Round Up (Mar 10-12 2018)


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What an absolute dog turd of a weekend. We lost at Old Trafford. Chelsea won. Spurs won. Arsenal won. Everton won. City won too, although no-one is even arsed about that anymore as it effects absolutely nobody other than themselves and whoever holds the record for the highest points total (Chelsea isn’t it?). The only crumb of enjoyment came from the crazy shit going on at West Ham, but I’ll to that shortly. 
 
It was just a miserable few days, starting for me on Friday when my daughter’s school team were denied the chance to play at Anfield by an abomination of a ref who made Craig Pawson look like Pierluigi Collina. They’d cruised through the qualifying rounds and needed to finish in the top two of a seven team tournament to go through to the final, which would be played next month on the hallowed turf in front of the Kop. 
 
Going into the last game they’d won three and drawn two and needed a win to go through. It was 2-2 with a few seconds left and one of the girls went clean through but shot straight at the keeper. The rebound fell to one of her team-mates but before she could put it in the net the ref does a Clive Thomas and blew for full time. What a twat. 
 
They ended up finishing third and missed out on an Anfield appearance by one point, even though nobody has beaten them all season. The poor girls were gutted but you know what kids are like, a McDonalds was enough of cheer most of them up. If only it were that easy for me. I’m still moping around almost a week later, thinking about what might have been.

 

I still feel cheated, not least because I was 90% sure the team that pipped them to second place had a lad playing for them. The problem is you can’t exactly go complaining about that in case it is in fact just an ugly girl with a boy’s haircut. No-one wants to be that guy, but not gonna lie, I seriously considered it. 
 
Anyway, to get back on track. I wonder how much funnier things can things get at West Ham between now and the end of the season. Things have escalated pretty quickly haven’t they? 
 
There’s stuff going on that I don’t really know enough about to go into in any great detail, but from what I can gather you’ve got a situation where one group of fans want to have protest marches and another group is threatening them and warning them off. The group issuing the threats are former ICF loons apparently. 
 
It went off big time against Burnley. Fans were running on the pitch and being hurled around by good old salt of the earth East End Boy Mark Noble, who loves his mum and the queen, gawd bless ‘im. 
 
Funny thing was, at the start of the game the MOTD commentator said “there’s nothing wrong with the atmosphere here at the London Stadium, as the fans are doing their bit to lift their team in a hugely important game”. Hahaha fucking hell, talk about commentator’s curse! 
 
There was a really funny moment when Antonio attempted a cross and smashed it straight into the bollocks of Lowton, whose “aaaaaaarrrgggghhhhhhh” was picked up loud and clear by the pitch side microphones. Nothing worse than that as any fella will tell you. Childbirth? Nah, try taking a footy in the nuts from close range. 

 

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Didn't Sami wear a hairband at one stage? The big legend.

what about paddy berger and his alice band, but i'll forgive him the big girls blouse,because of that fantastic through ball to owen to win us the f.a cup after arsenal had played us off the park, couldn't imagine the likes of tommy smith or jimmy case wearing one though

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Hadn't realised Postman Pat has let three through his legs in two games. Hope we take note for when we play them. Thought this would have swept up the CL, lighten the gloom of the Prem

 

Maybe Simbo had got to him first.

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Didn't Sami wear a hairband at one stage? The big legend.

 

I turned a blid eye to that because it's Sami and he didn't do it for long. Josemi was another serial offender, the fucking bum.

 

what about paddy berger and his alice band, but i'll forgive him the big girls blouse,because of that fantastic through ball to owen to win us the f.a cup after arsenal had played us off the park, couldn't imagine the likes of tommy smith or jimmy case wearing one though

 

You've missed the point. Alice bands and hairbands are perfectly acceptable when they are serving the purpose of keeping ones hair out of ones eyes while playing football. Where it is not acceptable is when your hair isn't of the required length to justify it. See Janmaat and Fabregas as classic examples.

 

Great reports as usual Dave.

 

Surprised you never mentioned Bournemouth's dodgy disallowed goal by Mike Dean while it was 1-2. It was that bad that Eddie Howe actually pursed his lips.

 

Didn't notice it but if Nice Eddie almost showed some displeasure then it must have been a shocker.

 

-The problem is you can’t exactly go complaining about that in case it is in fact just an ugly girl with a boy’s haircut-

 

Genius.

 

Actually looked like Ed Sheeran without the beard.

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