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Celebrity Murderer Death Match

Captain Turdseye

By Captain Turdseye,
in GF - General Forum

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Captain Turdseye Grand Master

Captain Turdseye

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There's a story doing the rounds today about Peter Sutcliffe calling Ian Huntley a child murdering bastard in prison. Obviously the ripper is over the hill now and almost completely blind but in his prime he would have demolished Huntley in my opinion. It's got me thinking, how would other famous murderers, when at the very top of their game, match up against one another in a fight to the death?

 

Would Sutcliffe and his hammer be a match for Ted Bundy and a crowbar? Give me your dream murderer match ups and tell me how you see the fight going.

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littletedwest Grand Master

littletedwest

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This quote from Sutcliffes brother is the height of inadvertent hilarity

: 'He doesn't like Huntley at all. Peter's always been good with kids and he must think killing two children is worse than 13 women. But it doesn't make sense to me.

 

'Peter thinks he’s a higher class of killer than Huntley, but a ­murderer is a murderer in my eyes.'

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Dr Nowt Grand Master

Dr Nowt

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Great thread John, repped. Me and two lads I worked with ten years ago used to have daily debates over the most impressive historical killer, which we called Midafternoon Mass Murder, and they were the high point of my working life. Taking it onto a royal rumble style affair is a touch of class. A rep also for The General, picking my all-time favourite serial killer in Ed Gein. Any man who makes a lampshade pull out of human lips is operating at a higher level than the rest of us pretenders.

Reserve choice with "my boy" Ed already taken is fittingly for this site an all red affair, with Andrei Chikatilo going head-to-head with Alexander Yuryevich Pichushkin. The Butcher of Rostov versus The Bitsa Park Maniac separates the men from the boys. Admittedly it also separates each man and boy individually into endless pieces, but that's why these lads get paid the big bucks.

When he was apprehended Pichuskhin, or Sasha to his friends, said "If you hadn't have caught me I would never have stopped. Ever." Professionalism like that will get you everywhere, Sasha. Andrei, or, in a nod to bellend Arsenal fans' name for Henry, "Andrew Chicken-Tikka", was no slouch himself, slaughtering at least 51 people in whichever way he could. It's a real pick 'em fight, a PPV no-brainer, and could go either way. Put money on the referee to never walk again as a useful side bet.

Also fancy Bobby Pickton versus Harold Shipman, primarily because Pickton said he was "just try'na get to an even fiddy" when apprehended on 40 odd victims, while Shipman told someone asking in springtime how long his Dad had left "Put it this way, don't buy him an Easter egg", and asked another bereaved woman if he could have her dead mother's budgie for his surgery. Callous, dispassionate lack of scruples and inhumanity like that makes for a gripping and sneaky battle to the death, and for a man who'd watch two pissed-up cretins fight outside a chip shop, that'll do me, Clive.

Styles make fights and I see this one being an intriguing tactical match-up, with Pickton leading through six, having gotten the upper hand early with his superior physical strength and hardy, blue-collar nature, but Shipman tricking the far simpler-minded man into momentary weakness in the championship rounds with educated sledging, before snidely taking the opportunity to pump Bobby's veins full of enough death to fell a tree, like the haughty, ruthless fucking weasel he was.

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Captain Turdseye Grand Master

Captain Turdseye

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Next up, two masters of deception. One man completely got away with murder and a posh pizza, the other is about to go free thanks to a perfect execution of the old 'mental age of a 9 year old' trick.

 

IMG_2559.jpg

 

Joanna Yeates' creepy landlord.

 

Vs.

 

IMG_2558.jpg

 

Brendan 'Wrestlemania' Dassey.

 

 

Who've you got? And how?

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Anubis Grand Master

Anubis

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Nah, I'm not having it. Huntley would be hanging around trying to lure kids into his car and Sutcliffe would simply creep up behind and bludgeon him to death.

 

But by virtue of this being a celebrity killer death match, they'll both be facing off against each other, in a cage, with no weapons. No amount of shouting "I'm a better class of murderer than you" from the safety of your locked cell is going to prepare Sutty for that.

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