Mongo

[Ginny]

The FA would never accuse Big Brave English Lion Heart JT of spot fixing.

[Wezza]

The FA are relaxed about spot-fixing when it involves their golden boy Big Brave JT.

 

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/39999708

 

First time I've ever agreed with Garth Crooks

[Harry Squatter]

John Terry is tonight celebrating his retirement from football in order to focus on his true passions of adultery and racism.

 

“John has had a wonderful footballing career,” said the player’s agent, Simon Williams.

 

“He’s been part of a Chelsea side that has won the Premier League, the FA Cup and the League Cup, as well as European trophies.

 

“As for individual honours, he’s also won Chelsea Player of the Year, PFA Players’ Player of the Year, UEFA Club Defender of the Year and was even named as a member of the 2006 FIFA World Cup All-Star Team.

 

“But now it’s time for him to hang up his boots and focus on what he does best: adultery and racism.

 

“They say that in retirement every man needs a hobby, and John’s lucky that he’s got two: shagging other women and abusing people of different races.

 

“He feels he simply hasn’t given either discipline the attention needed lately, so he’s going to get cracking right away with a night out in Dagenham, where both can be explored freely.

 

“The Dog and Snatch should take care of the adultery and there’s an Asian chap who runs the corner shop opposite, so John can get stuck into shouting at him after a couple of Smirnoff Ices.”

 

Local Dagenham woman Shirley Lavern said, “I’d be delighted to help John get back into the swing of adultery.

 

“I can even organise a guard of honour for when I pull him off after 26 minutes.”

[A Red]

http://www.socceronsunday.com/article/john-terry-sacrifices-26-virgins-in-tribute-to-self/

 

John Terry Sacrifices 26 Virgins In Tribute To Self

 

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John Terry sacrificed 26 virgins at his private temple today to mark the end of his Chelsea career. The comely wenches — all undocumented Russians provided by Roman Abramovich — formed a guard of honour for Blues legend Terry before he casually beheaded each in turn with a diamond-encrusted chainsaw.

Tribute

“It was a wonderful tribute to me,” Terry told Soccer on Sunday. “Every player dreams of beheading a few randomers — hobos and the like. But virgins? And the same amount as my jersey number? Well, it’s a day I’ll not forget. Credit to the owner, he laid on as good a spread of virgins as I’ve seen.”

“And credit to the virgins too,” added the former England captain. “Very few of them bolted for the forest. We only had to send the hounds in after two or three, the selfish mares.”

Ferdinand

Former England teammate Rio Ferdinand has questioned whether Terry crossed the line into self-indulgence.

“Look, nobody’s against sacrificing the odd virgin,” Ferdinand told Soccer on Sunday. “When I hung up my boots, the lads had a whip around and got me a comely lass of virtue true, from Essex. We flew her to Papa New Guinea and threw her into a volcano. So I’m not throwing stones here. But 26 virgins? It seems excessive. I mean, those women have families.”

Disappointed

Frank Lampard is disappointed that his own Chelsea send off was less celebrated than Terry’s.

“We threw some old slag from Essex into a volcano in Iceland,” the Blues legend told Soccer on Sunday. “The volcano was dormant, so she hit the bottom with an awful smack. And believe me, if that saucy mare was a virgin, then I’m a chinaman.”

[AngryOfTuebrook]

If i was Moyes yesterday id have told my team to do everything to keep the ball in play at 26 mins yesterday

Nah.  Wait until the 25th minute.  Give it away cheaply, knowing that Chelsea will put it out.  Then as soon as the sub comes on, take the throw-in quick and long, to a forward deep in the Chelsea half, while all the wankers are 50 yards out of position.

[Stickman]

If you're q great player then you don't do shite like this, but he's such a massive narcissistic twat it's just him to a tee.

[Kevin D]

Why would Conte agree to it?

[cloggypop]

I've had a shit at The Vatican, in the bogs when I visited Rome last summer.

Are you a large bearded gay man?

[SammyAftershave]

Are you a large bearded gay man?

 

 

 

Beards you say?

[cloggypop]

 

Beards you say?

Are you a sponge or a stone?

[magicrat]

Why would Conte agree to it?

 

League's won , Terry is on his bike so no point in making a fuss, 

Plus it will piss Mourinho off, Big send off for the gobshite that he tried to get shut of but in the end rallied the dressing room to turn the tables on him .

[VladimirIlyich]

Mary and Midge are delighted he's left.

[Redder Lurtz]

Are you a large bearded gay man?

 

Not this week.

[dennis tooth]

I understand that his mother likes scouse cock.

That doesn't excuse parking in a disabled bay

[Bjornebye]

That doesn't excuse parking in a disabled bay

You've never been shagged by tonys maa then